The Wonder of Girls : Understanding the Hidden Nature of Our Daughters [Hardcover]

Michael Gurian (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: January 1, 2002

Michael Gurian, whose national bestseller The Wonder of Boys presented a radical and enlightening view of parenting sons, now offers a groundbreaking approach to raising daughters.

In The Wonder of Girls, Gurian, himself the father of two girls, provides crucial information for fully understanding the basic nature of girls: up-to-date scientific research on female biology, hormones, and brain development and how they shape girls' interests, behavior, and relationships.

He also offers insight into a culture mired in competition between traditionalism and feminism and a new vision that provides for the equal status of girls and women yet acknowledges their nature as complex and distinct from men. He explains what is "normal" for girls each year from birth to age 20; what developmental needs girls face in each stage; how to communicate effectively with girls; and how to cope with developmental crises such as early sexuality, eating disorders, parental divorce, and more.

With personal insights, practical tips, real-life anecdotes, and accessible science, The Wonder of Girls creates a new parenting paradigm. Key elements include:

a nature-based approach to why girls are the way they are

the connection between the need for profound attachment and the physical and brain development of girls

support for a girl's inherent need for intimacy

tools to protect girls' self-esteem and emotional life

a new approach to girls' character development and rites of passage.

With this scientifically based developmental map of girlhood, Gurian equips parents with a comprehensive guide for raising daughters. Challenging our culture to examine and embrace a crucial piece of the puzzle missing thus far, The Wonder of Girls elevates the dialogue on parenthood.

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

In The Wonder of Girls, Michael Gurian aims to bring us new insights into the lives of our daughters in much the same way he attempted to open up the lives of adolescent males in The Wonder of Boys. While many of the chapters read like lessons in biology, plenty of parents will find useful tidbits and reflections from this father of two.

Gurian emphatically agrees with Deborah Sichel's (Women's Moods) idea of "A woman's biology is the cornerstone of her mental health." He elaborates on this theory throughout his discussion on the physical changes in childhood and adolescence. This concept certainly holds some validity, but there's a fine line from here to "biology is destiny." Some readers may find Gurian crosses that line with his claims of "brain pruning" and insistence about hormones: "they don't just change a girl into a woman, they are, to a great extent, the woman herself."

Others find his recommendations on hormonal treatments to be a literal lifesaver, and the book is peppered with positive anecdotes from his own life and families encountered in his training sessions. Important issues like self-esteem, eating disorders, and sexual experimentation are all addressed, along with the role of the father and "the absolute sanctity of motherhood." Gurian offers a somewhat narrow path as a guide through your daughter's adolescence, but if nothing else, this book will provide a solid background in the physical aspects of her growth. --Jill Lightner

From Publishers Weekly

Therapist Gurian probes the unique aspects of girls' emotional, social and physical development in a follow-up to his bestselling The Wonder of Boys. First, though, he takes a few stabs at feminism, arguing that several of its theories (which, it must be noted, he incorrectly oversimplifies) need to be revised or even discarded by parents seeking to raise healthy girls. But Gurian's trademark is examining how biology impacts behavior. Biological matters hormones, brain differences (girls' brains are "more broadly active" than boys' and have 15% more blood flow) ultimately define girls' and boys' journeys through childhood and adolescence, Gurian argues. Even a girl's drop in self-esteem during adolescence is a "natural," biological phenomenon rather than a result of negative cultural influences. Feminists, he argues, have ignored the biological differences in order to successfully compete with men in the workplace; in so doing, they have denied or downplayed a girl's desire for intimacy and the experience of motherhood. Gurian urges parents to use a new model in raising girls (he calls it "Womanism") in which motherhood is a "season" when careers must be adjusted or put on hold. The author boldly suggests that parents prepare their daughters for the sacrifices of motherhood, and ensure that girls establish a three-family system (the nuclear family, the extended family and institutions such as church or school) that will meet their need for intimate relationships. Expect Gurian's arguments to stir controversy and inspire thought. (Jan.)Forecast: Gurian's success with The Wonder of Boys and other parenting titles should make this an easy sell, though some readers may object to what feels like a rejection of feminist tenets.

Copyright 2001 Cahners Business Information, Inc.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 352 pages
• Publisher: Atria (January 1, 2002)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 074341702X
• ISBN-13: 978-0743417020
• Product Dimensions: 9.2 x 6.4 x 1.2 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.4 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 2.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (35 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #717,678 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Michael Gurian is a social philosopher, family therapist, corporate consultant, and the New York Times bestselling author of twenty books published in fifteen languages. The Gurian Institute, which he co-founded, conducts research internationally, launches pilot programs and trains professionals. Michael has been called "the people's philosopher" for his ability to bring together people's ordinary lives and scientific ideas.
As a social philosopher, he has pioneered efforts to bring neuro-biology and brain research into homes, workplaces, schools and public policy. A number of his ground-breaking books in child development, including THE WONDER OF BOYS, BOYS AND GIRLS LEARN DIFFERENTLY! THE WONDER OF GIRLS and WHAT COULD HE BE THINKING? have sparked national debate. His newest work, THE MINDS OF BOYS (September 2005) provides a revolutionary new framework, based in neuro-biology, by which to understand and care for the educational needs of our sons.
Michael has served as a consultant to families, corporations, therapists, physicians, school districts, community agencies, churches, criminal justice personnel and other professionals, traveling to approximately 20 cities a year to keynote at conferences. His training videos (also available as DVDs) for parents and volunteers are used by Big Brother and Big Sister agencies in the U.S. and Canada.
As an educator, Michael previously taught at Gonzaga University, Eastern Washington University, and Ankara University. His speaking engagements include Harvard University, Johns Hopkins University, Stanford University, Macalester College, University of Colorado, University of Missouri-Kansas City, and UCLA. His philosophy reflects the diverse cultures (European, Asian, Middle Eastern and American) in which he has lived, worked and studied.
Michael's work has been featured in various media, including the New York Times, the Washington Post, USA Today, Newsweek, Time, People, Reader's Digest, the Wall Street Journal, Parenting, Good Housekeeping, Redbook, and on the Today Show, Good Morning America, CNN, PBS and National Public Radio.
Michael can be reached on the worldwide web at
www.michaelgurian.com

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

104 of 116 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Knowing how we're wired sets us free to be., January 20, 2002

By 

Rebecca Brown "rebeccasreads" (Clallam Bay, WA United States) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: The Wonder of Girls : Understanding the Hidden Nature of Our Daughters (Hardcover)

I wasn't exactly thrilled to be reading a book called the The Wonder of Girls - especially as it's written by a chap - novelist, poet, neurobiological researcher, psychologist, husband & father of two girls notwithstanding! I was dreading it would be either incomprehensibly technical or a sappy, feel-good read. I should have known better because I had already reviewed Michael Gurian's A Fine Young Man & had found this author to be personable, charmingly thoughtful & invaluably informative.

Through research, memories, poems, letters, family moments & professional cases Michael Gurian sets out to inform us Why Girls Are the Way They Are. In his simple, direct & pleasant way he starts at the beginning of the search for A New Logic of Girls' Lives. He presents precisely & calmly that it is time for Feminists to grow up & become Womanists.

As an erstwhile rabid Feminist, I have long since outgrown its angst. In Looking Beyond Feminism: Old Myths and New Theories, Michael Gurian catches up to me & explains how Feminism might now be what's keeping us back. Biology, Feminist ideals notwithstanding, still rules supreme & if we don't know how we work, then we don't know why we're doing what we're doing.

One vital passage: Girls' Stress Responses needs to be read by everyone: "When a child is under inordinate stress for a prolonged period...her brain development will definitely be affected. She will be "rewired" neurologically...The stress hormone, cortisol,(as well as adrenal and other "lower" brain functions) have dominated brain growth...and this affects normal brain growth patterns." Why then, are we surprised by the depression in all our early adolescent girls?

In Part II: What Girls Need, we explore The Artful Mother: What Girls Need from Mom. "There are natural stages to a woman's life, and every daughter wants to know what they are...The womanist philosophy, concerned heavily with the natural stages of a woman's life, is useful...because it is a path to freedom, not social constriction...It is a middle ground between the old view: a woman must stay home - and the feminist view: a woman must conquer the workplace." In this section we think about Providing Childcare; Discipline; Spanking; Teaching Manners; The Importance of Chores; The Beginnings of Spiritual Life; Media Use; Holding Clear Authority; Dealing With Whining; Teaching Your Girls to Enjoy Their Noble Failures; Handling An Angry Girl; Your Daughter's Sadness; Her Pulls to Autonomy; The Issue of Privacy; The Battle Over Clothing; Rites of Passage. There is even a section on How to be an Artful Stepmother!

On to The Gifts of The Father: What Girls Need from Dad. A Father's Love "can make or break a girl." Father-Attachment; Our Fatherless Daughters; The Gift of Presence; of Independence; of Adventure and Laughter; of Affection; of Discipline and Self-Restraint; Helping a Daughter Manage Peer Relationships. In Fathers, Daughters, and Divorce we think about the gifts separated fathers can give. Given how many marriages end up in divorce courts - this is a vital segment! In The Stages of "Dad" we watch a hero become a dolt become a mentor! Heady stuff!

While we all know of the hero's journey to Self, Michael Gurian explains The Goal of the Journey for girls. While boys are more interested in autonomy & morality, girls are more drawn to identity & intimacy. Ergo The Intimacy Imperative & The Future of Femininity.

Knowing how we're wired is half the battle; the other half is sifting through what people think we ought to be & do with our lives. Biology is older than Religion & Feminism by a few millions years & until we truly get that, then we're setting our girls up for a lifelong battle with their inner natural inclinations. Politically correct folks want girls to surmount biology, as if it's a recent discomfort imposed by thoughtless fools - it isn't - it's the biggest thing around!

There is so much to think about in The Wonder of Girls that I regret the limitations of a review. I've come away knowing more about why I am than ever before, a profound read indeed!

The Wonder of Girls is a book for a lifetime & I heartily recommend it.

50 of 59 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars WELL RESEARCHED, WELL WRITTEN, January 10, 2002

By 

Sandra D. Peters "Seagull Books" (Prince Edward Island, Canada) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: The Wonder of Girls : Understanding the Hidden Nature of Our Daughters (Hardcover)

Gurian has written am enlightening book on understanding and raising daughters. The book takes a look at both the biological differences and psychological apsects of raising daughters in this follow-up book to "The Wonder of Boys" (also, an excellent book for those parents rasing sons.)

The author addresses the emotional, social and physical needs of daughters and gives readers a better understanding of how to fulfill those needs. There are a few apsects of the book, however, not all parents may agree with, particularly when Guirian suggests parents should prepare their daughters for "the sacrifices of motherhood." While it is true that mothers often put their children's needs before there own, I am not sure they consider this role in terms of a "sacrifice". That statement conjures up visions of mother being martyrs, and few mothers actually think of themselves in that light. Most mature and responsible parents would consider the time, energy and financial resources it takes to raise a child, a small price to pay in return for the blessings and joy of having a child, regardless of the challenges that come with parenting.

The book does make some very valid points, and whether one agrees entirely with the author or not, the book is worth reading and, on the biological side at least, it is quite informative.

19 of 21 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars WHAT IS WITH ALL THE BAD REVIEWS, October 25, 2005

By 

Nina Dimitrov "nina_nichole" (Chandler, AZ) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: The Wonder of Girls : Understanding the Hidden Nature of Our Daughters (Paperback)

What is up with people? I am stay-home mother, a very independent soul, and have an education background in early and elementary education. i found this book to be wonderful. i have referred it to all of my friends. i learned not only so much about my daughter and our relationship but also about myself and my relationships growing up. It is a book written with great insight from a father with girls and an extensive research and education background and a wife with the same. It is also approached from a standpoint from mostly biological research and parallels in cross-cultures. A must read!