Customer Reviews

Women with Attention Deficit Disorder: Embracing Disorganization at Home and in the Workplace

5 star:		(62)
4 star:		(9)
3 star:		(7)
2 star:		(5)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

This book should be mandatory reading for any woman who is woefully disorganized. I was always the kid with the messy locker, messy desk, messy bedroom, who eventually evolved into the adult with the messy office and messy house, constantly losing pens and jewelry and keys and phone numbers and important papers, frequently depressed. Getting out the door was a major struggle -- I had to find my keys, find my purse, go b ack to turn off the stove & iron. Then I'd get to where I was going without my list, end up in the checkout line with my purse, but for some reason, it didn't contain my wallet, charge cards or any money (other than the three wadded up singles, change from yesterday's lunch). (The wallet would end up under my bed or sitting on the kitchen table or somewhere.) I'd show up at the gym without my sneakers; I once showed up for a beach vacation without the sunscreen and aloe vera I had purchased the day before just for the trip. I was (and probably still am) the poster child for disorganization, I felt defective for this, ashamed to have people at my home because of the mess. This isn't laziness or simple space-cadetness, it is CLASSIC ADD BEHAVIOR. Recognizing this is extremely useful in figuring out how to deal with all the fallout of the disorganization.

I've also suffered from some debilitating depression over the years, and I've attributed my disorganization to my depression. ("I'm too depressed to wash the dishes.") After reading this (and a few other books), I think it's the other way around. My disorganization and complete inability to sort things out, attributable to ADD, has led to depression.

When my doctor first suggested ADD (in response to my concerns with depression), I was surprised. After all, I'm not a hyperactive twelve-year-old boy who can't seem to do well in school despite ability and intelligence. Rather, I was able to whiz through school, collecting good grades at every step along the way. That's not uncommon with women with ADD -- they can actually thrive in structured environments. It's difficult for them to excel in a wholly unstructured environment. Most are great at creative, strategic thinking. If an activity is highly stimulating, they will hyperfocus and do quite well (although perhaps spending more time than is appropriate for the task). If something is seemingly mundane or ministerial, it just doesn't get done. In other words, ADD incorporates not only an inability to focus, but a tendency to hyperfocus on occasion.

If your life is all fumbling in your oversized purse for keys or a pen, trying to find the little yellow sticky note with someone's phone number, paying your bills and taxes late because you can't find your checkbook, an envelope, a stamp, READ THIS BOOK. Unfortunately, physicians typically overlook the possibility of ADD in women (they don't get to see the stacks and stacks of papers in our homes & offices) -- and therefore, we're left thinking we're disorganized failures. This book gives you plenty of suggestions for exploring diagnosis, and/or treatment, and for conquering, or at least making the most of, disorganization.

(PS -- If this helps, I highly recommend Sandra Felton's books for "Messies" -- (search for "Messies" -- there are several choices; I like Messie Motivator.) Although she doesn't use the term "ADD," she focuses as much on the psychological & self-esteem issues of messiness as on dealing with the disorganization.)

As a clinical social worker who also happens to be a woman with ADD, this book was not only a practical help to me, but a personal support as well. Of particular poignancy and importance is Ms. Solden's advice that we "embrace our disorganization" rather than feel repelled and ashamed of it. She talks glowingly of attending a conference where the attendees were primarily adult ADD folks, and the comraderie and closeness she felt with all these people who were trying to find lost keys, fumbling for pencils, or interrupting one another, but doing so in an atmostphere of acceptance. The most significant focus within Ms.Solden's book is that the hiding (of ADD symptoms and habits) needn't continue. You can come out of your ADD closet and find a place for yourself amongst the "normal" folks in the world. Accurate diagnosis is essential, and then appropriate treatment, whether it be via medication, supportive psychotherapy or "coaching", whereby a family member, friend or therapist helps you stay on track. Looking at ADD with compassion and humor is something many women who are "in hiding" with the disorder may find difficult to do. But, when the hiding is over, so is the shame. This book offers hope to those who may not have believed it to be possible, yet it also avoids being saccharine or preachy. A very balanced view of a disorder that, for many of us, causes us to feel un-balanced.

Funny thing with this book. I did not know anything about it, did not even know that adults could have ADD. I was at the library, and as I was reaching for another book "Women with Attention deficit..." literally fell into my hand. I renewed this book over ten times. I am placing an order to give as Christmas gifts. At the risk of sounding dramatic I must be truthful and say that this book saved my life. I am one of these misdiagnosed women. My therapist was adamant that I do not have ADD. I was hurt by this because I thought he would help me develop what I was learning. I continued applying the lessons without his help. Sari Solden, where have you been all my crazy, disorganized life? I am so grateful for what I learned. Since reading this, I have raised my standards. No more bottom barrel jobs for this woman here. I interview like a pro, I know my gifts now, I can go on and on. I will never go back to what I was, (I do not know how I lived this way for so long) The best thing this wonderful brilliant professional did for me is to help me get over my shame about my so called secret. I love myself. I am a single mother, and my kids do not recognize me now. I am a wonderful, creative, assertive, organized, efficient, smart, beautiful, superduper black sister now! Thanks Ms.Solden. I just want you to know that I pray for you and ask God to continue blessing you for your bringing this much needed hope and empowerment to ADD women.

I picked this book up while cruising the bookstore for books on ADD, which both my son and I have. When I started reading, I had to put it down and go get a pencil. I underlined everything that was me--the book ended up looking like a flat zebra. In spite of myself I tend to feel ashamed, as though I have bad character, so to have a book addressed specifically to how ADD would look in a woman was wonderful. It isn't just that many women experience it differently than men, but also that the kinds of situations we find ourselves in are different. (Housecleaning!!!!!Nurturing!!!) Only down side, only not really, was that I had my then fiance, a psychologist, read it. He gave it back and said grumpily "this says you have no intention of changing." He's history now and I'm married to a lovely man who is more disorganized than I am.

If you're ADD like me -- "ADD Like Me" wow, what a great movie title! Sorry; I digress -- anyway, if you are, then you'll be scribbling and underlining like mad all through this book.

Sari Solden's fresh perspectives have helped me hop off the Treadmill of Getting Nowhereness that so many women with ADD seem to be on. Her hefty book is packed with eye-opening comments that seem outside the perspectives of most other writers on the general subject of ADD/ADHD.

Solden's focus is on the impact of ADD behaviors on others and how this distorts the mirror in which we seek our sense of self. That dynamic translates into an array of family, community, and workplace issues. She provides the reader with why/because insights that, while never condescending, make recognizably clear and tenable what others have only skimmed over in their rush to suggest clever coping mechanisms.

These insights have already helped me explain to my own significant others -- those who are still speaking to me, that is! -- how I need to approach life and how they can best accommodate my unique style in return for the many ways in which I go overboard accommodating *them*. This delicate negotiation phase is a tricky one that Solden covers, I believe, too briefly given its importance; this is no mere matter of coping mechanisms. In a future edition, she might want to consider expanding that chapter. While at it, she might make her examples of dialog with significant others a little less stilted -- they're written in classic "Therapese" -- so readers could actually imagine themselves saying such things without dissolving into gales of laughter.

On a positive note with respect to that same section, I thank Solden for this candid advice, here paraphrased: Don't go on every chance you get about how you have ADD. It's tedious for others to hear." How blessedly judgmental! That sort of practical advice is rare among medical and mental health professionals, but it absolutely belongs in a discussion of living with ADD. Her follow-up is equally helpful: what others *do* need/want to hear.

Solden has the courage to say that living with ADD is never going to be easy. The most elegant strategies can always be confounded and it's best to expect these slip-ups and think of ways ahead of time to manage in spite of them. Other authors on this subject seem to think that once armed with the right prescription medicine, a supply of Post-It notes and a PDA, coping with ADD is a battle won. Those with ADD who believe such facile nonsense are doomed to a life of self-loathing. Solden seems to understand this, and helps readers not only understand, but accept it, too.

Women with ADD need to read this book with their pens uncapped, or, if they have moral objections to scribbling in books, a good thick notepad handy. There will be much of value to note, review, and especially *use*, long after the wisdom contained in other books on the subject of ADD has gone to the place where an ADDer's intention to send out birthday cards on time usually goes.

Women face an incredible wall of disbelief from professionals when it comes to the diagnosis of ADD. This book acknowledges the additional gender-based expectations women face, exacerbating our difficulties, when it is a struggle just to meet the basic demands of daily life. Clearly explains what ADD is and is not, helps sort through the tangle step by step. Undiagnosed ADD can have us running ourselves ragged with no explanation, no hope of an answer, and "no excuse" for our problems. This book sheds light in so many areas that will never apply to the lives of men in this society. For women coming to terms with ADD, this is a MUST READ. Brings to light our disjointed lives, striving hard to hide the depth of our incompetence, hiding the mess at home and at work, the frantic behind-the-scenes scramble to keep up with the demands of everyday life. Gives hope and courage in the face of professional ignorance and reluctance to believe women, especially WITHOUT hyperactivity. It felt like my life was spread out before me in the pages of this book. Clearly delineated a struggle I thought was mine alone. When your friends and your therapist are saying "Oh, EVERYONE thinks they are ADD", tune in to this book. Let it be your guide in the search for an answer.

As a newly diagnosed adult with ADD this book was very helpful in identifying patterns throughout my life that I can now see were a part of ADD.
I appreciate the approach that this book is targeted toward women.
I found myself scanning most of the book (perhaps the ADD) because I felt like so many things were reitterated throughout.
The descriptive aspects of the book were right on, but the strategies for working through were sketchy at best. I came away with knowledge of how I have presented symptoms all of these years, but not really with any good strategies on how to turn these patterns into functional thoughts and rewarding events.
I also felt that her opposition to stating that one is disorganized is an overfocus of the book. I thought that I was very organized throughout my life, but after really looking at my patterns I can see that the lists in my head were actually part of my disorganized thinking. I don't think it is negative to say, "I am so disorganized". I am. I have spent so many years taking on more and more and not realizing why I can not complete or find satisfaction in anything I persue. Recognizing that I am disorganized and distracted has given me the ability to say "no".
I gave this book 4 stars because I found the personality descriptions quite an interesting read by themselves. She follows girls with quite different presentations of ADD and how they respond to life.

My partner is self-diagnosed with ADD, and living with her can be a challenge. The clutter, the disorganization, her tendency to forget things made me feel more often like her mother than her girlfriend. Reading this book gave me insight that allowed me to be more patient and understanding with her. Being judgemental and impatient can only make it worse.

Much to my surprise, I was also able to identify myself, without hyperactivity. I thought I was totally different from what I understood ADD to be. In many ways, I am not that different at all. I am slower, methodical, thorough...and very easily overwhelmed. I came to understand why I prefer working alone and why I just don't do well at parties. Understanding my ideal environment was an unexpected benefit of reading this book. Clear and well written, this book can only benefit anyone who chooses to add it to their pile of clutter...and *reads* it.

I cannot say enought about this book. It is fantastic. Despite the fact that I can never find a thing in my house and my vast adhd library is under piles of clothes, papers and who knows what else, I can always put my finger right on Women with ADD. I have pages marked that I refer to often, either for reminders on coping or just for moral support. I have never met Sari Solden, but she wrote about me in this book--and no doubt countless other women feel as I do.
I should say I am in my early forties and was diagnosed about 3 years ago. When I first got the "good" news that my job losses, insomnia (I am penning this at 4 am) and chronic disorganization were due to something girls were not suppossed to have (the doc jammed sedatives down my throat when I was a kid in the 60's--said I was a "nervous" and "excitable" child...I walked through grammar school in a fog...but I digress--I do have add, remember!) I bought just about every book around that looked reputable, but shied away from this one. Why? I am a snob--Sari is not a Ph.D or MD, so I figured her book would not be "sound."
Stupid Stupid Stupid. Yes, I learned my lesson--degrees mean little--heck, my 2 from top universities did not protect me from losing 2 good jobs in a row.
When an add coach told me to run quick like bunny and get this book, I did, and realized the error of my ways.
This is the best book on add for women (best add book period). I got confirmation that I was not alone, not nuts and ideas on coping with the "joy" of add ...(I am glad I am creative and articulate, but plenty of people have these skills and are not add. Yes, yes, I am off the topic again) Sari's (I feel like we are best buds, so I use her first name) book is well written, well researched, comprehensive, a great book for newly diagnosed and those living with the knowledge they have "it" for a while. If you can only get one adhd book--and you are of the better sex :-)--buy this one. Consider it for the guys who have to deal with you also. My boyfriend read it and said he understood me better after reading this book...though he did dump me 3 months later, so act with caution!! ;-)

This book is a must read for any women who either suspects or knows they or a female loved-one may be adhd/add. Who better to write such a book than Sari Solden who is add herself! This has honestly been one a a handfull of books I, as an add women, consider a true page turner. It's informative and concisely written and even goes into some of the secondary issues that can result from add.