Customer Reviews

It Will Never Happen to Me

5 star:		(19)
4 star:		(7)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

Claudia Black has written extensively on the subject of Children of Alcoholics (COA) and Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA). In her book `It Will Never Happen to Me' she has combined her considerable talent for jargon free language with the words and expressions of those who have experienced life as a COA/ACOA. The result is a wonderfully insightful book that will bring clarity to a great many people.

A central theme of the book is an exploration of the roles that ACOA adopt as a means of coping with the events around them - the responsible one, the adjuster, the placater and so on. Often in childhood these roles are appropriate in that they enable the child to cope with their often traumatic experiences. However, in adulthood the over-dependency on these roles can lead to obsessions, neurosis, mental health problems amongst other issues. Furthermore, in a family where alcohol is used in an unhealthy manner the child learns to `don't talk, don't trust and don't feel'. Claudia Black gives the reader an insight in to the possibilities that exist for the adult child to break away from the scripts that have been set for them by others. The message is `it doesn't have to be this way'.

I was the responsible child, the hero of my family. I did well at school, was good at sports, succeeded in almost all areas. I went on the University, gained a good degree, a counselling qualification and then a Masters - as an adult I was fulfilling my script to be responsible, to achieve, to be the hero. I was also in a succession of relationships where I took on the role of carer, replicating the role that had developed in my family. Along with some therapy, the books of Claudia Black were pivotal in my change process, moving away from who others wanted me to be to the person I wanted to work towards being.

This book alone cannot change the behaviour of the ACOA, words after all are only words! What this book does however, is provide the right words - full of wisdom and experience - that can motivate and inspire the ACOA to begin his/her journey to wholeness.

I read this book AFTER reading ADULT CHILDREN OF ALCOHOLICS by Janet Woititz. Both provided me with insight into a problem I only recently realized I have. However, Black's book is both easier to read and has more detailed analysis. She divides ACoAs into four categories: The Responsible One, The Adjuster, The Placater, and "Acting Out". I fit the profile of Responsible in every way. I now understand myself better, and am beginning therapy for the first time in my life at the age of 55. Thank you, Dr. Black, for opening my eyes!

Both of my parents were alcoholics, and when I read It Will Never Happen to Me in the 1980s it changed my life forever. Just this week I recommended it to yet another person. Most people I've given it to are afraid to read it, because it will bring back painful memories, but it is worth it. If some readers find the material in this book to be basic or familiar, they may not realize that it was the ground breaking book on this subject for a popular audience. All subsequent books for adult children of alcoholics owe a debt to Claudia Black.

This book first came to my attention more than ten years ago, when I (in my late 20's at the time) was attempting to cope with the effects a parent's alcoholism had had on me. My siblings and I had always recognized the parent was an alcoholic, but did not understand the full effect that life in such a household had on us. The book was recommended to me, and it was so much on target I felt I was reading about my own family. The book does a great job explaining the various roles other family members take on when an alcoholic is present in their lives. These roles are what explain our later behavior, and in order to come to terms with the present behavior, you have to understand why you're doing it. I've read a few books on the subject; this was by far the best.

I read this book almost 10 years ago. Recommended to me by close friends, reading it was like reading a family history. The characters she mentioned were all too real. What it triggered in my life was the realisation that many of the hangups I had in my life had been conditioned by being raised in a home where alcoholism was a major problem.

It helped me to step back and begin the long, often painful process of working through my memories and relationships. I am a much healthier person for it. Thanks Claudia!

This book was recommended by my therapist and after reading it I gave it to a friend who is also an adult child of an alcoholic. I haven't got the book back so I'm buying another copy for myself. I NEED to read it again and again. It opened my eyes and put a lot of the pieces of the puzzle together for me. Although it's hard to face some of the realities this book points out, I believe it to be one of the vital steps I am taking in trying to change my life for the better. It's never too late.

It Will Never Happen to Me is a book about the children of alcoholics. This book was not hard to read in terms of language, but instead subject matter. It was hard to read her straightforward insights without feeling pain. I related so much to the various roles she describes children of alcoholics as typically falling into. This book is great if you're looking for stories about people going through the same things you've gone through. However, it doesn't offer a lot of help in terms of moving on.

This book is an incredibly accurate portrayal of life growing up in an alcoholic family. It discusses the profound effect alcoholism has had on my childhood, adolescents, and now, as an adult. It also gives excellent pointers on how to begin the long journey of reversing the problems.

Excellent, wonderful book!

If one or both of your parents drank -- or had a friend whose parents drank, buy this book.

I read it like a month ago and it changed the way I look into my life. I recommend it to all the ones who say 'It will never happen to me'.

I didn't find any information in this book that was particularly enlightening. Most was basic and there was little useful mention of how these issues manifest in adulthood---or suggestions for change. The author bounces back and forth from how it affects the child still in the alcoholic home to the adult child. It would be more beneficial to separate those stages and focus on one or the other. I found it difficult to apply her information in any useful way.