Customer Reviews

Winning the Heart of Your Stepchild

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Barnes gives the same wisdom with blending families that he does with intact families - you need to be intentional about the raising of your children. Especially in a blending family (using the -ing because Barnes says that the process is never quite finished), Barnes notes that clear expectations must be communicated to the children. To do this, Barnes recognizes that the parents must communicate and be on the same page before an incident happens. Communication really is the key to a successful family - blending or intact. But, with the pain and uncertainty of divorce added, Barnes really camps out on this concept hoping to help his readers understand how to best communicate and work through the various issues they are sure to encounter.

Working with students, many from divorced families, I have found that what Barnes is sharing is essential to the healthy development of children and it is even more essential in a family that has suffered a divorce and the separation or loss of one of the parents. Barnes grounds his wisdom in biblical principles, but this book doesn't come across as preachy and isn't even overtly Christian. The advice is practical, the examples are helpful and Barnes is honest in his approach. I would think that any parent who has children that has been through a divorce or is looking to marry another person with children from a divorced situation would find this book extremely helpful.

Getting to the heart of a child isn't an easy task for a parent - and with a divorce making the matters even more complicated, parents must be aware of their situation and work to connect with their children who are confused, wounded and even at times adversarial. For those parents fighting to make a second marriage work, this book will give great insight into the thoughts and feelings of their children and help them better respond to the various situations. I would highly recommend the book to any parent working to make a blending family work!

I'm the new stepmom of a set of 8 year old triplets and we are working hard into blending our family, I read this book as soon as it came in the mail.
Pros:It is an excellent read; fast, dinamic and although the book has a slight religious undertone it does not harp on it or become annoying from the perspective of a non-church goer, great advice and it described so many different scenarios that we are currently going through with strong techniques, very good, detailed examples on how to work things out and positive approaches, which we have been implementing with success.
Cons: although it adresses well the blending family scenerio it only gives maybe 5 pages worth of direct advice to the step parent,and most of it is not as case specific as the rest of the book, but more general. The stepmom piece was tiny and underwhelming.

My bottom line: I gave it to my partner to read, I think the information in the book will definitely help us out, but it is targeted for his execution as the parent, not mine as the stepparent.