Women's Reality: An Emerging Female System [Paperback]

Anne Wilson Schaef (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: January 3, 1992

Defines the Female System as an emerging reality--a system in which women are valued, first-class citizens. Now with a new foreword by Carol S. Pearson.

Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Anne Wilson Schaef, Ph.D., author of Women's Reality and Co-Dependence, is a lecturer, organizational consultant, former psychotherapist, and workshop leader who trains health care professionals throughout the world in Living Process Facilitation. She lives in Boulder, Colorado.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

Chapter One

Fitting in: The White Male System and Other Systems in Our Culture

The White Male System and the Way the World Isn't

When working with clients, therapists have traditionally taken one of two approaches: the intrapsychic or the interpersonal. In the former, the therapist focuses on what goes on inside the person, emphasizing the importance of dreams, fantasies, defense mechanisms, fixations, and the like. Of special significance are the first five years of a client's life; these are seen as having shaped the person and determined what she or he would be and become in the fixture.

Many practitioners now feel that the intrapsychic approach is sorely lacking. The information gained by that methodology may be useful, but it is just not enough. True, a therapist can work with an individual's insides and make great strides, but it is also necessary to work with her or his outsides--specifically, to become aware of and/or involved with the significant others in the client's life. After all, no one lives in a vacuum! The interpersonal approach, then, focuses on the system in which the client lives and on the system which is the client herself or himself.

As a practicing psychotherapist, I myself have used both approaches--the intrapsychic and the interpersonal--with my clients, depending on their needs and my perceptions. Both have worked at different times; both have helped people to become living, loving, capable individuals. Still, I have never been entirely satisfied with either approach or the combination of the two. Something is missing from each one--something which I have grown to feel is essential not only to the therapeutic process but also to getting along in the world on a day-to-day basis.

What is missing is an understanding and awareness of what I have chosen to call the White Male System. It is crucial to be able to define this system and deal with it simply because it surrounds us and permeates our lives. Its myths, beliefs, rituals, procedures, and outcomes affect everything we think, feel, and do.

Let me explain what I mean by the White Male System. It is the system in which we live, and in it, the power and influence are held by white males. This system did not happen overnight, nor was it the result of the machinations of only a few individuals; we all not only let it occur but participated in its development. Nevertheless, the White Male System is just that: a system. We all live in it, but it is not reality. It is not the way the world is. Unfortunately, some of us do not recognize that it is a system and think it is reality or the way the world is.

The White Male System--and it is important to keep in mind that I am referring to a system here and not pointing a finger at specific individuals within it--controls almost every aspect of our culture. It makes our laws, runs our economy, sets our salaries, and decides when and if we will go to war or remain at home. It decides what is knowledge and how it is to be taught. Like any other system, it has both positive and negative qualities. But because it is only a system, it can be clarified, examined, and changed, both from within and without.

There are other systems within our culture. The Black System, the Chicano System, the Asian American System, and the Native American System are completely enveloped in and frequently overshadowed by the White Male System. As, of course, is the Female System, which includes women from the other ethnic systems as well as white women.

There are a few white men who do not fit into the White Male System. They form a small but growing group which is frequently perceived as a sanctuary by white men who do not want to acknowledge their sexism. Whenever I mention the existence of this group during a lecture, I can almost see the men in the room rushing to crowd into it. If they can just get into that circle, they can be "different" and not have to face themselves. I wait until they are comfortably crowded in before saying, "Of course, at this point in history that group is largely homosexual." They then quickly rush right out again! I use this statement for effect, and while it is not necessarily accurate, it does encourage men to realize that there is more to sexism than meets the eye. This keeps the focus where it should be and is also an amusing process to observe.

Saying that you are not sexist--or that you do not want to be, or would rather not admit that you are--is not the same as doing something about your sexism. To give a parallel example, this is much like what many of us white liberals did during the civil rights movement. We needed our Black friends to tell us that we were different. We needed to hear that we were not like everyone else, that we were not discriminatory and racist. Once we heard that, we could avoid having to deal with our racism, which was real no matter how hard we tried to ignore it or cover it up.

I had two Black colleagues who simply refused to tell me what I wanted to hear. I finally learned that the issue was not one of whether I was racist, but of how I was racist. As soon as I was able to acknowledge this--with my friends' help--then and only then could I begin to work on my own racist attitudes and behaviors. Similarly, because we all live in a white male culture, the question is not one of whether we are sexist, but of how we are sexist. (This is true for women as well as men, by the way.)

Before we can deal with our sexism, we must learn to distance ourselves from the White Male System. We must learn to step back, take a long look at it, and see it forwhat it really is.

Product Details

• Paperback: 192 pages
• Publisher: HarperOne; 3 edition (January 3, 1992)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0062507702
• ISBN-13: 978-0062507709
• Product Dimensions: 7.8 x 5.3 x 0.6 inches
• Shipping Weight: 6.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (15 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #698,444 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

14 of 14 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars An insightful power analysis of the White Male System, December 15, 2000

By A Customer

This review is from: Women's Reality: An Emerging Female System (Paperback)

Anne Wilson Schaef provides an insightful power analysis of the White Male System and compares it with the Female System. She demonstrates quite convincingly that while other systems outside the White Male System, such as the Female System, the African-American System, the Mexican-American System, and the Native American System, all have to be aware of both systems (their own as well as the White Male System) in order to survive, the White Male System, since it is in power, has no need to be aware of any other system than its own. Many of the points she brought up resonated with me, and I grew quite depressed as I realized my own complicity in struggling to fit in with the White Male System rather than embracing my own Female System.

"Women's Reality" is not a book about victimhood, however; its purpose is to bring about an awareness that there are different ways of relating with one another and that the White Male System is not "reality." Rather, as women, or anyone else who does not fit into the White Male System, we can create our own reality, and we are not required to adhere to the defensive, fearful White Male System dualistic paradigm of "my way or the highway." Ms. Schaef doesn't seek to topple the White Male System and replace it with another; rather, she seeks to bring about an awareness that multiple paradigms of relating with one another do indeed exist and should be respected for the value that each can bring to relationship-building in all its forms.

"Women's Reality" is not an advice or a how-to book; its greatest strength lies in bringing about an awareness of the cultural differences between men, women, and anyone else who doesn't fit neatly into the White Male System. I found it to be much more analytical and much less patronizing than "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." The phrase "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" has been so overused that it diminishes the very real differences that exist between men and women and turns them into a joke. "Women's Reality," written 10 to 15 years before "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" is a an analysis from a woman's perspective of what it means to be born to a second-class status behind men, and how we spend our lives trying to conform to the White Male System. The sad reality about "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" is that it perpetuates the idea that women should conform to the White Male System of relating. "Women's Reality," by comparison, recognizes that although we must be aware of how the White Male System operates in order to survive, it doesn't mean that we have to become caught up in it ourselves; there are alternatives.

14 of 15 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Affirming and Potentially Life-Changing, July 18, 2001

By A Customer

This review is from: Women's Reality: An Emerging Female System (Paperback)

This book was recommended to me by a psychologist during a mid-life career crisis. As a pioneer in a traditionally male field (engineering), I thought I had a pretty good understanding of the effects of sexism on women's lives. This book opened my eyes to deeper levels of understanding.

Women really do have a different reality than men because our life experiences are substantially different. (The same is true for racial minorities.) In both our personal and professional lives, we struggle to adapt to and gain the approval of a rigid "alien" White Male Culture that discounts our unique perceptions and talents while insisting that we conform to limited stereotyped roles of its own choosing. In this constrained environment, most of us are only partially successful in reaching our goal of becoming whole, valued individuals. The resulting widespread personal and societal dysfunction harms us all -- men as well as women. What a waste.

A basic flaw in the White Male System is its closed-mindedness in thinking that it has all the anwers. Differences are seen as threats that must be annihilated. The world in becoming increasingly global in nature, and the toxic effects of this attitude will increase. To survive and prosper, our society must embrace and learn from other cultures, including minorities within the U.S. Diversity is a strength, not a weakness.

I only wish I had read this book many years ago. It is full of thrilling "Aha!" moments, as one truth after another is affirmed. I saw myself and many other people I know in its pages, and I now have a deeper understanding of our struggles and the reasons behind various life choices. The insight gained from this book could have saved me much frustration and battered self-esteem by placing my career struggles within a larger context. The Southern corporate culture is particularly deeply entrenched in extreme White Male System thinking, so beware!

I also found the "levels of reality" concept fascinating and plausible. It's exciting to see life as a progression of stages moving toward increased knowledge and maturity rather than as a narrow, stagnant rut.

Realization of the formidable obstacles we face makes the substantial progress women have made during the past three decades even more impressive. I wholeheartedly thank the author Anne Wilson Schaef and other feminist pioneers for moving us toward a more functional culture.

9 of 10 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Some good insights, but awkward and dated, June 19, 2003

By 

Thomas Strong "wheatthin" (Atlanta, GA, USA) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Women's Reality: An Emerging Female System (Paperback)

I once admired this book, but have lost some respect for it over the years. It can be pretty difficult to get into. The first couple of chapters are quite abstract, with the author writing about different realities and a pervasive White Male System that I felt was disconnected from my (White Male) worldview. However, the book becomes more and more grounded as it goes on, and the richness of Wilson Schaef's ideas help to redeem the awkward introduction.

For me, what the book does best is illustrate the benefits of shifting one's perspective. For instance, Wilson Schaef's take on responsibility: In her White Male System, responsibility is the targeting of blame, whereas in her Female System, responsibility is the willingness and ability to respond. There's merit in her distinction; after all, the former use of the word is far more pervasive, even now, than the latter. Yet the latter use is equally, if not more, true to the word's original meaning.

There are several other similar philosophical gems in the book -- her discussion of "levels of truth" stands out, as does her perspectives on time, community, and family. The chapter on the Perfect Marriage, though it seemed terribly abstract at the time, has surprised me often in its connections with my own reality and ways of thinking.

The book has serious flaws. Wilson Schaef is very locked into identity politics, in a way has probably turned off many potential readers. She also repeatedly claims that the White Male System is no better or worse than the Female System, but not once in the book does she point out anything positive about it. I found this annoying: if she's going to rip White Males (or our System), I'd rather she did it straightforwardly. Since first reading the book, I've learned that many of Wilson Schaef's ideas are drawn straight out of classical philosophy; sadly, she never credits Hegel, Kierkegaard, et. al. as inspiration. It's too bad, since one of the biggest flaws in her work is how imprisoned it seems in late 70's - early 80's feminist psychology.

Those flaws aside, it is worth reading, especially for those looking into the development of feminist thinking. For more cogent, challenging ideas -- and for higher-quality writing -- check out Marilyn Frye's "The Politics of Reality."