Will I Ever Fit In?: The Breakthrough Program for Conquering Adult Dyssemia [Hardcover]

Jr., Stephen Nowicki (Author), Marshall Duke (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: March 5, 2002

Do you ever feel just a little off socially? Like you are the only one in the room not getting the jokes -- or maybe the only one to laugh when you tell one? Although you can't quite put your finger on it, something isn't quite right when people are always moving away from you instead of moving closer to hear what you have to say. Whether or not your feelings of unease have to do with the situation you're in now at work or whether "not fitting in" has been your mantra your whole life, "Will I Ever Fit In?" provides a groundbreaking and comprehensive program to identify and address the pervasive yet poorly recognized syndrome called dyssemia that you may suffer from.

People who have some form of dyssemia -- a group reported to include as many as 25 million Americans -- cannot readily understand nonverbal messages, much as dyslexics do not readily process written language. Yet nonverbal communication plays an essential role in our communication with others, and people who don't pick up the signals others send often face painful social rejection. Stephen Nowicki, Jr. and Marshall Duke, experts in the field of nonverbal communication and seasoned clinical psychologists, offer a practical plan to improve your relationships and social skills -- skills you may not have known you even needed.

"Will I Ever Fit In?" includes the first diagnostic self-test for adult dyssemia, and it helps you understand nonverbal communication -- shows you how to read it -- through a combination of imitation and mentoring. Gentle and easy, the step-by-step approach guides you through the study of nonverbal behavior by observing others walking, eating, and talking; by making a dictionary of gestures andpostures portraying different emotions from magazine photos; and by finding out what emotions you convey by taking snapshots of yourself and working with a friend -- or coach -- whom you can trust. What's more, it also offers guidelines for choosing professional help if you should need it.

This valuable book offers you the tools you need to build successful relationships, to capitalize on your interpersonal strengths, and to pave the way to your future happiness.

Editorial Reviews

From Library Journal

Dyssemia isn't a recognized condition but a term coined by Nowicki and Duke, both psychology professors at Emory University, to describe the inability of certain people to understand and follow the unwritten rules of nonverbal communication. These are the folks who stand too close, talk too loudly, reek of perfume or body odor, or display facial expressions that are at variance with their words. Clearly, such folks could benefit from a program to help them overcome these difficulties, and the initial chapters of this book might help readers decide if they have this problem. That is, if they pick the book up in the first place the title, with its fabricated word, doesn't offer a clue about the subject. However, the remedial program isn't really a self-help program at all. Readers are instead instructed to find a "mentor" not a close relative or fellow employee to coach them. The authors don't explain why anyone would consent to spend large amounts of time with a relative stranger whose manner is off-putting. Not recommended; a better choice is Gordon Wainwright's Body Language (McGraw-Hill, 2000), which reviews the literature and presents awareness exercises. Mary Ann Hughes, Neill P.L., Pullman, WA
Copyright 2002 Cahners Business Information, Inc.

Review

Daniel G. Amen, M.D., author of Healing the Hardware of the Soul and Change Your Brain, Change Your Life Will I Ever Fit In? is an amazingly helpful book for the myriad of people who struggle with relationships. As a psychiatrist, I often see people who have dyssemia, but I have previously been at a loss as to how to help them in a quick, effective manner. I highly recommend this practical and immediately useful book. -- Review

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 256 pages
• Publisher: Free Press (March 5, 2002)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0743202597
• ISBN-13: 978-0743202596
• Product Dimensions: 9.1 x 6.7 x 0.9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.1 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (4 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #865,742 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

7 of 7 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars too much fluff, too many stories, May 3, 2002

By A Customer

This review is from: Will I Ever Fit In?: The Breakthrough Program for Conquering Adult Dyssemia (Hardcover)

The book is about non-verbal behavior, very important part of communication, since it involves about 70% of communication, the other 30% being verbal communication. I definately agree with both of the authors that most of the people don't use it to their advantage, in in the end, feel that they are not effective, yet, they can't quite put the finger on the problem as to why they are not respected, or listened to. Non-verbal communication consists of touch, facial expressions, fashion, rhythms, timing and so on.
The book is logical, and really, just common sense. My problem with the book is that it has so little to say about each topic. This book is filled with stories, case studies. When in reality, this book could have been condensed to no more than 1 page. Instead, the authors try to fill the space with endless redundunt shallow stories. They try so hard to sound self-important, they boast that they had invented a term for it -"dissimic", which simply means someone who does not communicate well non-verbally. In reality the book is about 10% good stuff, and 90% padding and stuffing.
It will make you aware of the subject, but this book is nothing new. I am sure, any communication 101 book will do a better job, with less reading.
How does one help him/herself to better communicate non-verbally? Well, according to the authors, you should find an older gentleman at work, who will constantly watch you interact with others, and after work, authors suggest, you will meet with your teacher, and go over your behavior.. Hmmm.. I am not sure about this advice..a better choice for me was Body Language by Gordon Wainwright.

9 of 10 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars The only practical self-help book I've ever read..., April 11, 2002

By A Customer

This review is from: Will I Ever Fit In?: The Breakthrough Program for Conquering Adult Dyssemia (Hardcover)

This book is a tremendous resource for anyone who sees the incongruence between their own self-perception and the perception of others, or their perception of others, and would like to correct it. It breaks down the elements of non-verbal communication with descriptions that are in plain English, with plenty of practical self-evaluation tests that require the reader to engage with the book. I've never found self-books very helpful, as the authors often diverge from a psychology discussion into philosophy, but this book stays true to its promise. I highly recommend it.

I would have to disagree with the review by the Library Journal; a "mentor" should not be a family member or close friend, but should be someone who can remain objective and provide valuable, non-biased feedback. I certainly wouldn't ask someone too close to me to give me this kind of intense, constructive criticism. I tried to do the peer evaluation with a close friend, and realized how awkward it was for him to answer the difficult questions about me. I, however, found a opportunity with a empathetic manager after a recent performance review to provide this sort of mentoring.

7 of 8 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars This book changed my life, May 17, 2002

By A Customer

This review is from: Will I Ever Fit In?: The Breakthrough Program for Conquering Adult Dyssemia (Hardcover)

Before I read this book, I felt lonely and misunderstood.After reading only a few pages, I realized that I was dyssemic.Dr Duke and Dr. Nowicki gave me alot of practical advice, which I followed. As a result,for the first time in my life I now have friends, go out on dates, and have gotten two promotions on my job. These brilliant professors have done a great service to people like me, and I think that they should be commended for it.