Customer Reviews

Win Your Child Custody War: Child Custody Help Source Book

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Charlotte Hardwick's use of the military metaphor throughout (including a photo of a child in a Marine Corps dress uniform on the cover) is in recognition of two salient facts about custody disputes: they can be psychologically as brutal as war; and the stakes can be extremely high. Yet, as Hardwick details and documents, negotiations are possible, and if the welfare of the child has the highest priority, both sides can win.

I would advise you, however, NOT to go into court without having first read this remarkable book. Over the course of 672 doubled-columned pages, Hardwick shares her personal experience and her painfully accumulated knowledge on just about every conceivable aspect of the child custody wars while guiding the reader toward a powerful strategy. If you don't have this book you are likely to be overmatched; indeed if your attorney doesn't have this book, he or she is likely to be overmatched. In fact, I would say that the first thing you should do after reading the book yourself, is buy a copy for your attorney and somehow persuade him or her to open the pages and to start reading--anywhere in the book. I promise you your attorney will learn facts, ideas, strategies new to him or her. The expanse and depth of the material presented here quite frankly amazed me. This extensive tome constitutes an entire course not only in child custody disputes but in human psychology, parenting, and the law itself. Some items:

There are 91 pages citing, summarizing, quoting from, and referencing relevant cases and decisions (Chapter 23).

There is a detailed guide on how to negotiate and what conflict resolution is all about (Chapter 4); a chapter on how to handle discovery and depositions (Chapter 17); another on judges, what to expect from them and how you might get a good one or avoid a bad one; there's guidance on what to expect in court and how to present yourself and your case; how to select an attorney; what your case is likely to cost and how to discover the assets of your adversaries, including (this floored me) hidden assets such as "Overpayments to the IRS" (from a list on page 435). You will learn about how much you can expect to pay or receive in child support, and again how to gauge assets, including hidden income such as "excessive deductions on paychecks" (p. 445)--a nice dodge which amounts to loaning Uncle Sam the money until tax time!

You will also:

--Discover how to handle psychologists and other "evaluators" and influence them to your advantage. For example beware of the "halo effect." (Have your side evaluated by the psychologist first to secure that effect.) (p. 235)

--Understand what psychological tests can be given and what they can mean in the dispute. Sometimes the judge makes the court-ordered decision of a professional binding, so that "you have in fact a new judge." (Chapter 12)

--Appreciate the role of other experts, what they can and cannot do to further your case, and how to evaluate and get a reliable expert who will make an effective witness.

--Learn the value of keeping a detailed log of everything pertaining to your case and its possible use as documentation. Hardwick presents this with some tips on how e-mail and computer files can come back to haunt you if you share the wrong information, even anonymously or through the assumption of an Internet moniker.

--Become knowledgeable about lie detectors and their use and misuse (pp. 137-138) and the reach of DNA testing.

--Know which problems or accusations are issues and which are non-issues in the eyes of the law. For example, child endangerment is an issue; a "blended" family is not. Physical abuse is an issue; false accusations may or may not be. (pp. 26-29)

--Be introduced to the infamous Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) in which one parent tries to alienate the child from the other parent through lies and distortions. (p. 190) PAS includes "The Grand Lie" in which one side falsely accuses the other of child sexual abuse, a charge that is hard to become completely free of, regardless of the truth of the accusation. (p. 282)

Hardwick even includes some humor with eleven ways on how to know "You've Been in Court Too Long" on page 97 (from Dean Hughson). If this isn't enough there is a presentation of ingrained psychological strategies that you might use or encounter such as the famous "Tit for Tat" from game theory or the sneaky "Tranquilizer" who lulls you to inattention and then takes advantage. (p. 59)

There is a Glossary of Terms and a detailed Index as well as a lot information on resources throughout including Internet sites on page 103. There's even a chapter on lies and how to correct them (should you be the liar!).

The mass of information and the sharp, sound guidance contained herein really amount to a post graduate course in child custody disputes. Even so I was almost as much impressed with Hardwick's assertive, no-nonsense writing style and organization that managed to painlessly inform while emphasizing a positive approach. Her philosophy is perhaps best expressed in this quote from page 472:

"In truth, if custody is solely decided on what is best for the children, there can be no loser."

Amazon.com is great! I ordered the 2000 edition of the Win Your Child Custody War book and Amazon sent me the 2002 edition. Besides the good service the product is exceptional.

I don't face more than three of the challenges discussed in this book but I wanted to know everything that could happen. This book could have been called "A Compendium of Worst Case Scenarios in Child Custody Litigation".

Initially I was interested in the psychological and home study evaluation examples. As my case has progressed I have found additional help in the book for several situations. The most remarkable change has been in how the discussion of how my soon to be ex husband and I have stopped demanding our rights and now discuss our responsibilities to our children. He saw the change in my attitude and what I had to say and has finally started to follow suit.

This book gave me the ability to build a strong case which diminished the fears I had for my children and myself. I stopped feeling and acting like a victim. I can't make him be the kind of husband I wanted him to be but I can help him be the kind of father his children need him to be. The removal of fear has allowed me to speak my mind clearly and listen without becoming emotional.

If you can?t figure out what to do next, buy this book.

Choosing to give my ex-husband custody of our very young children was one of the most difficult decisions I have ever made. Later battles for visitation rights and custody have been the most painful events of my life. I have endured restraining orders based on lies, long distance visitation, and the psychological devastation of being separated from my children. My case went to the worst of extremes when my lawyer resigned my case in order to testify on my behalf in court. Because of the injustice of the handling of the restraining order, my case was used as the example that changed a school's non-custodial parent pickup policy. Along the way, I made many of the mistakes common to parents in my situation and learned many lessons the hard way. I wish I had WIN YOUR CHILD CUSTODY WAR when I began those battles; the information, advice and warnings would have made the battle far easier.

WIN YOUR CHILD CUSTODY WAR provides the legal details and information an informed parent needs before and after hiring a lawyer, detective, or even a psychologist. WIN YOUR CHILD CUSTODY WAR sets realistic expectations, includes straight talk with no mollycoddling, and lots of sound advice. Logs, affidavits, and home studies are covered with meticulous detail and with sound examples. As the author cautions, however, readers also need to follow the advice of their lawyer over the book. For example, in the extreme case of a parent who does not want to visit the child and would stop harassment if not required to pay child support, the author suggests: "You could get counseling, legal assistance or return the money the court sends you each month from the other parent." I know from personal experience that you could return the parent's money in the state of AR. In the state of GA, the money isn't yours, it belongs to your children, and you are required by law to accept the money, just as the non-custodial parent is required by law to pay. No exceptions.

Encouragement and common sense are also included in the WIN YOUR CHILD CUSTODY WAR. Some battles are better walked away from, especially when the battle becomes a matter of winning and not necessarily in the child's best interest. WIN YOUR CHILD CUSTODY WAR forces readers to carefully examine their own motives, behaviors and attitudes. It also warns of the pitfalls many parents fall into, and provides tips for how to avoid them. As I turned the pages, revisiting my own battles, challenges and mistakes, I couldn't help thinking of the emotional pain this book could have saved me. Simple things like plan an activity for when you return the children to their custodial parent would have been useful advice from the beginning of my battle. In addition, WIN YOUR CHILD CUSTODY WAR is very sensitive to the issues non-custodial mothers face, especially considering the harsh judgment society places on women without custody.

This is the most personal review I have ever written, but given the nature of the book, I feel compelled to offer personal confirmation of the value of WIN YOUR CHILD CUSTODY WAR. Surprisingly, I also found a lot of self-forgiveness as I read this book. As I revisited old wounds and previously second-guessed decisions, I found confirmation of my own good decision-making, giving the book a remarkably positive spin for this battle weary, but successful warrior. Very highly recommended.

The "Win Your Child Custody War" book is the best, most comprehensive book on the market. I'm a reviewer for SPARC, a divorce and custody web site (www.deltabravo.net) and we recommend the "Win Your Child Custody War" book before all the others. There's no secret to why we recommend this book so strongly- it's just the best guide to custody issues available anywhere at any price.

The breadth and depth of the information is astounding, well-written, and logically arranged. This book is worth 10 times the cover price, and I don't say that lightly.

There is nothing like the "Win Your Child Custody War" book; nothing even comes close. This is, in our opinion, *<b>the</b>* book to have. You'd have to buy about 20 other books just to start to equal the information contained in this one.

(And just in case you're wondering, we have no connection to Pale Horse Publishing, we just think their books stand head-and-shoulders above the rest.)

I have purchased over a dozen child custody books from Amazon.com and I always read the reviews. I am especially interested in the reviews by the top 100 reviewers. Sometimes they are off base. Not this time. They really nailed the value of this book. I wish I had bought this book first. I would have handled many of the problems differently and would have gotten a lot farther along in my case if I had. I highly recommend this book to women even though I think it may have been written primarily for men.

If you have an unusual child custody case (such as you want to get sole custody of a child your husband fathered out of wedlock while married to you), can afford to spend $100,000 on the case, are willing to devote all of your attention to winning, and want to know as much as possible about how to decide what to do, Win Your Child Custody War is the right book for you.

If you think that using the courts to get a better custody deal is an easy, simple, inexpensive path, this is also the right book for you. It will hopefully present you with the reality of what you will go through and encourage you to seek a simpler solution.

Child custody battles are usually about the emotions of the adults, and reflect the child's interest as an excuse to "punish" the other adult. In chapter 13, there's some helpful material about how to minimize the negative impact on children during divorces and changing custody relationships.

Most women going through a divorce of separation hit some situation that scares them almost to death (such as you go to pick up your child, and find an empty house with all the furniture removed). These issues are dealt with very well in chapter 15.

Chapter 16 does a fine job with how to deal with various kinds of child abuse, false allegations of child abuse, and actual cases of kidnapping.

The author has been through much of this, so you're dealing with someone who knows the ropes. However, remember that this is a resource guide. The chances are very good that you will never come up against 95 percent of what is described here. Also, you don't really have to know the roles of the various courts (up to the Supreme Court) as they are outlined here.

Ms. Hardwick consistently encourages you to settle peaceably and quickly, whenever possible. That's good advice. This book would have been a lot more valuable, however, if it had dealt with custody issues from the perspective of what most people will go through rather than the relative few who will face drug-dealing, fly-by-night, ex-cons during the custody battle. If your former spouse or lover is a person of good character and has moral habits, you will eventually settle this issue by having the two of you sit down without any lawyers around and calmly talk it over. Many people don't want to do that, and create lots of problems for their children while wasting tens of thousands of dollars in the process that are badly needed for some other purpose.

Although this book will teach you how to run a very effective child custody law suit, my advice is to avoid doing that if at all possible.

Think of the children's interests first, second, and third . . . even when you are looking out for their interests!

Everything I knew about family court, I learned from television. It didn't take me long to see that the prevailing mythology I had accepted had me going in the wrong direction. Win Your Child Custody War offers options that helped me deal with the conflicts in a way that had real meaning to me and gave me the knowledge and skills to help me achieve my goals within the limits of my budget and resources. My sons are counting on me. I wanted and needed the best help available, this is it.

I bought this book after reading the great reviews here on Amazon. When it arrived four days later I was blown away. I won't be spending so much time on the penalty bench. (I now see some of the problems I was causing myself.) No more "AAA' behavior or attitudes. Child custody pulls you into the majors. This book has so much information and so much I can do. I wanted to post a review before I got past the first chapter, but couldn't put it down. Interesting and instructive. I may have to start a business brokering this book because everyone who looks at it wants it.

I don't know which book the reviewer (sounded like a woman) from MN read, I found no random, mindless, essays. I found what all the other reviewers (including the Amazon reviewers) found on target, powerful options that I could adjust to meet many situations.

It sounds like she bought the book in the last inning of her fight and didn't have enough time to score any points. Even if you don't have much going for you this book will get you some home runs. But you need some time to put together a team, make a game plan and get on the field on time.

Don't just buy it. Use it.

A friend recommend the Win Your Child Custody War manual to help me prepare for psychological and home evaluations. I was very skeptical that one book could cover so much information in such detail. Seeing the 10 home studies and psychological evaluations removed a lot of the "fear of the unknown." I have actually enjoyed much of the reading and many of the examples. The 7 detective reports are amazing. Even if I wasn't so emotionally involved I think I could recommend this book as just good reading.

I bought Win Your Child Custody Battle. In the first chapter the reader cannot help but shift their thinking to "what is best for my children?" This book does a masterful job of steering a divorcing parent through the custody war, and showing that parent how to WIN! While making sure their children WIN! too.

What makes this book better than the others is:
1. It teaches you how to win so that your children ultimately have what they need
2. It teaches you how to win so that the other parent is not killed in the war, you learn how to use anger constructively!
3. It does not favor either parent, like books just for Moms or Dads
4. Both parents could use the information in the same custody battle and do the best job for their children!
It is the best, most complete book on the subject I've ever seen.