Why Men Marry Bitches: A Woman's Guide to Winning Her Man's Heart (Paperback)

by Sherry Argov (Author) "Imagine a world in which roles were reversed and men cooked for women, picked up socks, and couldn't wait to get warried..." (more)
Key Phrases: beer nuts, Female Button, Marilyn Monroe

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly
As in her previous book, Why Men Love Bitches, Argov does not use the word "bitch" in a pejorative way, but rather "to describe a strong woman who has her own identity and is secure with who she is." And while encouraging women to be strong, independent and inscrutable is sound advice, the motivation behind this advice-to keep his interest-makes for a headache-inspiring contradiction. Fortunately, Argov takes readers step-by-step through her process, including numerous "Relationship Principles" that keeps her concepts clear ("Relationship Principle 35: Men are intrigued by anything they do not completely control."). Though the generalizations Argov uses to describe her pre-bitch audience can at times be condescending, and her goals are more about acting-rather than believing-that you don't need a man to feel complete, the behavior she encourages is healthy and useful, even outside the realm of husband-hunting. Taken more as a Bitch's Guide to Life-the word "relationship," after all, doesn't necessarily imply romance-this is a solid self-help.
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Review
"We're talking about having so much self-respect Aretha Franklin would high-five you."

-- Los Angeles Times

"Sherry Argov encourages women who feel like doormats to develop a sense of independence."

-- Playboy

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Product Details

• Paperback: 272 pages
• Publisher: Simon & Schuster (June 6, 2006)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 074327637X
• ISBN-13: 978-0743276375
• Product Dimensions: 8.3 x 5.4 x 0.9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 12.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars See all reviews (126 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #2,739 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

25 of 25 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars So that's why..., June 13, 2009

By	B. Parsons - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

I am so glad I got this book. It's about claiming your empowerment as a female and not backing down. It's not about being mean, as some might think, it's about using your brain and getting what you want. I appreciated the author's candor and insight and thought this was one of the better dating/relationship guides on the market today. Another good one---Lucky In Love, Lucky In Life: How To Be Wanted-Use the Law of Attraction to Date the Man You Most Desire and Live the Life You Deserve.

52 of 62 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars If you want to get married--read this book, June 1, 2006

By	Ex-Libris - See all my reviews

Why Men Marry Bitches is a funny, insightful, and practical guide. It dispels the self-defeating myths that women often live by, like "I have to cathc a husband to feel whole" which translates to men as a more desirable woman. It gives logical relationship principles, and gives hilarious, detailed scenarios on how to handle the beloved, (if sometimes trying), man in your life. Read and follow the advice in this book only if you are seriously interested in having a quality relationship.



Why Men Marry Bitches begins with the uproarious anecdote: "Imagine a world in which roles are reversed and men cooked for women, picked up socks and couldn't wait to get married. Pretend you had a boyfriend who owned a hope chest with six lavender bow ties inside that he wanted his groomsmen to wear at the wedding. Picture him getting choked up every time you strolled past a Baby Gap. And that he greeted you at the door wearing silk boxers and cowboy boots, so he could do a pole dance for you." Then imagine they ask needy questions like "Where's my ring?" and "Why won't you marry me?"

Why Men Marry Bitches makes it clear that women don't need to work harder to please their man. The book not only encourages women to let go of long-standing myths about being perfect, being his sex toy, or being whoever he tells you to be--it exposes these myths for the self-defeating behaviors that women have to act like servants, and explains why men are secretly attracted to a strong woman who has more to bring to the table. The main theme of the book is incredibly empowering--live your own life fully and the proposals will keep on coming.

Forget when the other books tell you and listen to the advice in Why Men Marry Bitches. The book gives clear guidance based on hundreds of interviews Argov conducted with men to find out what is really going on. Chapters such as "Female Button Pushing: A Time-Honored Male Tradition" and "Breaking into the Boy's Club: Stolen Secrets--All the Highly Classified Things Men Will Share Only in the Company of Other Men," expose the secret strategies, codes, and signs men use to test women, to cover their own vulnerabilities, and to be sure they are loved for themselves--not what they can provide a woman. Think of it like visiting a foreign country, you'll have a better time if you know the "language." Argov provides the kind of "male-language" tutorial only a friend who has your best interest at heart can give.

Perhaps the most useful sections of Why Men Marry Bitches are the practical situations that Argov tackles. We've all been there. There's the small stuff--the man we love, doesn't call, breaks plans, or comes home late. There's the bigger stuff--the man we love is hesitant to propose. Why Men Marry Bitches gives realistic, specific advice on how to handle these situations while maintaining your dignity, self-respect, and independence. And that's how you make him fall more in love with you. Because dignity is the biggest turn-on of all.

Why Men Marry Bitches shows us, with great insight and humor, that when you are a "bitch" the situation is win/win. You focus on yourself, making a full, interesting life and how the man in your life loves you more for it--and wants you for his wife.

I've read them all, and this is the best.

121 of 149 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars Self confident women are indeed sexy, but her relationship advice is for the cavewoman, March 9, 2007

By	D. Parvin "dparv" (Boston, MA USA) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

The good news is that "Why Men Marry Bitches", Sherry Argov's relationship advice sequel to the dating advice of "Why Men Love Bitches", is an improvement. Her basic premise - that men do in fact want self-confident, assertive, and competent women - is dead on, and several of the 75 "relationship principles" are quite accurate. The bad news is that the majority of her relationship advice seems to lump all men as Cro-Magnons but more importantly, if you follow her directives you may temporarily get you what you want out of the relationship but you also may be setting it up for things that could destroy it if you're not careful. I come up with 3 stars after averaging a worthy 5 for the message of self-esteem with some accurate suggestions along with a 1 for some utterly bone-headed assumptions. Look to Greg Behrendt's books if you want inside men's heads instead and Carolyn Hax if you want relationship advice that works.

Argov's basic message is quite sound. To quote the author, "men want a competent woman who can think for herself, handle her business, take charge, and tell him to knock off the foolishness," and many of the 75 points explain exactly why this is the case. Some advice is dead on accurate; dressing for success, being yourself, realizing that you can't change someone, making sure you're happy with who you are and "standing up for what you believe in a decent and honest way" are all really good points that tackle some basic mistakes women who aren't experienced in relationships (and some who are) make. The loud and clear message of self-respect comes through loud and clear; the basic premise of "if a woman thinks all she has to offer is sex...(she's less desirable)" is the backbone of an entire chapter. Good stuff.

Where it fails miserably is her relationship advice. In fairness, there are some surprisingly valuable and clear nuggets like "Just like women can't get too many compliments, a man can't get too much appreciation for his contribution." Any number of psychologists will tell you the same but far more murkily, and warning women about an "attitude of entitlement" scaring men away is a valuable insight.

The basic underlying problem is that while she did survey a number of men, she makes some really bad and inaccurate assumptions about how men think. A particularly egregious and sexist one is that "men (are) socialized to think women are the weaker sex," and that men "want to turn back the clock" and "jest about women in the police force...and military." The sole objective of a man with a woman is "obviously...to jump into bed." In short, men haven't evolved from the Cro-Magnon age.

With this shaky basis of understanding comes some pretty shaky advice. Men get turned off by "my clock is ticking" and "so where do we stand" according to Argov because it's "too obvious," where what truly turns off many are that children and marriage are a continuation of a great relationship, not a goal in and of itself. More dangerous are tidbits like "avert a fight (over bad behavior)...with one sentence responses" and "negotiations should be 95% nonverbal." This may get women what they want near term, but if they can't come up with an effective way to communicate with their partners about such issues any relationship is in real trouble longer term. Men can be made to cook dinner by a deal agreeing that whomever gets home first does so, except if the woman gets home early they should drive around randomly to make sure he does instead. This resembles the disastrous advice in her first book about how a woman whose husband didn't want to pay for housekeeping services simply claimed to spend a little more for grocery shopping and paid for it that way behind his back. Anyone who follows this advice is going down a path of behavior that can really lead to two issues that can destroy most relationships - control and trust. It may work for a while, but if you're not careful your next book will be Shirley Glass' "Not Just Friends" to read as a postmortem as you probably won't have a working relationship for long.

Still, her advice on self-esteem is worth a read especially for those in the midst of a bad relationship. Argov is a comedian by training, and the book is relatively funny. The problem is much of her advice more or less stinks. Using the messily divorced Meg Ryan and Kim Basinger's words as points to live by points out the problem: often good thoughts, but incredibly bad application since strangely enough, ultimately they weren't able to make their relationships work. Greg Behrendt offers a lot more insight into the male mind, and Carolyn Hax a lot more reasonable advice on how healthy relationships function. Try them instead.