Customer Reviews

Women & Shame: Reaching Out, Speaking Truths and Building Connection

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I just finished reading this book and could not put it down! It is a powerful book about how shame contrains women and what to do about it. The book is based on impressive research, interviews with hundreds of women, who shared their experiences with the author. Dr. Brown shares her personal stories along with her research and it makes for a captivating read. There are wonderful illustrations that make the text come alive. The book covers many topics where women experience the most shame, such as sex, parenting, and appearance. And best of all, the book gives us specific steps to take to develop "shame resilience," like learning to speak the language of shame, to develop skills to resist cultural messages of shame, and to learn to share our shame stories with trusted other friends to diminish the impact of shame. I laughed, I cried. Highly recommended!

I'll have to admit that when my sister gave me this book and asked me to read it right away, I was a little hesitant. But she told me that she had heard the author speak at a seminar and assured me that I would appreciate it.

Boy was she right. This book is amazing! The author very candidly lays out the things that we have all experienced, but that NOBODY ever talks about. The book makes you realize that EVERYBODY has these same type feelings, no matter how young or old, how rich or poor, whatever race, etc. There are tons of examples straight out of interviews that really helped me understand that shame is a universal thing. (And I thought it was pretty courageous that the author also shared several of her personal experiences.) But beyond just pointing that out, the book goes on to outline skills you can use to process these feelings. This book has really given me a fresh perspective on many of those awkward situations I experienced growing up, and sometimes still struggle with today.

I can't wait to give this book to my daughters and my best friend so that we can all discuss this stuff openly for a change.

C.S.

This book has provided me with a new context to consider the power of shame in my own life and in the lives of my therapy clients. Dr. Brown illuminates the impact of shame in the lives of the women she researched and honors their diverse struggles, journeys, and strengths. She makes this often overlooked and usually painful topic accessible by weaving her own insights and struggles in with the poignant stories of the women she studied and the result is an authentic, moving, and powerful read. She also shows the healing power of laughter and humor in the presence of this heavy topic. This book drives home the need for empathy and connection as the tools for transcending shame in women's lives and actually shows us how this can be done by sharing our stories with other women. Thank you, Dr. Brown for giving me this amazing gift for my personal and professional life!

For me, reading this book was like an epiphany. The knowledge I gained from this book has allowed me to be more open with those that I am close with and more understanding to those who are reaching out. I realized that many of my struggles stem from issues related to shame. Dr. Brown makes this complicated topic easy to understand by providing personal stories from her life along with stories from women who participated in the research. I believe there is something very useful that each of us can gain from reading this book.

I found this book extremely helpful, not only on a personal level but professionally as well. As a therapist I work with women who struggle with numerous issues. This book examines many of these topics like motherhood, sexuality, weight and many of the other issues women grapple with each day. I loved the author's narrative style; I felt like she was talking directly to me. Her personal story coupled with the thoughts and feelings of other women makes for an engaging, and often hysterically funny, read. This book is honest, real and thought-provoking. For me, the best part of reading the book is coming to the realization that all of the thoughts and feelings that I was embarrassed and ashamed about are now in print. This book has the strength of validation; that most of us share the same struggles, but that no one is talking about it. I think this is an important book to read so we can hear others speaking the "truths" that cause their loneliness as well as our own. I'm glad I read it and I plan to share it with the people in my life.

I've read a lot of the shame literature and, as a therapist, I have to say that this book is absolutely on target. I have started recommending it to my clients as well as my friends. The author makes her work accessible by giving wonderful examples and thoroughly explaining difficult concepts. I also appreciate hearing the experiences of many diverse women - something that's not easy to find. My only caution - this can be an emotionally difficult book to read. But, in the end, it's both extremely hopeful and helpful.

Someone on the intercom kept reminding customers at the book store about the book signing that was about to take place. I was looking for a book for my grandson and tried to ignore the noise but I could not ignore the herd of people gathering on the other side of the store. Since I had never been to a book signing before, I thought I would join the group and see what all of fuss was about. I am glad that I did. I was in therapy for years and don't think that the word shame was ever mentioned! As I listened to Dr. Brown speak (and I thank her for interjecting some humor because my laughter forced me to breathe), I realized that my life has been and is controlled by shame--my weight, my career (or lack thereof), some really bad choices. I bought Dr. Brown's book and, of course, had her sign it for me. I went home and stayed up most of the night reading. Just putting a name to this monster that has been stalking me most of my life is empowering. I have begun reaching out, speaking truths and building connections. Thank you, Dr. Brown.

Shame can be a very powerful and painful topic to explore. I think the book does an excellent job of helping us understand why it makes us feel so alone. We are inundated with messages about the importance of being liked, being accepted and being perfect. Sometimes we know that we have turned a part of ourselves over to those messages, but sometimes we don't really understand why we feel so inferior. This book helps us understand this phenomenon. More importantly, it helps us understand what we can do about it. As I read this book I thought about my sons as much as I thought about my daughter. I thought about all of the messages that teach him what "a man is."

I think the book is well written and the research is well done. I appreciate the author's numerous references to the Stone Center at Wellesley. I think their work tackles many of the same issues addressed by Brown. Brown also references Harriet Lerner, Jean Kilbourne and the research team of Tangney and Dearing. Based on the author's suggestions, I tracked down several of these books and found them to be very informative. Kilbourne's work on the media is excellent.

If I could change one thing about the content, I wish it included Brown's work on men. Based on the lecture I attended, she seems to believe that men and women are more alike than they are different. I also think it might be helpful to have an index. I found myself wanting to go back to certain sections and having to flip through the book to find them. Last, it might be helpful to include the academic references as an appendix in the book. I was interested in the research so I downloaded them from the author's website, but I only knew about that because I attended her lecture.

I think we can all benefit from understanding how shame works and how it changes our beliefs about ourselves. Reading this book is a powerful start. It's based on research but written for everyone. I'm using it everyday in my work as a therapist and I've also recommended to my neighborhood book club.

I once heard a theologian say that we should "keep the cookies on the bottom shelf"- in other words, keep the good information accessible to everyone. This is exactly what Dr. Brene Brown has done. This is a book with excellent content that is for normal women rather than academics only. It takes the very nebulous and personal topic of shame and gives us practical ways to think about it and to deal with it in our own lives. Her personal stories and humor really make the book.

I am glad that I bought this book. I found it to be engaging and thought provoking. The author reveals some of herself in this book in a "down to earth" way. I am thankful for her honesty and find it refreshing. Her interviews with hundreds of other women and their quotes speak to power of this topic. Those quotes are worth the price of the book alone. I could not put this book down. Not only did I enjoy reading this book (which we all want in the summer time); I don't feel guilty for reading it because I laughed while learning about myself and the painful topic of shame. You should buy this book so you can feel empowered. I am changed for the better since reading Dr. Brown's book.