Customer Reviews

Winning with One-Liners: 3,400 Hilarious Laugh Lines to Tickle Your Funny Bone and Spice Up Your Speeches

5 star:		(5)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(3)

 

 

Pat Williams, rapidly becoming one of my favorite authors(MARKETING YOUR DREAMS: BASEBALL AND LIFE LESSONS FROM BILL VEECK, HOW TO BE LIKE MIKE, etc.), scores again with WINNING WITH ONE-LINERS . . . this is a compilation of some 3,400 lines that will make you laugh, but that can also be used to spruce up virtually any speech.

I recognized many of my favorites--and many others that
can now be added to such a list . . . I also liked the fact that
Williams takes common situations, then provides you with
a response . . . for instance, when receiving an award, you can
say something to this effect: "I don't deserve this award. But
then again, I have arthritis, and I don't deserve that either."

This is one book that I'll keep around for my next speech,
toast and even eulogy . . . or maybe when I just want a quick
smile.

The only problem I have in commenting about it is that there
are so many funny lines that I'm finding it difficult to select
just a few to present here . . . yet a guy has to do what
a guy has to do, so here goes:

I just heard the saddest story. A doctor lost all his money on the horses. In an act of desperation, he tried to rob a bank. But nobody could read the holdup note.

On Valentine's Day I always try to do a little more for my wife-like holding the door open when she goes out on her paper route.

Our crack snow removal team has been removing snow around
the clock. And now that the area around the clock is clear, they
can start to work on the streets.

This is the time of year when people start going places where they can pay two hundred dollars a day to experience the same kind of heat they were complaining about in August.

They keep saying that women are smarter than men. But have
you ever seen a man's shirt that buttons down the back?

Dolphins are so smart that in only a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand at the edge of a pool and throw them fish.

I have a couch at work that I named Nautilus. That way I can honestly tell people that this afternoon I put in two hours on the Nautilus.

He was up until 4 a.m. with a great book. Once he starts coloring,he finds it hard to stop.

Life can be cruel. As a child, I didn't have enough money to go to a hair stylist. Now I have the money, and I don't have the hair!

He's so proud of his new truck. He didn't get the trendy kind--he bought a UPS truck. As he claims, "Laugh if you will, but I can now park anywhere I want!"

Whether you intend to give speeches or would just like to brighten your day, you'll enjoy this book.

I fondly remembered a remark made by famous hypnotist, Dr. Milton Erickson, that "within every fat person, there is a thin person waiting to be excavated", when I read the following one-liner:

"Inside of me there is a thin person trying to get out, but I can usually sedate him with five or six doughnuts."

Here are few more examples from this book:

"Always be on the lookout for new ideas. Why, the guy who invented the spray paint got the ideas when he sneezed while he was drinking the tomato juice."

* * *

Kid: "When I grow up, I want to be a philanthropist. They always seem to have lots of money."

* * *

Do you know what doctors write to pharmacists in Latin on those prescription pads? "I got mine, now you get yours."

* * *

"I always hold hands with my wife. If I let it go, she shops."

* * *

Teacher: "Who's happier: A man with five million dollars or a man with five children?"

Student: "The man with five million."

Teacher: "Why?"

Student: "Because the man with five million always wants more."

No matter what the subject there's a one-liner for it and the best of them are in this book.Its a big book full of laughs.Ideal book for helping you brighten up any speech for any occasion.Grab a copy of this book for yourself and as a gift for others.This has to be the ultimate book on oneliners and not a rude joke in there.Enjoy!

I've purchased numerous books on jokes and humor, but found that this book was absolutely hilarious. If I had to choose a favorite topic in the book, the "Diet" one-liners were the funniest. I wish more books were written with this kind of humor. I would definitely recommend this book. I just hope Pat Williams comes out with a sequel.

There are far-better joke collections available in print, for those who wish the truly "hilarious". Most of those in this tome, however, are merely tepid grin-makers, at best.

Great book. I purchase four joke books at the same time, and this was the best of the bunch. I recommend.

I bought this book in the hope that it would include some jokes suitable for a speech by a woman to a female audience. Not only were the jokes dated and most of them not very amusing, they felt like something out of Mad Men. There were plenty of jokes about women, most of them derogatory or implicitly sexual, but nothing that would resonate with women.

I was impressed at the reviews given by celebrities like Charles Barkely when I first found out about this book.
I read the entire book and honestly only about 5 out of all 3400 jokes make me at least smile, because if I said 6 I'd be viciously lying to you. It was a waste of my time but, I read it anyway. If you found this book funny, I would recomend for you not to share its jokes with anyone who is considered to have an average humor IQ.
Anyway, I really wish I could get a refund even if it's partial.

There aren't as many jokes and categories in here as I would like, but the ones that are in here are pretty good. I've always liked Pat Williams, so this was pretty easy to pick up.

This book was a major flop. Although there were some good one liners, for the most part the book is filled with hokey and lame nonsense.