Customer Reviews

Winning Cooperation from Your Child!: A Comprehensive Method to Stop Defiant and Aggressive Behavior in Children (Developments in Clinical Psychiatry)

5 star:		(2)
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1 star:		(1)

 

 

I have read SO many parenting books and this one rates up in the top 3, along with Parenting with Love and Logic and Raising Your Spirited Child. This book isn't just for parents of defiant/aggressive kids but for all parents. It is comprehensive, but simple to read without alot of redundancy to wade through. The author doesn't have any elaborate, complicated plans for you to follow, just practical, realistic but excellent parenting advice. If you are ready to follow his guidelines, you are ready to have a closer and healthier relationship with your child.

An absolute MUST READ for any parent of an ODD child. There needs to be a warning: THIS IS NOT FOR THE SQUEAMISH OR FOR PARENTS NOT WILLING TO CHANGE because the author does spend time 'talking to' the parents about how THEY may first have to change in order for the child to change. Some people may take offense to this, thinking they are being 'blamed' for their child's behaviors. However, the message isn't one of finger-pointing. Instead, what the author is saying is that as the 'adult,' we may need to change our behavior and/or approach to this child in order for the child to change. Typcially, parents and ODD kids find themselves in a perpetual cycle ... the child misbehaves (albeit out of his control,) and the parent responds with traditional punishments and consequences; the child's frustration level increases (as s/he was not in control of the behavior to begin with) and then continues to misbehave, which results in additional punishments and consequences, leaving the child with a sense of doom and total failing, thus losing an 'incentive' to behave, and the parents feel like failures as they can't control their child. At some point, the cycle needs to be broken ... a change is needed. As the adult (the person in control, in charge) we are more in a position to change ... to break the cycle. It is not saying that the parents are at fault or are to blame. It is saying that as the ADULT person in the relationship, we need to take a different tactic or approach with the child. If we do, our child can/will change. To not be willing to do that, the parent is expecting the child to do all the changing (but not teaching them how to do that.) The book needs to be read to be totally understood, and read with an open mind. What I can and will say that I read this initially when my child (now 15) was 7 or 8 ... and it changed my life. The book became my bible, and I've recommended it to others over the years. I've read it and re-read it, and implemented the techniques. I went from having a child with such severe rage that the doctors were talking hospitalization ... to having a teenager who gets good grades, is a nice kid, is an avid baseball player and a black belt in karate ... who will become a loyal and productive member of society. For anyone to disregard this book for fear of being told that part of their child's behavior MAY be contributed to their own behaviors or their reactions to their child's is a shame, because anyone who can read this book with an open mind has a far greater chance of success ... for their child ... and it is their child that is the subject of the book and should be the focus of their attention.

To be honest, the only reason I have given this book one star is that I could not give it zero stars. I have read many, many parenting books and am totally unimpressed by this one. First of all, the book places 100% of blame on the parents of these children for their defiant behavior. While this may be the case in some situations, it ignores situations where parents are fostering or adopting children that have been damaged by previous caregivers, and it does not acknowledge in any way that brain dysfunction may be present and responsible for the behavior of many oppositional and defiant children today. Secondly, the strategies presented in this book are not applicable or appropriate for children that are not attached: only a child that is appropriately attached to an adult figure would think and problem solve in the manner described by this author. Strategies presented in this book rely heavily on praise and positive social enforcement; a child that is unattached and lacks conscience is unlikely to respond to such attempts to "win" them. In fact, these oppositional and defiant children are not motivated by praise at all! I am an educated professional individual, parenting a very difficult child, and I found this book to be insulting and a complete waste of my time and money.