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Why Men Leave Paperback – June 1, 1999


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Product Details

  • Paperback: 368 pages
  • Publisher: Perigee Trade (June 1, 1999)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0399525068
  • ISBN-13: 978-0399525063
  • Product Dimensions: 5.2 x 1 x 8 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 9.6 ounces
  • Average Customer Review: 3.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (15 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #844,014 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

A psychologist and therapist for 28 years, Dr. Brenda Shoshanna published work has integrated psychology and spirituality in facing life's crucial questions. She is the author of numerous books in the spirituality, zen, psychology and relationship genres, including FEARLESS: 7 PRINCIPLES TO PEACE OF MIND, THE ANGER DIET: 30 DAYS TO STRESS FREE LIVING (listed as one of the best books of the year by Spirituality and Health), JEWISH DHARMA, ZEN AND THE ART OF FALLING IN LOVE, ZEN MIRACLES, WHY MEN LEAVE, GETTING HIM TO TALK, SAVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP, LIVING BY ZEN, EVERYDAY GRATITUDE and THE HAPPY MARRIAGE MANUAL.

Her books all offer psychological, practical and spiritual guidance, combining spiritual wisdom with psychological insight and practical advice. She has received wide critical-acclaim for all of her books, with excellent reviews from publications such as Tricycle, Publishers Weekly, Body & Soul and others, and she has won the NABE Award for the Best Book of the Year in the Category of Health. Her books have been translated into 18 languages, and she appears frequently on national television, in national print, and in major venues online (she is the Relationship Expert on iVillage.com). She has spoken and taught at many universities and has offered over 500 talks and workshops nationally on all aspects of psychology, spirituality and fulfilling one's potential. She also hosted her own radio show on the Gary Null network, which offered her a weekly platform to address a wide range of issues dealing with spirituality and self-help.

Please visit her website at www.drshoshanna.com, to learn more, and to watch video.

Customer Reviews

3.6 out of 5 stars

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

54 of 56 people found the following review helpful By Gayle Lukeman on March 29, 2000
Format: Paperback
Dr. Shoshanna has written a book filled with insight (sometimes alarmingly so) of the way men who leave think about themselves and the women they are attracted to. Directly from their own words I came to understand that some men covet their fantasies so much that they could not possibly be in a real relationship. Other men express how their pain from past experiences keeps them so defended they could not be present either. Some men prefer adventure and others want to recapture the energy from their past. She has covered a wide range of perspectives.
One thing women can learn from this book is that what they did and who they are is probably not to blame for why men leave them. It's more likely that they unknowingly pick men who were never really their in the first place. By reading this book they can begin to recognize these men before getting too involved and save themselves the pain.
Men can learn to understand their own feelings better, help them through rough spots and gain insight when they are tempted to leave a good relationship or tempted to stay in a bad one.
Dr. Shoshanna's insights and commentary along the way help to clarify the pattern. And she offers helpful suggestions to women and men in a particular situation or working with a certain pattern.
This is a unique presentation of men's thinking and feeling. I found it fascinating. I read it from cover to cover.
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29 of 29 people found the following review helpful By Tevis Fen-Kortiay on June 6, 2001
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
Although the tag line "...And What Might Have Changed Their Minds" misleadingly implies that this book contains the magic power to resurrect a doomed relationship, be aware that the "turnaround procedure" seems to be little more than a ...gimmick tacked on to an otherwise strong book. The real value of this book is to (a) teach women to recognize a doomed relationship early enough to move on without squandering their time, energy and sense of self-worth, and (b) reassure women that they didn't do anything "wrong" - if he's not ready for a commitment, no amount of love/work/wishful thinking can change that. Why Men Leave is chock full of informative, entertaining, helpful comments from real guys who aren't editing what they say to suit a girlfriend/wife/female friend, and that makes it well worth reading.
One important word of caution: Don't fall into the same trap as the author! The most consistent message from the men in the book is "Please listen to what we *actually say*! Don't assume we see things the same way you do, because we don't. If we don't say something explicitly, we don't mean it." The author understands this well enough to discuss it in the abstract, but when she talks about specifics she consistently breaks her own rule, with comments like "Of course Luke *should* have realized that..." or "*Naturally* Diane assumed that Frank would eventually pop the question...." ...
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96 of 107 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on August 1, 2001
Format: Paperback
This is coming from a man who was given this book by a friend as a joke. I can't believe the whiners that show up as her case studies! The author makes men seem so shallow "what man wouldn't appreciate a beautiful wife by his side". What is that?! As a man, I appreciate the woman who has stood by my side for 15 years. I appreciate her laughter, her anger, her spirit, her drive, and of course her love. I have been asked the age-old question many times "Would you still love me when my looks fade?" My answer is from my heart and soul and it is always "I will love you for who are, and what you will always mean to me." These simple heartfelt words are what my father had said to my mother, and they were together till they died. Marriage is not always perfect, but if you have someone who is as screwed up as the guys in this book, go out and find a real man. There are alot of them out there looking for a good woman. This book by no means, describes entire male population. There are "Men who Don't Leave", and "Men who when they say I Do, mean it for the rest of their lives" Just avoid the whiners, and the losers. Good Luck! By the way, if you are one of those "Men who Leave" Grow-up! You are the only one who you can blame your unhappiness on. Have the courage to stay and make it better! Real men don't run away. I don't see that line anywhere in the book, but it needed it.
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12 of 12 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on May 31, 2004
Format: Paperback
I bought this book hoping it could help explain why my boyfriend, after 3 years, decided that he simply was "unhappy" and wanted to break up.
I enjoyed some of Dr. Shoshanna's other insights into communication but this book was way off for me. It seems like she took the extreme case scenarios when most of the time things and reasons are way more subtle. I could not relate my situation to any of the men or women in the book and if a lot of people can, then that is trully sad.
I was with a man that was genuinly a great person and treated me well, always good to me, but had his own self esteem issues which permeated into the relationship. He had a difficult past and bad relationships that left him scared and i think unable to really commit for fear.
Anyhow if your guy did you wrong, if you had a emotionally abusive relationship or if you were playing mind games with eachother this book is for you! Otherwise you may need insights from a more subtle observationist
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