Women Don't Ask: The High Cost of Avoiding Negotiation--and Positive Strategies for Change [Paperback]

Linda Babcock (Author), Sara Laschever (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: February 27, 2007

Combining fascinating research with revealing commentary from hundreds of women, this groundbreaking book explores the personal and societal reasons women seldom ask for what they need, want, and deserve at home and at work–and shows how they can develop this crucial skill.

By neglecting to negotiate her starting salary for her first job, a woman may sacrifice over half a million dollars in earnings by the end of her career. Yet, as research reveals, men are four times more likely to ask for higher pay than are women with the same qualifications. From career promotions to help with child care, studies show time and again that women don’t ask–and frequently don’t even realize that they can. Women Don’t Ask offers real-life examples of the differences between the negotiating habits of men and women, and guides women in retooling their attitudes and approaches. Discover how to:

• Take the first step–choosing to negotiate at all
• Develop a comfortable, effective negotiation style
• Overcome fear, personal entitlement issues, and gender stereotypes

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Men ask for what they want twice as often as women do and initiate negotiation four times more, report economist Linda Babcock and writer Sara Laschever in the footnoted but engaging Women Don't Ask. With vivid research examples drawn from cradle, classroom and playground, the authors detail culture as the culprit in discouraging women from negotiating on their own behalf.

Men, socialized in a "scrappier paradigm," learn to pursue and energize their goals at work and home. The two key elements are control and recognizing opportunity. For example, girls, rewarded for hard work, learn to see control as outside of themselves while boys are urged to take charge. Boys are schooled to recognize opportunity and girls to choose safe targets.

Several chapters are focused on prescription; how women can decrease anxiety, anticipate roadblocks, plan counter-moves and resist conceding too much or too soon. The authors shine in their examination of culture and gender--and their optimism about how women can counter the culture. They falter whenever they adopt the "sexes-from-a-different-planet" fallacy. Most notably, in a chapter that details a "female approach" to negotiating. Overall, the authors have created a smart summary of research and used it to affirm every woman's urgent right to ask. --Barbara Mackoff --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

From Publishers Weekly

Babcock and Laschever, contrary to their book's title, do ask a series of questions: Why do most women see a negotiation as an automatic fight instead of a chance to get what they deserve? Why are women afraid to ask for what they want in the workplace? And perhaps most importantly, why don't women feel entitled to ask for it? True to their academic backgrounds, Babcock (a Carnegie Mellon economist) and writer Laschever seek their answers in a series of gender psychology and economics studies (some done by them, most done by others). They cite numerous studies indicating that women are socialized to feel pushy and overbearing if they pursue their ideal situation when it spells potential conflict with employers or co-workers. The authors also use anecdotal evidence to support their claim that women are taught to feel like every negotiation is a monumental threat to a personal relationship, rather than a fact of business life (the view held by most men, they say). Their argument has important practical ramifications: the authors cite one study that estimates "a woman who routinely negotiates her salary increases will earn over one million dollars more by the time she retires than a woman who accepts what she's offered every time without asking for more." Babcock and Laschever's work is a great resource for anyone who doubts there is still a great disparity between the salary earnings of men and women in comparable professions. Alas, it isn't as successful at eloquence as it is at academic rigor.
Copyright 2003 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 272 pages
• Publisher: Bantam (February 27, 2007)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0553383876
• ISBN-13: 978-0553383874
• Product Dimensions: 6 x 0.6 x 9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 10.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (31 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #56,555 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #49 in Books > Business & Investing > Women & Business
  • #57 in Books > Business & Investing > Management & Leadership > Negotiating

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

35 of 37 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Powerful!!, February 4, 2004

By 

D. Raymond (Weld County Colorado) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: Women Don't Ask: Negotiation and the Gender Divide (Hardcover)

I read this book in almost one sitting. It has compelling factual data and riveting anecdotes. But, unlike Backlash, by Susan Faludi, which was almost totally negative, the authors also look at women's strengths in negotiation, and give some ideas for how to put their ideas into action.

It's not a how-to-negotiate book; I've spent the last 23 years practicing corporate law, negotiating sophisticated legal transactions and running an in-house department. This book goes beyond "how to" into "why". Essential reading for any woman!

21 of 22 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Good set up for "Ask For It", March 3, 2008

By 

SF Native "SF Native" (San Francisco, Ca) - See all my reviews

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This review is from: Women Don't Ask: The High Cost of Avoiding Negotiation--and Positive Strategies for Change (Paperback)

This book does a wonderful job of sharing all the research which explains why women are less likely to negotiate, less likely to ask for what they want, and less likely to get what they want. However, what's missing from this book is how women can overcome these barriers. The sequel to this book, "Ask For It", does a great job answering that question. If you're looking for ideas of how to improve woman's likelihood to negotiate and a woman's likelihood to ask, buy the sequel. If you're interested in WHY women are less likely to ask, stick with this book!

28 of 32 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Familiar, But Well-Supported, March 6, 2005

By 

Ruth Edlund "dark goddess of replevin" (King County, Washington:) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: Women Don't Ask: Negotiation and the Gender Divide (Hardcover)

There isn't anything surprising in here to any woman who has been around the business world for a while. However, the book's real value is that it provides empirical evidence to support Everywoman's anecdotal observations.

What I found most useful about this book is evidence cited that women's "tend and befriend," cooperative approach to negotiation results in greater gains in the long run, in part because of women's ability to reframe. It also confirmed my impression that women are more successful in business when they soften their mode of delivery (although not their message).

The authors further reframe the scope of "negotiation" to include women's personal, including homemaking, lives, to remind us all that equality should not end at the thresholds to our homes.

Ultimately, every negotiator has to find his or her own personal style. This book made me feel just that much better about including lipstick and high heels in my arsenal.