Every year, millions of withdrawn little girls and chronically overwhelmed women go undiagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder because they don't fit the stereotypical profile: they’re not fast-talking, hyperactive, or inattentive, and they are not male. Sari Solden’s groundbreaking study reveals that ADD affects just as many women as men, and that the resulting depression, disorganization, anxiety, and underachievement are also symptoms of ADD. Newly revised and updated to reflect the latest clinical research, the book explores treatment and counseling options, and uses real-life case histories to examine the special challenges women with ADD and ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) face, such as the shame of not fulfilling societal expectations. Included is a brand new chapter on friendship for women with ADHD. Three empowering steps — restructuring one's life, renegotiating relationships, and redefining self-image — help women take control of their lives and enjoy success on their own terms.
Women With Attention Deficit Disorder
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Book Description
Editorial Reviews
Review
By examining the interplay between genetics and environment, Sari Solden has broken new ground in Women With Attention Deficit Disorder. -- John J. Ratey, MD, co-author Driven to Distraction
--This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
From the Publisher
This pioneering book explains that ADD is an equal-opportunity disorder that affects just as many women as men.
--This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
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Customer Reviews
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
55 of 56 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
If you're ADD like me -- "ADD Like Me" wow, what a great movie title! Sorry; I digress -- anyway, if you are, then you'll be scribbling and underlining like mad all through this book.
Sari Solden's fresh perspectives have helped me hop off the Treadmill of Getting Nowhereness that so many women with ADD seem to be on. Her hefty book is packed with eye-opening comments that seem outside the perspectives of most other writers on the general subject of ADD/ADHD.
Solden's focus is on the impact of ADD behaviors on others and how this distorts the mirror in which we seek our sense of self. That dynamic translates into an array of family, community, and workplace issues. She provides the reader with why/because insights that, while never condescending, make recognizably clear and tenable what others have only skimmed over in their rush to suggest clever coping mechanisms.
These insights have already helped me explain to my own significant others -- those who are still speaking to me, that is! -- how I need to approach life and how they can best accommodate my unique style in return for the many ways in which I go overboard accommodating *them*. This delicate negotiation phase is a tricky one that Solden covers, I believe, too briefly given its importance; this is no mere matter of coping mechanisms. In a future edition, she might want to consider expanding that chapter. While at it, she might make her examples of dialog with significant others a little less stilted -- they're written in classic "Therapese" -- so readers could actually imagine themselves saying such things without dissolving into gales of laughter.
On a positive note with respect to that same section, I thank Solden for this candid advice, here paraphrased: Don't go on every chance you get about how you have ADD. It's tedious for others to hear." How blessedly judgmental! That sort of practical advice is rare among medical and mental health professionals, but it absolutely belongs in a discussion of living with ADD. Her follow-up is equally helpful: what others *do* need/want to hear.
Solden has the courage to say that living with ADD is never going to be easy. The most elegant strategies can always be confounded and it's best to expect these slip-ups and think of ways ahead of time to manage in spite of them. Other authors on this subject seem to think that once armed with the right prescription medicine, a supply of Post-It notes and a PDA, coping with ADD is a battle won. Those with ADD who believe such facile nonsense are doomed to a life of self-loathing. Solden seems to understand this, and helps readers not only understand, but accept it, too.
Women with ADD need to read this book with their pens uncapped, or, if they have moral objections to scribbling in books, a good thick notepad handy. There will be much of value to note, review, and especially *use*, long after the wisdom contained in other books on the subject of ADD has gone to the place where an ADDer's intention to send out birthday cards on time usually goes.
Sari Solden's fresh perspectives have helped me hop off the Treadmill of Getting Nowhereness that so many women with ADD seem to be on. Her hefty book is packed with eye-opening comments that seem outside the perspectives of most other writers on the general subject of ADD/ADHD.
Solden's focus is on the impact of ADD behaviors on others and how this distorts the mirror in which we seek our sense of self. That dynamic translates into an array of family, community, and workplace issues. She provides the reader with why/because insights that, while never condescending, make recognizably clear and tenable what others have only skimmed over in their rush to suggest clever coping mechanisms.
These insights have already helped me explain to my own significant others -- those who are still speaking to me, that is! -- how I need to approach life and how they can best accommodate my unique style in return for the many ways in which I go overboard accommodating *them*. This delicate negotiation phase is a tricky one that Solden covers, I believe, too briefly given its importance; this is no mere matter of coping mechanisms. In a future edition, she might want to consider expanding that chapter. While at it, she might make her examples of dialog with significant others a little less stilted -- they're written in classic "Therapese" -- so readers could actually imagine themselves saying such things without dissolving into gales of laughter.
On a positive note with respect to that same section, I thank Solden for this candid advice, here paraphrased: Don't go on every chance you get about how you have ADD. It's tedious for others to hear." How blessedly judgmental! That sort of practical advice is rare among medical and mental health professionals, but it absolutely belongs in a discussion of living with ADD. Her follow-up is equally helpful: what others *do* need/want to hear.
Solden has the courage to say that living with ADD is never going to be easy. The most elegant strategies can always be confounded and it's best to expect these slip-ups and think of ways ahead of time to manage in spite of them. Other authors on this subject seem to think that once armed with the right prescription medicine, a supply of Post-It notes and a PDA, coping with ADD is a battle won. Those with ADD who believe such facile nonsense are doomed to a life of self-loathing. Solden seems to understand this, and helps readers not only understand, but accept it, too.
Women with ADD need to read this book with their pens uncapped, or, if they have moral objections to scribbling in books, a good thick notepad handy. There will be much of value to note, review, and especially *use*, long after the wisdom contained in other books on the subject of ADD has gone to the place where an ADDer's intention to send out birthday cards on time usually goes.
45 of 46 people found the following review helpful
By Misanthrope
Format:Paperback
This book does an exhaustive job of examining the hows and whys ADHD tends to devastate the lives of women and girls, sometimes more so than male sufferers. The expectations of being a wife and mother, the pressures of having to "hold it all together for the family", the intolerance of women to deviance of social norms, can all push ADHD women and girls to the breaking point. But for all the acknowledgment and validation of struggles, this book is painfully thin on practical suggestions for what to do. All too often, the authors implore readers to consult their "support systems", "support mechanisms" and the like, whenever a problem arises. For many women with ADHD, and for many people in fact, you can't rely on a vaguely defined "support system" for help all through your life. Friends can't always be relied upon in the manner the authors suggest,almost like a second family. And the "support system" recommended would break the bank of most middle-class individuals, with the coaches, therapists, specialists, and other personnel the authors would have at the ready. It just isn't realistic! Where does a person with limited means fit into all this? I mean, I KNOW it's hard, but it can't take all this to make things work, only a rich person has the resources outlined in this volume.
26 of 27 people found the following review helpful
By Pamela
Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase
The idea or diagnosis of ADD/ADHD can lead to paradoxical confusion, particularly for those who are hypo-active (opposite of hyperactive): whose brains can become so full of ideas, messages, etc. that they cannot get up, leave the house, or make a "simple" phone call. As a result, people with (or near) ADHD reject the diagnosis as an excuse rather than a medical condition.
People who have ADHD are often extraordinarily bright, high achievers, even "miracle workers" among peers. Common companions to this level of achievement are monumental effort, inability to perform, and huge inconsistencies in application of skills.
What people near an individual with ADHD rarely realize is how well that individual is hiding the tremendous time, effort, and inconsistencies behind their accomplishments. All the public sees is the "magic" the ADHD individual can work. What's hidden is the extreme opposite (the "dark side"): an inability to perform so pronounced that the person with ADHD herself cannot grasp a reliable self-image from the enormous range between the low and high sides of her performance. When she shares her difficulties or others learn of them, her peers often react in disbelief and even mockery of the idea that this extraordinary, highly intelligent person cannot manage an everyday task like clearing clutter, doing the dishes, or paying bills. People with ADHD make life-altering decisions in an effort to avoid the failure, discovery of, or mockery/disbelief from peers: they move, quit their jobs, change majors, quit school, pick up addictive habits (self-medicating) like heavy caffeine usage, and so on (Solden, 2008).
Solden confirms that ADHD results in cognitive and psychological challenges, but it is a physical ailment that is medically identifiable via MRI (2008). More often, individuals are diagnosed through various psychological tests and questionnaires that are diagnostically sufficient but enable the patient to assume an ability (and failure) to control the symptoms of ADHD far beyond what is realistic. The result is that they blame and berate themselves for non or poor performance. "I need to try harder, get up earlier, start sooner, do better, wake up, stop doing this" or "I'm lazy, ungrateful, slovenly, undeserving, etc." Compounding this assumption is the ADHD person's sense of shame resulting from a history of parental, other authoritative, and internal messages admonishing messy desks or bedrooms, lateness, forgetfulness, etc. In a nutshell, the person with ADHD tends to blame himself and does not accept excuses for his shortcomings, attributing failure to character flaws rather than a breakdown in cognitive (specifically executive) functions in the physical brain (Solden, 2008). Because of this, the ADHD individual sees a diagnosis of ADHD as an "excuse" rather than a disease, resulting in delay of diagnostic clarification, treatment, and recovery.
What Solden does extremely well is to identify the variety of manifestations one encounters in an individual with ADHD, their common sources, and pathways to recovery. She addresses the far lesser known and often misunderstood hypo-active individual, finally making sense of the individuals' tendency toward low activity, low stimulation, the feeling of paralysis, and the overwhelm that leads to the behavior.
Yes, as another reader pointed out, the proofreading for this book was sorely neglected. It is more rife with unintentional grammatical errors than any mass-produced book I've read (that's a lot of books). Surprisingly, I did not find them annoying enough to detract from the reading experience: the content is powerful.
If you have or know someone - male or female - with ADD, ADHD, or anything related, get this book ASAP.
People who have ADHD are often extraordinarily bright, high achievers, even "miracle workers" among peers. Common companions to this level of achievement are monumental effort, inability to perform, and huge inconsistencies in application of skills.
What people near an individual with ADHD rarely realize is how well that individual is hiding the tremendous time, effort, and inconsistencies behind their accomplishments. All the public sees is the "magic" the ADHD individual can work. What's hidden is the extreme opposite (the "dark side"): an inability to perform so pronounced that the person with ADHD herself cannot grasp a reliable self-image from the enormous range between the low and high sides of her performance. When she shares her difficulties or others learn of them, her peers often react in disbelief and even mockery of the idea that this extraordinary, highly intelligent person cannot manage an everyday task like clearing clutter, doing the dishes, or paying bills. People with ADHD make life-altering decisions in an effort to avoid the failure, discovery of, or mockery/disbelief from peers: they move, quit their jobs, change majors, quit school, pick up addictive habits (self-medicating) like heavy caffeine usage, and so on (Solden, 2008).
Solden confirms that ADHD results in cognitive and psychological challenges, but it is a physical ailment that is medically identifiable via MRI (2008). More often, individuals are diagnosed through various psychological tests and questionnaires that are diagnostically sufficient but enable the patient to assume an ability (and failure) to control the symptoms of ADHD far beyond what is realistic. The result is that they blame and berate themselves for non or poor performance. "I need to try harder, get up earlier, start sooner, do better, wake up, stop doing this" or "I'm lazy, ungrateful, slovenly, undeserving, etc." Compounding this assumption is the ADHD person's sense of shame resulting from a history of parental, other authoritative, and internal messages admonishing messy desks or bedrooms, lateness, forgetfulness, etc. In a nutshell, the person with ADHD tends to blame himself and does not accept excuses for his shortcomings, attributing failure to character flaws rather than a breakdown in cognitive (specifically executive) functions in the physical brain (Solden, 2008). Because of this, the ADHD individual sees a diagnosis of ADHD as an "excuse" rather than a disease, resulting in delay of diagnostic clarification, treatment, and recovery.
What Solden does extremely well is to identify the variety of manifestations one encounters in an individual with ADHD, their common sources, and pathways to recovery. She addresses the far lesser known and often misunderstood hypo-active individual, finally making sense of the individuals' tendency toward low activity, low stimulation, the feeling of paralysis, and the overwhelm that leads to the behavior.
Yes, as another reader pointed out, the proofreading for this book was sorely neglected. It is more rife with unintentional grammatical errors than any mass-produced book I've read (that's a lot of books). Surprisingly, I did not find them annoying enough to detract from the reading experience: the content is powerful.
If you have or know someone - male or female - with ADD, ADHD, or anything related, get this book ASAP.
Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars
a must-read for women with ADD!
This book has really opened my eyes to All the issues women with ADD suffer with. It explains so much of what I have dealt with my whole life. I wholeheartedly reccomend this book! Read more
Published 2 months ago by hondagirl
5.0 out of 5 stars
Very helpful
This is the first book that really explained how women can have ADD and never be diagnosed. It helped me to see my life in a whole new way, and helped me to accept ADD in myself. Read more
Published 3 months ago by K. Prager
4.0 out of 5 stars
An honest assessment.
Sari Solden's honest assessment of women with ADHD is so authentic and meticulous in personal details that it'd be a shame not to spread the word. Read more
Published 4 months ago by Prolific reader
5.0 out of 5 stars
Best book on the topic
Thorough, intelligent, readable
It's my Bible. I cannot recommend this book highly enough.
It will help you feel sane again.
It's my Bible. I cannot recommend this book highly enough.
It will help you feel sane again.
Published 4 months ago by Lisa jones
5.0 out of 5 stars
Daughter
My young adult daughter with ADHD Loved It. I bought it for her as she has struggled with ADHD most of her life.
Published 5 months ago by James M. Sommerfeldt
4.0 out of 5 stars
Great for Women with ADD
I saw this in my sister's place and was intrigued. Unfortunately it seems to be in limited supply on the net, but worth acquiring.
Published 5 months ago by T. M. Gand
5.0 out of 5 stars
A must first read for women who suspect they have AD/HD and their...
My therapist highly recommended this but I thought it would be just another AD/HD book. NOT!! Only downside it doesn't have a lot of pictures and graphics that we AD/HDrs need to... Read more
Published 6 months ago by KENNA HOYSER
5.0 out of 5 stars
Women With Attention Deficit Disorder: Embrace Your Differences and...
This is a very realistic and informative read that clearly depicts the struggles / symptoms many women have throughout life with undiagnosed or untreated AD/HD. Read more
Published 8 months ago by Kelly Wilson
4.0 out of 5 stars
ADD Woman
Although I have not completed reading this book I am enjoying it. However, I thought there were toooooo many intro pages. I wanted to get to the content. Read more
Published 8 months ago by Reader Genie
5.0 out of 5 stars
Someone wrote my diary
Extremely insightful. I am a recently diagnosed adult and this has changed/helped all my relationships! I feel like I have more insight about myself, highly recommended.
Published 8 months ago by lawschool_scrapper
