Customer Reviews

I Wish Someone Had Told Me: A REALISTIC GUIDE TO EARLY MOTHERHOOD

5 star:		(6)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

One of the hardest things about being a nanny is seeing intelligent, well-meaning people make exactly the same mistakes. Over and over, I have seen employers be hurt by unrealistic expectations of their life after the baby was born, after the colic was over, after the baby was walking, after the twos were over... it takes some people until the second child to accept that their life has undergone the greatest transformation possible and nothing will ever be the same. It takes some people forever.

The best thing about this book is its firm roots in the two linked ideas that having a baby changes your life utterly and in ways that are impossible to prepare for, and that we live in a culture that has psychotically decided to ignore this basic fast of human existence. You will need more help than you ever have, but everything in you and around you will be telling you that you "should" take care of yourself and your baby and your marriage and your house and your job ALL BY YOURSELF. This book doesn't really offer any answers to this dangerous nonsense, but it does pave a way for a new mother to stop seeing herself as bad or unworthy for her feelings of resentment and being overwhelmed, and instead to realize that everyone feels that way. Indeed, raising children in a culture that demands total responsibility from parents and gives them no support, to paraphrase the author, ensures that parents will feel awful.

I, too received this book as a shower gift and read it cover to cover before my son was born. I still think back to many of the insights and realities that women spoke of in the book. It was truly one of the only books, out of many, that I have read that talked about both the joys and sadness that come with being a mother. For those that want to move beyond the sugar coated how-to books, this is THE book.

I received this book as a gift from my sister in law when my first son was born. I read it from cover to cover, while he nursed and dozed in my arms. I laughed, I cried, but most of all, I felt good about myself and the decisions that we had made for our son during my pregnancy, delivery, and after his birth. My only regret is that I didn't have this book while I was still pregnant, because I think it would have helped me with my fear of the unknown-childbirth. I have loaned this book out to expectant neighbors, co-workers, friends - every one has loved it for the frank honesty expressed by the mothers interviewed. And even though my children are older now, I still reread sections over again to reassure myself that I'm not the worst mother in the world (in spite of what my 7 year old might think sometimes).

Nina Barrett's spectacularly written account of the myths and realities of those first terrifying months of motherhood is a must read for any new mom, or mom-to-be. I wish I had read this book before giving birth to my daughter, Emily, this past July. I suffered for weeks with post-partum depression, and found enormous comfort in Barrett's accounts of other mom's journeys; for the first time I realized I was not alone. Barrett interviewed dozens of women from all walks of life about their experiences pre and post labor, and their honest account of their feelings about birth, sex, and returning to work are pearls of wisdom for a new mom. I cannot recommend this spectacular book highly enough.

This is a wonderful book full of thoughts from other new moms. I felt so relieved after reading this book that my feelings of fear, anxiety and stress were normal! I recommend this book to every new mom. Makes a great gift too.

I wish someone had given me this book 3 years ago! Our son is now 3, and our experience of early parenthood was the rudest of awakenings. He had colic for 9 weeks, breastfeeding was painful, it took the better part of a year for me to heal from a horrible episiotomy . . . all of which made feel isolated, alone, weak and a failure. Most of the books I read during this time served only to reinforce these feelings. Knowing that what I was going through was within the realm of "normal" would have helped me -- and my husband, and our relationship -- a great deal.

This book doesn't offer a "one size fits all" approach. It features real moms with a variety of experiences, some of which are unpleasant, even painful -- and that's motherhood, folks. Even now, after mostly overcoming the trauma of our son's first few months, I find it enormously helpful to know that my experience, while unique to me, wasn't unusual.

I highly recommend it to all new moms.

I am currently 6 months pregnant and I ordered this book because I wanted to get an 'honest' idea of what early motherhood was going to be like. Well, this book is definitely honest, but it is only half the story. Basically I found it depressing and frustrating to read. It seems like all the women interviewed in this book are a little out of touch with reality. They all had expectations that the birth and subsequent months with their newborn would be seamless and perfectly fulfilling which any woman who has had a child will tell you is pure fantasy. So how do so many women keep believing this fairy tale and not get it? I don't know, but they do.

The book is broken up into chapters dealing with the "truth" about breastfeeding, no sleep, labor and delivery, getting your body back, etc. But the "truth" as it is presented in this book is uniformly negative. Obviously a lot of women have a rough time of it. Some have very good reasons to feel cheated or greived over the situation (parents of baby's with birth defects come to mind). But, just as many women have an okay time of it. While the pollyann-ish attitudes of many early parenting books isn't useful, neither is the 'trump of doom' attitude that this book contains.

I can see that the women who have had their baby and it wasn't what "they were expecting" will like this book and find confirmation and validation of their feelings in it. But if you are the kind of woman who is relaxed and realistic about life and your own abilities to get through an experience that countless women have also been through, then you don't need this book. Just remember, you can't plan or expect anything when you are having a baby. All you can do is believe in yourself and hope for the best. If you don't set up those impossible expectations in the first place, they won't be dashed and you won't be left feeling like a failure.

As a first-time mom I found that this was very helpful in setting some realisitc expectations. Some of the "ideals" were ideals I mistakenly held and am glad I thought about before I became a mom. The book gave me situations to talk about with my husband, which I believe made the transition to becoming parents easier.

I did read this before delivering and was discouaged by early chapters that were depressing, but if you want to be realistic you have to accept that your child might not be born "perfect" and there may be complications or birth defects. That is something hard to read about when you have this "ideal" that everything will be perfect.

I was given this book by a well-meaning friend when I was pregnant with my first child. It was negative, depressing and offered no useful ways to deal with the difficulties of new motherhood.

Every woman with half a brain should realize her life will change when a baby comes into her life, but to read this book and its "Look! Lots of other people are miserable, too!" theme does nothing to help the problems a new mother faces. Plus, to read something like this before a child is born does little more than diminish the joy and hopes a new mom may have. Let the kid himself diminish that joy, but don't do it to yourself before he even shows up on the scene!

Can't recommend this one.

I've read lots of pregnancy books, and this book came recommended as an "honest" view. It may be honest, but very negative!
I realize that motherhood isn't usually the fairytale many of us hope it will be, but this book just dwelled on the negatives: sometimes you can't figure out breastfeeding, sometimes you worry that your husband might leave you, sometimes the baby won't stop crying....
Hopefully there are more books out there that are more evenly balanced with "real life" stories. I recommend that you keep looking.