Women Don't Ask: The High Cost of Avoiding Negotiation--and Positive Strategies for Change [Paperback]

Linda Babcock (Author), Sara Laschever (Author)

Book Description

Release date: February 27, 2007

Combining fascinating research with revealing commentary from hundreds of women, this groundbreaking book explores the personal and societal reasons women seldom ask for what they need, want, and deserve at home and at work–and shows how they can develop this crucial skill.

By neglecting to negotiate her starting salary for her first job, a woman may sacrifice over half a million dollars in earnings by the end of her career. Yet, as research reveals, men are four times more likely to ask for higher pay than are women with the same qualifications. From career promotions to help with child care, studies show time and again that women don’t ask–and frequently don’t even realize that they can. Women Don’t Ask offers real-life examples of the differences between the negotiating habits of men and women, and guides women in retooling their attitudes and approaches. Discover how to:

• Take the first step–choosing to negotiate at all
• Develop a comfortable, effective negotiation style
• Overcome fear, personal entitlement issues, and gender stereotypes

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Men ask for what they want twice as often as women do and initiate negotiation four times more, report economist Linda Babcock and writer Sara Laschever in the footnoted but engaging Women Don't Ask. With vivid research examples drawn from cradle, classroom and playground, the authors detail culture as the culprit in discouraging women from negotiating on their own behalf.

Men, socialized in a "scrappier paradigm," learn to pursue and energize their goals at work and home. The two key elements are control and recognizing opportunity. For example, girls, rewarded for hard work, learn to see control as outside of themselves while boys are urged to take charge. Boys are schooled to recognize opportunity and girls to choose safe targets.

Several chapters are focused on prescription; how women can decrease anxiety, anticipate roadblocks, plan counter-moves and resist conceding too much or too soon. The authors shine in their examination of culture and gender--and their optimism about how women can counter the culture. They falter whenever they adopt the "sexes-from-a-different-planet" fallacy. Most notably, in a chapter that details a "female approach" to negotiating. Overall, the authors have created a smart summary of research and used it to affirm every woman's urgent right to ask. --Barbara Mackoff --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

From Publishers Weekly

Babcock and Laschever, contrary to their book's title, do ask a series of questions: Why do most women see a negotiation as an automatic fight instead of a chance to get what they deserve? Why are women afraid to ask for what they want in the workplace? And perhaps most importantly, why don't women feel entitled to ask for it? True to their academic backgrounds, Babcock (a Carnegie Mellon economist) and writer Laschever seek their answers in a series of gender psychology and economics studies (some done by them, most done by others). They cite numerous studies indicating that women are socialized to feel pushy and overbearing if they pursue their ideal situation when it spells potential conflict with employers or co-workers. The authors also use anecdotal evidence to support their claim that women are taught to feel like every negotiation is a monumental threat to a personal relationship, rather than a fact of business life (the view held by most men, they say). Their argument has important practical ramifications: the authors cite one study that estimates "a woman who routinely negotiates her salary increases will earn over one million dollars more by the time she retires than a woman who accepts what she's offered every time without asking for more." Babcock and Laschever's work is a great resource for anyone who doubts there is still a great disparity between the salary earnings of men and women in comparable professions. Alas, it isn't as successful at eloquence as it is at academic rigor.
Copyright 2003 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 272 pages
• Publisher: Bantam (February 27, 2007)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0553383876
• ISBN-13: 978-0553383874
• Product Dimensions: 5.9 x 0.6 x 9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 10.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (13 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #19,585 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #21 in Books > Business & Investing > Management & Leadership > Negotiating
  • #23 in Books > Business & Investing > Women & Business

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

31 of 33 people found the following review helpful

4.0 out of 5 stars Good set up for "Ask For It" March 3, 2008

By SF Native

Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase

This book does a wonderful job of sharing all the research which explains why women are less likely to negotiate, less likely to ask for what they want, and less likely to get what they want. However, what's missing from this book is how women can overcome these barriers. The sequel to this book, "Ask For It", does a great job answering that question. If you're looking for ideas of how to improve woman's likelihood to negotiate and a woman's likelihood to ask, buy the sequel. If you're interested in WHY women are less likely to ask, stick with this book!

12 of 12 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Got me an 18% salary increase December 9, 2010

By OneHeart

Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase

After reading this book, I made myself endure moments of discomfort so I could act on what I learned. Result: a higher income. Women, it's OK to ask. Just do it nicely. Ask for what you want, in a calm, neutral voice, then be silent. Really zip it. You'll want to speak more, but don't. Wait quietly as events unfold in your favor. Actually, scratch that. Ask for more than what you want. Then ... hush. I have given this advice to friends, who also then got salary increases.

There's more to this book than that: I learned so much about gender differences that surprised me and discovered that my lack of insight was in fact harming me, unnecessarily. Another key takeaway: Don't negotiate or talk like a man. We have to conduct ourselves in the feminine style that is actually quite natural to us, as it turns out. This book validates and elucidates that style, making it easier to do what's natural more confidently and with best possible results.

I tell my closest friends this is a must-read. The one warning I'd give: It's detailed in its presentation of the research that unearthed the authors' insights, which for me was a plus. I think it was very well done. But some people may find it border-line academic in tone. *Some* people, that is. i didn't.

10 of 12 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Informative and Readable December 1, 2007

By Richard Berger

Format:Paperback

Another in my series of reading books that my wife has left lying around the house. This book studies why women don't seem to ask for things as frequently as men do - and the impact of not asking. I was fascinated by the data presented - in short, that (in general) men seem to view everything in life as negotiable, while women consider most things as non-negotiable. In fact, I noticed this yesterday at the local Big 5 store - the guy in front of me just flat out asked for an extra discount - no reason given - and he got 10% off, just for asking. I asked about a AAA discount, but the clerk seemed to have run out of freebies. This book was certainly useful to me as we bought a car and arranged to have our house painted during the period I read it. (Total savings, $700 and I could have done better).

This book was also very relevant to me as a parent, as I see Matthew always asks for what he wants, with no qualms at all - whereas Emily is more hesitant as she considers the ramifications of her request (will I get mad, will relationships be endangered, perhaps I will guess what she wants without her having to ask, etc.). All in all, lots of good lessons for Emily and I.

Also, the book does not simply say "men ask for more, they get more, women should be like men" - but rather point out ways in which women's typical negotiating style (relationship oriented) can work out well in the long run and how women can leverage that style to be more effective. But I think it also helps women to realize that much of life is actually negotiable and that there are opportunities waiting to be grabbed.

Women Don't Ask is one of the best blends of "journalism + academic writing" that I have seen. As I have noted before, journalist writing is often "light" - statements are not deeply justified, ramifications not fully explored, objections not effectively countered. On the other hand, academic writing (which has none of those flaws) can be dense and unreadable. This book is a near-perfect balance. Probably helps that one author is a journalist and the other is a professor - but the book is co-written seamlessly.