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136 of 138 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Great Tool For Specific Cases, March 19, 2004
This review is from: Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl - A Woman's Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship (Paperback)
I've read a lot of relationship self help books including "The Rules". This books is excellent. This book is for those women who have, yes...been burned or who have a tendency to lose themselves in a relationship. If you've been with someone for years and everything is fine..then you don't need help. If you've a string of great relationships then you probably don't need this book either. Unfortunately for many women out there...they have been burned or have a tendency to bend over backwards for a man and lose their self respect for the sake of their relationship. This book is for these women. It can serve as a tool for internalizing positive messages and methods for not being conducive for trampling via feet.
Argov emphasies the time tested idea that you come first before anyone else. I've noticed that it is men who have given low marks to this book moreso than women. Once your read this book for yourself, you might see why. However, There are specific "tactics" she explains. It is far from trickery. And as even men have responded...her tactics work. Call them what you will, but there is little interaction between people which doesn't involve at least a little pre-planning, special manuvering, or cunning. Is this to say that when we read books about business...that those books are terrible because they use "trickery", manuvering and cunning to achieve company goals? Come on.
Someone else mentioned that they didn't agree with a chapter about "faking an orgasm". Don't listen to that. Obviously that person did not even read the book or is not very bright because in that chapter, Argov is cleary making fun of the concept. She writes "I don't recommend that a woman fake an orgasm. This little lesson is a satire on the pressures women feel to perform...It is much more of a turn-on to a man when a woman is able to be herself and she's honest about what she likes and dislikes."(71)
Finally, this book is not about playing games. Its about putting yourself first and taking responsibility for your own happiness, health, financial well-being, and rhythm. It is empowering and should be given to every woman who is having difficulty putting themself first and has a streak of nonfullfilling or short relationships (due to trying to be someone they are not or simply attracting feet).
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1,762 of 1,959 people found the following review helpful:
2.0 out of 5 stars
A Man's Perspective on this Book, January 23, 2004
By A Customer
This review is from: Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl - A Woman's Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship (Paperback)
As a man who read this book, I have a new understanding of how and why my last girlfriend acted the way she did. She must have read this book! I have to say, I chased after her, just like the book says a man will do if you follow the rules it describes. But, (and this is a big BUT), eventually, I got tired of chasing her. Eventually I came to the huge realization that I didn't want to live the rest of my life this way, under her thumb, with her making all the rules for our relationship. Women have put up with men that act this way, and it drives you crazy, doesn't it? Don't you hate it when a guy doesn't call and acts like other things are more important than you are? This book could just as well have been written for men, and been titled, "Why Women Love Jerks." As I read this book, I thought that if everyone, men and women alike, followed the rules contained in it, this world would be full of a lot of single people. Mainly because it's all about one person in the relationship (in this case, women) acting aloof, not chasing men, and not showing men that they're afraid to lose them. If both sexes acted this way, no one would get in a relationship because both would never chase the other. (In the hopes that the other one will first. It's not going to happen!) All in all, this book seems to be written for women who have been hurt badly in the past and don't want to be hurt (or at least show that they're hurt) again. Anyone who has ever had the good fortune to have been in a GOOD relationship would never think of treating their mate like Sherry Argov suggests. I gave this book 2 stars, because what's in it WILL work. But if you have to use "trickery" like this to get a man to chase you, you'll get a relationship to match. It's better to be honest with one another. If it doesn't work out, then move on until you find that NICE person who will treat you right, "games" or not!
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268 of 296 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
She understands the male mind.. ..a guy's view, January 1, 2006
This review is from: Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl - A Woman's Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship (Paperback)
Firstly, in this book BITCH means Babe In Total Control Of Herself.
She gives you priciples not 'rules' to transform from ignored or taken for granted doormat to relentlessly pursued dreamgirl, who is independent, strong, and not needy.
Initially, I wondered if Sherry is a guy, because she is so onto us. To her credit she did interview many men, to get these deep insights. In fact she has compiled our secret playbook.
I wonder if it is a good thing to have too many of our deep secrets in female hands, because it forces us to change our lazy relationship ways.
There is a self improvement principle - you teach people how to treat you. So do what you have always done, and get what you always got, or teach them how to treat you right.
So when Sherry suggests, acting a little aloof at first, this may seem counterintuitive, but it works. Staying out of relationship mode for a while, bypasses our natural defenses, and it works. Not giving away your personal power by being too much of a pleaser works. Communicating succinctly, I like that one.
Probably the most important lesson from this book is the importance of communication. A woman who calls a guy on his behavior, is showing several powerful things, she demonstrates higher value by not accepting bad behavior, she is not afraid to convey her feelings even if this might offend the guy, she is not timid and unassertive, she keeps the lines of communication honest, and open.
You will win some and lose some by following the advice in this book. Following this advice too rigidly will not work. It is a matter of finding a balance, and using what works for you. Think of this book as training wheels.
This book, is very good, and I probably should not recommend it but I do.
The bit about faking the orgasm, some reviewers don't like. As Sherry is a stand up comedian, this piece is just supposed to be humorous. In reality, you are teaching the guy that is he is already good enough, whereas some improvement might be required.
Some of the anecdotal advice is funny but extreme. The booty call guy left standing in the rain outside his apartment got his just desserts, but the red panties in the laundry tactic was too much.
My personal opinion, is we men are not that smart at non verbal communication, so things need to be spelled out more.
We also have a limited capacity for processing verbal information, in fact we go into safety shut down after about 30 seconds of talking. After that point, we just nod and grunt as if we are following along. I hope you find this review helpful, and the book enjoyable.
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