Customer Reviews

The Wonder of Boys: What Parents, Mentors and Educators Can Do to Shape Young Boys into Exceptional Men

5 star:		(44)
4 star:		(8)
3 star:		(5)
2 star:		(14)
1 star:		(26)

 

 

Some time ago I read this book and found it to be incredibly insightful. Not only did it help me understand my sons better, but I also came to understand myself better as well. I so enjoyed it that I came back to this review page recently to find suggestions of other books of this type. I was shocked to see that the rating had dropped precipitously since I'd first read it, brought down by a batch of scathing reviews. I noticed that they all sounded strangely the same - using hyperbolic, if not hyperventilating rhetoric, nearly all of them charging the book with "misogyny". As if championing the role of a father in a boy's life is somehow "woman-hating." Or suggesting that boys will be boys, so why don't we channel their natural aggression into positive activities is "dangerous". Naturally, most of these attackers did not cite examples (those who rely on name-calling and invective rather than reasoned thought never do.) There was one exception, though she completely misrepresented the author's point. I hope those of you considering this book are guided more by the reviews that actually discuss the ideas in the book, rather than those reviews poisoned by political agenda. This is an important book well worth your consideration.

Gurian has done an astoundingly thorough job in addressing the issues many of us face in raising boys today. I have read other books about raising boys, including other books by Gurian (also good), but this one by far is the most comprehensive, thoughtfully put together book I've ever read. I think that anyone who is thoughtful about raising sons and committed to doing the best job possible should take a good look at this book and give serious consideration to his ideas.

Gurian admits in this book that he does not have all the answers and is constantly working to refine his suggestions. I love what he has done and how he has done it, by actually talking with many families and kids around the world, and using this information, along with neuroscience, and his rich cultural background and education to formulate these suggestions.

The book is based on the unique testosterone driven neurological needs if males. It explains this in detail and how to best support a boy's development and channel a boy's natural aggression into a positive and constructive way of life through out the different stages of development. If you do not believe in the idea of "testosterone driven neurological needs" of boys, then this book may not be for you. But there have been many studies done that have shown the differences in male and female brains and much experiential evidence that there are differences. Any teacher and parent I have asked who has both sons and daughters attests to these differences. Again, if you are a parent of boys and committed to doing the best job you can, this book deserves a sincere look, and these ideas, serious consideration.

I do see this book as a passionate advocate for boys and maleness, but NOT as male over female promoting. Near the beginning of the book, it strives to dispell the common impression that girls are the ones in crisis by comparing staticstics about girls to those of boys. But the intent I got from it is the presentation of a reality check about the state of our boys, and a plea for change because of the crisis we have on our hands of delinquent boys. But, if I could change one thing about the book, it would be how this plea is presented - fewer comparisons to girls. I think the statistics for boys are revealing enough on their own.

Yes, it does point out how mothers, society, and even fathers and other males can and do unwittingly harm boys' development, but I did not take offense to this because I see this book as a very practical, caring, and passionate guide to raising boys. If read in its entirety, readers would see that Gurian SUPPORTS mothers, holds them in the highest esteem, and sincerely calls for increased respect and support for mothers from family and society.

Some reviewers have pointed out that he does little to promote the intact family. He does mention this to be the ideal case in most circumstances. But he is also saying that in the absence of this ideal situation, or in the absence of extended family being available, here is how to try to mitigate some of the inherent risks associated with those scenarios. Even if the ideal situation does exist, here are the components that should be present to help you raise your son.

I am a single mom of fraternal twin boys about to turn fourteen. For us, most of what Mr. Gurian is saying in this book rings very true so far. My sons have naturally gravitated toward the activities (i.e., constantly challenging themselves, striving to improve skills), a rich family life, (i.e., Gurian's second and third families, the "tribe"), and many male mentors suggested by Gurian. Currently, they are very, very successful despite the fact that I am a struggling single mom. They have many accomplishments, are well rounded, have great discipline, and have a very bright future ahead of them. This book has helped me navigate some territories unknown to me in raising my sons, and has validated other guiding methods I've used before reading the book. It has helped me correct some of my mistakes, think through some tough choices, and I will continue to refer to it. I think it's one of the best books, if not THE best book out there on raising boys!

When my son was about to be born, I panicked, because I thought I would not know how to give a good upbringing to a boy. I have only a sister and my husband is an only child. We discussed the issue a lot and we sometimes had different views on how to deal with boys, to do everything to make our son happy and fulfilled. So - we decided to buy a book and chose "The Wonder of Boys".

The book is not bad, but it is not very good. First of all, there is nothing new in the notion that boys are different from girls and that testosterone is physiologically responsible for these obvious differences, boys being more competitive and aggressive etc. Many things described by the author are obvious and instinctive. I would be happy to see more scientific dissection of the differences, something similar to "Brain Sex" by Anne Moir and David Jessel (a really valuable book, by the way), but with the focus on children and the education of boys.
The "old-new" rules of the boys' education and need for the male presence in their lives, the importance of the group, sports and discipline, are nicely presented at the beginning, but later on the book gets very repetitive, full of redundant information and artificially blown out of proportion. Maybe the purpose was to make the reader memorize the rules subconsciously (after all, it is one of the therapy principles, I think). For me, it just made the book boring and I could not help thinking it would be much more useful in a form of an article or essay. It seems to me more like an introduction to Gurian's guidelines, more developed in his later books on various aspects of the boys' character and education.

There is some advice I found good there, though: the rules for disciplining the boys at different stages of life, the details of the father's role, the discussion on spanking, the teaching of morals and spirituality. I could do without superficial examples from the world cultures.

I did not find this book particularly challenging for feminism, on the contrary, I think it presents reasonably the roles of both parents and the methods for building the family life beneficial for the offspring, which happens to be male.

Altogether, I rate "The Wonder of Boys" at three stars, it is neither outstanding, nor hopeless, but the useful advice needs to be extracted from a lot of meaningless words and the book could only benefit from being more concise and to the point.

The negative reviews of this book are completely off the mark.It is NOT anti-female and Mr.Gurian is NOT a "closet misogynist" nor is he promoting a "dangerous" book.The author does reveal alot of passion and genuine concern for the problems facing boys,and he recognizes something that all teachers and parents should recognize,that boys and girls are different(hate to repeat the phrase,but people dont seem to be getting it)and that boys should NOT be feminized at home or in school.Being more physical,more aggressive,more competitive,is hard-wired into a boys being..it is not something that should be stifled with medication or unnecessary punishment.Boys need some boundaries and some discipline,sure,but they dont need to have what makes them boys taken away from them.This book does not have an "agenda",but the fems who condemn it certainly do.

This is a well balanced and important book about boys. In fact, considering the violence that our society's boys are acting out, this is the only book on the market that really explains how we can help boys to become healthy in all ways. I found Pollack's book to be the same-old, tired tirade about how we should just let boys cry, but frankly that is a one-note argument (not to mention 20 years out of date). I find it astonishing that so many people deny the role of biology in our behavior, as if testosterone had no effect on boys. Please, can we get over the politically correct arguments of old and understand that it is both nurture AND nature? This is the only book that seems to support this. Besides, the biology part of this book is only one aspect (a fact lost on some of these other readers, making me wonder if they really read this book or are just ignoring the wisdom found in this book because it doesn't echo their tired arguments?). And despite some suspiciously well-planted Pollack-positive comments here, Gurian gives a well-balanced and inclusive look at all of the ways that we can support our boys. Instead of making it an either-or argument, read them all and make up your own mind.

I bought this book for a quarter at a garage sale. I am a male, but I don't have kids of my own (and no I'm not looking to lure any into my unmarked van!) I'm a preschool teacher and when I bought this book I can't say I actually intended on reading it. I was more or less going to use it for reference, but I was suddenly confronted with a class that was almost entirely boys, and not just any type of boys but rowdy inattentive boys.

I can see how a lot of reviewers have claimed that this book is sexist and lacks in scientific research. Normally I'm turned away by books that don't have solid scientific backing, but I work with kids and I can tell you...there's no exact anything, let alone science when it comes to understanding children. This is where this book has been incredibly helpful because a lot of his points are heavily based on observation. As a male myself with a strong sense of my own childhood, I can tell you his observations are fairly accurate when it comes to the things that boys need in order to thrive. I'm not saying every point he made was an exact science, but it struck a chord with me as a male because it fit with what I knew as a kid, and even what I know today to be true of myself.

Some of his points are more general, such as boys being more spatially oriented, and task specific. And for those who are claiming he's sexist for even making distinctions in these area's, they need to do a little more research. I'm not for excluding any gender, but there are inherent differences between boys and girls and if you play to the strong suits of one or the other you're going to get a better effect. In my case I had to make my class more task driven. I made it everyone's "job" to be a kind friend to everyone, and it had a pretty instant effect on some of my more mean spirited boys. I added more open spaces, and more table activities that required fine motor skills to move an object from one place to another, and once again it had a dramatic effect on settling the energy in the room.

Like I said, some of this stuff is common knowledge, and this book isn't breaking a whole lot of new ground. But it does cover a lot of ground in one book. I particularly liked the chapters on boys needing a tribe, and about the development of morals. There is a problem with young boys in this country, and one of the biggest issues is there is a major disconnect between the generations. I grew up not just with a father, but I was lucky enough to be the youngest of 4 generations of males in my family so I had a very strong sense of what it meant to be a part of something bigger than myself. I'm a preschool teacher, it's not necessarily the most masculine job, but I know that its ok to be male and work in a profession that is mainly dominated by females, and that's because I grew up surrounded by males of different generations who taught me and supported me as a person. I always had someone to look up to. Boys need that. They need to know its ok to be themselves, because right now they don't know what to be. (and the same can be said for girls. However women lately have been better at providing this for girls than the men have for boys)

This book may not be hard science, but it's relate-able and usable information that, when you put adult biases and fears aside, is a valuable resource to anyone who works with or cares about the direction boys in our country are heading.

Although Gurian has received much criticism about this book--from the way it is written (Gurian is not a professional writer after all) to its "narrow" philosophy-- I found it thought-provoking and reassuring. I found Gurian to be a proponent of all humans, male and female. He points out the fact that certain aspects of the feminist movement have resulted in male villainization, an idea that is bound to be unpopular. At the same time he acknowledges how necessary it has been for our culture to change the way we view the feminine. He presents to the reader a different way of approaching the age old problem of the differences in the sexes. He states his case honestly, and yes, sometimes he wanders a bit. Many have criticized his philosophy because he cannot substantiate some of his findings, but philosophy does not have to be substantiated--it is a system of ideas, not necessarily scientific fact. In summary: because of this book, I have added new ways to my old ways of raising my two sons; what could be wrong with that?

Many people who grew up or lived through the 70's gender identity crisis here in the US have adopted certain kinds of stories about the relationship between men and women. Women are the victims of male oppression. Women need to be protected from men. Often cited in support of this view are studies that show girls don't get called on as often as their male classmates, women are discriminated against in the workplace and suffer from unfair expectations about the division of labor at home.

While it is true that we can improve the lot of women in society, Gurian makes the argument that we should avoid thinking that because society has been unkind to women, it must be nice to men who are the villians of society. Society isn't very kind to boys either:

Boys, not girls, are more likely to be victims of violent crime in school; on average, girls today have higher educational aspirations than their male classmates, as many boys aspire to manual labor jobs like carpentry or plumbing; girls, not boys have better self-esteem through most of their school years; girls, not boys tend to get better grades overall; in total, there are more women in graduate programs in the US than men. Even today, when we send citizens to fight in wars, those armed forces are predominantly male. Lastly, societal expectations and norms both at home and at work prevent many men in the US from enjoying fully who they are as humans... rewarding them for being the "strong silent types" who deny their emotions and are not allowed to develop fully their social skills in a way that expresses their unique qualities as men. Society isn't treating most men very well either.

Gurian's book makes the case that the path to a healthier society involves improving conditions for boys as well.

For both men *and women* who are interested in improving gender relations in their community or even just understanding the male half of the population, this book is a well-written, thought-provoking read.

After reading so many negative reviews of this book written by females, it made me want to immediately go out and get it. I did. The problem with our modern society is that we just do not want to face the natural FACT that males and females ARE different. Do not say that out loud, however, or you will be branded a chauvinist. Today's adolescent males are scared, confused and insecure. I wonder what has caused this. (Not really) We still encourage females to BE females, be proud of it and be as much a contributing member of the business world as men have always been. With boys, however, we do not encourage. We tell them what they SHOULD NOT do. We teach them, subconsciously, that they are now to pay for the centuries of repression of women committed by what one of my students termed, "a bunch of dead white guys." Thus, we have self-assured, confident women and insecure, weak men. No one really believes that men are put on the earth to dominate women, men are stronger, men are better and all that rubbish. I don't agree with previous readers fears that this book is dangerous because it will lead to a perpetuation of the "John Wayne" mentality. That is the opinion of fools. If you want someone to "tell it like it is," without the psychobabble that really says nothing at all, get this book.

I'm currently reading this book for the second time since my son was born, and when I'm done I would like my husband to read it. Gurian recognizes the biological differences in the brains of males and females. He writes about how to discipline a boy effectively by taking these differences into consideration. His theory is that boys have different needs from each parent, and that boy children often need different methods of discipline than girl children because their minds work differently. I don't agree with every single thing he says, but most of it makes perfect sense.
I think this is a very important book and should be read by anyone raising a boy or teaching boys.