Customer Reviews

Will You Be Mother?: Women Who Choose to Say No

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How delightful that someone has finally had the guts to say it. MOTHERHOOD IS NOT COMPULSORY, AND THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU IF YOU DON'T WANT KIDS. Jane Bartlett invterviews women of all ages and from all walks of life who have decided that parenting is not for them, and explores their reasons, their lives and relationships, and the pressures they face in our heavily pronatalist society. The most important message of this book is that it lets women know they have a choice and that it is a valid choice even if it's not the one most people make. Jane Bartlett points out that having a baby is a huge and lifelong committment which changes your life forever, yet many people put less thought into it than they do into buying a house or a car, because childbearing is accepted as an automatic part of being a woman. Well it doesn't have to be that way. Not every woman wants that committment or would make a good mother, and that's nothing to be ashamed of. The woman in this book are intelligent, thoughtful and have made valuable contributions to the world that don't include putting more people on an already overcrowded planet. Let there be more like them!

Having read many books on this subject, I found this one to be almost a "pros vs. cons" decision making aid. I feel this book may be helpful to those that aren't really sure what decsion to make and want to hear other people's stories, especially lots of details into their regrets. Anyone who has read Elinor Burkett's book, "The Baby Boon" (fantastic book! ), will probably be shocked to read this author's section on the need for more government and industry financial support ("workplace nurseries", "career breaks, flexi-hours", "statutory leave to care for sick children", "better maternity and paternity leave") for families with kids (who is this book really written for anyway! ), because the author states (don't faint, fan's of "The Baby Boon"!): "Hopefully working conditions will change with time, and women will not feel that their need to have children is so incompatible with their need to be in a paid employment. Until that day, career aspirations significantly support and feed the decision-making process about being child-free." (pg 200).

The author also lets her own biases show through on pages 193-194 when she is decribing that not all her subjects are "high-flyers" in the professional world. I believe anyone who is doing exactly what makes them happy in life is a high-flyer! She states what several of her subjects do - yet she states with a slightly judgemental undertone that one "describes herself as a housewife" - whereas all the others' occupations are stated without hesitation by the author. It made me wonder if the author had some disblief or negative opinions about married CF women that are housewives! Her book is supposed to be about choices for women!

Also - her final statement in the book is stated in the negative, rather than the positive - : "As the new identities of child-free women receive more social recognition and acceptance, perhaps in the twenty-first century we will not think that the woman who does not become a mother has something missing from her life, and that every path is nothing more than an inferior substitute for motherhood." (pg 232-233)...That's like a worker stating on his resume that he is not uneducated and stupid, instead of the much better ...that he is educated and smart.

Overall, it's great that more books are being written on this subject, and this one may help some people who are in doubt.....but I would have liked to have seen much more written in the book about the subjects with no regrets, as opposed to the majority of the author's subjects that did, or were unwilling to commit permanently (in a medical way) to their decision. If you are CF and have no regrets and are a fan of Elinor Burkett's - then don't buy this book. Thank You.

I highly recommend this book for any woman (or couple) who feels unsure if they want to have children. I think that Ms. Bartlett offers a lot of support for the child-free lifestyle. She interviews women from all walks of life who have chosen to remain child-free. She interviews young and old, professional and working class, lesbians and married heterosexual couples. Her interviews range from women who love children and participate strongly in the lives of friend's and relative's children to women who simply don't like kids. She covers all of the reasons we are told to breed by parents, friends and society and breaks apart the myths. I particularly liked her section that deals with "who will take care of you when you are old?". The issue is a complex one and the interviews in the book unfold to reveal a sensitive and realistic viewpoint. I highly recommend this book.