Women Can't Hear What Men Don't Say: Destroying Myths, Creating Love [Hardcover]

Warren Farrell (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: October 4, 1999

The bestselling author of Why Men Are the Way They Are and The Myth of Male Power now shows couples how to break through the unseen barriers to male communication constructed by society, families, and our culture.

"Farrell continues to open genuine communication between the sexes."--Anthony Robbins, author of Awaken the Giant Within

This revolutionary, hands-on guide will cast more illumination on relationships and the issues men face than any book since the author's groundbreaking bestseller Why Men Are The Way They Are ("The most important book ever written about love, sex, and intimacy"--New York Post).

In Women Can't Hear What Men Don't Say, therapist and relationship expert Warren Farrell takes couples step-by-step through the environment of the home, media, educational system, and other institutions to carefully reveal unseen mechanisms each of us encounter daily that disrupt male-female communication and obscure men's own feelings.

Farrell provides a remarkable and easy-to-follow communication program that will bring couples beyond present barriers at home and in the workplace, and will allow them to speak and understand each other more fully than ever. His book helps all men and women achieve a better knowledge of their partners, themselves, and the surrounding sexual culture.

* black-and-white photos and line art throughout

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Farrell's useful ideas for improving communication between the sexes may get lost in all the shouting incited by his provocative comments on the effects of the women's movement. As he often reminds his readers, Farrell was a three-time board member of the National Organization for WomenAand bestselling author of The Liberated MaleAbefore he shifted his attention to men's issues in Why Men Are the Way They Are and The Myth of Male Power. He interprets the lack of media interest in the latter two books as censorship by "the Lace Curtain" of feminists who influence media, education, pop culture, government and the helping professions. His latest effort ostensibly offers a structured approach to giving and receiving criticism in intimate partnerships that could also be effective for other kinds of communication. His suggestions include a weekly "sharing and caring evening," in which negative feelings can be constructively expressed, and techniques for focusing on each partner's "best intent." Most of this book, however, addresses male-bashing and man-hating, based on Farrell's analysis of how men are portrayed in cartoons, greeting cards, books, movies and even the New York Times. Taking issue with Arlie Russell Hochschild's findings in The Second Shift that working women still bear the major responsibility for housework, he offers a list of more than 50 kinds of "male housework," often involving danger or heavy lifting, that go unappreciated. While deploring the expression "feminazi," he offers reasons why others might find parallels between the women's movement and the Nazis. Ultimately, Farrell generates more heat than light this time out. (Nov.)
Copyright 1999 Reed Business Information, Inc.

From Library Journal

What a beautiful place our world could be if women and men would really listen, hear, and empathize with each other's emotional perspectives. Expanding on his previous works, Farrell (The Myth of Male Power; Why Men Are the Way They Are) presents a new way of looking at the male/female roles and suggests that miscommunication sabotages relationships. His thought-provoking ideas (for instance, that the myths and stereotypes regarding male power may no longer be valid) will most likely antagonize radical feminists, but he presents convincing evidence to support his theories. The "relationship language" skills presented in Part 1 help to point the way to meaningful dialog between the sexes. An outstanding appendix includes domestic violence studies of both sexes and a summary of their findings. Highly recommended as a very readable and necessary addition to psychology collections in all academic and public libraries.AElizabeth Goeters, Georgia Perimeter Coll., Dunwoody
Copyright 1999 Reed Business Information, Inc.

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 320 pages
• Publisher: Tarcher (October 4, 1999)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 087477988X
• ISBN-13: 978-0874779882
• Product Dimensions: 9 x 6.1 x 1.5 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.4 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (54 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #970,031 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Dr. Warren Farrell began his research on gender issues in the '60s. His first book, The Liberated Man, was published in 1974. It was from the women's perspective and the feminist perspective. By the '80s, he began noticing that men were feeling misrepresented, and his award-winning national best-seller, Why Men Are The Way They Are, was written to answer women's questions about men in a way that rings true for men. The New York Post calls it "the most important book ever written about love, sex, and intimacy."

By the '90s, Dr. Farrell felt the misunderstandings about men had deepened and become dangerous to the survival of families and love. He confronted the misunderstandings head-on with the award-winning The Myth of Male Power, a book the The Library Journal ranked as "better than Robert Bly's Iron John or any of Betty Freidan's works." (His books are published in over 50 countries in 15 languages.)

By the turn of the century Dr. Farrell wanted to provide the sexes with the tools to communicate-- in particular to hear personal criticism from a loved one, especially when given badly. That was the take-off point for Women Can't Hear What Men Don't Say, a selection of the Book-of-the-Month Club. By 2001 Dr. Farrell completed research he had been working on for 13 years on the conditions under which children of divorce are most likely to be raised successfully. That book, Father and Child Reunion, has renewed the commitment of many dads to be with their children, and its research has helped judges understand the importance of dads.

Dr. Farrell's most recent research is published as Why Men Earn More: The Startling Truth Behind the Pay Gap -- and What Women Can Do About It. It documents the 25 differences between men and women's work-life decisions. It was chosen by U.S. News and World Report as one of the top four "great career books to be read in 2006."

Warren has appeared on over 1000 TV and radio shows, and been interviewed frequently by Oprah and Barbara, and by Larry King and Peter Jennings. He has been featured repeatedly on 20/20 and in The New York Times, in People and on Real People, in men's journals and The Wall Street Journal, and on the Today Show, the Tomorrow Show, and even To Tell The Truth.

Warren Farrell's understanding of both sexes is symbolized by his being, on the one hand, on the boards of four national men's organizations, and on the other hand, being the only man in the US to be elected three times to the Board of Directors of the National Organization for Women in New York City. Similarly, he has started over 600 men's and women's groups, and over 200,000 women and men have attended his workshops worldwide. He is the only person chosen to speak at both of former California Governor Wilson's 1995 conferences - his Conference on Men and his Conference on Women.

President Johnson chose Dr. Farrell as one of the outstanding young educators in the United States. (The man's been around for awhile!) He has taught political science, psychology, women's studies and sociology, and most recently taught at the School of Medicine at the University of California at San Diego. Dr. Farrell has been chosen by the International Biographic Centre of London as one of the World's 2000 Outstanding Scholars of the 20th Century and, in quite a different take, chosen by the Financial Times as one of the worlds top 100 Thought Leaders. He has also been selected by the Center for World Spirituality as one of the world's spiritual leaders.

Dr. Farrell is in Who's Who in America and Who's Who in the World, but his best moments are at home. He has two daughters and lives with his wife in Mill Valley, California, and virtually at www.warrenfarrell.com.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

52 of 55 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars All caring women should read this book, March 22, 2000

By 

J. Obeji (El Jebel, Colorado) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

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This review is from: Women Can't Hear What Men Don't Say: Destroying Myths, Creating Love (Hardcover)

When I first read the title "women can't hear what men don't say," I thought to myself "yeah, I can't hear what my boyfriend won't say." I wish he would speak up. After I read this book, I realized that there are alot of men that are afraid to speak up because feminism has swung the pendulum too far. This book was so enlightning and truly opened my eyes. Go to a greeting card rack sometime and see for yourself how many man-bashing cards there are. Do you ever see any women-bashing cards? There was a chapter in this book that actually made me cry because I realized how badly men have been treated in the past few years. Dr. Farrell does a wonderful job expressing what is happening in our culture. Dr. Farrell uses many studies that have been done and uses many examples in the book to get the points across. WOMEN - YOU HAVE TO READ THIS BOOK! As a woman, I ask you to please open your eyes to what is happening in our male-female relationships. Thank you Dr. Farrell for a great book.

53 of 58 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A must-read for all adult members of the human race!, October 7, 1999

By 

Ellen Brown (San Diego, CA USA) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: Women Can't Hear What Men Don't Say: Destroying Myths, Creating Love (Hardcover)

Those of us familiar with Farrell's work will agree--this was worth the wait! Those new to Farrell will wonder why they've never read him before! This book helps us clearly see how our gender opinions were formed and how inaccurate and contradictory they can be. Great suggestions for improved communication between the sexes in modern times. Dr. Farrell again uncovers little-known statistics that media and government don't necessarily want us to know which will proove surprising. He then offers us ways to interpret these statistics which have made me much more aware of how insensitive today's popular culture is toward men. Much of the 'male-bashing' humor in the mainstream would be completely unacceptable if directed at other minorities. This book (as all of Dr. Farrell's books) has given me an insight which, as a woman, I would never have been able to have otherwise. Reading it will make men feel better and women better partners. Men, if you read only one 'self help' book this year, make it this one. Then, share it with your signifcant other and watch your relationship improve. Bravo Dr. Farrell. You've done it again.

25 of 26 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A must-read, March 12, 2004

By 

Kurt A. Johnson (North-Central Illinois, USA) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: Women Can't Hear What Men Don't Say: Destroying Myths, Creating Love (Hardcover)

Dr. Warren Farrell spent three years on the board of directory of the Nation Organization for Women (NOW) in the 1970s. He wholeheartedly believed in the project of removing the barriers that kept women from realizing their full potential. With time, however, he saw the movement turn towards a victim mentality that focused on a hatred and envy of men.

In this book, Dr. Farrell focuses on the empowerment of men, a project that can go hand-in-hand with the empowerment of women. In the first part of this book, he focuses on how men can communicate with the women in their lives, helping each to understand their hopes, dreams and frustrations. The second part of the book involves the breaking of myths that leave men frustrated and dispirited, and women angry. The third and final section of the book examines how the promulgation of these myths have led to a hostility being directed at men that is poisoning male-female relationships, and leading to great unhappiness between the sexes.

Overall, I found this to be a great book. Dr. Farrell is no misogynist, but is a self-described Liberal who is passionate about empowering *both* women and men. If this book seems weighed toward breaking down the idea of man-as-oppressor, it is because the author finds the idea not just incorrect but perniciously so. If you are a woman who would like to look at men from a different perspective, or are a man who wants to see a new look at the misandrous myths that infect our society, then you must read this book!