Customer Reviews

Winging It: A Memoir of Caring for a Vengeful Parrot Who's Determined to Kill Me

5 star:		(23)
4 star:		(15)
3 star:		(15)
2 star:		(5)
1 star:		(4)

 

 

If you want a madcap story of the hilarity of raising three children with a smallish number of animals and you love Christmas card letters, you'll probably find Winging It more fun than I did.

I was disappointed. I wanted this book to be about the parrot, and it's about the family, of which the parrot is a neglected and incidental member. If you know about Alex (the African Gray who learned to talk and respond intelligently to questions) and want to know more about what these birds can achieve, consider Winging It as a negative example--what happens when you DON'T give a bird the attention it needs.

Winging It is written in the tone of those Christmas card letters that make you call your best friend and say, "Would you believe what they're up to this year?!?" Throughout the book, the author writes, "What were we thinking?..." "Why didn't I figure this out?" "I couldn't fathom..." Those phrases sum up the book for me.

At one point, Graycie is described as "irrational." I'm not so sure it's the bird who's the birdbrain, if you get my drift. AFAIK, Graycie is doing nothing more, or less, than normal parrot behavior under the circumstances. Parrots in general, and African Grays in particular, are among the most intelligent animals on the planet. She's isolated, largely ignored, and bored out of her little brain. The family repeatedly makes a point of their "commitment" to their animals, but I don't see this as a good thing. If you can't give an animal the home it needs, there's no sin in finding it a better place to live. Why not add a Border Collie to the mix, and then wonder why the dog goes nuts under the same conditions?

Gardiner should have written a book centered around her family since those were the most interesting parts for me. The bit parts about the bird were sad, very sad and made me think - if you can't take care of this bird give it to someone who can! I really am surprised the great vet mentioned in the book, who had to sew up!! this bird a few times didn't suggest it to them.

On the other hand, the issues with the children, seizures, getting run over by a car, were a bit more heartwarming and interesting. The parts about the parrot were more negative and disheartening. Here's a bird who constantly wanted to bite the owners but I didn't feel sorry for the owners, just the bird. It's in many ways a downer of a book. The book can stand as a warning though to anyone who thinks having the responsibility of a parrot would be fun and easy.

As I suppose anyone would, I wanted this author's experiences to resemble my own: I, too, owned a vengeful parrot who was determined to kill me, at least by proxy through my wife, whose parrot it was. So I was disappointed when Jenny Gardiner's memoir of her life with Graycie the African Gray did not really come close to our time with a Blue Crown Conure with a nasty disposition. But despite that, this was, I thought, a nice book overall.

Gardiner starts out by making some good and valid points about the dangers and complications inherent in buying parrots, particularly when her family adopted Graycie twenty years ago: at the time, and to a lesser but still serious extent now, many of the parrots on the market are captured from the wild and smuggled into the US. This is not only illegal, of course, but it is harmful to the environment -- the birds are often captured through the simple expedient of cutting down the tree where the young birds are in the nest, and then picking up the stunned chicks out of the wreckage -- and extremely damaging to the birds, which makes them, shall we say, problematic pets. Since parrots are highly intelligent, curious, and possessed of some pretty dangerous weaponry, in beak and claws, and since they can live for decades -- some even longer than the humans who "own" them -- having a psychologically scarred wild animal for a problematic pet is really not a good thing.

Fortunately for Gardiner, Graycie isn't nearly that bad. Oh, she has her troubles -- she is not affectionate as some parrots can be; she is aggressive and attacks Gardiner constantly; for the first few years of their life together, Graycie plucks out her own feathers and chews herself bloody, a fairly common parrot problem. But once the family learns to work around Graycie's habits and moods and needs, they get along fairly well; Graycie is as clever and entertaining, and sweet and affectionate at times, as all parrots can be, even when they do have nasty temperaments. Gardiner shows some nice humor when she relates the more amusing stories of her life with a parrot.

The problem I had with this book (and my wife, who lived with her parrot Romeo for fifteen years more than I did, had an even larger issue with this) is that the title is somewhat deceptive. Graycie is not actually a vengeful parrot, and she does not want to kill her owner; she's just a parrot with some bad pet-habits that are completely understandable considering Graycie's origins and the mistakes the Gardiners made when they first got Graycie -- particularly putting the parrot into a windowless, isolated room in the basement, when intelligent birds need lots of visual stimulation, natural light and air and scenery, and lots of company and interaction. The worst source of friction is actually Gardiner's expectations: she seems resentful throughout when Graycie doesn't live up to her ideals of life with a parrot. Graycie is not a performing wonder, amusing the family and their guests with her myriad of tricks; she does talk and whistle and sing and make noise often, but not always amusingly and not on cue. But then, no parrots really do that, other than the ones trained to perform: parrots are pets, living creatures with wants and needs and dislikes, not wind-up toys. Graycie is not affectionate, being more willing to snap at Gardiner than to sit on her shoulder and gently coo, or perhaps squawk "Polly want a cracker!" And Graycie, like all pets, creates a large mess; since parrots are caged animals, a lot more of that mess needs to be cleaned up by hand; you never really appreciate how nice it is that dogs can be housetrained until you care for an animal that can't go outside to relieve itself. Gardiner does learn to appreciate Graycie for what she offers as a pet, but only after a whole lot of what seemed to me somewhat whiny complaining about Graycie's downside.

Perhaps more to the point, the book is only somewhat about Graycie: it is really a memoir of the growth of Jenny Gardiner's family, including the story of her marriage, the birth and raising of her three children, their adoption of three different dogs, and their various homes over two decades. The parrot is a part of that, as she is part of the family; but not the largest part. The book is, honestly, more about the children than about the parrot. For all that, it is well-written and interesting, but if you are looking for a book written by someone who had the same experience that you had with a misanthropic parrot, this isn't really it.

First, go read Karen Tiede's review and give it a helpful vote, because it is really accurate.

I was disappointed in this book in virtually every way. In every form and fashion, it is inferior to Irene Pepperburg's similarly concepted "Alex and Me", which is also a story about a parrot and his human.

The author's intention was, apparently, to write a book about her parrot. She failed. UTTERLY. The parrot is oftentimes shuffled off to the corner of the living room (and book) and ignored for pages at a time, while we are instead told about the dog with allergies to everything, the cat that wandered away, the daughter who developed a neurological disorder, and how tiring pregnancy is. While it is clear that, in the penumbra of the novel, the parrot is around and doing things, we only occasionally get a good idea of what they are. It could be claimed that it is about her family. But that isn't right either. Instead, she wrote a book about herself. It isn't really clear by the end if she even realizes it, but this is possibly the most narcissitic thing that I have ever read.

When the parrot is mentioned, it is without a single trace of empathy. While the author eventually, and then on often, admits her lackluster abilities in parrot-raising, she never really seems to take to heart the fact that her miserable experiences with the family parrot are her own fault. If you cannot raise a pet properly, you should not make the commitment to taking it in the first place. Yes, it was a gift. No, that does not mean that you cannot get rid of it. The family's ethic about pets not being disposable aside, there is no reason that they should have had a parrot. They were completely incapable of properly caring for it, as evidenced by the multiple injuries (occasionally self-inflicted) described over the course of the novel. Look, I have never owned a parrot, or even known anyone personally who has. Nevertheless, it seemed instantly obvious to me that you don't put an avian creature under the ground. What kind of moronic behavior is that? In the end, I am convinced that the parrot and the author can never work this out, and couldn't from the start. The fact of the matter is that a parrot is very much a very long-lived, completely self-centered, very intelligent toddler. To understand a parrot, just imagine a human being without the capacity to understand, or care, how another living being feels. That is a parrot. To have a successful relationship with a parrot, you need to be 100% giving, because the parrot will be 100% taking. The author fails to grasp this, at any point, and I think that may be a result of her failure to look beyond herself. Even in admitting the parrot's difficulties and bad behavior are her own fault, she doesn't seem to grasp the manifest profundity of the problem.

I spent much of the early portions of the novel feeling really sorry for the parrot, as its owners are completely irresponsible. Fall after fall, misery after misery. Meanwhile, I was waiting for the book to get funny. I waited right past the last page. There are indications here that the parrot has done numerous entertaining things. And I am sure that the author feels that her parrot is hilarious, at times. But her ability to successfully convey that was also a dismal failure.

In the end, I can do nothing but encourage people NOT to purchase or to read this book. Doing so will merely encourage behavior like this on the part of authors.

Awful, awful book.

This is not an amusing book. Graycie is a parrot who was kidnapped from her home country, transported thousands of miles and given as a gift to a family who was not able to give her the life she deserved. When Graycie was tearing out her feathers and almost bleeding to death in her mental distress they should have tried to find a happier environment for her.

The title is misleading. Graycie isn't vengeful. In fact, she has given the family many amusing moments with her attempts to make the best of her situation. But she has been neglected and visibly unhappy for years. I wish this family would find a sanctuary for her so she could finally find peace.

I believe the Gardiner's love all of their pets but some of their actions hasn't always been in the best interest of the pet.

A little warning - this book may make you angry.

I got this book because I thought it would be a good tale about living with an African Gray parrot. I couldn't have been more wrong.

The entire book was about the authors family rather than the parrot. The parrot was made to be a background character, kind of like a picture on the wall.

The author made it seem that she hated this parrot; constantly complaining about clearning up after her. (Haven't you ever heard of Poop Off?) The author couldn't understand why the bird wanted to bite all the time. When you are chased by a broom, ignored, forever caged, etc. of course the bird is going to want to retaliate. Parrots are intelligent birds, they can tell when someone doesn't like them, feels like they are a pain to keep in their home. For someone who is supposed to be an intelligent author, this woman didn't have a clue! My conclusion after reading this book was that this person didn't deserve to have this lovely creature.

Don't buy this book if you want a good read about living with an African Gray. It will make you as mad as I was. Only buy this book if you want to read about a young family, child illness, dogs, moving, etc. This book is far from a loving story about a person and her pet.

I am privileged to live in LoKi's house.... that is my mischevious, free flighted Lovebird and roomate for the last 6 years. I got this book with that relationship in mind, and was appalled to find, Ms. Gardiner is not a very good parrot person.... if you want to read a sad tale of neglect, this is the book for you. It's mostly about the kids, the husband, the dog, and how no one has any time to pay attention to the poor parrot, and as a result, the poor bird developed maladaptive behaviors like feather plucking and aggression. Hey, if you can't handle the parrot poop, don't blame the bird!

Scott and Jenny Gardiner had always wanted a parrot. Four months after the birth of their first child, Scott's brother gives them a wild-caught, terrified and traumatized African grey fledgling.

This is the story of the Gardiners' life with "Graycie," as the bird was named, who never seemed comfortable in the Gardiners' busy home, eventually full of three children, two cats, and a dog who seemed allergic to almost everything. Despite Graycie's hostile personality, the Gardiners took their responsibility to her seriously and continued to try to bridge the gap between themselves and their reluctant pet. Once the family moves to a home where Graycie has her own space, it seems they may start making progress with her, but even this is interrupted by family emergencies, including a frightening series of seizures affecting their older daughter.

I have been a bird lover since childhood, with a succession of budgies, so this story struck rather close to home. I admired the family's decision not to make Graycie a disposable pet, but felt bad for Graycie as well: while Jenny and Scott never ignored Graycie for stupid things like endless cocktail parties, social climbing, and shopping sprees, it seems there were so many genuine family crises that kept them from being able to bond more with their bird. Indeed, Gardiner spends several pages apologizing for the times attention to Graycie had to take second place to childrens' injury/sickness, her own health problems, and home problems.

Therefore I was a bit ambivalent about my enjoyment of the book in total, but would recommend it to bird lovers, especially to those who might think owning a bird in the parrot species is "easy" and you will immediately have a cute, funny pet like those macaws and cockatoos in films, or they will be decorative and decorous. Like ownership of any pet, or parenting of a child, owning a parrot is a lifetime responsibility.

To be honest, I expected "Winging It" to be more about Graycie and less about the humans of the family. While I know very little about birds, I know an awful lot about infant, needy, and/or ornery critters!! *as I look at several nice scratches from Spirit, an obnoxious cat who doesn't want to take antibiotics for a UTI*

While I respect that the Gardiners don't want to throw Graycie away, I can't help but wonder if it wouldn't have been better if they could've placed her with someone with more time and more bird knowledge early on, and if everybody wouldn't have been more happy--including Graycie. Personally, I wouldn't have wanted to start my critter knowledge with the behavior problems right out of the gate, but they're no problem now. Maybe a visit or 2 with the too-expensive behaviorist might've given them a start into "fixing" her? Could the spate of injuries from falling have added to her psychological problems? Why did it take so long to figure the cause of the falls? I won't go on.

In the end, I'm having a serious problem deciding what to do about this book. 3 stars seems like the generous side of fair, so there you have it.

PS--I can't agree more with the recommendations to go read Karen Tiede's review--she's right on target.

after finishing this book (purely out of frustration, hoping it would get better), i looked up some reviews and found, to my horror, that most people thought it was funny. i can definitely confirm that the title, and the description, is fairly misleading as the entire book is a chronological tale of all the misfortunes (and rare fortunes) that fall upon this family, with less than half devoted to the story of their bird. i bought this book hoping to learn more about parrots, and instead, i came away disgusted. as an owner of an african grey, and as someone who did months' worth of research before i decided to make the leap and adopt a 14-year-old bird, i am simply disappointed with gardiner's emotional neglect and attitude toward her bird, graycie (i cannot deny that she took good care of her physically, but emotionally she was lacking). it is painfully obvious throughout the entire book that her family did not have enough time to give to graycie. although they faithfully took her to the vet every time she needed it, it is not mentioned once if they tried to find an animal behaviorist to try to solve graycie's problems, or even to figure out what she required to make her happy. gardiner states that she could never give her up, even when anyone else would -- quite honestly, in my opinion as a pet owner, her family was not capable of caring for an african grey at that point in her life and if she had taken the time, she probably could have found a better home for her. the attitude that gardiner takes toward her parrot throughout the book, although primarily in the first half, is one of frustration and bitterness. i'm not sure how to describe it but it left me feeling sick inside. i feel sorry for that entire family and what they've gone through, but there are many steps they could have taken along the way to make themselves and their animals a little happier. it's hard to stop things from happening to you (like all of their various sicknesses), but your choices are entirely yours to make.