Customer Reviews

Why Men Marry Bitches: A Woman's Guide to Winning Her Man's Heart

5 star:		(158)
4 star:		(27)
3 star:		(7)
2 star:		(4)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

I respectfully disagree with the previous reviewer who said that Argov's first book was better. As a guy, I thought the exact opposite: "Why Men MARRY Bitches" gives women much more sorely-needed advice.

This book is not about marriage. It's about why single women don't enter relationships that progress, and would be a good read for single and married women.

From a male's perspective, I was amazed at how well it gets into the minds of men and tells women what makes us want to be exclusive, what makes us lose interest in other women, what we respect... "marry" nails it from a man's perspective. The first book Argov talks about things that are obvious and predictable, like whether or not to sleep with the guy on the first date. "Why Men MARRY Bitches" talks about how a guy will test a girl, how he may manipulate her to keep the relationship casual, how a guy might lead her to believe he's interested in committing and then do the "holding pattern" with the "I'm really busy with work" excuses. The advice in the last chapter on what a women should say to a guy when it isn't progressing is outstanding. It tells women why things don't progress, and that's where most women need help. They have no problem catching a guy, it's keeping him around where it gets messed up and that's why "Why Men Marry Bitches" is superior.

Also, I can confirm Argov would have no way of knowing the things she discloses in this book unless she actually sat down and interviewed us men. I found myself saying under my breath, "Who told her this?" on almost every page. I was blown away by the discussions of how men are made to feel they are "filling a position" when a women talks about "wanting to get married" (but doesn't matter to whom). It is such valuable information for women to read.

I also think the chapter called "Wanted Joe Paycheck" in "Why Men Marry Bitches" is brilliant. Argov describes that a guy won't mind paying for a dinner, but we won't attach himself to a woman who has the "attitude of entitlement." There are really good examples about women planning the excessive wedding arrangements, a woman who quits her job without consulting with her fiance, and so on....it's something EVERY SINGLE woman needs to educate herself on if she wants to keep a guy around because we will not commit if we feel like an ATM machine.

There's no question most women don't even know how they are being perceived by men. So they are trying to get respect but don't know how. I like and respect women, and think they should be treated with respect, which is what the author is teaching women to demand.

I gave "Why Men Marry Bitches" five stars. If I could, I would give this book six. It's a very "real" book that is also entertaining and funny--and both men and women should absolutely pick it up.

Great Book. I would like to join the rest of the readers in their positive reviews. I would like to point out though that there is a possibility for some immature (unwise) women to follow its advices blindly -- to become completely aloof, unobtainable, scarce in relationship etc -- which will lead to ruining the relationship altogether.. The WISE thing to learn here is : to be nice,sweet AND self confident at the same time , to be available AND aloof when it's needed, to be reliable AND independent, to love him AND love your self at the same time ... etc .. For some people the book may come across as a " game playing" manual. I can see that. But for those who is able to THINK and analyze the book will be nothing but a manual guide to learning as to how to respect ourselves and to not become a shadow of those who we love. Very good book. Could be very shoking to very nice and sweet women. This book is a MUST for every woman. ..
p.s. sorry for not perfect English.

The good news is that comedian Sherry Argov's relationship-advice focused "Why Men Marry Bitches" is an improvement on the dating-focused "Why Men Love Bitches." Her basic premise of men wanting self-confident, assertive, and competent women is dead on, and several of the 75 "relationship principles" are quite accurate. The bad news is that the majority of her advice is not only bad but potentially outright destructive to the majority of modern relationships. I come up with 3 stars after averaging a worthy 5 for the message of self-esteem with a 1 for some utterly bone-headed assumptions.

On the positive side, Argov's basic message is quite sound. To quote the author, "men want a competent woman who can think for herself, handle her business, take charge, and tell him to knock off the foolishness," and many of the 75 points explain exactly why this is the case. Some advice is dead on accurate; dressing for success, being yourself, realizing that you can't change someone, making sure you're happy with who you are and "standing up for what you believe in a decent and honest way" are all really good points that tackle some basic mistakes women who aren't experienced in relationships (and some who are) make. The underlying message of self-respect comes through loud and clear; unsurprisingly, the basic premise of "if a woman thinks all she has to offer is sex...(she's less desirable)" is the backbone of an entire chapter. Good stuff.

Where it fails miserably is her relationship advice. In fairness, there the occasional nugget or two like "Just like women can't get too many compliments, a man can't get too much appreciation for his contribution." Any number of psychologists will tell you the same but far more murkily, and warning women about an "attitude of entitlement" scaring men away is a valuable insight.

Unfortunately, despite her attempt to survey a number of men, Argov's knowledge of the male gender appears to be limited to what she's heard women describe men as and then attempting to confirm this opinion rather than the much harder task of trying to put herself in men's shoes. As such, there are rampant sexist and inaccurate assumptions. A particularly egregious stereotype is that "men (are) socialized to think women are the weaker sex," and that men "want to turn back the clock" and "jest about women in the police force...and military." The sole objective of a man with a woman is "obviously...to jump into bed." In short, men haven't evolved from the Cro-Magnon age.

With this shaky basis of understanding comes some pretty shaky advice. Men get turned off by "my clock is ticking" and "so where do we stand" according to Argov because it's "too obvious," where what truly turns off many are that children and marriage are a continuation of a great relationship, not a goal in and of itself. More troubling are tidbits like "avert a fight (over bad behavior)...with one sentence responses" and "negotiations should be 95% nonverbal." This may get women what they want near term, but if they can't come up with an effective way to communicate with their partners about such issues any relationship is in real danger longer term. Men can be made to cook dinner by a deal agreeing that whomever gets home first does so, except if the woman gets home early they should drive around randomly to make sure he does instead. This resembles the disastrous advice in her first book about how a woman whose husband didn't want to pay for housekeeping services simply claimed to spend a little more for grocery shopping and paid for it that way behind his back. Anyone who follows this advice is going down a path of behavior that can really lead to two issues that can destroy most relationships - control and trust. It may work for a while, but if you're not careful your next book will be Shirley Glass' Not "Just Friends": Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity as a postmortem since you probably won't have a working relationship for long.

Still, her advice on self-esteem is worth a read especially for those in the midst of a bad relationship. Argov is a comedian by training, and the book is relatively funny. However, using the messily divorced Meg Ryan and Kim Basinger's words as points to live by really nails the problem: often good thoughts, but incredibly bad application since strangely enough, ultimately they weren't able to make their relationships work.

Instead, for the non-professionals, Greg Behrendt offers a lot more insight into the male mind with He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys, and Carolyn Hax a lot more reasonable advice on how healthy relationships function with Tell Me About It: Lying, Sulking, Getting Fat... and 56 Other Things Not to Do While Looking for Love. For more heavy duty problems, try Haltzman's "Secrets" series - the book targeted towards women is The Secrets of Happily Married Women: How to Get More Out of Your Relationship by Doing Less but both are worth reading - and John Gottman's large body of work, starting with Why Marriages Succeed or Fail: And How You Can Make Yours Last.

A "Filler Girl", in my humble definition, is the girl that a guy keeps around for the sole purpose of just, well, keeping her around. For no reason, really... Except maybe sex, and that's it. The Filler Girl is usually the girl who was asked out not even a month after the guy's break-up with another girl (She's the "rebound girl", in other words.)... Or maybe she's the girl who asks the guy out, and while the guy isn't too crazy about her, she seems easy enough to keep him company until he's sick of her. You are tortured by endless hours of worrying that he's cheating on you, or if he's still in love with an old lover/friend, or if he even loves you as much as you love him...

Stop. Stop being that Filler Girl, and start being the MAIN Girl that the guy actually WANTS. I was once the Filler Girl... I was desperate, easy (not in a sexual way, but like, just how easy it was for me to agree with everything he says), and I guess, boring... Not remarkable in any way. I would try to be the perfect girlfriend for the guys that I liked... Only to realize that, while their hand is in mine, their heart was in some other girl...

I decided that after getting my heart smashed into pieces (and messing up potentially life-lasting relationships and even friendships), I've decided to change my route. I brought this book and started to read the whole book as fast as I could. Some pages made me gasp in shock, but I pressed on... As each chapters went by, I know realized what my issues were and now I am able to grasp what I should do and say instead if I'm EVER going to find a guy who will want to settle down with me. Granted, I'm only 20, so I do have some time ahead... But, I would just love to have a serious, long-term relationship with someone for some years until we get engaged, get married, and be happy together for good. The book was so good that now I'm re-reading it again the second time to really absorb everything. I like that the author doesn't want the reader to play games, but rather, stop the games that men play before they even begin. Be nice until the other guy disrespects, then go ahead and push him away. The more you pull away, the more they come after you... And as I sit here, I realize how true that saying is, as I remember all the times I would pull away from families, friends, and even lovers because I felt like I needed to be alone, and they all just RAN AFTER ME! It's crazy, right?

So stop being the Filler Girl. Stop being that girl who the guy SETTLED for when he couldn't get with that other girl instead... Stop being his booty call. Stop being the girl he isn't enthusiastic about... Be the girl he wants, the girl he would write songs about, the girl who he thinks about all the time... You're all wonderful ladies who deserve that kind of love that you've always wanted. And with this book, you can get that kind of love, and more. :)

PS- The ONLY thing I disagree about this book was when the author wrote that for every time the guy calls you, to not pick up 100% of the time. I mean, it's weird she would say that when in the book she says not to put up with a guy who doesn't pick up the phone, or take a few hours to get back to you. Basically... DON'T PLAY GAMES LIKE THIS UNTIL THE OTHER GUY DOES IT, AND WHEN HE DOES, PLAY IT RIGHT BACK. That is all.

I don't read self-help books. I certainly don't read female-oriented-self-help books. But Why Men Marry Bitches is a true gem. Trust the source - I must admit to having played (read: past tense) the field as well as the best of men, and was truly amazed at the level of depth and the extraordinary microscope used by Ms. Argov. Hey guys - who gave her the keys anyway?

With a keen sense of a seasoned analyst, expertise that clearly comes from interviewing Real Men, and a heck of a great sense of humor, Ms. Argov delivers an instant classic. I can't admit to all she finds about us, but I must admit to most of it. And being one clever woman, she not only exposes what we do (sometime subconsciously), but also provides a project plan for women to achieve what they want. And since I am out of circulation I can be a traitor and say to all you women: Go get that book - you'll laugh a lot, learn a lot, and maybe put her advice to use. Hey guys - go get the book as well, maybe we can learn how to change the strategy...

"Why Men Marry Bitches" is the best book on relationships. Whenever my male friends read through the book they say, "Wow. She is 100% right. How did she get this information?"

What I LOVE so much about this book is that it shows you HOW men view commitment, and the REAL reasons why men don't want to get involved. In the book, men reveal that they want an emotional connection as much as women do, but often feel they aren't "special" because most women seem like they want a commitment...with ANYBODY. Doesn't matter who the guy is, she wants a commitment before she knows his middle name. And Argov explains with crystal clarity exactly what turns men off, and how a few small modifications in a woman's words or actions makes all the difference in the world.

For example, the author explains that women sometimes ask questions or say things like "Where is this going?" or "What are your intentions?" before she even knows where the guy lives. When a guy gets those types of questions, he automatically assumes she is in love with "the idea" of a commitment, or that she's in love with "the wedding" or what a relationship represents. At that point he keeps her at arm's length, because (as men explain in their own words) what they dream of is a woman who is in love....WITH WHO HE IS! She won't just commit to anyone.

Argov has a rare ability to make you laugh and at the same time helps you realize how to do better. It's a feel good read that is entertaining and brilliant at the same time. You walk away feeling like you stand a little taller, and that men are likeable, sensitive and human. If you've ever wondered why most relationships stall after two or three months, after reading this book, YOU'LL GET IT.

What I love most is the fact that Argov doesn't tell you what you are doing wrong...she explains how you can do it right. She never talks down to the reader. She doesn't bash men. She even makes fun of herself. She gives you the feeling that she's down to earth and real, and that she's kicking back over a beer with you hanging out and cheering you up like a sister would. But at the same time, she gives the kind of seasoned advice that a relative or best friend would give about dignity and pride. And of course, she shows you how to turn the typical dating dynamic around so that he comes away feeling like COMMITMENT WAS HIS IDEA!

If you buy this book and get past the title--you will find it refreshing, hilariously funny, and extremely enlightening. I never give 5 stars for anything. But this one is 5 star worthy because of the information....as well as the entertainment comedy value. You'll laugh out loud reading it.

Firstly, in this book BITCH means Babe In Total Control Of Herself.

Her previous book -Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl - A Woman's Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship is my favorite and most highly recommended book for women on dealing with men. Keeping us men on our toes. Giving us women that we find challenging, and interesting, and do not take for granted.

Now onto WMMB. Men will test you, just as women test men. These tests serve a purpose. How you respond dictates the nature of the relationship, and whether get respected as the dreamgirl, or treated as a doormat. You teach people how to treat you. Sherry teaches you how to pass these tests.

WMMB entertains, as you might expect from a standup comic. I had to put the book down several times to laugh. Most of her advice is gleaned from many interviews with men, and their experiences with women, and they tell it like it is, what made them decide to marry one person and pass on another. Really, it is our secret playbook. In fact, I got great ideas from this book. So, I recommend this book to men too.

For men, marriage is the biggest financial and emotional decision of our life. If a man makes the wrong decision, and chooses the wrong woman, the financial and emotional consequences are dire.

The right decision, gains him the benefits of an excellent partner and children and opportunities for adventure and bliss, and will inspire and propel him to far greater achievements than would otherwise be possible. Imagine how attractive being independent, emotionally secure, confident, and already fulfilled can make you, and how not being needy or dependent on him for your emotional well being could make you a compelling candidate for marriage.

As you read this book, you will discover the common mistakes women make: the woman on a mission whose biological clock is ticking so loud you can actually hear it, perceiving the man as a vacancy filler, telegraphing commitment interest way too soon, the dreaded talk, the absolutely lethal -where do you see this relationship going question? Sherry's offers solid advice to keep the relation-ship from hitting the rocks, and to secure the glittering rock.

What if the guy is not prepared to commit anyway, then you have the dilemma of losing a relationship or continuing with a guy who won't commit. Many guys will string you along indefinitely, because they can.

The BEST advice in the book is how to initiate the conversation that will lead to commitment though it only offers one strategy, even if it is brilliant. It would certainly work without alienating. It would work on me, and could certainly work for you. Ideally, it would be best to have a few different approaches to pick from.

I disagree on one thing. I don't think it is a sound strategy to avoid talking about marriage entirely, for a long time, so it won't come up on the relationship radar. If you don't bring it up it may never come up. Before you spend years with a guy wouldn't it be wiser to find out in advance what his attitude is? This could bring the denial: You never said anything about a commitment before. Another shortcoming I feel is it does not offer strategies for testing his true attitude on commitment, and decision making.

Here's one idea. Ask a man how he feels about children. If he doesn't want to have them or like them, what does that mean? You have learned much from an indirect question.

Other books I recommend are: Dr Phil's Love Smart:Find the one you want, fix the one you got has excellent advice, on getting the commitment,and the 80/20 rule. The Secret Psychology of how we fall in love by Dr Paul Dobransky has excellent advice on testing a man to see if he is commitment material, also on finding the right kind of man, using the women from Sex and the City as the four female archetypes, the queen, warrior, magician and lover to determine both your personality types. There is also a personality test you can take at [...].

So, I highly recommend this book, and good luck.

I trust you find this helpful.

Sherry is an astute, funny, no-nonsense writer.

The point in life is to find out what makes YOU tick, what do YOU love about life? People are very attracted to those who are passionate about about their lives. Most importantly, YOU will like yourself a whole lot better if you're not acting like somebody's puppet. It is worth noting that the world treats you as you treat yourself.....

Contrary to what women have been taught, we need to put ourselves first and assume the Captain Of My Own Ship attitude in relationships. We aren't meant to be reduced to the role of First-Mate. We understand when our guys take care of themselves by: going to the gym, rescheduling a date because of an important presentation first thing in morning, spending time with their buddies, honoring previous commitments made with others regardless that WE want to see them, etc. How about demonstrating that same loyalty to ourselves?

Ladies, it is so easy to exhibit the 'get over yourself' attitude with a guy who's misbehaving if you don't care...and then do a complete 180 with the man who floats our boat.
We then lament that God is playing a cruel joke on us and doesn't want us to be truly happy.....that we should 'settle', instead. Now put yourself in the guy's shoes. Don't you enjoy a challenge? Sure, the point is to win....eventually, that is.
Don't play hard to get. But don't be easy to get, either. Qualify a man before you share the most precious part of your soul with him.

If enough women will take Sherry's revelations to heart, less men would be jerks. Sure, some of them have character flaws, but others who are otherwise decent human beings will push the envelope. Would you put up with reckless behavior toward your relationship from your friends, families, or anyone else? Well, then.......When they experience women's refusal to put up with unacceptable behavior on a massive level, they will change - as Sherry points out, they want relationships, too. Sometimes it is necessary to delay instant gratification and go for the gold by sticking to your guns. A fringe benefit will manifest when you hold yourselves in high regard - his regard of you increases immensely!

Sisters unite!

God Bless You.

As a marriage & family therapist (and a woman with her own struggles with men,) I have read A LOT of instructional, self-helpy, how-to-understand-relationships books. Forgive me if this review is a bit dated, but I will say that this book has a far better, more helpful, more *educated* foundation than its cohorts. Considering the vast array of available literature on the subject, I would recommend Argov's first. The author has clearly put in a great deal of thought, time and effort into making this a quality and helpful reference, beginning with her implementation of objective case-study research, which she describes in the introduction and adds an invaluable and rare bit of credibility to what she has to say.

That being said, there is a certain disconnect in the book that almost made me feel like someone else had begun writing halfway through. The first section, entitled "Why Men Marry Bitches," describes 11 relationship principles and tears down a handful of myths with the central message that women should not feel like their happiness rides on one man, and that men are attracted to women that are happy on their own. "Have a backbone, don't take BS from anybody," etc....
Fair enough.
But then, the second section is all about "...How to Convince Him," which can be summed up as basically avoiding any conversation or behavior that insinuates commitment/monogamy/the future, because such topics are scary to men and drive them away.
Here's the thing: at the most fundamental level of human behavior, you cannot in one sentence advise a woman to "have a backbone" and in the next sentence advise her to "hold her tongue, lest you frighten your commitmentphobic man." Those two tidbits of advice are totally contradictory of one another.

But I'd like to give this book more than 3 stars, because I think I understand what Argov was getting at; that a woman must be first confident and independent on her own, and once she finds a good man, then she must acknowledge the way men think and allow him to do the things that make him enjoy committing, proposing, and marrying a woman. This is sound reasoning, perhaps, but in the book it comes across as the same passive fodder the author was advising against. To paraphrase, in the first section, she writes: "If a man tells you to be different than you are, he's stifling you" or "Men read 'okeydoke' type of women as not having enough confidence to form their own opinions." So, the advice is to have a backbone, but not SO MUCH of a backbone that you demand a real relationship or commitment from the man you're dating? My point is that this kind of advice is confusing and misleading, even if it is well-intended.

Romantic relationships are one of the most difficult subjects to write about objectively and helpfully, and Argov does it better than anyone I've encountered in a long time. My only criticism is that women often struggle with the balance between independence and acquiescence when it comes to men, and I felt this book only added to the confusion. But, it is extremely strong in other areas, and an overall great read for anyone looking to gain a well-rounded understanding of man/woman relationships and marriage.

This is such an awsome book. I read the first book (Why men love bitches)so quickly that I wanted more and bought this as well. It was so validating yet so full of information on how to truely play the game of relationships. I've been wanting info. like this for so long...thank God for Sherry Argov! Maybe her next book should be why men stay married to Bitches!!! I loved every bit of it!! Very funny and informative!