Customer Reviews

Why Men Hate Going to Church

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"The church of the first century was a magnet to males. Jesus' strong leadership, blunt honesty, and bold action mesmerized men."

"But today's churches appeal more to women and folks over 50."

Males in church are perceived, right or wrong, as passive, bookish, soft, nice, well-behaved, neutered wimps.

David Murrow has written an absolute must-read book for all churches interested in bringing men back, restoring a proper balance of the masculine and feminine spirits within the local church, creating an environment in which men will lovingly take charge, thrive, grow and be soldiers again in the Lord's army.

I don't consider myself a type-A personality. I'm pretty laid-back, studious and love going to church. I've love fellowshipping with God's people. I'm not a knuckle-dragging Neanderthal that gets distracted after 10 minutes of a sermon. I don't need the constant stimulus of entertainment to hold my interest, but I found myself burning with a `holy anger' reading this book, mostly at myself for how `feminine' I've allowed myself to become over the years. And please, no more `Jesus is my boyfriend' songs !!

Two other men I know have been deeply affected to the positive by this book and are absolutely fired up about restoring the masculine spirit in their lives as well as their local church. One of them told me recently "I'm hanging up my skirt - not going to wear it anymore."

David is not advocating a bombastic, abusive male domination of our churches. Don't panic ladies, but let men be men. We were created to lead and contribute. "Most men will not invest themselves in anything that does not offer a shot at greatness. Boys do not dream of sitting in a cubicle; they dream of slaying the dragon, rescuing the princess, and absconding with the treasure." The church thermostat, to attract men, must be set on Challenge, not Comfort, Ceremony, Control, Conformity or Confrontation.

It's going to take courage to change the way we do church, if we want to reach unchurched men. Some won't for fear of change that will upset the status quo. Others will find that they will have to leave their churches rather than settle for living lives of quiet desperation. "Men need vision, not just relationships, to stay motivated in church."

One of the most stunning but encouraging statistics was that between 1994-2004, men's church attendance was flat, but men's participation in small, spiritual groups doubled. 9 million additional men joined a small group Bible study. Some folks are finding the traditional church model is not cutting it and have opted instead for a more informal but intense, iron sharpening iron, discipleship format.

Biblical references aside, wolves have a noble bearing, look intelligent, focused, and yes, even a bit 'dangerous'. Labrador retrievers, on the other hand, tend to be gentle, passive, friendly and harmless. And then you have the 'foo-foo' dogs that women dress up in pink sweaters and skirts... 'nough said.

I can't recommend this book enough.

If your reading of Eldredge's "Wild At Heart" left you feeling a little "squishy," you'll probably find the meat you were looking for in Murrow's book. As a pastor who frequently wrings his hands wondering "where are the men?" this book was incredibly insightful as to where they have gone and why they're not in my congregation on Sunday mornings.

It will change the way we do church around here, for sure. It will confirm some of your key suspicions, an--in my case-- challenge me to make changes I know have to come if we're going to see men in church again. The guy's a good writer, too.

As a female pastor of discipleship, I am extremely grateful for David Murrow's book. In fact, I loved the book and have encouraged my leaders- both male and female- to read it. Murrow hits on nerves that need to be hit within the church. If we are serious about expanding God's Kingdom, then we need to see men released into action and empowered to be all that God created them to be.

The piece that was most helpful to me was Murrow's discussion of the pictures or metaphors that we use in our churches for describing the Christian life. One metaphor describes Christianity as an intimate relationship with a wonderful man. The other metaphor describes Christianity as a movement to save the world against impossible odds. Both are valid expressions of our faith- a passionate relationship with Jesus Christ and an aggressive expansion of God's Kingdom. Here is the problem: the first metaphor (the relationship stuff) is the one we tend to emphasize in our churches ("Jesus wants to have an intimate, passionate, love relationship with you") and it sounds like the theme of a chick flick. We have replaced "A Might Fortress is Our God" and "Onward Christian Soldiers" with love songs "draw me close to you" and "your love is extravagant." This resonates with women but not men. We need to move a little back towards the idea that Christianity is about a war raging for souls. I want to make sure that the spiritual growth strategies at my church are as magnetic and empowering to men as Jesus himself was.

Reading this book helped me to better understand the lay of the land. It prompted me to proactively listen (a trait many of us women would do well to improve) to men to hear their Godly passions. Now I am better equipped to design spiritual growth experiences that encourage, train, and deploy men. I desperately want to see more men step into leadership. Not because we need body count to fill leadership positions. But because I know that men grow spiritually in leadership positions and men in leadership can change a church, a city, and a generation.

In conclusion, I would like to speak to the women. Are you a single woman who is irritated that the men of your church won't "get it together?" Are you a married woman who is upset that her husband won't go to church? Are you a woman in a position of influence with men? Are you a woman? If your answer to any of these questions is yes, then I strongly encourage you to read this book.

Why Men Hate Going to Church is an alarming title and is not true of all men. But the author, David Murrow, has provided a very sharp analysis of the church culture in modern day Christendom. His book is filled with important observations of elements in the church worth reconsidering. He tends to overgeneralize and make it sound as if all churches are poisoned with predominately feminine practices. Nonetheless, from 'holding hands with strangers' to 'singing romance-oriented praise lyrics', churches can and sometimes do look a bit unmanly. He calls for churches to be real, and to offer men an 'adventure with God'. He desires an end to the hashing out of meaningless traditions and services. Some of the ideas he offers for change are very good, and some seem to be more of the megachurch nature, that appeal to the flesh. He does not seem to take into account the possibility for spiritual awakenings in the church. Often the church atmosphere is just cold, and needs some fire. Men will be drawn by the presence of the Holy Spirit.

The real problem with Murrow's book, though, is that while he is right to suggest there is need for change in the church, he is wrong in what his assessment of manhood really is. He thinks real men don't like to read, can't sit still for more than five minutes, cannot learn from a sermon, have to be outside, like to party and go to bars and womanize. He posits that it is more masculine to go out for a beer after work than to go to church. To Homer Simpson, perhaps this is true. He fails to take into account that many spiritually awakened men love to read and enjoy good sermons. Some of the greatest heroes of the faith would never fall into his categories. The real male models for the church are men like Wesley and Whitefield, Tyndale, or Wilberforce. And, as another reviewer has noted, any man who is spiritually awakened will naturally want to reject what the world considers masculine in some areas of his life.

Nonetheless, this book was very helpful in identifying many trends and aspects of the church that could stand reformation. It calls for more than good teachers- it calls for strong leaders. It is also helpful in considering what church looks like to the unregenerated man who may be visiting. But if we are talking about born again men, Murrow's standard of manhood needs to be re-evaluated. Real men will care about Ephesians, contrary to what he says in one section of his book. Nonetheless, Murrow's analysis of much in the church (and in ministry to men in general) is very eye-opening and useful. For that it is a very worthwhile read.

While I feel that Murrow uses some pretty broad generalizations, stereotyping, and over-statements to stress his point(s), he at least brings up some very important and relevant issues that a lot of pastors are either unaware of, will not address, or maybe even admit to. Of course, as with any Christian book, one must read it critically in light of Scripture and only glean out of it what is beneficial for spreading God's fame among all people.

I am a bi-vocational pastor of a church plant in the (very traditional) Deep South. Coming from a business background, I have had the opportunity to see the "behind the scenes" of a lot of church staffs from a different perspective. One thing that I have observed over and over, is that many - not all, but many - full-time pastors have lost touch with the culture in which they are trying to minister to because they have been in the "church bubble" for so long. Many do not have a work ethic that would even stand up in the secular workplace. Yet some of these guys are paid twice the salary of what most of their congregation makes. So, sadly, they do not have an accurate perception of what is reality among their people, and therefore have no clue how to truly lead and disciple in a way that is relevant and Christ-honoring. In fact, most of the churches around here could be transported back to the 1950's without even skipping a beat. The sad thing is that most don't even want to change. Methods can and should change; the Message must never change.

Bottom line, I would recommend this book to any church staff because I believe it would be a good tool in at least opening dialogue among the church leaders and possibly expanding their vision of what the church should be contextually in their culture and harnessing the God-given power that is currently untapped, especially among the men.

When "Why Men Hate Going to Church" first came out in 2005, I loved it. I've had the opportunity to talk with a lot of men, pastors, and churches about the topic, and enjoy taking people beyond the initial "no way" response into thinking about the details.

The biggest hurdle I've come across with groups disagreeing is what I'm calling the "should be" model. This reads about why men aren't in church, and then say "well men should be ______". (more studious, more loving, more caring, more disciplined).

Point taken. But the "should be" is saying men should change, and then come into church.

Jesus didn't say to the fishermen, "Men, you stink. Go home and take a shower. Then learn the Scriptures, writing them upon your hearts and applying them. You should also learn to worship the right way, and understand where all your priorities should be.

"After you have done these things, then come back and I will teach you things, and then more things, and then more things, that will change your life."

Did Jesus say this? No, he said, "Follow me, and I will make you Fishers of Men."

Who can imagine a Billy Graham crusade without "Just as I am, Lord." Max Lucado wrote "God loves you just the way you are, but he refuses to leave you that way. He wants you to be... just like Jesus."

If our churches repel men, or worse evoke no emotion whatsoever other than a 'check the Sunday morning box' experience, how will that man ever change?

In Chemistry, a catalyst is any material that increases the rate or efficiency of a chemical reaction. However the catalyst only functions if it is PRESENT. It doesn't work if the catalyst is in a separate test tube than the one reacting.

All churches would say they want more men. Some would be lying. If you want more men - and men who are new to church, not just new to *your* church - there is a need to be more like Jesus. Accepting men for where they are, and realizing that Jesus himself said "I will make you" something different.

It may not be the clean and orderly discussion of a quilt workshop, but it can change the world - if we trust God to do what He says He'll do in the hearts of men and we are willing to create a church which allows men to see both sides of Jesus Christ.

Through the years I've noticed that men in general are turned off by the notion of going to church. On an almost subconcious level I've oftened wondered WHY.

I remember, for example, a few years ago when the subject of a men's fellowship/study came up at work and the burly, masculine building maintenance supervisor seemed interested until he found out that the meeting would be held at a church facility. He immediately declined. The case was closed.

This single example potently shows that men are generally turned off by the concept of "going to church." David Murrow's "Why Men Hate Going to Church" expertly details WHY this is so. He explains how, through the years, Christendom has slowly and subtly been emasculated. So emasculated, in fact, that the average male percieves Jesus Christ as a milksop. I remember, for example, the popular concert shirt of a metal band a few years ago, it had an effeminate picture of Jesus accompanied by the slogan "Jesus is a #@%*." I can't write the word but it was essentially saying that "Jesus is a wimp."

If one merely picks up a bible and actually reads it he or she will plainly see that this is a colossal misconception; in fact, it's a perverse LIE! During his earthly life and ministry Jesus certainly bore "fruit of the spirit" like love, joy, peace, kindness, meekness (not weakness), etc., but we cannot deny from the Holy Scriptures that these noble characteristics were BALANCED out by the clear evidence that Jesus was incredibly bold, forthright, brilliant in argumentation, corrective, challenging, authoritative, fearless and even [gasp!] fearsome! (see, for example, Luke 20:26; Matthew 7:28-29; John 2:13-16 and Mark 4:37-41).

The reason the average male views Jesus as a pansy is largely the result of the emasculation of Christianity. We've been duped! And, unfortunately, as long as this myth is perpetuated men will not be intrigued by authentic Christianity or follow Jesus Christ. Why? Simply because men will NOT follow a man they disrespect as a wimp!

The truth, of course, is that Jesus Christ was not a wimp. He was only a lamb in the sense that he layed his life down as a sacrifice for the redemption of humanity. He certainly wasn't a lamb in the sense that he was a mindless follower (as actual sheep are). He was only a follower of his Heavenly Father; in this sense he was the greatest follower and, because of it, he was a mighty leader of people in general, and men particularly. Remember that Jesus' disciples James and John were called the "sons of thunder." Do you think they were named this because they were pantywaists or because they followed a sissy? Hardly.

Yet Murrow doesn't only explain how Christendom has been emasculated, he offers practical solutions to counteract the lie and restore the spirit of masculinity.

I don't, of course, buy everything Murrow offers about the nature of men and masculinity. I think, for example, that it's insulting to suggest that men can only handle a 20 minute dumbed-down bible teaching. A-duh, what are we a bunch of Neanderthalic simpletons? Murrow rightly states that men instinctively desire to be challenged. Okay, then let's challenge men with CHALLENGING, in-depth, thought-provoking bible teachings, not dumbed-down, superficial candy-fodder.

Yet, even though one may disagree with this or that, the gist (or spirit) of Murrow's book is deadly accurate and infinitely needed.

This book makes a perfect companion piece to John Eldredge's powerful "Wild at Heart." Highly recommended!

I must admit, when I first ordered this book I was half expecting to get some shallow criticism of evangelical churches and Christians by someone with a hostile attitude toward both. Much to my pleasure and surprise, what I got was a well written, well researched analysis of the current state of the church and its effectiveness in reaching the men in our culture for Christ.

The author has really done his homework. He lays out the facts in a very clear, easy to understand manner. He is painfully honest about where todays Christian churches are in relation to this topic. If you are a fan of the status quo or a male basher, this book probably isn't for you. But if you are a minister or lay worker who want the church to fulfill the great commission in the 21st century, you must read this book and take it very seriously.

David hit the nail on the head with this book. I am new minister but have watched churches for about ten years wondering why men were not too involved with church. Now I know why and am taking a fractured church and beginning to rebuild with David's book in mind. I will be using his recommendations along with other information I have gleaned in this area to accomplish the rebuilding of the church. It is time for men to get involved in church again so we can keep the church strong. We also need to re-install the man as the spiritual head of household. That is missing in many American families and we need to rediscover that aspect of family life. So come on guys, buy David Murrow's book and let's make things happen.

One of the men in our men's ministry said he'd thumbed through this book and I picked it up before a long plane flight. It was easy to recognize real truth in this book, even though there are some things I'm still not sold on. My church has a pretty small gender gap, but I constantly found myself wondering whether the church and our ministry were doing things to help eliminate the gap or broaden it. One area where I think the Murrow fails is that he almost stereotypes men. He has done his research, though, and I recommend the book highly to anyone in leadership in a church. I think it probably ought to be required reading for any woman whose husband doesn't attend or is an uninvolved pew-sitter.

Of course, the church is not solely responsible for the gender gap. Ultimately, each man is accountable for his own life. But we could certainly do a better job of making our institutions more "Man-friendly". I hope that Murrow's book has a big impact.