Customer Reviews

Without Child: Challenging the Stigma of Childlessness

5 star:		(4)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(5)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

WITHOUT CHILD is an important book about an important topic that is, all too often, hidden, selectively neglected, or distorted beyond recognition. Laurie Lisle uses her personal journey as an intentionally childless woman of the Baby Boom generation to explore the stigma surrounding childlessness. While exploring the status of childlessness (voluntary, involuntary, and the gray areas in between)the author finds not only the history of a social stigma that lives on in our time but in doing so unravels important but neglected domains in our understanding of gender, family, and the study of children.

Although gender has undergone considerable change in recent decades, the author clearly shows that the idea of reproductive freedom DOES NOT include the freedom to choose childlessness. When American's speak of `reproductive freedom,' they usually are referring to the freedom to choose from the options leading to parenthood rather than the freedom to choose between parenthood and childlessness. Women making this choice encounter a good deal of negative and often hostile social pressure from family, friends, and professionals. Their stories reminding us that increased gender options are centered around an important contradiction in women's (and men's to a lesser degree)developmental psychology.

The hidden history of childlessness also reminds us that across cultures and throughout hisory childless women have played a significant role in family functioning, a role that continues today. The role of the `social parent' appears to be an implicit legacy of childlessness. Whether they have been famous (Jane Addams) or not, they have contributed in a myriad of ways to the functioning of families. Indeed, it seems reasonable to state that they have often served as the invisible glue in family functioning, whether the family in question was their own or someone else's.

The way we choose to recogonize these women, also exposes further distortions in our thinking about women and families which may be important at this time in history. Femaleness and motherhood have yet to be disentangled in much of our thinking and yet global and local social problems are intimately linked, at least in part, to reproductive decision making and the quality of children's lives.

Laurie Lisle's book places in full focus a domain that is most often pushed to the side and dismissed as unimportant. The story she tells through the vehicle of her own life demonstrates the value of this work not simply to the childless themselves but to a broad audience, including experts concerned with pressing issues of our time.

As someone who is intentionally childfree and has never experienced much ambivalence on the issue, I was disappointed that this book did not really speak to my experiences. I found myself becoming irritated every time Lisle stopped to reassure the reader that, in fact, she quite likes children. It was almost as if she was constantly apologizing for not having any of her own, and rather than "challenging the stigma of childlessness," these apologies seemed almost to reinforce that stigma. I think it would have been a better (more meaningful, more significant) book if she had come to her decision not to have kids out of a position of conscious childfreedom, rather than ambivalent childlessness.

While people who are childless, or who are contemplating not having children might find this book useful, I would not recommend it for those who know they are childfree.

I chose to not have children at age 18 - and I've never regretted it. Now in my thirties, I've spent countless hours reviewing and explaining my choice, often for people who had no right to know but insisted anyway. But here, for the first time ever, all the arguments and thoughts I've had about choosing childnessless are discussed in depth and wonderfully in this book. Ms. Lisle wrote the book I would have written if I could have done so. She has my eternal respect and gratitude for putting in print what I've been trying for years to explain.

Although the historical parts of this book are great, these moments are few and far between. It seemed to me that this entire work was solely the author's attempt to justify why she did not have children. Instead of standing up for her decision she makes it well known throughout the book that she missed her chance(s) to procreate. This book is most likely for women who fall into that catagory and not for the determined childfree.

I am a highly educated woman, but the language of this book is very hard to grasp. It gives wonderful historical information and facts, which is what the 2 stars are for, but my brain had to translate at least 1 word in every 2 sentences, making reading slow and difficult.

My husband and I chose not to have kids before we married. Some people and especially family members find this decision hard to take. I read this book after having an older family member tell me (for an hour and a half!)I would never be a complete woman without having children. I wanted historical background from this book. I wanted to be able to explain the courage involved in our decision, especially in our society. I love kids in my life, but don't want them to be my life. This book helps me to explain that there is nothing wrong with that. Thank you Laurie Lisle!

This was my first book ever to read about childlessness today and in the past. If it is a choice, in many instances, it is tough choice to make. If the childlessness is a result of the circumstance(s), any woman may find it difficult at times to rationalize the outcome. But this is what makes it difficult about accepting the book completely. It is not the always woman who decides not to have children of her own. There is some, but not enough discussion in the book about the man who makes decision not to have children of his own. The extensive research by Ms. Lisle, which is quite remarkable, does not go deep into men's choices or circumstances about not having children. I only wish that both sexes were researched equally for this purpose. However, overall, this topic and the book is valuable support for anyone out there trying to assert themselves and resassure themselves, that there is nothing abnornal about making these choices and that after all, there are people out there across all continents, social backgrounds and professional backgrounds who feel quite comforable accepting the idea that they either do not wish to have children of their own, or can live quite hapily without children regardless of the reasons for not having them.

This was a real disappointment. The author's presentation of the historical and personal material is very dry. this book reads like a textbook, threaded with her personal story. The sociological and historical data are interesting, and her insights are ocassionally enlightening, but the delivery is BLAH.

Lisle captures the ambivalence of childlessness for most women. There is so much pressure in society to have children that only a few really independent women are really capable of saying "no, I think I will pass" and not looking back. Many make the decision just as she did, by not really making the decision or by waiting to try so late in life that the chances are low.

Because of the extremely academic style employed by Lisle, this book will not appeal to all. Still, it is thought provoking and really points out all the reasons why it is almost impossible to choose to be childless without regrets. Understanding the source and reasons for all of the pressure does help, however.

I agree with a lot of the other reviews here; this book is more geared towards the childless than the childfree. There is a huge difference. The term childless applies to anyone who wants a child and cannot have one. The term childfree applies to anyone (straight, gay, or bisexual) who plans not to raise or bear children for a variety of reasons.
If you're looking for a childfree book, this isn't it.