Wisdom for Separated Parents: Rearranging Around the Children to Keep Kinship Strong [Hardcover]

Judy Osborne (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: April 19, 2011 | ISBN-10: 0313395888 | ISBN-13: 978-0313395888

Anchored in the author's personal experience, Wisdom for Separated Parents: Rearranging Around the Children to Keep Kinship Strong traces the long arc of family change through the actual words of men and women who have struggled through separation and co-parenting. This book provides stories from separated parents that share what they've learned from co-parenting and discovering new kinds of families, revealing insights on the process of untangling, rearranging, and "reinventing" straight and gay families.

The extensive interviews in this book reach back as far as the 1950s and explain what it has meant to be separated for decades. These candid stories provide revelations on how to deal with the loss gracefully and minimize ill will, and recount the joys of having a bigger family and more kin connections. This book speaks to two different audiences: today's struggling parents, who will find valuable wisdom as they make crucial decisions about separation and divorce; and readers who have lived this history and will identify with the stories and gain insight and validation regarding their long-ago choices.

Editorial Reviews

Review

 
"A ground-breaking book.We will recommend it to parents and practitioners working with families." 
  --Kathy Simons and Rae Simpson, co-directors of the Center for Work, Family & Personal Life, Massachusetts Institute of Technology

Review

"This is a ground-breaking book, full of surprises and insight about parents who separate after having children. It turns out that most separated families don't fit our stereotypes at all. Thanks to Judy Osborne's extensive research and long-term experience working with couples from diverse backgrounds, including gay and straight, the book reveals a world of unexpected ways that couples remain in connection with each other around parenting, and invent new kinds of family bonds. The stories of separation and re-connection are fascinating, and Osborne's observations are those of a true expert. She has been offering workshops and counseling for years, and now we have the good fortune to see her wisdom captured in book form. We will be recommending this book highly to parents who have separated, those contemplating a separation, and anyone whose own parents have separated. It is also essential, eye-opening reading for students and practitioners working with couples and families."

(

Kathy Simons and Rae Simpson, Co-directors of the Center for Work, Family & Personal Life, Massachusetts Institute of Technology

)

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 164 pages
• Publisher: Praeger (April 19, 2011)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0313395888
• ISBN-13: 978-0313395888
• Product Dimensions: 6.1 x 0.9 x 9.2 inches
• Shipping Weight: 15.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (2 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,371,213 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Keeping Kinship Strong: the Key to Healing and Hope for Separated Parents and Their Families June 22, 2011

By Ginny Harris

Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase

This book was an eye-opener for me. Step families are far more complex than I realized. I also learned from the author's interviews about the myriad ways in which partners separate over time and how it is possible for many former partners to gradually let go of anger and hurt, and to transform their lives to ones characterized by acceptance, commitment and connection. The author replaces pejorative words often ascribed to separated and/or divorced partners with more positive terms. For example instead of "ex-spouse" she uses the far more respectful terms "former spouse" or "former partner". Instead of using the words separation and divorce, which are often seen as discriminate events, she uses the more accurate terms of "untangling" and "rearranging" which connote a process that unfolds over time, often years. She stresses the importance of creating "benign energy" around the children to provide a safe environment in which they can be nurtured by both parents in a positive co-parenting arrangement. As an antidote to the outdated admonition to "not have too friendly a relationship with one's former spouse" as a 1977 professional journal warned, the author instead encourages parents to remain "closely connected and committed" to each other as parents. She also encourages parents to think of themselves as "kin", meaning "connection through marriage". This notion keeps the children at the center and can help to keep the life-long ties between separated parents strong and healthy for their own good and for their children's. I highly recommend this book because it is encouraging and supportive to anyone who has been through this process and gives specific, practical guidelines to help families move past sadness, anger and hurt to a place of healing, acceptance and positive lifelong, kinship ties.

Ginny Harris, Clinical Social Worker

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Much needed perspective January 11, 2012

By Eleanor Alden

Format:Hardcover

This book is a must read for anyone who is going through a separation from a partner with whom they have children. Her interviews with so many who have been divorced and separated for years from the spouse or partner with whom they have children makes it tremendously clear how inadequate our language is the complicated stages of connection and separation, the coming together and unraveling over decades that often accompanies what we so briefly describe as divorce and separation. The lack of research on this important topic is startling. Judy Osborne's awareness of the of grief and acceptance, the many forms of co-parenting with respect with its tides of closeness and distance, is fascinating and eye opening. It is a joy to read such challenging yet hopeful work combined with careful research filled with such wisdom and compassion. Eleanor Alden StepWisdom: Knowledge from the Ages for Successful StepFamilies