Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers (Paperback)

~ (Author)
Key Phrases: maternal narcissism, sistic mothers, narcissistic mother, Mary Marvel, Mama Rose, Impostor Syndrome (more...)

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Starred Review. After 26 years of practice, therapist McBride discovered a distressing commonality with her female patients: a narcissistic mother. I had treated scores of women who shared many of the same symptoms.... oversensitivity, indecisiveness, self-consciousness, lack of self-trust, inability to succeed in relationships, lack of confidence... and a general sense of insecurity, McBride writes, and she ties these traits to growing up without a nurturing maternal figure. According to the author, as many as 1.5 million American women have narcissistic personality disorder and can be detected by their self-absorption, inability to empathize and fixation with looks and appearance. McBride presents specific steps toward recovery that daughters of any age can use as they grieve for the love and support they didn't receive, set healthy boundaries with their mothers and access an internal mother as a source of self-comforting. The author provides parenting tips as well as advice on maintaining healthy love relationships and friendships—all of which tend to be weak points of the daughters of narcissistic mothers. An excellent bibliography rounds out this revealing book, which ends on a hopeful and pragmatic note. (Sept.)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved. --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

Review

"Will I Ever Be Good Enough? is an amazing journey out of pain. Providing true professional guidance and clarity, Dr. Karyl McBride heaps in genuine love and kindness. This book is like having an ideal therapist at your convenience, who really helps you heal self-doubt and self-rejection. Every page is milk and honey to your soul." -- Tama J. Kieves, author of This Time I Dance! Creating the Work You Love (How One Harvard Lawyer Left It All to Have It All!) --This text refers to the Kindle Edition edition.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 272 pages
• Publisher: Free Press; Reprint edition (September 8, 2009)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1439129436
• ISBN-13: 978-1439129432
• Product Dimensions: 8.3 x 5.4 x 0.7 inches
• Shipping Weight: 7.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (40 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #2,198 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

65 of 65 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Oh My God was this worthwhile, November 20, 2008

By	D. E. Quigley (Palm Beach, FL) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

This review is from: Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers (Hardcover)

Reading this book was an incredibly validating experience. I have never written a book review in my life but I believe that this work is essential for daughters of narcissistic mothers. I am 45 years old and have been in counseling for 4 years with a great counselor to address my mom's Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I have had difficulties in the denial and acceptance department; it seems that cognitively I know that my mother doesn't have the capacity to ever be warm, loving, or empathetic. However,I have had many instances where I just thought well maybe I am just the nutty girl and go back into denial. My counselor has spent hours upon hours discussing the harm that comes from being raised by a narcissistic mother. And, yes, I have read many books on narcissism. The difference with this book is that it is written from a first hand experience and includes very specific exchanged between the narcissistic mother and the "still" seeking daughter. In reading this book I must have said oh my God hundreds of times. I made margin notes where I wrote "yep" next to so many scenarios, feelings, yearnings, lowered self esteem, being self critical, the workaholism (I am a practicing trial attorney), and the issues with respect to brothers being treated differently. I am the only daughter and I have 3 brothers who had vastly different experiences with my mother. They are all perfect princes and I am the one that is constantly criticized and judged. For many years I have grappled with my brothers' experience versus mine and it was crazy-making. This book explains that daughters of narcissistic mothers may be subject to projection, jealousy, and envy because you are viewed as her extension (or shadow). It finally made sense. IF YOU ARE A DAUGHTER OF A NARCISSIST MOTHER THIS IS THE MOST HONEST AND FORTHRIGHT BOOK THAT I HAVE COME ACROSS AND IT IS ONE THAT I WILL USE AS A REFERENCE GUIDE FOR GROUNDING AND VALIDATION ON A REGULAR BASIS.

33 of 33 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Ground Breaking Book, September 27, 2008

By	B. Waugh "& D.E. Waugh" (B.C., Canada) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

This review is from: Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers (Hardcover)

Rather than an esoteric view of maternal narcissism, this author has kept it simple, concise, and very easy to read. The point-by-point outline, stringers and explanations were to put it simply, brilliant. She interjected explanations to the descriptions of what a narcissist is, and thereby gave it a more feeling touch.

I was to discover ah-ha's on each and every page, to see how the behavior of my parent impacted on my life in more ways than I would have believed possible. The pain of never feeling good enough, to beginnings of understanding that I am more than good enough has been an incredible journey. Though often fraught with potholes, backtracking and questioning my own sanity, the good doctor has brought it all around full circle via her book. Suddenly and joyously, someone finally understood! I felt validated and no longer alone on this journey.

To my mind, the chapters on healing were rich with ideas that have ripened into workable solutions that I have been applying successfully to my life; I am looking forward to the future through very different eyes.

While not a full out answer to many of the problems associated with this devastating blow to the ego of a small child, it surpasses my expectations and excites me with the possibilities. This is a book well worth reading for layman and therapists alike. For me, this was a deeply satisfying read.

D.E. Waugh

32 of 32 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Finally!, October 16, 2008

By	Aurora - See all my reviews

This review is from: Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers (Hardcover)

Finally a book about narcissistic mothers that describes the subtle nature of emotional neglect and abuse and kills the myth that all mothers are benevolent! It's hard to heal the narcissitic wound when it is a result of emotional neglect and put downs and there is no physical bruise or easy explanation like "my mother is an alcoholic". I've been in therapy for approx. 18 years and still struggle with a lifetime of never being good enough and still being placed in competition with my mother by her (even though she is 80). I was glad to hear that it's okay to have little or no contact with a narcissitic mother, since I've struggled with the guilt about having a mother like her and feel that her distancing herself from me is my fault and I am responsible for the relationship and for fixing it.

One section in the book that I did not agree with was the author's comments that the daughter should not show any anger or frustration toward the narcissitic mother. One important aspect of my healing was to stand up to my mother and demonstrate my separateness and that I too am accomplished. (I had never rebelled as a teenager, since it was essentially forbidden with the unspoken threat love would be withheld.) Even though this turned out to be a threat to her it was important for me to see that I have my own sense of power apart from her. I've also tried to reach out in ways trying to build bridges that would put as on equal footing. This was to no avail but these steps have been important in my trying to build the communication with her and determine I'd done everything in my power to try and make a relationship work. It's even harder to be the daughter of a narcissistic mother when the theological messages coming from her were that disobedient children are evil and she was picked out as special by God from the time she was 8.

This book offers hope and resonated so much with my experience. Those childhood abandonment fears and post-traumatic stress reactions still happen to me but I know where they are coming from and I continue to fight through them with hope.