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Women Can't Hear What Men Don't Say: Destroying Myths, Creating Love [Paperback]

Warren Farrell
4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (57 customer reviews)

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Book Description

September 25, 2000
In Women Can't Hear What Men Don't Say, Dr. Warren Farrell demonstrates how gender-based anger at home, in the workplace, in omnipresent media images, and throughout the overall culture combines with men's own fear of speaking out to misrepresent the inner and outer reality of men's lives. Looking at the world from the perspectives of both men and women, Dr. Farrell provides a remarkable communication program to assist couples in moving beyond the current tripwire assumptions that lead to so much gender-based conflict, and to allow them to understand and love each other more fully than ever. His methods are the culmination of thirty years of experience with thousands of men and women in workshops, groups, and seminars. They prove that strategies that create love at home can also produce success and respect in the workplace.

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Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Farrell's useful ideas for improving communication between the sexes may get lost in all the shouting incited by his provocative comments on the effects of the women's movement. As he often reminds his readers, Farrell was a three-time board member of the National Organization for WomenAand bestselling author of The Liberated MaleAbefore he shifted his attention to men's issues in Why Men Are the Way They Are and The Myth of Male Power. He interprets the lack of media interest in the latter two books as censorship by "the Lace Curtain" of feminists who influence media, education, pop culture, government and the helping professions. His latest effort ostensibly offers a structured approach to giving and receiving criticism in intimate partnerships that could also be effective for other kinds of communication. His suggestions include a weekly "sharing and caring evening," in which negative feelings can be constructively expressed, and techniques for focusing on each partner's "best intent." Most of this book, however, addresses male-bashing and man-hating, based on Farrell's analysis of how men are portrayed in cartoons, greeting cards, books, movies and even the New York Times. Taking issue with Arlie Russell Hochschild's findings in The Second Shift that working women still bear the major responsibility for housework, he offers a list of more than 50 kinds of "male housework," often involving danger or heavy lifting, that go unappreciated. While deploring the expression "feminazi," he offers reasons why others might find parallels between the women's movement and the Nazis. Ultimately, Farrell generates more heat than light this time out. (Nov.)
Copyright 1999 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Library Journal

What a beautiful place our world could be if women and men would really listen, hear, and empathize with each other's emotional perspectives. Expanding on his previous works, Farrell (The Myth of Male Power; Why Men Are the Way They Are) presents a new way of looking at the male/female roles and suggests that miscommunication sabotages relationships. His thought-provoking ideas (for instance, that the myths and stereotypes regarding male power may no longer be valid) will most likely antagonize radical feminists, but he presents convincing evidence to support his theories. The "relationship language" skills presented in Part 1 help to point the way to meaningful dialog between the sexes. An outstanding appendix includes domestic violence studies of both sexes and a summary of their findings. Highly recommended as a very readable and necessary addition to psychology collections in all academic and public libraries.AElizabeth Goeters, Georgia Perimeter Coll., Dunwoody
Copyright 1999 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Product Details

  • Paperback: 384 pages
  • Publisher: Tarcher (September 25, 2000)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1585420611
  • ISBN-13: 978-1585420612
  • Product Dimensions: 5.9 x 1 x 9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 15.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (57 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #277,186 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Dr. Warren Farrell began his research on gender issues in the '60s. His first book, The Liberated Man, was published in 1974. It was from the women's perspective and the feminist perspective. By the '80s, he began noticing that men were feeling misrepresented, and his award-winning national best-seller, Why Men Are The Way They Are, was written to answer women's questions about men in a way that rings true for men. The New York Post calls it "the most important book ever written about love, sex, and intimacy."

By the '90s, Dr. Farrell felt the misunderstandings about men had deepened and become dangerous to the survival of families and love. He confronted the misunderstandings head-on with the award-winning The Myth of Male Power, a book the The Library Journal ranked as "better than Robert Bly's Iron John or any of Betty Freidan's works." (His books are published in over 50 countries in 15 languages.)

By the turn of the century Dr. Farrell wanted to provide the sexes with the tools to communicate-- in particular to hear personal criticism from a loved one, especially when given badly. That was the take-off point for Women Can't Hear What Men Don't Say, a selection of the Book-of-the-Month Club. By 2001 Dr. Farrell completed research he had been working on for 13 years on the conditions under which children of divorce are most likely to be raised successfully. That book, Father and Child Reunion, has renewed the commitment of many dads to be with their children, and its research has helped judges understand the importance of dads.

Dr. Farrell's most recent research is published as Why Men Earn More: The Startling Truth Behind the Pay Gap -- and What Women Can Do About It. It documents the 25 differences between men and women's work-life decisions. It was chosen by U.S. News and World Report as one of the top four "great career books to be read in 2006."

Warren has appeared on over 1000 TV and radio shows, and been interviewed frequently by Oprah and Barbara, and by Larry King and Peter Jennings. He has been featured repeatedly on 20/20 and in The New York Times, in People and on Real People, in men's journals and The Wall Street Journal, and on the Today Show, the Tomorrow Show, and even To Tell The Truth.

Warren Farrell's understanding of both sexes is symbolized by his being, on the one hand, on the boards of four national men's organizations, and on the other hand, being the only man in the US to be elected three times to the Board of Directors of the National Organization for Women in New York City. Similarly, he has started over 600 men's and women's groups, and over 200,000 women and men have attended his workshops worldwide. He is the only person chosen to speak at both of former California Governor Wilson's 1995 conferences - his Conference on Men and his Conference on Women.

President Johnson chose Dr. Farrell as one of the outstanding young educators in the United States. (The man's been around for awhile!) He has taught political science, psychology, women's studies and sociology, and most recently taught at the School of Medicine at the University of California at San Diego. Dr. Farrell has been chosen by the International Biographic Centre of London as one of the World's 2000 Outstanding Scholars of the 20th Century and, in quite a different take, chosen by the Financial Times as one of the worlds top 100 Thought Leaders. He has also been selected by the Center for World Spirituality as one of the world's spiritual leaders.

Dr. Farrell is in Who's Who in America and Who's Who in the World, but his best moments are at home. He has two daughters and lives with his wife in Mill Valley, California, and virtually at www.warrenfarrell.com.

Customer Reviews

Everyone could improve their communications skills and understanding of others by reading this book. Lindsay Kenny  |  13 reviewers made a similar statement
This book can help men to speak their minds in such a way that women are more likely to hear. J. R. Molloy jr@shasta.com  |  12 reviewers made a similar statement
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
64 of 68 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars All caring women should read this book March 22, 2000
Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase
When I first read the title "women can't hear what men don't say," I thought to myself "yeah, I can't hear what my boyfriend won't say." I wish he would speak up. After I read this book, I realized that there are alot of men that are afraid to speak up because feminism has swung the pendulum too far. This book was so enlightning and truly opened my eyes. Go to a greeting card rack sometime and see for yourself how many man-bashing cards there are. Do you ever see any women-bashing cards? There was a chapter in this book that actually made me cry because I realized how badly men have been treated in the past few years. Dr. Farrell does a wonderful job expressing what is happening in our culture. Dr. Farrell uses many studies that have been done and uses many examples in the book to get the points across. WOMEN - YOU HAVE TO READ THIS BOOK! As a woman, I ask you to please open your eyes to what is happening in our male-female relationships. Thank you Dr. Farrell for a great book.
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58 of 63 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A must-read for all adult members of the human race! October 7, 1999
Format:Hardcover
Those of us familiar with Farrell's work will agree--this was worth the wait! Those new to Farrell will wonder why they've never read him before! This book helps us clearly see how our gender opinions were formed and how inaccurate and contradictory they can be. Great suggestions for improved communication between the sexes in modern times. Dr. Farrell again uncovers little-known statistics that media and government don't necessarily want us to know which will proove surprising. He then offers us ways to interpret these statistics which have made me much more aware of how insensitive today's popular culture is toward men. Much of the 'male-bashing' humor in the mainstream would be completely unacceptable if directed at other minorities. This book (as all of Dr. Farrell's books) has given me an insight which, as a woman, I would never have been able to have otherwise. Reading it will make men feel better and women better partners. Men, if you read only one 'self help' book this year, make it this one. Then, share it with your signifcant other and watch your relationship improve. Bravo Dr. Farrell. You've done it again.
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21 of 21 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars An insightful analysis & practical guide! November 3, 1999
Format:Hardcover
Warren Farrell's new book offers in part 1 an excellent analysis of gender communication and a practical guide to a deeper understanding between men and women. Part 2 presents a courageous and insightful examination of core political and social issues which many feminists have raised critical of men viz., the distribution of power in society, domestic violence, and housework. Farrell, as usual in his writings, carefully documents the case that men have been unfairly blamed by feminists and the media. This material can only help shift current cultural perspectives and create the climate for true empowerment of both sexes.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars Original ...insightful.... a must-read for anyone!
Dr. Farrell continues to challenge and penetrate
antiquated thinking about the sexes...roles and gender-based customs!!! Read more
Published 13 days ago by Kat
4.0 out of 5 stars From a former man-hater
I'm a former extreme male bashing feminist. I have come a LONG way in realizing that my beliefs were unfair, unhealthy and just plain wrong. Read more
Published 4 months ago by Fresh Rose
3.0 out of 5 stars 2 valuable chapters and a bunch of rant
The first two chapters of the book (about giving and receiving criticism) are excellent - written in a very accessible manner and with practical and useful steps to use the advice... Read more
Published 5 months ago by Chirs Johnson
5.0 out of 5 stars Our most celebrated writer's latest brilliant, complex tour de force
Warren Farrell has written another stunning blockbuster of a book.
And yet it's a bit more complicated than that. Read more
Published 5 months ago by J. Steven Svoboda
3.0 out of 5 stars Not exactly what I thought I was getting
I purchased this book in an effort to improve the communication in my now defunct relationship. I felt like I was speaking a different language than my significant other, and I... Read more
Published 13 months ago by Sara Powell
1.0 out of 5 stars lies and propaganda
' men are better than women" this sexism got humor points and got 4 stars on this sight Truth is..
female is the norm to avoid. Read more
Published on December 16, 2010 by Truth sayer
4.0 out of 5 stars women can't hear what men don't say
I am a licensed professional counselor and picked up this book to better help my marriage counseling clients to help communicate. Read more
Published on November 10, 2010 by dee lundgren
5.0 out of 5 stars Women canr hear what men dont say
Excellent follow up to his fantastic work. Women will also find this highly informative and inspiring
Published on October 19, 2010 by waz1122
5.0 out of 5 stars Finally a book that tells the truth without PC baloney
Reading this book is a trip because once you entertain Farrell's arguments (backed up by cold, hard facts), you realize just how brainwashed Western culture has become and why the... Read more
Published on March 10, 2010 by Duncan Long
5.0 out of 5 stars Women can't respect whiny men
Warren Farrell is striking a national nerve with his focus on the 'war between the sexes.' He is trying to bring this war to an end and it should be. It is an unnecessary war. Read more
Published on January 10, 2010 by Bobby Branham
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