The Wonder of Boys: What Parents, Mentors and Educators Can Do to Shape Young Boys into Exceptional Men [Hardcover]

Michael Gurian (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: September 24, 1996

With the lack of stable traditional families, shifting values, the lure of gangs, the loss of positive male role models, and the widespread depiction of irresponsible sexuality, it has become increasingly difficult for parents to manage the healthy upbringing of young men. Gurian explains what a boy really needs and advises parents, mentors and educators on how to satisfy a boy's desire for his own sense of tribe and initiation into healthy, structured competition, discipline and work.

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

In the thoughtful and provocative The Wonder of Boys: What Parents, Mentors, and Educators Can Do to Shape Boys into Exceptional Men, therapist and educator Michael Gurian takes a close look at modern boyhood. Gurian asserts that the biological and neurological differences between boys and girls need to be accounted for and nourished in order to raise healthy, happy boys. In discussing boy culture--and the roles of competition, aggression, and physical risk taking--the author concludes, "It's not boy culture that's inherently flawed; it's the way we manage it." If the natural, testosterone-based impulses of boys are squelched or ignored, Gurian posits, such biological truths may find their way to the surface in other, more negative behaviors. He suggests that boys do best when they are part of a "tribe," three families that include: a birth or adoptive family; an extended family of friends, teachers, peers, and mentors; and the "family" of outside culture, media, religious institutions, and community figures. The Wonder of Boys offers advice on how to understand and build strong father/son and mother/son relationships, stresses the importance of healthy discipline, and suggests methods of teaching boys about sex, relationships, and spirituality. Parents and teachers of boys will find this book to be an insightful read. --Ericka Lutz --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Publishers Weekly

Yes, boys and girls are different, says Washington state family therapist Gurian (Mothers, Sons and Lovers), urging that society learn how to deal creatively with gender-specific needs. In considering the cultural effects of heightened gender consciousness, Gurian warns of the dangers of "enmeshing male development with a female culture in transition." Outlining biological differences, he explains that boys are "hard-wired" to possess certain traits. Because of male brain chemistry and the hormone testosterone, boys are apt, for example, to relish risk-taking and to be physically aggressive and competitive (violence, he claims is not hard-wired, but learned through culture). What Gurian adds to this generally recognized background material is a persuasive summons to society, specifically parents, educators and communities, to unite to channel these traits in positive directions. Sports, for instance, allow competition but also teach responsibility. Work, nature study, music and spiritual pursuits are other positive channels. Gurian, who has also lived in Europe, Asia and the Middle East, suggests that we in the U.S. have grown away from beneficial rites of passage?and toward "isolated, tremulous, family systems." In this shift, he contends, boys have been abandoned, and he urges that society reclaim responsibility for the moral and spiritual upbringing of young males, with guidance offered by elder mentors and support coming from extended family or community. Writing in a calm, compassionate voice, Gurian delivers a compelling call to action. 50,000 first printing; author tour.
Copyright 1996 Reed Business Information, Inc.

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 294 pages
• Publisher: Tarcher (September 24, 1996)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 087477831X
• ISBN-13: 978-0874778311
• Product Dimensions: 8.9 x 6.4 x 1.5 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.4 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 3.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (97 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #995,099 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Michael Gurian is a social philosopher, family therapist, corporate consultant, and the New York Times bestselling author of twenty books published in fifteen languages. The Gurian Institute, which he co-founded, conducts research internationally, launches pilot programs and trains professionals. Michael has been called "the people's philosopher" for his ability to bring together people's ordinary lives and scientific ideas.
As a social philosopher, he has pioneered efforts to bring neuro-biology and brain research into homes, workplaces, schools and public policy. A number of his ground-breaking books in child development, including THE WONDER OF BOYS, BOYS AND GIRLS LEARN DIFFERENTLY! THE WONDER OF GIRLS and WHAT COULD HE BE THINKING? have sparked national debate. His newest work, THE MINDS OF BOYS (September 2005) provides a revolutionary new framework, based in neuro-biology, by which to understand and care for the educational needs of our sons.
Michael has served as a consultant to families, corporations, therapists, physicians, school districts, community agencies, churches, criminal justice personnel and other professionals, traveling to approximately 20 cities a year to keynote at conferences. His training videos (also available as DVDs) for parents and volunteers are used by Big Brother and Big Sister agencies in the U.S. and Canada.
As an educator, Michael previously taught at Gonzaga University, Eastern Washington University, and Ankara University. His speaking engagements include Harvard University, Johns Hopkins University, Stanford University, Macalester College, University of Colorado, University of Missouri-Kansas City, and UCLA. His philosophy reflects the diverse cultures (European, Asian, Middle Eastern and American) in which he has lived, worked and studied.
Michael's work has been featured in various media, including the New York Times, the Washington Post, USA Today, Newsweek, Time, People, Reader's Digest, the Wall Street Journal, Parenting, Good Housekeeping, Redbook, and on the Today Show, Good Morning America, CNN, PBS and National Public Radio.
Michael can be reached on the worldwide web at
www.michaelgurian.com

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

201 of 216 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars 'Boys and Girls are different' is a dangerous idea?, June 28, 2001

By 

Robert Delsol (Des Moines, IA USA) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: The Wonder of Boys (Paperback)

Some time ago I read this book and found it to be incredibly insightful. Not only did it help me understand my sons better, but I also came to understand myself better as well. I so enjoyed it that I came back to this review page recently to find suggestions of other books of this type. I was shocked to see that the rating had dropped precipitously since I'd first read it, brought down by a batch of scathing reviews. I noticed that they all sounded strangely the same - using hyperbolic, if not hyperventilating rhetoric, nearly all of them charging the book with "misogyny". As if championing the role of a father in a boy's life is somehow "woman-hating." Or suggesting that boys will be boys, so why don't we channel their natural aggression into positive activities is "dangerous". Naturally, most of these attackers did not cite examples (those who rely on name-calling and invective rather than reasoned thought never do.) There was one exception, though she completely misrepresented the author's point. I hope those of you considering this book are guided more by the reviews that actually discuss the ideas in the book, rather than those reviews poisoned by political agenda. This is an important book well worth your consideration.

50 of 55 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Moms need not take offense..., December 30, 2005

By 

Karen (United States) - See all my reviews

This review is from: The Wonder of Boys (Paperback)

Gurian has done an astoundingly thorough job in addressing the issues many of us face in raising boys today. I have read other books about raising boys, including other books by Gurian (also good), but this one by far is the most comprehensive, thoughtfully put together book I've ever read. I think that anyone who is thoughtful about raising sons and committed to doing the best job possible should take a good look at this book and give serious consideration to his ideas.

Gurian admits in this book that he does not have all the answers and is constantly working to refine his suggestions. I love what he has done and how he has done it, by actually talking with many families and kids around the world, and using this information, along with neuroscience, and his rich cultural background and education to formulate these suggestions.

The book is based on the unique testosterone driven neurological needs if males. It explains this in detail and how to best support a boy's development and channel a boy's natural aggression into a positive and constructive way of life through out the different stages of development. If you do not believe in the idea of "testosterone driven neurological needs" of boys, then this book may not be for you. But there have been many studies done that have shown the differences in male and female brains and much experiential evidence that there are differences. Any teacher and parent I have asked who has both sons and daughters attests to these differences. Again, if you are a parent of boys and committed to doing the best job you can, this book deserves a sincere look, and these ideas, serious consideration.

I do see this book as a passionate advocate for boys and maleness, but NOT as male over female promoting. Near the beginning of the book, it strives to dispell the common impression that girls are the ones in crisis by comparing staticstics about girls to those of boys. But the intent I got from it is the presentation of a reality check about the state of our boys, and a plea for change because of the crisis we have on our hands of delinquent boys. But, if I could change one thing about the book, it would be how this plea is presented - fewer comparisons to girls. I think the statistics for boys are revealing enough on their own.

Yes, it does point out how mothers, society, and even fathers and other males can and do unwittingly harm boys' development, but I did not take offense to this because I see this book as a very practical, caring, and passionate guide to raising boys. If read in its entirety, readers would see that Gurian SUPPORTS mothers, holds them in the highest esteem, and sincerely calls for increased respect and support for mothers from family and society.

Some reviewers have pointed out that he does little to promote the intact family. He does mention this to be the ideal case in most circumstances. But he is also saying that in the absence of this ideal situation, or in the absence of extended family being available, here is how to try to mitigate some of the inherent risks associated with those scenarios. Even if the ideal situation does exist, here are the components that should be present to help you raise your son.

I am a single mom of fraternal twin boys about to turn fourteen. For us, most of what Mr. Gurian is saying in this book rings very true so far. My sons have naturally gravitated toward the activities (i.e., constantly challenging themselves, striving to improve skills), a rich family life, (i.e., Gurian's second and third families, the "tribe"), and many male mentors suggested by Gurian. Currently, they are very, very successful despite the fact that I am a struggling single mom. They have many accomplishments, are well rounded, have great discipline, and have a very bright future ahead of them. This book has helped me navigate some territories unknown to me in raising my sons, and has validated other guiding methods I've used before reading the book. It has helped me correct some of my mistakes, think through some tough choices, and I will continue to refer to it. I think it's one of the best books, if not THE best book out there on raising boys!

17 of 17 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars lots of redundancy, but some useful advice, September 25, 2008

By 

Aleksandra Nita-Lazar (MD, USA) - See all my reviews
(VINE VOICE)    (REAL NAME)   

This review is from: The Wonder of Boys (Mass Market Paperback)

When my son was about to be born, I panicked, because I thought I would not know how to give a good upbringing to a boy. I have only a sister and my husband is an only child. We discussed the issue a lot and we sometimes had different views on how to deal with boys, to do everything to make our son happy and fulfilled. So - we decided to buy a book and chose "The Wonder of Boys".

The book is not bad, but it is not very good. First of all, there is nothing new in the notion that boys are different from girls and that testosterone is physiologically responsible for these obvious differences, boys being more competitive and aggressive etc. Many things described by the author are obvious and instinctive. I would be happy to see more scientific dissection of the differences, something similar to "Brain Sex" by Anne Moir and David Jessel (a really valuable book, by the way), but with the focus on children and the education of boys.
The "old-new" rules of the boys' education and need for the male presence in their lives, the importance of the group, sports and discipline, are nicely presented at the beginning, but later on the book gets very repetitive, full of redundant information and artificially blown out of proportion. Maybe the purpose was to make the reader memorize the rules subconsciously (after all, it is one of the therapy principles, I think). For me, it just made the book boring and I could not help thinking it would be much more useful in a form of an article or essay. It seems to me more like an introduction to Gurian's guidelines, more developed in his later books on various aspects of the boys' character and education.

There is some advice I found good there, though: the rules for disciplining the boys at different stages of life, the details of the father's role, the discussion on spanking, the teaching of morals and spirituality. I could do without superficial examples from the world cultures.

I did not find this book particularly challenging for feminism, on the contrary, I think it presents reasonably the roles of both parents and the methods for building the family life beneficial for the offspring, which happens to be male.

Altogether, I rate "The Wonder of Boys" at three stars, it is neither outstanding, nor hopeless, but the useful advice needs to be extracted from a lot of meaningless words and the book could only benefit from being more concise and to the point.