Customer Reviews

Women and Desire: Beyond Wanting to Be Wanted

5 star:		(4)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

Young-Eisendrath brilliantly opens the reader's eyes to the female's struggle for an identity in a patriarchal society. Fables, intertwined magnificently throughout each core concept, act as examples of the concocted lives women cling to and men (and women) perpetuate. I identified strongly with the author's comparison of being the "subject of one's own desire" versus being the "object of another's desire." Reading this book, I realized how both women and men are forced to act in a stereotypical drama. Men - aggressors, emotional corpses, breadwinners, dominators. Women - weaklings, dependents, passivists, bitches. Neither role is healthy, nor genuine. Young-Eisendrath has tackled one side of the problem. Who will take on the other?

In the first 23 pages, this book changed my life. She hit the nail on the head, so to speak about the crux of my biggest subconscious issue, being the object of desire. This book is a must for all women and definitely for men who want to know and understand women more fully. This book opened me up to the knowledge that I am not irreparably broken, and that coming into my own power is still well within my reach. Thank you! Thank you!

I assign this book to students in my psychology seminar. These students at a women's college tell me that they find Women and Desire to be thought provoking, interesting, even helpful. I noticed a column in Newsweek by Anna Quindlen in October. She argued that women today still need the F word feminism because society hasn't changed as much as we like to tell ourselves. It appears that the need for books such as this one by Polly Young-Eisendrath continues to be valid.

The title of this book spoke volumes to me before I even cracked the cover. Reading about her perspective that women want to be wanted rather than fully know was right on target for me and because of the new found perspective, I felt released from the need of "wanting to be wanted." I resist some of her claims as to WHY women do this - from my point of view, she spends a little too much time blaming society, culture, men. I think the WHY is important to know, but I wanted to see the book focus a bit more on what women can DO about it. In general, the book more than serves its purpose to raise the issue and bring awareness to it. Overall, excellent, thought-provoking book.

The information in this book is very academic in nature, but still provides some insight into the paradox many women feel about desire, "wanting to be wanted," and wanting to be successful. I wouldn't call it "eye-opening," but a focused work.

PYE really misses the point. I was drawn into the book by her opening discussion of Lacan's comment - that women want to be wanted, not loved. While PYE has a number of extremely interesting observations, she is unable to spin that straw into gold. Her analyses lack depth and insight; her feminism is useless; and she refuses to acknowledge the root causes of women's (and people's, generally) difficulty knowing their own minds. As a woman and mother, how can PYE think that girls' and women's desire to be pleasing and pretty starts in adolescence? Hasn't she been paying attention? Can't she see that young girls - from birth - are pushed to be 'girly' and discouraged from showing anger or a will that deviates from their parents' expectations?

I am a daughter, and a woman, and a mother of a daughter, and a PhD, and I see the tremendous pressure that women put on themselves and on their daughters to conform. We all learn it as very small children, and for that reason, it is terribly hard for us to let go. And yes, pop culture only makes it worse, but the cultural indoctrination doesn't start there. It starts within us.

Furthermore, despite its title, this book treats 'desire' in only the most superficial way. If you seriously want to understand more about desire, read Jack Morin's great book on eroticism.

One of the key aspects of anybody's behavior that's almost always overlooked is how the subconscious controls much of how we behave. This is especially true in male/female interaction. The biggest problem is that men and women are notoriously inept at understanding each other and constantly play the blame game in relationships. Another is the fallacy of monogamy which is hardly ever met with honest, open dialogue. It's why divorce lawyers are so busy.

This book should be a must read for every woman. It's inspiring and life-changing.