Customer Reviews

Why My Third Husband Will Be A Dog: The Amazing Adventures of an Ordinary Woman

5 star:		(64)
4 star:		(40)
3 star:		(15)
2 star:		(7)
1 star:		(3)

 

 

I do not understand women. What man does? Lisa Scottoline writes about women from a woman's view. I think this book is insightful and funny. Women, I am certain, will probably understand references that leave me scratching my head. When she talks about being braless, for example, I get an image she probably did not intend.

Lisa Scottoline's new book is often hilarious, like when she writes about Spanx ("like slipping into a tourniquet"). Lisa, who wrote sixteen novels, also penned a regular newspaper column about the lives of ordinary women. Why My Third Husband Will Be A Dog edits and re-presents her columns.

Why My Third Husband Will Be A Dog, details events common to the lives of ordinary women. We relive incidents like: choosing which bacteria to accept, the art of reading ads, and lessons learned from Archie comic books. We see a new perspective on hot flashes, which are really "God's way of compensating women for all the years they spent being cold." Then we contemplate washing our face with diamond dust (it exfoliates the skin - but wash it off or your "face will be sparkly").

Two sections I especially enjoyed were the concept of a new religion where a wife can have as many husbands as she wishes, and a chore list where men can exchange "have a baby" with "take out the trash". The idea of men bearing the children is interesting at best and horrible to contemplate at worst.

I highly recommend this book for regular comedy breaks. The chapters are very short, so you can read a chapter during a 5 minute coffee break and take the laugh back with you to work. I especially recommend this book to women and hope someday a woman will explain the parts that passed me by.

Most of the brief essays in this book appeared in the column the author writes for the The Philadelphia Inquirer, presumably in order of publication. I found the book perfect for reading before bedtime. It is amusing and carries no significant message except to enjoy life and one's family. Scottoline's love of family is apparent on every page and cause for humor as she describes her relationships with her mother, brother, and daughter. As a change of pace, the latter has also contributed a few of the essays, giving a multi-generational view of life. Fortunately for pet lovers, Scottoline's family includes various animals, such as her dogs, cats, chickens, and a pony. Their antics are a source of amusement and their trials and tribulations tear at the heart strings. This is light reading but should certainly appeal to those who have struggled with the generation gap or are past the first blush of youth. It should also appeal to pet lovers, parents of grown children, and anyone looking for a bit of laughter at the end of the day.

In Scottoline's collection of essays, excerpted from her "Philadelphia Inquirer" columns, we follow her adventures through the minefields of motherhood, love, men, and Spanx. Yes, that's what I said. Her hilariously funny take on those particular garments, as well as other aspects of "middle-aged" life, had me laughing all the way to the last chapter.

Her views on finances, food, pets vs. men, and how the mother-daughter relationship shifts over the years are so relatable that I couldn't stop reading.

I especially enjoyed her perspective on resolutions. She has what she calls "unresolutions," which are simply things you're already doing that you don't want to change, like: "UnResolution Number One. I sleep in my clothes, and I resolve to keep sleeping in my clothes. I know this sounds weird, and it helps that my clothes are fleece pants and a fleece top, because I work at home..."

Then there's her chapter on "Things to Do." She describes it this way: "To explain, I let my Things to Do pile up because when I'm in the final draft of a book, I do nothing else. I let everything go, including my roots. You don't want to see me with final-draft roots. It looks like my hair got caught in a forest fire, leaving behind burnt trunks and a very single woman."

Then in the beginning of her chapter on "Bail-Outs," she describes how, with Thanksgiving just around the corner, we look for the people in our lives for whom we're thankful...and then she describes a rainy day when she was searching for an address, becoming more and more confused when she couldn't find the number which seemed nonexistent, and then a stranger appeared. Someone who handed her an umbrella and proceeded to look for and discover that the "out-of-order" address number was just down the street, and she realized that she was suddenly thankful for the kindness of a complete stranger who went out of his way to help her.

Full of gems of wisdom, quirkiness, and down-to-earth anecdotes that fill ordinary lives and make us smile, Why My Third Husband Will Be A Dog: The Amazing Adventures of an Ordinary Woman is a book that I know I'll reread often, just so I can laugh. And relate to one of my favorite authors who seems to be just like you and me.

There are some funny parts in this book. Possibly just not my type of humor.

I am not sure what made me get this product. I have never really listened to books on tape (or CD in this case), but this book seemed rather interesting. I have to say that my response to this product is a bit mixed. This book on CD is also read by the author Lisa Scottoline. Scottoline who is better known for her legal thrillers (works of fiction). I have never read any of her novels, so my review of this book and Scottoline is purely based off this "book on CD".

This book isn't a legal thriller or a work of fiction. Rather it is Scottoline speaking about myriad parts of her life; her family, her pets, moments in her life, past relationships and her views and/or wisdom on certain aspects of life. Since she reads the book, I found her voice to be both pleasant and annoying at the same time. How, I don't know.

Some of her stories were very endearing, such as her devotion to her pets. She speaks about when one of her dogs passed away, after owning the dog for many years. I recently had to put my cat asleep that was 20 years old, so I could relate. In addition, Scottoline speaks of her devotion to her family, especially her daughter Francesca.

Speaking of Francesca, she actually chimes in and reads parts of this book. I found her insight rather interesting and refreshing. Francesca, at the time of this book, is 21. Her voice is very pleasant and her viewpoint a nice contrast from that of her mother.

As for Scottoline, I found her subtle sexist remarks made during the course of this novel rather vexing. She refers to her first and second husbands as "Thing 1" and "Thing 2", respectably. Now at face value this is sort of cute. Yet I felt that this disdain for her ex-husbands bled over to all men. Don't get me wrong, men and women all fall victim of sexist views from time to time. These heuristics can be beneficial, but in the long run this type of thinking will only bring frustration. It has also been my experience that when a person dates/marries a person who is less than satisfactory. It is a reflection on the person themselves. Now take that one step further, if these same "issues" keep popping up with the selection of "mates". Maybe the problem is with the person who is doing the "selecting".

I am a huge fan of non sequitur humor. There is quite a bit in this book and at times it is very funny. Then at times it is really annoying. A perfect example is when Scottoline goes on, for a long time, about how she and her friend love to interrupt one and other. Perhaps this book isn't designed for my type of demographic. I always found myself a fan of the feminine work and/or art form. Yet I felt more irked than entertained while listening to this book. I wonder if her legal thrillers are any better?

This book is brilliantly funny, not only from "women's perspective," but also for critter-people. I'd thought to quote a couple of my favorite lines, but practically every page added more to my favorites! Needless to say, my sister, who is literally up to #3 too, will be getting a copy of this for Christmas!!!

"The Old and the New".

Last week I got a new car (well, new to me...) and once again, I have a CD player that works. I decided the best way to celebrate this union of old driver and new car was to get an audio book to take away the boredom of traffic jams and offer me humor whilst I waited for lights to change color or tow trucks to get a move on.

I ordered Lisa Scottoline's audio book "Why My Third Husband Will Be a Dog", not knowing quite what to expect. From the description, it sounded like Robert Fulghum's All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten but with a couple extra ingredients - a healthy dose of estrogen and her unique wit. I took the Nestea Plunge and ordered it.

I found myself going through a disc per day with my travels to and from work. Lisa had me laughing out loud with her stories about _not_ chloroforming her mother (when her brother is around), the most expensive slingshots (thongs), her ex-husbands Thing 1 and Thing 2 (minor characters), and her favorite type of porn (real estate ads). Her outlook on life was quite refreshing and the dynamic between Author Lisa and Daughter Francesca (who lent her voice as well) was very sweet and endearing. In one chapter Lisa would talk about Brother Frank and Mother Mary arguing over his newest tattoo, and by the next chapter Lisa would be talking about the joy of hot flashes.

Yes, you read that correctly.

I loved this audio book! How could I not? I wanted humor and this audio book brought its "A" game. I was quite pleased to hear the author's voice, as most other audio books I've bought are read by someone else. I could hear her smiling as she told her tales while I supped upon flavored water during rush hour.

Though this may be marketed for "extraordinary, ordinary women everywhere", I got quite a kick out of listening to Lisa's hilarious girl talk.

My only complaint? There is no list of tracks anywhere, so if you hear something you want to share, you better write down the CD and track number!

Bottom Line? Old jokes bring new smiles - so pick this up if you're looking for some laughs!

Sometimes it just terrifies me to think what must go on in this woman's mind. But what I think is even more terrifying is that we see real estate ads in the same way. But, I have been pulled back from that precipice by knowing that I don't have to discuss shaving with my mother. Yeah, I know, but you will have to read the book to fully understand that one.

So goes this fun little book by the author of the Rosato and Associates series. Combining articles from her Philadelphia Inquirer columns, Lisa brings us into her world of fun with a sense of humor that has you laughing from beginning to end. From having a dog in your bed with restless leg syndrome to having a child grow up and discovering life on her own, to a tiny Italian mother who hasn't had to buy a razor in years because there is nothing left to shave, has the reader both fascinated in an ordinary life, I don't know who she is trying to fool with that one, and mesmerized by the fact that she is still able to get out of bed in the morning and spend a full day writing a highly admired series.

I hope Lisa continues to write this type of book, to include the rest of us in her remarkably ordinary life. To entertain us when we need a good laugh and to remind us that

Here's how I judge essays or light autobiographies -- do I want to be friends with this person? If I knew the author, would I be eager to call her and discuss the book? If it tells you anything, before I even finished the book, I tracked Lisa Scottoline down on Twitter and followed her -- and I mean that is the most normal and not-crazy-person way possible. Then, I realized I couldn't actually Tweet her while I was in the midst of doing a Vine review on her not-yet-published book. What would I have said anyhow?

That I read the part about too many women of too many generations in a kitchen at once and wanted to say, Preach It, Sister?

That, forget clean undies, she's instilled a fear in me of not wearing a bra 2/7 lest I end up in the ER?

That I understand about loving someone elderly or sick and knowing that an inevitable parting is coming?

That I understand how interrupting someone is actually a compliment, but I can't follow her on the Chris Matthews thing, because he interrupts to usually reiterate the question he just asked, and tends to do it two or three times before the guest finishes a sentence? However, hey, we could discuss the rest of the MSNBC line-up.

We would definitely discuss pets and how I agree that kissing then on the lips isn't weird at all. We'd also discuss the pain of losing a beloved dog. (She wrote one of the most beautiful essays on losing pets that I've ever read, and that puts her in the company of A Big Little Life by Dean Koontz.)

In short, I felt like under different circumstances we could be friends, because Lisa Scottoline is funny, and wise, and down-to-earth, and writes in a way and with a seeming ease that makes me very envious. She writes about things women share in common and the love of family, particularly little old ladies who're happy with their crossword puzzles and a convoluted logic that leaves you playing the straight woman -- the very confused straight woman.

The essays are all short, written for a newspaper column, but they're almost all gems. Some are funny, some are reflections on life, and a few might make you shed some tears. Highly recommended for women -- the estrogen levels might be harmful to men. (And, I've downloaded several of her mysteries for my Kindle, Trixie Lovejoy.)

Lisa Scottoline is an expert story teller. Her fiction books are fun, thrilling reads. This books is a compilation of columns that she wrote for a newspaper. Now reading a chapter (column) maybe once a day or once a week might be nice, but trying to sit down and read this like a novel was, well, boring.

Lisa has a lively sense of humor and a quick wit which doesn't always come out in this book. There are a handful of really funny, really interesting chapters / columns, but most are just ramblings. The book needs more humor and less rambling.