Customer Reviews

If I'm So Wonderful, Why Am I Still Single?: Ten Strategies That Will Change Your Love Life Forever

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I almost didn't pick up this book, due to its obnoxious title. What a misfortune that would have been for me. Recently divorced, I was confronted by a sea of tomes claiming that they could help me to find a lasting love. However, at the time, I was finishing a Ph.D. in psychology, and I could see that most of the popular books were actually filled with terrible advice--especially the advice to "settle" and accept that "you can't always have what you want" in love.

Today, I own a business in which I assist clients in finding and using research-based techniques to bring them a lifetime love, one they enthuse about and can't get enough of. Although I base much of my guidance of clients upon scientific research, it's also wonderful when I can locate that rare self-help book whose advice is worthwhile and is supported by the research. Many popular press books lead the reader astray, because they rely solely on the author's opinion...but my reading of the relevant research shows that Susan Page's book is truly on the mark and advises the use of techniques that will, when consistently applied, result in you, yes you, finding the love of your life!

I speak from personal experience, and not only from the dry, academic air of the library. Before beginning my business, I tested Page's ideas and recommendations in my own life. Today, and in no small part due to her book, I am married to the love of my life, a "catch" by anyone's standards, who adores me with all his heart. He, too, refused to "settle," so we were available when we met. Almost every day, one or the other of us remarks that we must truly be the world's luckiest couple. However, it's a "luck" that really has more to do with persistence and patience, just as Page writes.

Sure, using Page's techniques took a bit of effort--all learning does--but the reward has been the most fulfilling adventure that my husband and I have ever encountered.

May each person reading this message find his or her own true love. I cannot encourage you strongly enough to let Susan Page's expert advice be part of your process in attaining that.

I've always read lots of books about singles and how to find a mate, and that rate has sped up since I'm now a Romance Coach. But somehow I had missed Susan Page's "If I'm So Wonderful, Why am I Still Single?" even though it has been out since 1998, the last year I was single myself. Where have I been, and why hadn't I seen this book?

Susan Page writes for "involuntary singles" -- straight, gay, male or female, each and every one of us who is single and wishes we weren't. Relentlessly positive, she starts off right to the point with "So why are you still single anyway?" And then, just when we've gotten over that shock, she states flatly:"Whatever your reasons are for being single, if you want to be in a relationship, no reason is good enough." Then Page goes about tearing apart every good reason we've ever come up with to keep ourselves single.

Here's what Page takes on and turns around: Ambivalence (my favorite), those "Dreadful Statistics," the myth of "There are no good ways to meet people," and having and keeping high standards. Then she works on developing skills in what she calls "Frog kissing": Learning to say no, how to recognize true intimacy, avoiding "commitmentphobes," handling the intimacy gap, and learning to say "yes." And in the last section, "Keeping It All Together While You Look," Page tells you just how to do all that.

This is easily the best, most thorough, rounded and positive book about relationships and dating I have seen. If you are one of Page's "involuntary singles," this book needs to be in your library. Five chocolate dipped strawberries for Susan Page! This is quite a book.

Despite a title that makes you want to cover the book in brown paper, I found this book to be one of the most insightful on the subject. It helped me clarify what I'm looking for in a mate and has helped me avoid "Better-Than-Nothing" relationships. I highly recommend it for the recently divorced, as it will help them understand why they married as they did. The subject of hidden ambivalence was the most insightful. Now that I've resolved my own ambivalence, I can usually identify it in others. I especially found the straightforward and pragmatic approach to dating to be results-producing. If every single person read this book, we'd have more well-suited marriages!

There are two kinds of self-help books: ones that encourage you to look inside and to change yourself and ones that promise you that by modifying your behavior you can change your life. The first kind inspires you and makes you grow - the latter makes you stagnate. The first kind doesn't make you feel good - it makes you think. The second kind makes you feel good temporarily (because, while you are reading it, you are carried away by its promises of easy solutions), but doesn't change anything - neither inside you nor in your life.
This book is of the first kind. It promotes awareness and honesty to oneself and others instead of using tricks and schemes. It helps you answer the question - why are you alone. It encourages you to look for a partner and advises you how. And doesn't let you settle for less.

If you really don't know how to attract a mate, are subconsciously avoiding finding one, or tend to make poor choices....this book is for you. On the other hand, if you would love to find the perfect life partner but are limited by the number of available people of the same sexual orientation, age, attractiveness or social class, this book will not help you. It depends heavily on your having a reasonably large dating pool. She makes it sound like everyone has enough people in their social circle to create an endless reject list if necessary.

After being devastatingly dumped by a guy I thought was "the one," I picked up Susan Page's book. It completely changed the way I looked at dating and relationships. I had been "settling" for men that just didn't hit the mark. I read and reread the book, and became more focused on what qualities I was looking for in a man. I got up the courage to join a dating service and I stuck to the principals in Susan Page's book. After dating for a year, I met a wonderful man that I've happily shared my life with now for nine years. Frankly, it wasn't "love at first sight" and because of Ms. Page's book, I didn't write this guy off too quickly - he had all the qualities I was looking for. Aside from the practical relationship advice, I also like the spiritual undercurrent of the book. The life lessons I learned from the book about establishing "gotta-have" qualities and "operating from abundance" have also translated to things like job and house hunting!

I don't know how many guys read books like this, and maybe i should be embarrased that i do, but anyhow, here goes: the nicesist thing in this book for me, was the reminding, (maybe reframing) Me, as being still single at 32 not because there's something wrong, but because i'm unique and valuable, and thus left with a smaller number of good matches to match up with.

Being reminded that the rewards for finding someone 'on my level', who i can talk with, be with and truly enjoy, the rewards of a MUTUALY SATISFYING MARRIAGE, are worth the work and wait, AND, that this is possible.

Now i'm definately motivated. My only criticism of the book from my personal perspective, is, after reading it, i still feel a bit lost. Ok, this wonderful woman is out there waiting for me somewhere, but, how EXACTLY do i go about finding her. What are my steps RIGHT NOW.

I would have never found and married my husband if I had not read this book. Being then 29 and ready to find a husband, my friend gave it to me as a joke- but it made a serious difference in the way I viewed myself, my wants and needs, and my love life. Instead of dating a bunch of great looking dumb jerks, I found a guy that shared common values and competencies with me, but wasn't my usual tall, dark and handsome- and guess what?? We fell madly in love and after dating for two years, we married in April of 2003.

This book will change your life if you are serious about making a life-long commitment to "Mr. Right!" (or Ms. Right!) Keep an open mind and get ready to learn a lot about yourself, too!!

I bought this book in 1990 and still have my copy with multi-layers of highlighting. I cannot recommend this book highly enough. I learned so much and, to this day, I still use the term "psuedo intimacy" in discussions about relationships. (I also refer to "psuedo love" which SP does not use in her book but which is clearly inspired by her and inferred.)

From Chapter 6: "Understanding the distinction between pseudo-intimate games and real intimacy is the best defense against getting deeply involved with a person who cannot open up to you, become vulnerable, and share closely in the way a lifetime of living together demands." "...now, a relationship can move from formal to friendly to sexual in the course of one evening. ... The (Closeness Game) game looks and feels like genuine intimacy but leaves you feeling empty in the end."

From Chapter 10: "...if you are still single because of a lack of self-awareness and self-acceptance, then all the strategies and techniques in the world won't be very useful to you. A good relationship with yourself is a prerequisite for a successful relationship with the person you love. If you don't love yourself, you will place an unfair and impossible burden on your partner: you will try to get him or her to make you feel good about yourself. ...self awareness is an ongoing, ever expanding process."

That and much, much more is contained within the pages of this book. Highly, highly, highly recommended. Life-changing (for the better).

By implementing the strategies recommended in this book, I met the woman of my dreams, and she is now my wife. Some authors talk psychology, others dating tactics. Susan Page integrates both in a lively, upbeat, wise, and eminently practical way. If you're tired of being single, read this marvelous book!