Customer Reviews

Women Who Think Too Much: How to Break Free of Overthinking and Reclaim Your Life

5 star:		(12)
4 star:		(3)
3 star:		(4)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(3)

 

 

Women Who Think Too Much came out earlier this year, and I gobbled it up in two sittings. Several people have borrowed this book from me, and have found it incredibly insightful. (And not all have been women, either!) This book features a breakthrough new method that teaches you how to free yourself from the negative cycles of overthinking.

What is overthinking? Nolen-Hoeksma, a professor of Psychology, contends that our society is both fast-paced and overly-self-analytical. The self-help section in bookstores bulge with upteen ways to analyze yourself and gaze at your bellybutton. With this self-analysis comes over-thinking--and Nolen-Hoeksema has discovered that women are more prone to overthink than men. Women spend countless hours fruitlessly thinking about negative ideas, feelings, experiences, and relationships. The result of this over-thinking? A huge number of women are feeling sad, anxious, or seriously depressed.

The author provides case studies, but they aren't presented in a dry, intellectual tone. She connects the dots between the research and how it impacts women in their day-to-day lives. Chapter titles include What's Wrong With OverThinking?, Married to My Worries: Overthinking Intimate Relationships, Always On The Job: Overthinking Work and Careers, and ten other chapters. The great thing about this book is that it doesn't just talk about why overthinking is bad for mental, emotional, and even physical health, but also provides several chapters on how to break free from overthinking and move to higher ground.

In the Chapter If It Hurts So Much, Why Do We Do It?, the author explains fascinating discoveries in brain science, and how when we think of one bad thing, it usually cascades into a torrent of negative thoughts and emotions. She writes:

"The organization of our brain sets us up for overthinking. Each little thought and memory we hold in our mind does not sit there isolated and independent from other thoughts. Instead, our thoughts are woven together in intricate networks of associations...This intricate organization of the brain into in interconnected networks of memories, thoughts, and feelings greatly increases our efficiency of thinking. It's what helps us see similarities and connections between issues...But our spiderweb of a brain also makes it easy to overthink. In particular, the fact that negative mood connects negative thoughts and memories, even when these thoughts and memories have nothing else to do with one another, sets us up for overthinking. When you are in a bad mood for any reason, your mood activates--literally lights up--those nodes of your brain that hold negative memories from the past and negative ways of thinkings. This makes them highly accessible: it's easier to get there with your conscious thoughts. This is why it is easier to think of negative things when you are in a bad mood than when you are in a good mood. It is also easier to see interconnections between the bad things in your life when you are in a bad mood..."

The author describes three phases of conquering overthinking, and covers each phase in separate chapters: breaking free of its grip, moving to higher ground and gaining a new perspective, and avoiding future traps by building your resources. Not only does she provide example scenarios of how to implement these strategies, but she also has a quick reference section in chart form at the end of each of these chapters. For example:

Strategy: Don't go there.
Description: Choose not to get involved in situations that arouse overthinking.
Example: Jan knew that spending too much time with her mother was sure to result in weeks of overthinking, so she kept her visits short.

Another example:

Strategy: Let go of unhealthy goals
Description: Let go of goals that are impossible or that cause you to act self-destructively.
Example: Briana decided that rather than try to lose 50 pounds by starving herself, she would lose 20 with a diet prescribed by her doctor.

I highly recommend this book for anyone interested in neuro-science and the thought/emotion connection, as well as those looking for pratical strategies to manage negative self-talk and unproductive mental chatter.

The author explains how "overthinking" is more than ordinary worrying, different than OCD, and distinct from self-reflective 'deep' thinking. She describes overthinking as ruminating mostly about the past, whereas most worrying is thinking about what might happen in the future (which can be a constructive form of negative thinking). Overthinking easily gets out of control, becoming rant-and-rave or chaotic. The distinctions and definitions in the book make good sense and are based on years of credible research. I like the way the author is particularly sensitive to the pressures in contemporary society that increase overthinking -- she is especially perceptive to the situation of women in America today. The most helpful parts of the book are summarized in several 2-page sections called "A Quick Reference Guide" and these are very useful strategies for daily life. Overall, this is an excellent and well written self-help book for general readers. I think of it as the long, serious version of the both humorous and helpful semi-Zen, not-thinking 'Do Nothing Exercises' in Karen Salmansohn's book "How To Change Your Entire Life By Doing Absolutely Nothing." Working on strategies for healthier thinking is definitely a worthwhile personal project.

I absolutely agree that Susan Nolen-Hoeksema's new book "Women Who Think Too Much" is the best book available on Overthinking (she is the genuine expert) and an essential addition to any library on improving thinking styles. Of course, which book is most helpful and insightful for a particular individual depends heavily on that individual's temperament, cognitive style, and philosphy of life. "Optimal Thinking" by R. Glickman is an excellent book for realists. Optimists likely would prefer "Positive Thinking" by Vera Peiffer, and pessimists tend to like "The Positive Power of Negative Thinking" by J. Norem. And so on. Effective thinking is a big, complex, and significant issue in human life and relationships. "Women Who Think Too Much" is a very nice and very helpful contribution to the pool of available books, and Susan Nolen-Hoeksema is a thoughtful and clear writer. Her focus on 'overthinking' is an important warning on the well researched dangers of rumination and hopeless pessimism. Yet it is also important to note that there is a type of pessimistic thinking that is very constructive (for some people) because it is anticipatory reflection about what might go wrong in the near future, playing through worst case scenarios to manage anxiety about upcoming events and challenges adaptively. This is very different from pessimistic rumination about the past (which is hopeless). Equally important to note is that unrealistic optimists tend to be 'underthinkers' in unhealthy ways. So appreciate this excellent book "Women Who Think Too Much" but don't forget that No One Size (or model of psychological health) fits all of us.

This book will probably be helpful for the average woman with minor problems with overthinking who hasn't as yet identified this as her problem. The book could have been much shorter and said just as much. There is a lot of repetition that will probably prove helpful for women trying to figure out if this is their problem as many synoptic examples of overthinking are given. For others that have read a lot about anxiety etc. it will be less helpful and very repetitive. Most of the strategies will not help those with serious debilitating problems, but may provide relief for women (or men) with occassional bouts of anxiety and overthinking. Methods of distraction and telling oneself to stop are only marginally helpful to those with more serious problems in this area, as if one could stop that easily, presumably one would have done so long ago. This book will mostly help some people to realize they can give themselves permission to stop ruminating. For those who are beyond being helped by that, it offers little more than a bandage. There isn't much scientific information on nuerology outside of a paragraph or two. The rest is mostly anecdotal.

If you are prone to ruminate and worry, you probably think this book sounds like some kind of Godsend. I mean, the title hit it on the head, right? Sounds like it describes you to a t? Unfortunately, the book doesn't deliver. It's just one lengthy anecdote after another of various women who think too much, with overly simplistic solutions on how they can/should stop. I rarely give a book one star, but this book is especially noxious because it sometimes takes on a lecturing, unsympathetic tone, which should alienate most readers. I wish I could describe it better, but frankly, there's just not that much to this book...The BEST book I have ever read on worrying? Edmund Hallowell's "Worry." That guy is a genius, and it's beautifully written. Other good books if you are a worrier? The cognitive therapy books by David Burns; the big bestseller was "Feeling Good" but I think he has many...The book isn't as fun to read as Hallowell's but if you can actually learn to really do the written cognitive therapy exercises, that will get a major handle on your worries. BTW, neither one of those books is sexist; human beings as a group are examined.

This is the most helpful book I've ever read. I am pasting an entry on it from my blog ([...])

My college roommates used to complain that much as they loved me, they couldn't afford to say hello unless they had several hours to spare. There was no "checking in" with me; everything was an in-depth analysis of the nature of God and the universe. I couldn't make conversation, much less decisions, without psychoanalyzing everything to death.

Moreover, any time I felt an emotion, I would batter it every which way for clues into my psyche. The moment I felt cranky or despondent, I'd sit down to question every facet of my life and identify my road map for recovery, usually involving radical changes in my love life, diet, or career plans.

Even happiness wasn't safe. I had to know, was this reliable? This thing that is bringing me joy, how can I guarantee that I can always keep it and benefit from it? Can I even be sure I'll always want it? If I can't, I'd better chuck it now. No use bothering with something impermanent.

It got pretty tiresome for everyone, especially me.

One day I ran across Susan Nolen-Hoeksema's Women Who Think Too Much while browsing at a Borders. It was a big, expensive book, still hardcover at the time. I was drawn in by the subtitle: How to Break Free of Overthinking and Reclaim Your Life, but I wasn't sure if I should blow all that cash or wait til the paperback. Maybe I should just forget about it -- I was embarrassed about my passion for self-help and thought I ought not to add to that particular library. But there was something about the presentation that appealed to me.

I stood there, paralyzed, almost putting it back then jerking upright again, until I finally burst out laughing with self-recognition.

That book was the best purchase I ever made.

It transformed me from a neurotic ball of crazy to a calm and dependable grown-up who proudly engages in superficial chatter. I've been with the same guy for 10 years, the same city for 7, and the same job for 5. I can experience a broad range of feelings -- even the soul-crushing darkness that for me was new motherhood -- without rushing to rearrange my life. While I still like me some hard-core analysis, I can now turn it on and off.

Here are a few of the points that made the most impact on me:

1. Ruminating doesn't work. To solve a problem, you need to get away from it and calm down. Come back when you've had some space and aren't feeling so emotional.
2. Broaden your base of self-esteem. If your whole self-worth is wrapped up in one thing (like your job, child, or body), you're likely to feel anxious about it all the time. You need other things that you can love and fall back on.
3. Sometimes you feel bad for no reason. It was a huge breakthrough for me to realize that I could feel absolutely rotten and have the feeling just go away on its own. Maybe I was hungry or hormotional or tired. Not every blip on my emotional radar is a sign from God.

I used to hate when people told me, "You think too much." It felt like an attempt to control me -- they didn't want me to think so they could tell me what to do. Now I know they were right. There is such a thing as overthinking, and it is a major obstacle to a happy life.

I feel fortunate to have "happened" upon this book. For years I have experienced overthinking and just thought I was crazy. Not only am I conforted to know I have a lot of company--in the erratic fly-off the handle line of thinking--but the author gives tactics following explanations that can put you back on a saner path. She has a user friendly format. THe only question I have of the author (or editor)--why did she feel the reader needed to know the color of everyone of her subjects' hair and eyes?

I received this book as a gift and found it to be useful. I have to admit that I'm an "overthinker" - I can tell when my mind is getting carried away and getting me too upset over something trivial, but sometimes it's hard to turn that off and get back to whatever I need to be doing.

This book starts with explaining what "overthinking" is and why (and when) it can be a bad thing. Then the author has several chapters on techniques that you can use to overcome overthinking. I will definitely try some of these out to see what works best for me. I especially appreciated that each of the chapters with ideas ends with a summary chart that is a quick and easy reference. The book ends with several example situations of overthinking and how it was overcome. These cover issues regarding family, health and work. There is probably something in one of those stories that any overthinker would relate to.

I enjoyed reading the book - it was easy to read and stay interested through most of it. I did, however, come away feeling that some parts were repetitive and maybe the author could have made it a bit shorter. Overall, I would recommend the book to anyone who may find themselves overthinking because it has some great ideas to address the problem.

This book was helpful in making me more aware of what I already know and suspected. It includes tips on breaking the overthinking habits. A good book for our society today. With technology we always have so much information at our fingertips that it can sometimes paralyze us and we get so caught up in the information that we can't make a decision to "save our lives." Practical ideas and food for thought. I started using it immediately as I read through it. I will have to review to remember some of the important points. I reminds me to be more confident in my decisions as a woman who tends to re-hash and drive myself to distraction trying to decide the "right" thing to do.

This book is truly wonderful.

It helps women understand the forces in their lives and gives practical guidance on how to solve their problems.

No more sitting around and crying and bemoaning the same issues OVER AND OVER. The author gives useful tips on breaking free and changing your life for the better. She advocates active coping.

Instead of staying in a bad situation for days (or years!) she suggests confiding in a friend and saying: "I'm feeling really stuck and helpless and I don't know what to do. I'd like you to help me think through some things I might be able to do to begin to get more control over some of my problems."

This book has helped me immensely to let go of a lot of pain and anger and to focus on what I want out of my life.

I have also read one of her other books "Toxic Triangle." Also wonderful.