Customer Reviews

Woman First, Family Always

5 star:		(15)
4 star:		(4)
3 star:		(11)
2 star:		(9)
1 star:		(12)

 

 

I could not buy this book fast enough because I adored the title. The "Family First" mantra has always bothered me because it seems to suggest that mom is not a full-fledged member of the family and that everyone else in the family ought to come first, with mom getting the leftovers. I also loved the opening in which Sansone talks about the ups and downs being the normal cycle of family life. That is such a critically important and underappreciated view of life in our society. I also liked the format of the book -- the little nuggets of wisdom in the three main areas of a woman's life.

So in every way I was predisposed to like this book. But I came away a bit disappointed. I really wanted this mother of 10 to show me the premise in action, to make herself vulnerable and demonstrate that family life has its inevitable high highs and low lows, through which you endure and love one another.

Perhaps I should fault her editor for not demanding more "show than tell." Perhaps Sansone is too private a person to reveal more of the struggle. I wholeheartedly agree with Sansone's message -- that moms should not aim for perfection and that we should take care of ourselves amid the mayhem of modern family life. But the message was not nearly as poignantly told as it could have been, if we understood more of Sansone's family's everyday nuttiness, the mistakes and corrections she makes, and the way she lives and forgives herself for "the normal cycle" of family life.

I picked up this book at full price because I REALLY wanted to love it. (Full price is WAY overpriced.) I didn't see Kathryn on Oprah, but I am fascinated by women who have mega children and have it all together. I wanted to give it 5 stars, but could only justify 3. Here's the good: If Kathryn can handle all those kids, I can handle my 4. Her faith in God is so inspiring and she has many of the same traditional values as I do. I can't complain about not having time to exercise anymore -I just need to look at the picture of her family for inspiration. And the emphasis she places on her marriage has opened my eyes, and makes me want to do the same.

Here's the mediocre: We moms know the importance of children brushing their teeth, showing up to our kids' activities and having dry erase boards for scheduling everything. I can't believe how much of the book is about stuff NO PARENT needs to be told. (I'm sure they are a few exceptions.) Kathryn has to be omitting some major information. She says she leaves the house at 8:00 am, but doesn't say what time she needs to get up to get all those kids ready. What about preparing school lunches the night before. I HATE that job, and I only have 4 kids. My kids go to a private school with school uniforms and I am always making sure there are khaki pants and white shirts ready. She hardly mentions laundry. My teenage son sometimes grows out of pants in a month. She doesn't mention all the shopping that she must do. Unless she DOESN'T do it, or the laundry, or the lunches the night before. Maybe she doesn't load up all the little ones in the car in the morning. Maybe there's a nanny. She barely makes mention of a Boot Camp she runs out of her home, but who's watching the kids then? She claims to run around so many hours of the day in her car. How does she run the Boot Camp then? She tells about when she was voted president of the hospital board of directors. (Why the heck did she have this need?) She was feeling a bit(?) overwhelmed and wasn't sure about this new position. Apparently she got through this quandry by just taking a deep breath and staying positive. Gee, why doesn't that work for me? She also takes a bath each night, belongs to a book club, God knows what else, besides working out each day and having monthly pedicures and manicures. And then there's the bit about her having 10 kids. Whew! How did she write this book? Anyway, good for her. I hope some of her calmness and inspiring ways rub off on me and I do plan on keeping this book around for a reminder that if she can manage (with whatever help she has but doesn't mention), so can I. She seems like a lovely person that I would like to know personally.

This book does have some inspiring advice, to be fair. It's true that we do need to make time for ourselves and have friendships, and sometimes when we get married we forget those things. So I do love that message. But as you continue reading, it becomes a little bit infuriating. It is not humanly possible to accomplish all the tasks in her life and still be a wife and mother. I mean, you do have to make a lot of sacrifices in order to run a household, and she just has so much going on, that it isn't realistically attainable. Here's what I read before closing the book frustrated: She volunteers at hospitals, bakes cookies and sells them, is active in both volleyball and tennis, gets manicures and pedicures, belongs to a book club, wrote a book, goes to the [...] show, goes out with her many girlfriends, drives her kids to and from private school and each of them to and from their separate sporting events and practices, works out in her gym for an hour each day, belongs to the PTA, goes on weekly date nights with her husband, takes care of 2 dogs, 10 kids, a husband, does housework and makes dinner, etc, etc, etc,!! Come on, you must be kidding! I can definitely understand why she says she chose to not breastfeed any of her 10 children. That would have required her to spend time at home!

I was so disappointed with this book. I bought it wanting to love it. I figured I ought to be able to learn *something* from a mother of ten. But instead, I got a book that rehashes the Oprah Show and Dr. Phil. There's nothing new here at all. Sadly, the author didn't even really show us how she accomplishes the goals in her own life. There is no depth.

I really did enjoy the book overall, however, as a stay-at-home mother of 8 kids (yes, we are Catholic,too) ages 6-months - 13 yr's old, many of the points lacked depth, I thought. I share many of her values, and I, too, have been married for 19 years to the same wonderful man, but I have much more on my mind at the end of the day other than tidying the house for "my man" and waiting anxiously at the door for his arrival. If I am waiting anxiously at the front door, it's to hand him the baby and the younger kids so I can go to the bathroom alone.

After years of infertility and then successfuly being blessed with our wonderful family, I'm truly not looking to compare my life with hers or any others, I'm looking to share in the good, frenzied, funny, difficult and realistic moments that any mother shares this day and age. I'd love to sit down with Kathryn and talk one on one with her---I'm sure she's faced the mundane struggles the rest of us have, and it would be nice to hear about it without quite as much frosting---that's all.

I truly like her, I love the premise of this book, the principles, but I put this book down feeling a void. I don't know anything about her, the book barely grazed the surface, Kathryn was not vulnerable at an point. Ultimately I blame that on a poor editor, for not pushing for more, for not directing her in a way that really pulls the readers in. I could have gotten the information in this book from any mom.

Sansone does a wonderful job conveying the importance of self, faith, and family in her debut book.

I was skeptical at first because I did not believe that a woman such as Kathryn could truly do everything she claims to do. How is it possible to have a gorgeous husband, 10 (that's one more than a regulation baseball team, or twice the size of a regulation basketball team!) happy children, a beautiful house, and an all around successful family and life while maintaining a positive outlook and a sense of self? Somehow Sansone manages to do just that. She doesn't waste time detailing logistics (of doing laundry, preparing meals for 12 on a daily basis, driving to Grandma's house, waking up in the morning, bed times, bath times, sharing rooms, or planning vacations) and instead fills space with heartfelt stories of her crazy experiences.

I especially enjoyed reading about her inspirations for this book (Oprah, her family, her friends, her faith) and little ways, tips, and hints she uses to find time for herself and for others. The short anecdotes about meeting Jim when she was a teenager, her struggles through her pregnancies, disagreements with other parents, and how she disciplines her 7 boys were not only humorous and thought provoking but also a helful tool for everyone to realize that we're in it together and have similiar problems regardless of socioeconomic standing. Her emphasis on faith, love, and charity is something that isn't found in the media enough today.

The part of this book that slightly irritated me was her constant repetition of "I'm not perfect", "I'm not supermom", or "I can't do it all." While I find it wonderful for someone to be able to admit their faults, sometimes it seemed as if she was simply trying to cover all the bases of being polically correct and not "tooting her own horn."

Also, I understand the importance of making a book universal by not applying names to all situations, but following stories about multiple children/events when the only information you're given (in regard to names) is "Jim" "her brother" "his sister" "the youngest" or "the oldest" can sometimes get confusing. I think it would have been an interesting addition to this book if Sansone had used her family's names; after all, it is a book about her family, and the reader comes away knowing only the name of her husband and the fact that she has 10 children. Why not mention them? Their friends? Their teachers? Their surroundings? Sometimes the best way to tell a story is to paint a picture, and I found that hard to do at times during this book.

For those of you that might purchase this book, I encourage you to take it as it is: a wonderful story about a wise woman with a successful family. You will be disappointed if you're looking for the key to success in life or a set of rules to live by. Kathryn tries (and succeeds) to lead you in directions of self-discovery and self-acceptance which, hopefully, in turn can lead to a greater understanding and appreciation of love for oneself and others.

Is it me or is there something missing from this book? While I was reading the book I kept thinking what does this women's husband do for a living to afford the ten children, private schools and stay-at-home wife? What is her background? Why did she and her husband want such a large family? What are her children's names and ages? She seems to brag about how she does it all....Yet, she obviously must have a nanny, driver, gardener and baby-sitters at her manicured finger tips. She is not being open and honest about how she gets it all done. It would have been better if she had been HONEST with her readers and explained the logistics in more detail. Sure it is easy to write a book and say look how great I am...when you have delegated out all the work to someone else!!! Roman-Catholic mom (1 of 6) from San Francisco, CA and Greenwich, CT

I have to say I picked this book up because as a mother of five children, two of whom are twins, I wondered how she did it with ten and looked that great! After a very easy read, I am still wondering. To be fair, there were a few good ideas I picked up and will implement, but all in all, at the end of the book I am still wondering how she does it all and what "all" is to her. Mothers have a fine balance to carve out between being self-absorbed and martyrs - and I am still wondering where this woman fits in that equation and how she does it. I get the feeling that even as a middle class mother, my resources do not even come close to what she has and I wonder if one would need them to have all that she has. However, I am reminded that mothering is such an individual thing - it wouldn't be what it was if we could all go out and buy an operations manual to know EXACTLY HOW to do it right. My best advice - read this book like the journal of a friend and implement into your life what works for you. That is what I am going to do - and I recommend flylady.com and the book "Sink Reflections" for those of us who need help really getting a system to support our families and bring more peace into our lives.

As a busy mom, I agree that dates out with my husband and daily 30 minute workouts are essential to well being, health, and happiness. What I question in her book are these things:

-having and keeping up with so many friendships, even ones who have run their course (like her friend who never calls her, take the hint Katherine!) When you have a husband and ten kids, just finding alone time with yourself, your husband, and special times out with each child should be enough, and maybe one or two close friends.
-using chores as a punishment instead of "time outs" because the kids began enjoying the time "in their rooms". First of all, time outs are meant to be right in front of you for like 3 minutes, on a chair facing the wall, not in their rooms watching T.V. and the like. Secondly, with mostly boys in her family, I think men have enough problem helping with chores in their lives, and using them as punishment, I think, is a really bad idea.
-for most women, lifting weights throughout an entire pregnancy would be impossible. Personally, I spend the first three much deathly ill, and the last three months with shortness of breath and fatigue. And lifting weights during breastfeeding can cause severe mastitis for many woman. (However, Katherine did not breastfeed any of her kids.)
Katherine says life was much harder in her twenties when she had only two kids than in her forties now with ten kids. That's because she is older, wiser, and has a very wealthy husband. It's not jealousy, it's reality: Nice things make life nicer, lots of money makes life easier. She doesn't mention nannies and housekeepers and manicure and pedicure payments, because those things aren't an issue when you're rich.
But to be fair, I'm glad I read the book and I was inspired by many other things, and still gave it three stars.