Customer Reviews

With or Without a Man: Single Women Taking Control of Their Lives

5 star:		(3)
4 star:		(0)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(2)
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This is such a good book. It's truly a unique find in the pool of books aimed at singles. I don't understand the couple of other negative reviews here for I came away with precisely the opposite impression: The author is motivating women NOT to be needy, dependent, or hardened and resigned to being single forever. Her whole aim is to get singles to step away from the emotions and screaming biological clocks while considering things that will make their lives better *whether or not* they ever marry.

I thought I was well read on the subject of being happy as a single person, yet this author showed me things I didn't realize I was doing and attitudes I didn't realize I had. For example, I wonder how many other singles find themselves holding off on buying furniture they'd like or buying a house because of thoughts, even very subtle, that they should wait because they'll probably be married someday and "he'll" already have a house or furniture, or you can buy what you like together? I was surprised to realize how many of these little things I was doing - and in effect, how it's a sign of undervaluing the individual's life apart from another.

The author also examines commonly held beliefs about singles and how we tend to try to dissect exactly why we're single. Karen Gail Lewis demonstrates how we women typically blame ourselves and try to come to some conclusion, such as we're "too choosy", "too independent", "too set in our ways", "too intelligent", "too intimidating", or whatever. She shows that sometimes there simply is NO reason other than not having met the right person yet: a certain amount of finding a compatible mate is chance.

Valuing your life and living your dreams is what this book is all about. It's not about man-hating, being jaded or asexual. It's about taking responsibility for your happiness and your choices WHETHER OR NOT you marry. There are great suggestions that will be strengthening to you whether you remain single forever or do find someone to marry. Karen's book is about not putting your life on hold for "someday". It's all about empowerment.

As a divorced woman "of a certain age," I was delighted to find this book that talks about real people and real situations--and that is free of male bashing. Men are people, too, in this book, even though the focus is on women like me: trying to live fulfilling lives and understand our relationships (if any) with men. Lewis is particularly good on friendships, of all kinds, and the role they play in our lives. If she doesn't discuss at least one situation that makes you say "YES--I've been there!", I would be very surprised. And with her comments, you might handle it differently the next time. Read, enjoy, and learn.

The viewpoint of the author is more from the "single-again" perspective as opposed to the 'single-never married" view. She does touch on the never-married topic but not significantly. If you are in the first category, this book could be helpful, but having never been married I did not find it as appealing.

It seems that Lewis mainly addresses women who are at least in their 40's. If you're younger than that, you might not find a lot of this book relevant to you. In the chapter on "Grieving," she says that in your 20's and 30's you might still be determining what you have control over in your life, but by mid-life you've reached your "second adulthood" and are ready for this grieving step, etc. This tells me that she has aimed this book at women who are at least 40. I'm in my late 30's and found the "Grieving" chapter so depressing I have to tell myself it isn't for me. Yet.

Specifically, she asks the question, if you had a crystal ball that told you you'd definitely never marry or partner again, what would you do? She describes women who say this would be awful, but also freeing since they could re-direct their energies in self-fulfilling ways instead of looking for a man. But I can feel myself becoming suicidal again when I consider such a crystal ball message. Maybe I'm not strong enough for this book.

This is a wonderful book that every single PERSON should read. Many of the concepts presented here apply to all of us. The book has an upbeat, yet reflective take on what single life is all about (and how rich it is in many ways.) It is articulate and full of examples from the author's life that many readers should find relevant and humorous. I highly recommend it to any single reader.

This isn't a kick a** book like I was hoping. It isn't a celebration of the single state; it seems more the the author was regretfully resigned to this delightful condition. Some of the adivce runs like "bla bla until you can find a man" or "it's not your fault you are single, you've tried long and hard to find a man". As if we were waiting with baited breath for prince charming. I guess it's okay for the needy types.