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Why Talking Is Not Enough: Eight Loving Actions That Will Transform Your Marriage CSM Edition

34 customer reviews
ISBN-13: 978-0787995294
ISBN-10: 0787995290
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Editorial Reviews


"Page has the rare ability to bring the spiritual down to earth and apply it to everyday situations. Her writing is clear, and her suggestions are easy to follow." (Library Journal, July 15, 2006) --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.


"Susan Page has done it again—brilliantly! Never before have I been so convinced that actions speak louder than words. Think about this irony—a spiritual partnership that requires only one person to make it work."
—Stephen R. Covey, author, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and The 8th Habit: From Effectiveness to Greatness

"Clearly, a cutting-edge book! Page offers a new paradigm for couples that she calls Spiritual Partnership. Taking issue with much marital therapy based on communication, conflict resolution, and problem solving, she encourages partners to view their relationship as a spiritual practice. A fresh and challenging approach! I recommend this book to all couples."
—Harville Hendrix, author, Getting the Love You Want and coauthor (with Helen LaKelly Hunt), Receiving Love

"This book is simply wonderful."
—Christiane Northrup, M.D., author, Mother-Daughter Wisdom, The Wisdom of Menopause, and Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom

"If you’ve ever said, ‘I talk until I’m blue in the face,’ or ‘If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times,’ it’s time to quit reciting the same old thing and read this book! It offers fail-proof, loving, action-oriented methods for getting through to your spouse and creating more connection and intimacy. With Page’s down-to-earth, simple-to-implement tools, you will quickly see that when it comes to relationship change, it’s easier done than said!"
—Michele Weiner-Davis, author, Divorce Busting

"Susan Page presents a strong case that actions speak louder than words. Far from being hard to do, Susan Page’s ideas are hard not to do, once you have been introduced to them. I highly recommend this book!"
—Anthony Robbins, author, Awaken the Giant Within and Unlimited Power

"This is a clear and practical presentation of how to bring spiritual principles into everyday relationships. Susan Page presents essential information that will help every couple create more love and harmony in their life."
—Barbara DeAngelis, author, How Did I Get Here?

"I love this book! It is truly a treasure. Susan courageously shows us why we need to stop talking about problems and start taking loving action. She clearly describes the actions we need to take to create loving, spiritually growing relationships. If you are having problems in your relationship, or you want to make your relationship even better than it is, read this book!"
—Margaret Paul, coauthor, Do I Have to Give Up Me to Be Loved By You? and Healing Your Aloneness; and author, Inner Bonding and Do I Have to Give Up Me to Be Loved By God?

"This exciting new book is a gem. It is one of the best presentations I’ve ever seen of how to bring spiritual principles into everyday relationships. Page is not talking about meditating for a weekend but about how to live your spirituality every day. This wonderful book presents a shift in consciousness that will help couples have a great relationship for a lifetime. I strongly recommend this book for all couples and singles who want to be the best possible partner they can be, now and in the future."
†Howard J. Markman, coauthor, 12 Hours to a Great Marriage and Fighting for Your Marriage

"This book describes an entirely new way for intimate partners to relate based on spiritual principles. In clear, simple language, Susan Page offers practical concepts and experiments that can improve your relationship in no time at all."
—Kathlyn and Gay Hendricks, authors, Conscious Loving and Spirit-Centered Relationships

"This book is like the Buddha channeled by Ann Landers! As a pastor, I have given away many copies of this book to people struggling in intimate relationships—and I’ve used it in my own marriage. There are many classics of spiritual wisdom and many nuts-and-bolts self-help books on relationships. Susan Page brilliantly combines the two. Her gift is to translate spiritual ideals into practical, understandable, and eminently achievable goals for everyday living in Spiritual Partnership. Read it, apply the lessons, and transform yourself and your relationship."
—The Rev. Fred Small, senior pastor, First Church Unitarian, Littleton, Massachusetts

--This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

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Product Details

  • Paperback: 304 pages
  • Publisher: Jossey-Bass; CSM edition (April 27, 2007)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0787995290
  • ISBN-13: 978-0787995294
  • Product Dimensions: 6 x 0.7 x 9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 12 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (34 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #86,797 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Repeat Oprah guest Susan Page has been conducting workshops for both singles and couples, nationally and internationally since 1980. She has keynoted dozens of relationship conventions and was invited to share the platform with John Gray at his Masonic Auditorium event in San Francisco. Her international speaking and media career has taken her to twenty-six states, Canada, Korea, Australia, Singapore, and Mexico. She is a past chapter president of the National Speakers Association.
Page was a consultant to writer/director Gary Goldberg on the movie Must Love Dogs, released by Warner Pictures in August of 2005.

A veteran of national television and radio, Susan Page has appeared on the Oprah Winfrey Show, Good Morning America, CNN, NPR, Donahue, Geraldo, Leeza, Montel Williams, Sonya Live, The Diane Rehm Show plus dozens of other radio and TV shows across the country.
Excerpts of Susan's works have appeared or been reviewed in People Magazine, USA Today, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Glamour, Self, New Woman, McCall's, Woman, Marriage and scores of other publications.
Susan Page is the author of four books about relationships plus a publishing guide for writers.

Her first book, If I'm So Wonderful, Why Am I Still Single? has been translated into twenty foreign languages. It was the number one bestseller in Russia in 1994 and is currently celebrating its 25th year in print. Page's books have sold more than a million copies in the U.S. and worldwide.

Susan Page is a graduate of Oberlin College and holds a Master of Divinity degree from San Francisco Theological Seminary. She began her career as campus minister at Washington University in St. Louis and at Columbia University in New York. Later, she served as Director of Women's Programs at the University of California, Berkeley, where she helped found the nation's first university-based human sexuality program.

When she is not conducting workshops in the United States, Susan Page lives in San Miguel de Allende, Mexico, with her husband of thirty-two years. She founded and is the Director of the legendary San Miguel Writers' Conference and Literary Festival.

To learn more please visit www.susanpage.com

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

57 of 58 people found the following review helpful By L.N. Letich on May 11, 2006
Format: Hardcover
This is a very powerful book. It offers a radical notion -- that you can make your marriage a whole lot better, without getting your spouse to do it with you.

Most people probably would think this is either impossible or terribly unfair. But Susan Page argues that if you're unhappy or not getting what you want out of your marriage, you have a whole lot more power to make your marriage better than you ever imagined. In fact, she makes it clear that feeling that power, that sense of control over the emotional quality of your marriage, MORE than makes up for any feeling of how "unfair" it all is that you're the one who's orchestrating the changes.

The "8 Loving Actions" that she talks about are, in fact, ways that one person can change the dynamics of a relationship, turning anger, fear or distance into support and caring. More and more research on marriage shows that it's not "conflict" and the inability to resolve it that breaks up marriage; it's the dysfunctional dance that two people get into, that make them unable to support and soothe one another. This book shows you how to go from being a victim of the dance, constantly getting your feet stepped on, to taking the lead. Eventually your spouse can't help but start trying your new, more enjoyable dance steps.

This probably won't be enough to fix a marriage that's been damaged by drugs, alcohol, constant philandering, or physical abuse (although Susan Page has very useful advice even in those circumstances). But for garden-variety marital unhappiness -- the feeling of being unsupported, or of the marriage having gone stale -- this book is a godsend. It can make the difference between resigning oneself to having a ho-hum marriage that's not really great, but not really bad enough to leave -- and having a marriage that is full of life, and joy, and satisfaction for years to come.
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29 of 29 people found the following review helpful By Amazon Customer on June 27, 2006
Format: Hardcover Verified Purchase
This book is about developing a "Spiritual Partnership" with your mate. Surprisingly, Susan Page believes that this is possible even if all the effort is coming from only one of the partners. In essence, it's about how to be a spiritual partner yourself. Though it is actually a rewrite of an earlier book (If we're so in love, Why aren't we happy?), it has been augmented and reorganized so that it's even better than before.

After 30 years of marriage, my husband and I have certainly gotten to the point of realizing that more discussion just doesn't help: Most of our issues have been on the table for years. We've discussed them many times, we understand the other person's point of view, and can even empathize to a certain extent. And yet, in the past, when one of these hot-button issues would surface (once again), we would both feel hopeless and demoralized.

This book really helped me to change my focus; and to the extent I have been able to follow through with the "experiments," I've seen improvement--not in getting my husband to finally see things "my way," but in both of us being happier and more comfortable in our relationship.

This is one of the best self-help books about marriage that I have ever read; and although its focus is on couples, I found the approaches it suggests are also helpful in my relationships with my children and co-workers. I have recommended it to many friends and relatives, and their reactions to it have been quite positive as well.
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19 of 20 people found the following review helpful By Thomas Duff HALL OF FAMETOP 1000 REVIEWERVINE VOICE on July 9, 2007
Format: Paperback
Why Talking Is Not Enough: 8 Loving Actions That Will Transform Your Marriage by Susan Page is one of those books that flies against the conventional advice that's often given when it comes to marriage counseling. But after you get over the "but that can't be right" feeling, there's a lot to be said for her approach.

Part 1 - What Is Spiritual Partnership?: Introducing Spiritual Partnership; Loving Action 1 - Adopt a Spirit of Good Will; LA 2 - Give Up Problem Solving; LA 3 - Act as If; LA 4 - Practice Restraint; LA 5 - Balance Giving and Taking; LA 6 - Act on Your Own; LA 7 - Practice Acceptance; LA 8 - Practice Compassion
Part 2 - Putting Spiritual Partnership to Work in Your Relationship: Exactly How to Use the Eight Loving Actions; Frequently Asked Questions; Communication Within Spiritual Partnership; Making Mature Judgments
Part 3 - Spiritual Partnership in a Broader Context: Defining the "Spiritual" in Spiritual Partnership; The Future of Spiritual Partnership
References and Further Reading; About the Author

Most self-help books related to marriage dwell on communication... the give and take of negotiation. Page contends that the approach is more adversarial in nature, and basically tries to change something you have no control over: the other person. Instead, she suggests that taking responsibility for yourself and your own actions is much more effective in the long run, as you *can* control yourself. The actions are centered around what's referred to as a "spiritual practice", or the act of looking at your day-to-day interactions as an exercise of your spiritual nature. If you are focusing on making yourself into the best person you can be, then changes in the other person will also flow.
Read more ›
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9 of 9 people found the following review helpful By RC Satterfield on September 8, 2006
Format: Hardcover Verified Purchase
My husband and I have been working on our communication and other hot topics for over ten years. As you would expect, we come from different perspectives and have yet to sustantially improve our communication or resolve our hot issues. In counseling our therapist recommended we discontinue our efforts to resolve our issues and try working on our spiritual connection individually and together. A friend recommended a book that she discovered in her search for some help in her spiritual practice. Just reviewing the first chapter on-line sold me on Susan Page's book. I bought it immediately and then my husband bought it, he was so impressed with my recommendation. We are both reading and working on our spiritual practices and are amazed at the results. We can only work on ourselves. We cannot fix others. There are many relationship guru's who are saying very much the same things, in different ways. This book spoke directly to me. The basic message is to start with yourself. I've read my fair share of self-help and relationship rescue books with good information and messages, but this one gives you "experiments' to try which was a bonus for me. I finally had something that worked for me that didn't take a degree, or hours of unavailable time to write or perform. I saw immediate results and I feel "free" at last. I no longer feel trapped or victimized. I can take action and feel the power of an inner peace I've never felt. I recommend this book regularly to family and friends. I am using the loving actions with all my relationships. Without the recommendation of my therapist to develop a spiritual practice and the tip on this book, I believe my marriage would be no more. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by reading this book!
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