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Why Men Won't Commit: Getting What You Both Want Without Playing Games
 
 
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Why Men Won't Commit: Getting What You Both Want Without Playing Games [Hardcover]

George, Ph.D. Weinberg (Author)
4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (17 customer reviews)


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Book Description

February 4, 2003

Dr. George Weinberg has been a therapist for over twenty-five years. In that time, he has worked with a great range of men, and he has discovered that deep down, men actually want commitment, love, and permanence every bit as much as women do. Over the years, his patients -- even those who have had a string of failed relationships -- have expressed deep desires for permanent, monogamous mariages.

So why do they behave as if they don't?

And what can a woman who wants a relationship do to help her man commit?

While other therapists tend to be students of women, Dr. Weinberg is a student of men. From childhood, most men have been taught to be strong and silent, never to show weakness. They've been discouraged from talking about their feelings, so they never learned the skill. Now, most are on a quest for the ready-made perfect woman. They feel that, in relationships, things can't be worked out. When the slightest thing goes wrong, it seems easier to bolt than to talk.

In engaging prose filled with anecdotes we all can relate to, Dr.Weinberg unveils the psyche of men to show the real insecurities that lurk there. Other books like The Rules and Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus have played right into men's fears -- by accepting the old myth and telling women that their job is to "overcome" men's fear of commitment. As Dr.Weinberg explains, this is exactly the wrong thing to do. Men have a powerful radar that tells them to run away when any strategy is being used on them. He explains why games of any kind -- playing hard to get, making a man jealous -- will only push a man further from commitment. And he gives women four simple keys to understanding their man's real needs and helping them move toward relationships.

It is easy to scare a man, but it is also easy to capture his love without playing games. Why Men Won't Commit shows women how to enter places where her man has not allowed any other woman to go and, if it's right, to stay there in a loving, committed relationship.



Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

"Men actually want commitment, love, and permanence every bit as much as women do," assures the author of this no-nonsense guide for frustrated women, but they often act as if they don't because of "feelings of threat to their masculinity." Clinical psychologist Weinberg (Self Creation) explains that men, forced by a macho culture to hide their feelings until they lose touch with them, often cannot recognize or articulate them, and that it may be the woman's job to identify inchoate feelings dangerous to the relationship (his "gut reactions") and alter her behavior. He discusses what women might unconsciously do to trigger those feelings, including over-estimate their man's strength and fortitude, or compare him to other men. Men, Weinberg maintains, have four basic needs: to feel special, to "travel light," to know their partners are loyal and to "be close emotionally." Explaining how that last need is true in the face of so much evidence to the contrary is one of the main tasks of the book, one that Weinberg carries out carefully and without condescension. But the implications of this theory of "gut reactions" that must be managed has consequences: because men are actually the "weaker sex," the job of seeing through a man's "Masculine Pretense" and acting accordingly-at least with men who are not in therapy with Weinberg-falls to women, who must be willing to accept that role. Weinberg necessarily paints men in broad strokes-surely not every man equates earning power with virility-but for women who can see the individual beneath the stereotype and who don't mind being the minder of the relationship, this book offers concrete advice.
Copyright 2003 Reed Business Information, Inc.

About the Author

George Weinberg, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist and the author of nine books, including Self-Creation, The Heart of Psychotherapy, and Society and the Healthy Homosexual (in which he coined the term "homophobia"). He has appeared on many national radio and television shows, including Oprah and Live with Regis and Kathy Lee, and has written frequently for magazines from Cosmopolitan and Glamour to TV Guide and Reader's Digest.

Product Details

  • Hardcover: 224 pages
  • Publisher: Atria; First Edition edition (February 4, 2003)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0743445694
  • ISBN-13: 978-0743445696
  • Product Dimensions: 9.3 x 6.3 x 0.9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 14.2 ounces
  • Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (17 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #682,182 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

17 Reviews
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Average Customer Review
4.5 out of 5 stars (17 customer reviews)
 
 
 
 
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19 of 21 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars strong relationship guide, April 7, 2003
This review is from: Why Men Won't Commit: Getting What You Both Want Without Playing Games (Hardcover)
After a quarter of a century working closely with men, Dr. George Weinberg concludes that the male of the species desires permanent commitment and a forever love equal to that, which women want too. The difference is men believe that to admit they want a permanent partner is not considered part of the cultural image and thus too feminine so most males hide their inner feelings as an alpha menace to their masculinity. Dr. Weinberg believes culture forces this role to include women placing the man of their dreams in a situation by comparing his strengths and weaknesses to his rivals.

WHY MEN WON'T COMMIT: GETTING WHAT YOU BOTH WANT WITHOUT PLAYING GAMES provides a straight forward guide for frustrated women to enable their mate to find his feelings ("gut reactions") by altering her behavior. Before feminists scream "no Jane" chauvinism and machos play Tarzan, the key in Dr. Weinberg's help guide is to accept that the male is the "weaker sex" so that the stronger female must take charge by being the relationship caretaker reaching through the stereotype stud to his inner being. This is an easy to follow guide that wastes little if any space assisting frustrated women with solid advice.

Harriet Klausner

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13 of 14 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars Finally, a clear understanding that makes sense, February 13, 2003
By A Customer
This review is from: Why Men Won't Commit: Getting What You Both Want Without Playing Games (Hardcover)
I've read enough "communications" books to fill a library but never before have I encountered an explanation of the facts of not only the difference between men and women but the genesis of those differences. Dr. Weinberg's insight is without peer along with being honest and clear. Finally, a means to understanding that one can actually learn, internalize and utilize. Me nare not from Mars. They're human. That understanding promises to do more for relationships then anything anyone has ever said before.
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11 of 12 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars The Real Deal, February 5, 2003
By A Customer
This review is from: Why Men Won't Commit: Getting What You Both Want Without Playing Games (Hardcover)
At last, a book about commitment that's smart, straight-forward and gets results--all without advocating game-playing and manipulation! I read the book in one sitting over the weekend, and was blown away by the accuracy of George Weinberg's analyses of men's "commitment issues," and by the incredibly useful advice to help women help men resolve the obstacles to commitment. A godsend!
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Inside This Book (learn more)
First Sentence:
Wherever you turn, from lunch tables to sitcoms, you hear women talking about men as being irrational, infantile, and afraid of commitment. Read the first page
Key Phrases - Statistically Improbable Phrases (SIPs): (learn more)
bad gut reaction, sexual loyalty, four basic needs, close woman friend, need for loyalty, personal myth
Key Phrases - Capitalized Phrases (CAPs): (learn more)
Masculine Pretense, New York
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Concordance | Text Stats
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Front Cover | Table of Contents | First Pages | Back Cover | Surprise Me!
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