Customer Reviews

Why Men Leave

5 star:		(7)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

Dr. Shoshanna has written a book filled with insight (sometimes alarmingly so) of the way men who leave think about themselves and the women they are attracted to. Directly from their own words I came to understand that some men covet their fantasies so much that they could not possibly be in a real relationship. Other men express how their pain from past experiences keeps them so defended they could not be present either. Some men prefer adventure and others want to recapture the energy from their past. She has covered a wide range of perspectives.

One thing women can learn from this book is that what they did and who they are is probably not to blame for why men leave them. It's more likely that they unknowingly pick men who were never really their in the first place. By reading this book they can begin to recognize these men before getting too involved and save themselves the pain.

Men can learn to understand their own feelings better, help them through rough spots and gain insight when they are tempted to leave a good relationship or tempted to stay in a bad one.

Dr. Shoshanna's insights and commentary along the way help to clarify the pattern. And she offers helpful suggestions to women and men in a particular situation or working with a certain pattern.

This is a unique presentation of men's thinking and feeling. I found it fascinating. I read it from cover to cover.

As a man, this is not normally the type of book I would buy. But so many men referred it to me, I had to see what it was about. Rarely have I encountered a book so compassionate to both men and women, and so filled with profound psychological, philosophical and spiritual truths. Don't be swayed by its popular title: this is as profound and meaningful book as one could hope to find, and as important to men as was IRON JOHN. It gave me deep insights into the male psyche that I had never considered before, and kept me up half the night with its engrossing stories. If you read one book on psychology or relationships this year, this should be it.

This is coming from a man who was given this book by a friend as a joke. I can't believe the whiners that show up as her case studies! The author makes men seem so shallow "what man wouldn't appreciate a beautiful wife by his side". What is that?! As a man, I appreciate the woman who has stood by my side for 15 years. I appreciate her laughter, her anger, her spirit, her drive, and of course her love. I have been asked the age-old question many times "Would you still love me when my looks fade?" My answer is from my heart and soul and it is always "I will love you for who are, and what you will always mean to me." These simple heartfelt words are what my father had said to my mother, and they were together till they died. Marriage is not always perfect, but if you have someone who is as screwed up as the guys in this book, go out and find a real man. There are alot of them out there looking for a good woman. This book by no means, describes entire male population. There are "Men who Don't Leave", and "Men who when they say I Do, mean it for the rest of their lives" Just avoid the whiners, and the losers. Good Luck! By the way, if you are one of those "Men who Leave" Grow-up! You are the only one who you can blame your unhappiness on. Have the courage to stay and make it better! Real men don't run away. I don't see that line anywhere in the book, but it needed it.

Although the tag line "...And What Might Have Changed Their Minds" misleadingly implies that this book contains the magic power to resurrect a doomed relationship, be aware that the "turnaround procedure" seems to be little more than a ...gimmick tacked on to an otherwise strong book. The real value of this book is to (a) teach women to recognize a doomed relationship early enough to move on without squandering their time, energy and sense of self-worth, and (b) reassure women that they didn't do anything "wrong" - if he's not ready for a commitment, no amount of love/work/wishful thinking can change that. Why Men Leave is chock full of informative, entertaining, helpful comments from real guys who aren't editing what they say to suit a girlfriend/wife/female friend, and that makes it well worth reading.

One important word of caution: Don't fall into the same trap as the author! The most consistent message from the men in the book is "Please listen to what we *actually say*! Don't assume we see things the same way you do, because we don't. If we don't say something explicitly, we don't mean it." The author understands this well enough to discuss it in the abstract, but when she talks about specifics she consistently breaks her own rule, with comments like "Of course Luke *should* have realized that..." or "*Naturally* Diane assumed that Frank would eventually pop the question...." ...

I bought this book hoping it could help explain why my boyfriend, after 3 years, decided that he simply was "unhappy" and wanted to break up.
I enjoyed some of Dr. Shoshanna's other insights into communication but this book was way off for me. It seems like she took the extreme case scenarios when most of the time things and reasons are way more subtle. I could not relate my situation to any of the men or women in the book and if a lot of people can, then that is trully sad.
I was with a man that was genuinly a great person and treated me well, always good to me, but had his own self esteem issues which permeated into the relationship. He had a difficult past and bad relationships that left him scared and i think unable to really commit for fear.
Anyhow if your guy did you wrong, if you had a emotionally abusive relationship or if you were playing mind games with eachother this book is for you! Otherwise you may need insights from a more subtle observationist

This book was such a huge help to me. It is actually what got me over my "hurdle" (of relationship patterns, negativity and hang-ups). The title is misleading. I bought it not for that, but based on reviews. And to understand why I was having such a hard time even accepting a date anymore. I was about to settle into being a "content" single, when I knew it was not what I really wanted. I knew I could be happier. It helped me realize the difference between a complete and incomplete relationship. It helped me let go of the low self esteem, I didn't know I had, and blame for both parties. And become myself again. I didn't even realize how much my last relationship changed who I was and how I view what a relationship is.

I wasn't looking for a book on why men leave... but on the fear of commitment. I have enjoyed this author's other book about Zen and falling in love... and browsing the first pages intrigued me.
I will never understand why anyone thinks this is just a masculine problem. I think that certain people, for whatever reason, value their own personal freedom above anything else, yet everyone, of course, would like to have a loving partner to go through life with. I wish this book had more insight into how TWO people like this, male, female... whatever... can find freedom within the confines of relationship.

This book will only reinforce all the things that women hate about men. It may be the truth but basically the book says, men do this and are this way for this reason and if you don't like it or can't handle it then leave. It does explain why and how men leave, but it just makes men look like spoiled little brats who refuse to live in reality. If a man can read this and see that most men who leave and want to leave have issues that they need to work on internally and take the messages to heart and action--this book CAN be helpful to men. If you were left by a man or are a man contemplating leaving, this book can help you to know that you shouldn't take anything a man with issues does to you personally, there are just issues, mainly being in touch with their own spirituality, that will help men grow up and face reality. I agree with the reader below, Real Men Stay and don't run away, they realize that it takes effort on their part to make the relationship better. Everyone should stand back and review their own behavior and the effects once in awhile and stop being so selfish.

To be brief, I now have an understanding of relationships I never had before. I highly recommend this book to both men and women who are involved in, or have been involved in a serious relationship. Thank you Dr. Shoshanna.

I had a hard time communicating to my wife why I wished to end our relationships. I know it may sound silly, but I bought this book and gave it to her, and told her to read a particular chapter. I'm not good at communicating my feelings sometimes, and the story I wanted her to read expressed exactly how I was feelings. She first read the chapter, and then this enabled me to share my feelings truly and fully. When a book can do something like this, well, it makes it a great book.