Customer Reviews

Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl - A Woman's Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship

5 star:		(392)
4 star:		(85)
3 star:		(43)
2 star:		(33)
1 star:		(57)

 

 

I've read a lot of relationship self help books including "The Rules". This books is excellent. This book is for those women who have, yes...been burned or who have a tendency to lose themselves in a relationship. If you've been with someone for years and everything is fine..then you don't need help. If you've a string of great relationships then you probably don't need this book either. Unfortunately for many women out there...they have been burned or have a tendency to bend over backwards for a man and lose their self respect for the sake of their relationship. This book is for these women. It can serve as a tool for internalizing positive messages and methods for not being conducive for trampling via feet.

Argov emphasies the time tested idea that you come first before anyone else. I've noticed that it is men who have given low marks to this book moreso than women. Once your read this book for yourself, you might see why. However, There are specific "tactics" she explains. It is far from trickery. And as even men have responded...her tactics work. Call them what you will, but there is little interaction between people which doesn't involve at least a little pre-planning, special manuvering, or cunning. Is this to say that when we read books about business...that those books are terrible because they use "trickery", manuvering and cunning to achieve company goals? Come on.

Someone else mentioned that they didn't agree with a chapter about "faking an orgasm". Don't listen to that. Obviously that person did not even read the book or is not very bright because in that chapter, Argov is cleary making fun of the concept. She writes "I don't recommend that a woman fake an orgasm. This little lesson is a satire on the pressures women feel to perform...It is much more of a turn-on to a man when a woman is able to be herself and she's honest about what she likes and dislikes."(71)

Finally, this book is not about playing games. Its about putting yourself first and taking responsibility for your own happiness, health, financial well-being, and rhythm. It is empowering and should be given to every woman who is having difficulty putting themself first and has a streak of nonfullfilling or short relationships (due to trying to be someone they are not or simply attracting feet).

As a man who read this book, I have a new understanding of how and why my last girlfriend acted the way she did. She must have read this book!

I have to say, I chased after her, just like the book says a man will do if you follow the rules it describes. But, (and this is a big BUT), eventually, I got tired of chasing her. Eventually I came to the huge realization that I didn't want to live the rest of my life this way, under her thumb, with her making all the rules for our relationship.

Women have put up with men that act this way, and it drives you crazy, doesn't it? Don't you hate it when a guy doesn't call and acts like other things are more important than you are? This book could just as well have been written for men, and been titled, "Why Women Love Jerks."

As I read this book, I thought that if everyone, men and women alike, followed the rules contained in it, this world would be full of a lot of single people. Mainly because it's all about one person in the relationship (in this case, women) acting aloof, not chasing men, and not showing men that they're afraid to lose them. If both sexes acted this way, no one would get in a relationship because both would never chase the other. (In the hopes that the other one will first. It's not going to happen!)

All in all, this book seems to be written for women who have been hurt badly in the past and don't want to be hurt (or at least show that they're hurt) again. Anyone who has ever had the good fortune to have been in a GOOD relationship would never think of treating their mate like Sherry Argov suggests.

I gave this book 2 stars, because what's in it WILL work. But if you have to use "trickery" like this to get a man to chase you, you'll get a relationship to match. It's better to be honest with one another. If it doesn't work out, then move on until you find that NICE person who will treat you right, "games" or not!

Firstly, in this book BITCH means Babe In Total Control Of Herself.

She gives you priciples not 'rules' to transform from ignored or taken for granted doormat to relentlessly pursued dreamgirl, who is independent, strong, and not needy.

Initially, I wondered if Sherry is a guy, because she is so onto us. To her credit she did interview many men, to get these deep insights. In fact she has compiled our secret playbook.

I wonder if it is a good thing to have too many of our deep secrets in female hands, because it forces us to change our lazy relationship ways.

There is a self improvement principle - you teach people how to treat you. So do what you have always done, and get what you always got, or teach them how to treat you right.

So when Sherry suggests, acting a little aloof at first, this may seem counterintuitive, but it works. Staying out of relationship mode for a while, bypasses our natural defenses, and it works. Not giving away your personal power by being too much of a pleaser works. Communicating succinctly, I like that one.

Probably the most important lesson from this book is the importance of communication. A woman who calls a guy on his behavior, is showing several powerful things, she demonstrates higher value by not accepting bad behavior, she is not afraid to convey her feelings even if this might offend the guy, she is not timid and unassertive, she keeps the lines of communication honest, and open.

You will win some and lose some by following the advice in this book. Following this advice too rigidly will not work. It is a matter of finding a balance, and using what works for you. Think of this book as training wheels.

This book, is very good, and I probably should not recommend it but I do.

The bit about faking the orgasm, some reviewers don't like. As Sherry is a stand up comedian, this piece is just supposed to be humorous. In reality, you are teaching the guy that is he is already good enough, whereas some improvement might be required.

Some of the anecdotal advice is funny but extreme. The booty call guy left standing in the rain outside his apartment got his just desserts, but the red panties in the laundry tactic was too much.

My personal opinion, is we men are not that smart at non verbal communication, so things need to be spelled out more.

We also have a limited capacity for processing verbal information, in fact we go into safety shut down after about 30 seconds of talking. After that point, we just nod and grunt as if we are following along. I hope you find this review helpful, and the book enjoyable.

I had a girlfriend that I really liked. Then she started acting different, unavailable, and the sweetness I really liked in her changed to indifference.

I saw this book in her house, and decided to read it myself.

Advice to the ladies: If you think you're going to get anywhere with a man from playing games, you won't.

Becaue I know how to be honest, I had a LONG talk with her about her sudden new behavior. She started to cry, and we were able to resolve it all, by really talking.

This book does not teach a woman how to be real. It teaches you how to avoid pathetic men that treat women like trash.

So if you want to have a great relationship, stop the games. If you are seeing a guy that treats you like trash, then move on.

This is such a great book that I've been recommending it to all of my female friends and family. It illustrates to you why your relationships current and past have failed miserably and lets you know what you're doing wrong as well as how to approach it from a better standpoint.

Basically, the author explains that women have been taught to be nurturers; A woman finds a man worth loving, showers everything and anything on them and *surprise!* they're abandoned. Why does this happen? Because women expect men to give back what they're giving them and it just doesn't work that way -- at least not in the beginning of any relationship -- it has to be built to that point (my parents were like this after years of marriage.) This extreme generosity on womens' parts comes across as if they're strictly living for their man's happiness (sometimes that's true, too, unfortunately) and unfortunately that tells the man that they're doormats. Plain and simple.

The book explains that men want an independent woman. They don't want a mother, a babysitter or a slave -- they lose interest in them way too fast and the mystery is gone. Sounds easy enough to understand but if you read the examples and follow a few tips you'll be very surprised with the results.

For example, the old telephone bit. DON'T wait by the telephone for the guy you're seeing. Go out, have a life outside of him and call back when it fits YOUR schedule, not his. Don't rearrange your plans around him and most of all don't leave all decisions up to him. I've had friends I'm with that when the phone rings, they ignore all their guests to go suck up to the guy they're after on the phone. Wrong. You make time for your man when you have the time -- not stopping your life.
The two things I was surprised to discover is: 1.) Women have been taught in the past that appearance is everything they need to find a man -- and nothing else matters. No wonder women have been treated like doormats! If personality and ambition are ignored there's nothing left but appearance and 2.) Women need to be taught to have a life outside of their boyfriends/mates/husbands. Women have been taught by society that they need a man to complete their lives SO MUCH that they end up desperate and it shows to the man they're dating. Plus, it's the reason you feel that emptiness in a relationship -- you've lived so much for him that you forgot about yourself. It's really sad when you realize how passive society has made women unconsciously or consciously and you need to take that back.

I'll give you an example I used: A guy who asked me out called me up and said: "Well, you can drive over here since I'm closer to where we're going." The passive/old me who was desperate would say: "Okay! Anything to make you happy because God forbid, I don't want to lose you -- that's how desperate I am." What I said instead was: "No, you asked me out so come pick me up." Lo and behold what did he do? He picked me up. Don't be afraid to put your foot down -- of course, be cool about it, not nasty and it ALWAYS works.

Making plans? Don't drop them because he asked you out, plan around him. I have a friend who lives for her boyfriend and really could use this book but she's so far gone that I've given up hope. I can't tell you how many times she's cancelled on me at the last second because he decided he wanted to go out at that time. Wrong. You hate when your friends do that to you and you're disgusted with them for their attitudes -- so why on earth would you do it? Besides, he's more likely to call back when you don't offer everything on a platter at once -- including your heart; You lose mystery with him when you do that and he loses interest.

Then we come to a very important chapter: If he knows you're not putting him in a cage -- he'll try and put you in one. This is where the mother/babysitter aspect comes in. He calls the shots -- with everything. What movies you watch, where you go, how you live your life and quite frankly this is where women get into relationships and suddenly realize they're unhappy -- but don't know why. It's because they've made themselves become little slaves to their men's happiness and they're not getting it back. In my opinion, if you're in this kind of a relationship it's hardly fixable but there are ways around that. Another example in the book was one woman let a man do his wash at her place and he ended up expecting her to do it all the time. He would just bring it over and not even ask. So, one time she dropped a pair of red panties in with his whites and when everything came out pink she said: "Oh, I'm just not good at this kind of thing." What was the result? He said: "You are NEVER doing my wash again." Problem solved.

In fact, I gave this to my mother (who is a widow dating) and she was very surprised to realize how much advantage her boyfriend was taking over her. He would plan parties at HER HOUSE and she would do all the cooking and he never helped her pay for any of it. When she began to protest, he fought her on it. What ended up happening is she booted him out the door. In some instances, like I said, it's not fixable. But, was he worth keeping? She decided "No" and she has told me she is much happier.

Have a guy tell you that he wants to see you and other people? Don't get on the floor and beg for him -- tell him: "Don't let the door hit you on the ***. I had one guy do that to me. We went out and he told me that he was going to see this girl he knew at work. So, when we were driving back to my place I said: "I understand about your needs to see other people," and he nodded and got this smile on his face. Then I said: "So since you're going to see someone else on Saturday I just wanted you to know that I have a date, too." That smile melted off his face so fast I could have died laughing. What ended up happening? He was so distracted by the fact that I was going out on a date that he didn't enjoy his at all. The VERY next morning he called immediately and asked if I wanted to go out. I hemmed and hawed and said: "Well, I'm pretty tired from last night, so no, but I can go out Monday evening." I was showered with attention Monday. Trust me - it works.

Now, in defense of some of the male postings here (which make me laugh of course) NOT ALL MEN ARE LIKE THIS. But unfortunately, there are guys out there who are. Think of this book as a great guideline to weed those out. If guys like this are playing games, the best thing to do is to play YOUR WAY. You may not end up with the right guy if you have to but your self esteem won't be shot in the end when it's over and that little player will have learned something. Real men DON'T play these games, but do love independence in women.

The only chapter I don't agree with would be the one on faking an orgasm once you get to an intimate point in the relationship. If you can't be honest with your lover and are more worried about his ego then you're setting a trap for yourself. Healthy, sexual relationships are all about honesty -- each of you telling each other what you want. Neither one of you are going to figure it out eventually. That never happens. I got this info from "Mars and Venus in the Bedroom" which you can find on Amazon.com. Explain what works, what doesn't, don't be harsh about it and it will all fall into place. Trust me on this one.

So get this book if you've had your heart broken too many times. Remember, not all guys are like this but you can figure out which ones are (and... have a little fun with them in the meantime *devil grin here*) Real men don't play games with women and you'll figure out the real men from the weasels with this book. A MUST READ for you women out there sick of the games -- play them your own way! And trust me, it works!

This is a must read book for all those women who find themselves being treated like yesterdays meatloaf. You know, you'll take it only if you can't have anything better, or you may just say forget it and chuck into the garbage. The author really hits home when she talks about the male appetite for a Bitchy Woman. It's true they do get more respect. I shared this book some friends of mine both male and female and I can't get it back. They keep asking me, "do you mind if I let my friend check it out?" So I fiqured out what everyone is getting for Christmas this year. It truely is an instruction manual to transform a doormat to dreamgirl. It's not always about looks. Attitude is why you see some women getting what they want while little Miss Nicey is home alone thinking "maybe if I bake these cookies just right..." As a man I say GO FOR IT LADIES! Check out the book and use the information to change your way of thinking. Heck, I'm even going to apply some of the techniques to my relationship. I hope they post this review, because I really, really enjoyed this book.

I want to first thank Sherry Argov for writing this honest and very practical book on how to make your man change his attitude and not take you for granted. I have read many books on relationships, and this one is the only one that gives practical suggestions in plain language that you can actually understand. Not psychobabble like other books that I have tried to read and put down because I fell asleep. This book I read in one day and have been reading over and over again. Here's the 411: I am a clingy needy partner who nags and nags and nags because my man used to treat me well but all of a sudden changed almost overnight. I had no idea that what I was doing was causing him to tune me out. Men don't react to words, they react to actions. I stopped my nagging, and become a more independent person. And on top of that, have been acting like I don't care about the relationship. It has caught him off guard and now he is going out of his way to be with me and paying attention to me. The important points that I've learned from this book are; put yourself first, act as though you don't care too much about the relationship, do your own thing without him and he'll start thinking that he's losing you. Then sit back and watch him come to you and treat you better. The other thing is, you will feel better about yourself. Yes, this book gave me something that I needed all my life....Self Confidence!

I have gone through some real Hell with all of my relationships, including my current marriage. I have come to realize, thanks to Sherry Argov, that I did not understand how to communicate with men. Sherry will tell you in this book that men DO NOT RESPOND TO WORDS. THEY RESPOND TO ACTION AND TO NO CONTACT. A lot of times when we women are speaking and try to get a point across to a man, we do not realize that they ARE NOT LISTENING OR ONLY LISTENING WITH HALF AN EAR. Men are quite accustomed to tuning a woman out and looking like they actually are listening! Sherry gives you alternatives to use to make your man really listen. I remember, in particular, a conversation I had with a male friend of mine when we were talking about relationships. He said that some of his relationships had ended because he simply did not understand how serious his girlfriend was about what she had asked him to do. I asked him, "What could she have done to let you know that she really was serious about something?" His response, "She could have changed up the routine. If she didn't make dinner, I would have noticed." So, there it is, from the horse's mouth. ACTION, NOT WORDS, GETS THE POINT ACROSS.

The second major point of the book is about valuing yourself and having your own life. You don't subjugate yourself and give your life up for a man. Be true to yourself and pursue your own interests; don't give up who you are to be with a man. A man respects a woman who is independent and follows her own interests. Whether you have a tennis match or a Tupperware party planned, stick to your plans and see your guy on a different night. A man likes a woman who has a life of her own - it makes her more interesting - more like an equal partner.

Another part of the book deals with how to fix the relationship you're in, and how to quit being the doormat you've set yourself up to be. My marriage was failing and on the brink of divorce because I didn't know how to communicate with my partner and let him know and make him understand what I really needed from him. I had been talking about certain issues for years and he had heard me, but never listened. I learned from this book (and from my male friend) that I needed to "change up the routine" in order to get his serious attention. Another important lesson from this book is that a woman needs to value herself and BE READY TO WALK if a man does not give her what she needs in a relationship. I changed up the routine and let him know in no uncertain terms that I was indeed ready to walk, and lo and behold, things got better! After nearly 15 years of marriage, things are the best they have ever been. Thank you, Sherry Argov. If not for you, I would be in divorce court right now.

By the way, my personal advice is not to let your significant other know that you have read this book. Men who say that you should are wrong. They already have the relationship advantage from the way society has taught us and set things up. This book merely levels the playing field and puts us on a more equal footing with the men in our lives. And think about this. If, after all of these years, you have finally learned to stand up for yourself, do you really want him to know that you got it from a book???!!!

OK! I was in a long term relationship and ended it because it wasn't working anymore. I was down and feeling sorry for myself when a friend said that I should read this book. I laughed when she told me the title. But I went out the next morning and bought it. I finished it in two days. It made me laugh and it opened my eyes to the guys point of view. When you buy this book (and you should) just remember that you dont want a guy to play games with you, so don't play games with them. You still have to be yourself no matter what. This book has a lot of good advise for everybody. My only advise is KEEP IT REAL, DON'T PRETEND TO BE SOMEONE YOU AREN'T!! You won't feel comfortable and you would only be hurting yourself.

Sherry Argov is awesome! I've read a lot of relationship books and this is the first one that makes any real-life sense. Have you ever noticed how when you're not interested in a guy, you can't get him to leave you alone??! But the ones that you ARE into constantly play games.

This book essentially teaches you how to reverse that pattern. The author shows you how to get the guy you want to chase after you, instead of the other way around. The best part is that it requires almost no effort on your part!

This book really works. It was tough at first to follow the advice, because I kept wanting to try to please him. But we all know that men aren't like women, they don't appreciate all you do for them and they take it for granted. As soon as I stopped acting interested, he got his act together. Now he's calling all the time, taking me out to dinner, chasing after me . . . and I just sit back and enjoy it!