Customer Reviews

Wild Things: The Art of Nurturing Boys

5 star:		(25)
4 star:		(3)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

As a mother to all boys, you can imagine I have read my share of books on raising boys. If there was ever a manual in raising boys, this is it! Stephen James and David Thomas understand what it takes to develop a boy into manhood.

In Wild Things they guide readers through the five stages of a boy's development, detailing each stage, along with new principles to put into action. They also cover topics in how parents should discuss sex, homosexuality, and pornography with their boys. Stephen James and David Thomas lay out the three most important factors in keeping a boy from experimenting with drugs, along with the role of a father and the role of a mother in raising them to become a man.

If you are raising a boy or know someone that is, I highly recommend his book. Even though my boys are high school age, I still use it for reference.

I have been reading "Wild Things" and being the mother of 3 boys myself I am very impressed by what I have read so far. The book is broken down into different age groups of boys and I have Stephen in The Lovers group (5-8 years) and Philip in The Individual group (9-12). They nailed Stephen to a tee and Philip is pretty close (he is also not your typical boy). Each age group is then broken into:
1) The Way of a Boy
2) The Mind of a Boy
3) The Heart of a Boy
And then there is a Hot Topics section toward the back and I don't agree with everything in the Hot Topics section, but that would be why they are Hot Topics, right? The only thing I have personally disagreed with so far is that "Love and Logic" is recommended by the authors and I don't agree with Love and Logic methods. So like most parenting stuff out there, you have to take some of it with a grain of salt. But overall these guys got it right, especially when it comes to helping you understand your sons by breaking them down into age groups and heart, mind and behavior. I would recommend this book - I'm actually considering putting together a mom's book study on it because I think it is so beneficial.

In the classic children's story Where the Wild Things Are, little Max goes through the life journey of a boy in one night. In this book, authors Steven James and David Thomas describe the steps a parent must take to help nurture a son into the best man his nature allows him to be. They follow the general path all boys take from Wanderer toddler to Warrior man, giving mothers, fathers, and caregivers suggestions on what will probably happen, good ways to respond, and lots of "This too shall pass" assurances.
These family therapists draw heavily on the "Love and Logic" parenting camp and rely heavily on anecdotal evidence for their work. Though they are Christian therapists, anyone who has some kind of religious belief can draw good suggestions from their writings (atheists, you'll just have to skip over any mentions of God-the book is helpful enough to do so). They are somewhat understanding in discussing homosexuality, but for the most part, eschew the topic. With that, their discussions of masturbation and pornography, I'm sure there are plenty of people who will dislike this book, either because they are too conservative or too liberal. I think for a general parenting book, they struck a good balance. But, they also make so many points throughout the book to take what works for your son and ignore what doesn't, it doesn't feel like any of their suggestions on these topics need to be followed like dictates anyways.
Their descriptions of how boys act are general enough for me to see both my 5 year old autistic son in their descriptions, and my boyfriend's normal 7 year old. But these general descriptions are also specific enough for me to find good suggestions for interacting with both boys.
I was appreciative of their chapter on boys and their mothers. It is rare that I read something for mothers that I consider that understanding and honest without being insulting or reprimanding.
Recommended for parents (foster parents, step parents-whatever) of boys, teachers, and daycare providers.

I think this is my ever review of a book on Amazon.com. This book is worthy of my praise. The authors are practical and wise in their knowledge of boys and how parents can relate to boys. The insights are amazing and God-given. Next to the Bible, this is the best book that I have ever read. I thought I was just going to learn about parenting my sons, which I did. But I also discovered things about me as an adult boy who is still incomplete in many areas. Men of all ages, in the midst of parenting or not started or just finished, need to read this book. Very well done.

This book is GREAT. I am mother to a six month old boy and have long been concerned about the state of boys and men in our society. I was looking for a resource to help rear my son thoughtfully, specifically without imposing expectations better suited to girls on him. This book takes the nature of boys for what it is and in a practical, moving and informative way gives the reader principles by which to understand and nurture that nature, illustrated by extremely helpful examples. As a woman I've found that I have a greater understanding of the men in my life, including my husband, after reading this book. For example, it helped me to understand how never being given opportunities to deal with failure as a child (a tendency of well-meaning parents) sets the the adult man up to feel like he is too weak to handle the real world.

Other notes: The author's division of boyhood into 5 stages seems incredibly insightful to me. I saw a young boy at the swimming pool the other day who was totally in the Lover stage -- so cute! Also, though the authors are very (protestant) Christian, non-Christians (like myself) can still find this book to be incredibly useful. I found the authors' contention that initiation rites are extremely important for boys and young men to be informative and thought provoking. Additionally, this book is incredibly well-organized -- it makes a great reference manual.

My one criticism is that while the authors repeatedly recognize the shortcomings of public schools for boys, they nowhere suggest or recommend a very real alternative for educating boys -- home schooling! I found this to be surprising and inexplicable since home schooling seems to be the logical conclusion of their own guidelines for what boys need (open space, activity, many breaks etc.).

After reading this book I felt both more prepared and less prepared to rear my son. More prepared in the sense that I have a better understanding of what it is to be a boy (and a man), and many more tools to help prepare my son for manhood, but less prepared in the sense that I really had no idea how much effort it would take on my part to be a good parent to my son and how complicated boyhood is (and I'm already an 'overachiever' when it comes to parenting!). I think it is good to get a sense now though of the momentous occasions that are coming, since I can only strive to be prepared for that which I'm aware of! And just having a sense of the awesome mystery that is boyhood and manhood can help make one a better parent I think (I hope!).

I've read a bunch of parenting books - but, I must say that this one is one of my faves. When I read it, I don't feel like I'm wasting my time with a bunch of fluff. There are great sections on practical areas such as developmental stages, learning, relationships, discipline and more. The book is big - 340 pages - but it is well worth reading all the way through.

Section One: The Way of a Boy
In this section, James and Thomas describe the different developmental stages that a boy goes through. And they give helpful tips for parents at the end of each description.

Section Two: The Mind of a Boy
The first part of this section reviews what a boy's mind is like physiologically, and the theoretical implications of that. It basically puts forth that boys are typically spatial, problem-solving, and may struggle in the schoolroom environment for various reasons.

Section Three: The Heart of a Boy
This final section of the book is divided up into 4 chapters: Nurturing a Boy's Heart, A Boy and his Mother, A Boy and his Father, and Rituals, Ceremonies, and Rites of Passage. The book then ends with a few pages on hot-button topics such as: sex, drugs, porno, ADD, etc..
Near the beginning of this section, they say,
"No guy makes it past seventeen or eighteen without receiving his fair share of dings to his manhood - and that's if he's lucky. By the time most guys get their driver's license, they have already experienced enough emotional and spiritual fender benders that their hearts are dented for years to come...When a guy's heart has been wounded, the results are significant: Self-protection, distrust of others, suspicion of God, and fervent reliance on the four horsemen of self-sufficiency: training, talent, intellect, and willpower."
But, they also paint a picture of how hard it can be to relate to a boy - esp. at certain stages. For example, boys can go through a stage of being inarticulate, hardheaded, annoyed, defensive. But, we as parents need to try to break the emotional code and show unconditional love. They suggest different ways to see him for who he is, "name" him (or use positive/loving nicknames to reinforce to him the positive aspects of his identity), and patiently draw him out - being willing to pick your battles when it comes to making a big emotional push. Something big and overwhelming can't happen all the time, otherwise it will become commonplace and ignorable.

In this easy-to-read parenting book, counselors James and Thomas explore what exactly it is that makes boys who they are and how best to parent them. They break down boyhood into 5 stages and explore the distinguishing characteristics of each stage from many standpoints - a boy's neurology & physiology, a boy's emotions, cognitive development, and spiritual life (yes, this book is written by Christian authors from a Christian perspective). As parents of boys themselves, the authors sprinkled hilarious stories from their own families and practices to illustrate their points and to remind other parents that their "wild things" are, in fact, normal. Above all, the book is intensely practical and discusses everything from rites of passage to discipline to ADD to masturbation. As a mom of three boys, I cannot recommend this book enough.

I was very impressed with the book, which is insightful and an easy read. There are also many pungent anecdotes to underscore what the authors have to say.

I was not bothered by the authors' Christian orientation. 99% of the advice is useful whatever the reader's religious (or non-religious) orientation may be.

I am not married and have no children but the book is great for understanding and dealing with my nephew as he goes through different stages. The wisdom of the book's observations is evident, particularly in how boys behave differently and learn differently from girls. (In my opinion, boys and girls are often so different from each other that if they couldn't procreate at maturity, science would consider them almost different species.)

The book explains the problem of schools being designed around girls and (at least in the early grades) overwhelmingly run by females. It discusses the imbecility of standard teaching methods, of forcing young boys to sit at a desk when that is abnormal and not how they learn, and what parents can do about it.

Did the authors miss a stage, though? At which specific stage do children learn exactly how to manipulate uncles, aunts and grandparents? Or is it an inborn survival skill?

One things that surprised me in the book: the authors avoid giving a clear yes or no answer on the incendiary question of whether to spank or not.

A very profound tip from the book: if young children are taking a bath together, and you suddenly hear hysterical laughter, run, don't walk, to the bathroom before something gets destroyed, probably by flooding. There's a tip that may save you thousands of dollars.

And here's a tip the authors forgot: If you let a 4-year-old boy climb on top of your car roof and slide down, require him to slide down the rear window rather than the front window so he doesn't destroy the windshield wiper and cost you $195.95.

I recommend this book not just for parents, but for relatives and others who work with boys, such as adults involved in Boy Scout and Cub Scout activities, sports coaches, Chess coaches, camp counselors, teachers and school bureaucrats, juvenile court authorities, and doting relatives.

This is a must-read for anyone raising a boy. It breaks down the "stages" of a boy from a toddler to adulthood and what we as parents need to be aware of and providing for them during each stage. The back has a great section on specific issues such as intimacy, sensitive boys, masturbation, pornography, money, etc. All critical issues that many of us are not comfortable talking to our children about and if you're like me, aren't even sure what the right thing is to say. I read this book in a week; couldn't put it down.

I first purchased this book for my son for Christmas not having read it myself. He read it, he read it with his wife and it changed how they relate to their boys. They told me how they switched their thinking and the whole family was better because of it. So next opportunity, I purchased another one and gave it to that family. I have just continued to do that. It's one of those books that really helps in frustrating times at the same time it brings honor to the boys, teen boys, and to young men because they are affirmed and given permission to become who they really are rather than wear a label put upon them by others that doesn't help them in anything. Let's face it, if you're perfectly parenting you don't need this book, but I don't know anyone like that.