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19 of 20 people found the following review helpful
on February 28, 2010
What I loved about this book, was the theory that I don't need to be fixed, but that there is someone out there who will love me just the way I am. The writer also deals a deserving blow to the 'destiny-theory'. Instead of waiting for love to happen to you, you should create your own chances. I couldn't agree more.
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56 of 68 people found the following review helpful
on February 2, 2008
As a dating coach and former owner of a singles activities group, I've heard the stories of hundreds of single women discouraged because their Mr. Right seemed to be nowhere in sight. The self-help lit made them think men were aliens and all wanted the same thing - namely, a woman who was nothing like them.

Being a single woman, I could identify with that struggle. J.M. Kearns made me ask some good questions of myself. Why was I worrying about what "all men" want? And why was I choosing only from the men I happened to meet by accident? I started to focus on the guy out there who was looking for me, and how I could take steps to find him.

This shift in thinking takes the desperation out of dating and puts the fun back in. I've shared this with all my single girlfriends and it will definitely be required reading for my clients. After applying his advice, I'm seeing a man who is definitely Mr. Right material.

Read this book -- your pessimism will never be the same!
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9 of 9 people found the following review helpful
on July 13, 2011
I can't recommend this book enough. The author's writing is smart, compassionate, and funny. Not only does he give very practical tips on how to maximize any encounter you may find yourself in with the opposite sex, he also includes an invaluable section on how to tell if you are compatible with someone. And although this may seem like it should be obvious, it was extremely timely and helpful information for me. Having just broken up with my boyfriend, I have been second guessing my decision, and seeing what the author had to say in black and white really reconfirmed all the things I knew in my heart but reluctantly didn't want to admit in my head. Thank you Mr. Kearns for writing this wonderful book!
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14 of 16 people found the following review helpful
on September 29, 2010
This is a great book on men and dating. I noticed another reviewer described it as another "men hating" book. Not so. It actually provides some insight, from a man, on how men think about dating and offers some great suggestions for meeting better quality people. The author does suggest going to "quality" bars...Not sleazy meat markets or any place that's unsafe. The point is that if a woman wants to meet a quality man then she needs to take charge of the sitation and put herself out there to be noticed. That means going where men are. Mr. Right is unlikely to come knocking on the front door saying "I hear you're single" nor is he likely to approach a woman who is out with a group of other women. If you want to meet someone, sometimes you have to ignore the old worn-out theory that nice girls don't go out alone. I went out to a nice restraurant/bar by myself and met a really great guy. It works.
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13 of 15 people found the following review helpful
on July 12, 2009
First of all, I am a guy. So, why did I get a copy of this book? The catchy title caught my eye when I was at the library, & well... the paragraphs I glanced through seemed interesting enough - & so I borrowed it home.

The main premise of Kearns's argument is his belief that there's no need to change yourself to find someone - Mr Right is already out there & he loves you just the way you are (no matter how obnoxious or unlovable). He's just waiting to be discovered (e.g. at nice bars & pubs, or at the neighbourhood library etc) & therefore, your main job is to search the correct places & make yourself searchable! I do have some difficulty believing that this applies to every single single woman on Earth. (Perhaps I am not optimistic enough.)

Another thing: the cultural aspect. Kearns encourages the single woman to seek out & approach potential guys. This may not be applicable to certain cultures (or men) & may backfire terribly in certain places.

Otherwise, it's a gentle read which can be completed within a day.
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6 of 6 people found the following review helpful
on April 15, 2010
It's date night (at least that's what Tina Fey and Steve Carrell are hoping for, as their movie of the same name opens soon) so what better time to bring you a book that attacks the many myths surrounding dating and mating; myths that according to author J.M. Kearns, are holding women back from finding the man of their dreams.

You hear it all the time: "All of the good ones are either married or gay," "I could never go to a bar alone!," etc, etc. Well in Kearns view, these are nothing more than excuses as to why singledom in the dating age demographics is at an all-time high. In `Why Mr. Right...', Kearns seeks to dispel the many myths of dating that he feels hold women back from accomplishing their mating goals, by giving a series of practical lessons on how to break through the various barriers holding them back.

Kearns contends that there are many Mr. Rights out there waiting for the woman of their dreams, but that women are not applying themselves when it comes to finding them (similar to the conclusions drawn by Lori Gottleib in her latest book, "Marry Him.") Though a series of discussions that range from friendly advice to gentle admonishment, Kearns explodes the myths that women carry around in their heads about why it's impossible to find a decent man. He tackles issues like the world of bars and online as well as teaching women how to recognize the elusive 'sighting' and how to remain approachable instead of oblivious to oft-times subtle signals.

The final third of the book is dedicated to the world of online dating, where Kearns allows that the medium has evolved to the point where it is far from viewed as strange or deviant but is now a regular part of the singles scene and, in his view, the perfect place to get a made-to-order match that might otherwise take years in the physical world - if you know best how to use the platform. But despite his lead up, Kearns mostly elucidates the features of such sites without revealing much in the way of next-level strategies. There are ultimately better books devoted to this specific endeavor.

Kearns goes far beyond the title - the mid section of the book is all about compatibility issues - but in the final analysis, "Why Mr. Right" is a worthy read for anyone who feel stuck in a dating rut. As for Fey and Carrell, I guess we'll find out how well they do shortly.
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11 of 13 people found the following review helpful
on June 6, 2008
An interesting male perspective that gives women of all ages hope and concrete reasons while Mr. Right is out there and that you have to pay attention and notice if he walks into your life.

Oprah liked this book and so did a slew of other reviewers! [...]

I've given this book as a gift to a bunch of my single friends and it's such a hit that I keep a stack in my house now to wrap and hand-out at holidays and birthdays -- makes me look like I'm a very thoughtful friend!

J.M. Kearns has a novel out, Ex-Cottagers In Love that I look forward to reading.
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46 of 61 people found the following review helpful
on February 8, 2008
This book doesn't even deserve to be lumped in with all the other "Self Help" stuff: it's better than that. I was shocked to find an intelligent discussion of something people almost never speak intelligently about - preferring instead to believe in some pie-in-the-sky fantasy at the exact moment they're planning a life! I brought this book to my boyfriend when we'd only been going out a few weeks: we read it together, talked about it, went on a road trip to test it out, and basically used it as a roadmap to find true compatibility...at the same time we were falling in love. I highly recommend it for couples, not just singles, because it jump-starts those conversations and questions you need to figure out before you get all emotional and sappy. We now know things about each other we'd never thought to ask ourselves. Oddly enough, after you figure out you really can be best friends and great partners, all that dreamy love stuff is much deeper and more rewarding.
Great book - and the little vignettes make it hilarious, too.
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8 of 9 people found the following review helpful
on July 26, 2009
Yes, after reading this, I was suprised. Of course you have to be available and that means putting yourself out there more. This book takes that lesson and expounds on it. It's about really, really opening yourself up to new experiences. I thought the message in this book was brillant. I also quite liked He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys.
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15 of 19 people found the following review helpful
on November 19, 2009
J.M. Kearns has written an excellent book, "Why Mr. Right Can't Find You". I am a man so, I found this book to be quite enjoyable reading. It's actually pretty refreshing to read something from a man's point of view as to why a good man cannot find a good woman. There are plenty of people out there in society but as I like to say, "quality is much better than quantity!"

Now, according to the author, you should hang out in "desirable" locations to meet men and subscribe to online dating sites to meet quality men. I agree that you can find quality men in both these places and what's good is the author basically asks his readers to open themselves to new possibilities. Another key point the author makes is he encourages the single women to seek out & approach potential guys. There is nothing wrong with this; we live in a society where we want equality for everyone well, why should a single woman wait for someone to approach them? If you see something you want go for it.

Lastly, this is written by a man, so it's not gender biased nor is it a book which generalizes men or exploits women. It's just a neutral, informative book that can help anyone find Mr. or Ms. Right.

I hope this helps...YMMV...NEOSOUL
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