Customer Reviews

Women Can't Hear What Men Don't Say

5 star:		(41)
4 star:		(9)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(3)

 

 

When I first read the title "women can't hear what men don't say," I thought to myself "yeah, I can't hear what my boyfriend won't say." I wish he would speak up. After I read this book, I realized that there are alot of men that are afraid to speak up because feminism has swung the pendulum too far. This book was so enlightning and truly opened my eyes. Go to a greeting card rack sometime and see for yourself how many man-bashing cards there are. Do you ever see any women-bashing cards? There was a chapter in this book that actually made me cry because I realized how badly men have been treated in the past few years. Dr. Farrell does a wonderful job expressing what is happening in our culture. Dr. Farrell uses many studies that have been done and uses many examples in the book to get the points across. WOMEN - YOU HAVE TO READ THIS BOOK! As a woman, I ask you to please open your eyes to what is happening in our male-female relationships. Thank you Dr. Farrell for a great book.

Those of us familiar with Farrell's work will agree--this was worth the wait! Those new to Farrell will wonder why they've never read him before! This book helps us clearly see how our gender opinions were formed and how inaccurate and contradictory they can be. Great suggestions for improved communication between the sexes in modern times. Dr. Farrell again uncovers little-known statistics that media and government don't necessarily want us to know which will proove surprising. He then offers us ways to interpret these statistics which have made me much more aware of how insensitive today's popular culture is toward men. Much of the 'male-bashing' humor in the mainstream would be completely unacceptable if directed at other minorities. This book (as all of Dr. Farrell's books) has given me an insight which, as a woman, I would never have been able to have otherwise. Reading it will make men feel better and women better partners. Men, if you read only one 'self help' book this year, make it this one. Then, share it with your signifcant other and watch your relationship improve. Bravo Dr. Farrell. You've done it again.

Dr. Warren Farrell spent three years on the board of directory of the Nation Organization for Women (NOW) in the 1970s. He wholeheartedly believed in the project of removing the barriers that kept women from realizing their full potential. With time, however, he saw the movement turn towards a victim mentality that focused on a hatred and envy of men.

In this book, Dr. Farrell focuses on the empowerment of men, a project that can go hand-in-hand with the empowerment of women. In the first part of this book, he focuses on how men can communicate with the women in their lives, helping each to understand their hopes, dreams and frustrations. The second part of the book involves the breaking of myths that leave men frustrated and dispirited, and women angry. The third and final section of the book examines how the promulgation of these myths have led to a hostility being directed at men that is poisoning male-female relationships, and leading to great unhappiness between the sexes.

Overall, I found this to be a great book. Dr. Farrell is no misogynist, but is a self-described Liberal who is passionate about empowering *both* women and men. If this book seems weighed toward breaking down the idea of man-as-oppressor, it is because the author finds the idea not just incorrect but perniciously so. If you are a woman who would like to look at men from a different perspective, or are a man who wants to see a new look at the misandrous myths that infect our society, then you must read this book!

Warren Farrell's new book offers in part 1 an excellent analysis of gender communication and a practical guide to a deeper understanding between men and women. Part 2 presents a courageous and insightful examination of core political and social issues which many feminists have raised critical of men viz., the distribution of power in society, domestic violence, and housework. Farrell, as usual in his writings, carefully documents the case that men have been unfairly blamed by feminists and the media. This material can only help shift current cultural perspectives and create the climate for true empowerment of both sexes.

"Women Can't Hear What Men Don't Say" is Dr. Warren Farrell's best book yet. Few people are able to write about the masculist perspective and gender equity issues as well as Dr. Farrell. You have got to read this book! For you readers who are familiar with men's issues, you may be tempted, as I was, to read Part III first. Dr. Farrell continues to challenge us to see gender equity issues from a new and balanced perspective in the articulate and documented style that you will recognize. However, the content is updated with new data and relevance for the 90's and into the new millennium.

Don't skip Part I, the section on communication, and how to give and receive criticism. It is the foundation for Dr. Farrell's work, and sets up the reader to hear what is said in the rest of the book. His work in counseling, communication, and listening is what sets Dr. Farrell apart from the others. He offers a positive approach to greater understanding between men and women by insisting that both sides' perspectives be spoken and heard. He does this without sacrificing or compromising his dedication to exposing men's issues in a clear and balance fashion.

Dr. Farrell even expresses a part of his own "internal story" and struggle in writing from a man's perspective. I have often wondered why men's issues are so difficult to express, and how unreceptive people are to discussing them. It is as if we don't have the words to talk about it or people consider it a taboo subject for fear of retribution (loss of love, ridicule, ostracism). "Women Can't Hear What Men Don't Say" explains why it is so difficult for men to express their own "internal story", personal struggles, or to question their obligatory roles of providers and protectors.

Dr. Farrell's personal style and sincere delivery reveals not only his mastery of the issues, but also his conviction and commitment to real gender equity. Dr. Farrell opens the way to honest communication between men and women in a way that will benefit men, women, and children.

Warren Farrell's leadership as the preeminent spokesman for the male predicament derives from his ability to say terribly difficult and emotional things that women would rather not hear in a way that makes those things constructive -- and, yes, joyful -- for women to listen to.

And to make matters even better for women who profess craving to hear what is really on their men's minds, Farrell packs Part I of this book with clear and detailed procedures for creating safety -- and even appreciation -- for both parties engaged in emotional discussions. Most significantly, he helps men understand how they can speak their true feelings to their mates without having to fear being banished to sleep on the sofa. He explains the necessity and wisdom of empathy not just for the person being criticized, but also for the person risking the perils of offering criticism.

Then in Parts II and III, in a deft depiction of the adage "the personal is political," Farrell shows how the Zeitgeist of male-bashing and victim feminism spawns the maddening Catch-22 of men's attempts to communicate from their hearts with women: if he says nothing about the supposed "facts" of men's lives, a man appears to be accepting the truth of women's allegation against men; if he speaks up, he is perceived to be a misogynist who "just doesn't get it." Through careful, methodical analysis Farrell debunks -- and thereby removes the poison from -- women's most common allegations against men, such as working less hard than women and being innately more violent. Defusing those hot-button issues has the salutary effect of making women less angry to hear them and men less intimidated to offer other views, thus enhancing the likelihood of constructive discussion of how those political issues play out in personal relationships.

As his title suggests, Farrell keeps the responsibility for initiating communication about men's lives squarely on men. But he also helps women meet men's communication half-way, because, after all, men won't say what women won't hear.

Dr. Farrell continues to logically and systematically tear apart paradigms on gender beliefs and biases in our society. This book is a must read for any person interested in understanding most of today's social issues, especially those around relationships and family. It is exactly from works like this, that the bias in the media against men, and the anger by the feminists against anything male, is exposed (pardon the pun). I can't wait for Dr. Farrell's next book!

_Women Can't Hear What Men Don't Say_ is the best book yet from Warren Farrell. The Appendix, which contains 53 citations of Domestic Violence Studies of _Both_ Sexes makes the book worth the purchase price. It shows that females commit more domestic violence than do men. Although it's true that "women can't hear what men don't say," a lot of men know that women can't hear what men _do_ say. This book can help men to speak their minds in such a way that women are more likely to hear.

Unlike Henry Higgins in "My Fair Lady," most books on men's issues seem to be asking, "Why can't a man to be more like a woman?" Well, instead of the usual male-bashing or female-bashing, Dr. Farrell forces us to examine the problems in a rational manner and tries to find workable solutions. Finally, there's a writer who actually does get it. We *are* different. "Fair" and "equal" doesn't have to mean "same" and "identical." We are biologically and physiologically different, so what makes us think we must act, think and behave the same way?

Culturally, it's a sign of strength for women to express their feelings, but a sign of weakness for men to do so. Men are not very likely to expose their feelings and insecurities if they feel it may damage their career or marriage prospects. Men feel misunderstood, and women complain that men don't express their feelings. Women can't hear what men don't say. The first half of the book is devoted to bridging that gender gap. Dr. Farrell gives us a few exercises to develop the better communication and relationship skills. He does it in a positive, constructive and nonjudgmental way. He gives us hope that we might actually be able to work out our differences with the opposite sex - one person at a time.

The last half of the book examines some of the myths surrounding male power, male violence, and female victimhood. In doing so, Dr. Farrell is *not* saying that women do not have legitimate concerns. Instead, he is trying to point out that some of their assumptions are based on faulty research and anecdotal evidence. While temporary affirmative action may be necessary to level the playing field, institutionalized favoritism hurts everyone. While women feel that not enough is done about breast cancer, we spend far more on breast cancer research than on prostate cancer research. In fact, more men than women will die prematurely from cancer, heart disease, or AIDS. More males than females will be victims of violent crimes. More boys than girls will suffer from learning disabilities. More divorce courts will favor mothers over fathers in child custody cases. More employers will allow "family leave" for women than for men. Although these may not seem like women's issues, they *are* the major reasons why women have a higher absenteeism at work than men, which, in turn, lessens their chances for career advancement.

I strongly recommend this book for everyone - male or female.

After reading Dr. Farrell's book(s) I have concluded that he is man's best friend, giving voice to the silence that has plaqued men for centuries. Dr. Farrell has presented material which, although somewhat controversial, is germaine, transformational and enlightening to all who are open-minded enough to accept his wisdom and insight. I am a sociology professor and I am using his books in my classes as the information is relevant to courses such as "Marriage and Family," "Gender Relations," and "Human Sexuality." Thank you Dr. Farrell for your honest and straightforward presentation of information, that in my opinion, is long past due. It is time that women loosen the top of the boxes that we have placed men in and helped nailed shut. Perhaps, the time has now arrived for "Maleism" in place of "Feminism." With Dr. Farrell as an advocate for both men and women, maybe the world will become a better place as he assists us in our efforts to heal the division between men and women. The world needs more Dr. Warren Farrell's as they take a stand and present information that serves to help us understand each other,enrich our relationships, and transform our lives.