Customer Reviews

Women's Reality: An Emerging Female System

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Anne Wilson Schaef provides an insightful power analysis of the White Male System and compares it with the Female System. She demonstrates quite convincingly that while other systems outside the White Male System, such as the Female System, the African-American System, the Mexican-American System, and the Native American System, all have to be aware of both systems (their own as well as the White Male System) in order to survive, the White Male System, since it is in power, has no need to be aware of any other system than its own. Many of the points she brought up resonated with me, and I grew quite depressed as I realized my own complicity in struggling to fit in with the White Male System rather than embracing my own Female System.

"Women's Reality" is not a book about victimhood, however; its purpose is to bring about an awareness that there are different ways of relating with one another and that the White Male System is not "reality." Rather, as women, or anyone else who does not fit into the White Male System, we can create our own reality, and we are not required to adhere to the defensive, fearful White Male System dualistic paradigm of "my way or the highway." Ms. Schaef doesn't seek to topple the White Male System and replace it with another; rather, she seeks to bring about an awareness that multiple paradigms of relating with one another do indeed exist and should be respected for the value that each can bring to relationship-building in all its forms.

"Women's Reality" is not an advice or a how-to book; its greatest strength lies in bringing about an awareness of the cultural differences between men, women, and anyone else who doesn't fit neatly into the White Male System. I found it to be much more analytical and much less patronizing than "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." The phrase "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" has been so overused that it diminishes the very real differences that exist between men and women and turns them into a joke. "Women's Reality," written 10 to 15 years before "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" is a an analysis from a woman's perspective of what it means to be born to a second-class status behind men, and how we spend our lives trying to conform to the White Male System. The sad reality about "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" is that it perpetuates the idea that women should conform to the White Male System of relating. "Women's Reality," by comparison, recognizes that although we must be aware of how the White Male System operates in order to survive, it doesn't mean that we have to become caught up in it ourselves; there are alternatives.

This book was recommended to me by a psychologist during a mid-life career crisis. As a pioneer in a traditionally male field (engineering), I thought I had a pretty good understanding of the effects of sexism on women's lives. This book opened my eyes to deeper levels of understanding.

Women really do have a different reality than men because our life experiences are substantially different. (The same is true for racial minorities.) In both our personal and professional lives, we struggle to adapt to and gain the approval of a rigid "alien" White Male Culture that discounts our unique perceptions and talents while insisting that we conform to limited stereotyped roles of its own choosing. In this constrained environment, most of us are only partially successful in reaching our goal of becoming whole, valued individuals. The resulting widespread personal and societal dysfunction harms us all -- men as well as women. What a waste.

A basic flaw in the White Male System is its closed-mindedness in thinking that it has all the anwers. Differences are seen as threats that must be annihilated. The world in becoming increasingly global in nature, and the toxic effects of this attitude will increase. To survive and prosper, our society must embrace and learn from other cultures, including minorities within the U.S. Diversity is a strength, not a weakness.

I only wish I had read this book many years ago. It is full of thrilling "Aha!" moments, as one truth after another is affirmed. I saw myself and many other people I know in its pages, and I now have a deeper understanding of our struggles and the reasons behind various life choices. The insight gained from this book could have saved me much frustration and battered self-esteem by placing my career struggles within a larger context. The Southern corporate culture is particularly deeply entrenched in extreme White Male System thinking, so beware!

I also found the "levels of reality" concept fascinating and plausible. It's exciting to see life as a progression of stages moving toward increased knowledge and maturity rather than as a narrow, stagnant rut.

Realization of the formidable obstacles we face makes the substantial progress women have made during the past three decades even more impressive. I wholeheartedly thank the author Anne Wilson Schaef and other feminist pioneers for moving us toward a more functional culture.

I once admired this book, but have lost some respect for it over the years. It can be pretty difficult to get into. The first couple of chapters are quite abstract, with the author writing about different realities and a pervasive White Male System that I felt was disconnected from my (White Male) worldview. However, the book becomes more and more grounded as it goes on, and the richness of Wilson Schaef's ideas help to redeem the awkward introduction.

For me, what the book does best is illustrate the benefits of shifting one's perspective. For instance, Wilson Schaef's take on responsibility: In her White Male System, responsibility is the targeting of blame, whereas in her Female System, responsibility is the willingness and ability to respond. There's merit in her distinction; after all, the former use of the word is far more pervasive, even now, than the latter. Yet the latter use is equally, if not more, true to the word's original meaning.

There are several other similar philosophical gems in the book -- her discussion of "levels of truth" stands out, as does her perspectives on time, community, and family. The chapter on the Perfect Marriage, though it seemed terribly abstract at the time, has surprised me often in its connections with my own reality and ways of thinking.

The book has serious flaws. Wilson Schaef is very locked into identity politics, in a way has probably turned off many potential readers. She also repeatedly claims that the White Male System is no better or worse than the Female System, but not once in the book does she point out anything positive about it. I found this annoying: if she's going to rip White Males (or our System), I'd rather she did it straightforwardly. Since first reading the book, I've learned that many of Wilson Schaef's ideas are drawn straight out of classical philosophy; sadly, she never credits Hegel, Kierkegaard, et. al. as inspiration. It's too bad, since one of the biggest flaws in her work is how imprisoned it seems in late 70's - early 80's feminist psychology.

Those flaws aside, it is worth reading, especially for those looking into the development of feminist thinking. For more cogent, challenging ideas -- and for higher-quality writing -- check out Marilyn Frye's "The Politics of Reality."

I remember the ideas in this book as very well presented and with a relevancy that goes beyond 'women's issues'. This book is just as relevant to understanding the WTO riots in Seattle, the pressures we put on indigenous cultures, and understanding resistance to the global expansion of US business culture. That's why I just ordered this book for our overseas office where we are engaged in economic and 'civil society' development. I simply want to expose our people to the idea that we have a point of view and a way of organizing life as opposed to 'the way' of doing things and a mission to tell others 'the way the world is.' That we are presenting a choice not objective reality. I expect this book to help people appreciate that other people are not simply inefficient and ineffective but enjoying another way of living, and that it will help set a framework for appreciating that there are entire linguistic systems even in European societies that are non-linear and don't 'get to the point.' This book can help you understand differences in a shrinking world.

I found this book to be a POWERFUL awakener for ALL women. It will take your blinders off completely and show you the 'game' the white male society plays on all women and all people of other races. After reading this book, you'll be very angry at how you've been duped -- BUT YOU WILL NEVER BE FOOLED INTO THINKING YOU'RE INFERIOR AGAIN.

I found this book to have very thought provoking ideas and forced me to take another look at society and where I fit into the "big scheme" of things. Also great suggestions on how to make changes.

While many concepts in this book must be undertaken with a grain of salt, this book will change the way you view the world. It is a foundation for feminism and for women who must survive in a male corporate world.

You will never be the same if you read this book. It revealed the sacred difference of the woman that enables me to know who I am.

I found Schaef's views sexist to both men and women. I found her views outdated and an overraction. I do believe there is a White Male System but I think she has overanalyzed certain actions of men in their attempt to suppress women. It seems that everything men do, say, believe are ways to control women. I find this impossible. According to her, all men are bad and all women are angry. I know wonderful men who do not give in to this system. Also, I'm not angry about being a woman. I have seen how women rights have come leaps and bounds through history. I also don't believe she gives enough credit to the unique differences between men and women. These differences should be celebrated not picked apart and translated as whys men are opressing women.

Women's Reality is an excellent eye-opening fact filled read. It's author presents a new reality that will disabuse many of what they've always considered "reality."

R. Ruiz