Working with Anger [Paperback]

Thubten Chodron (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: September 17, 2001

Anger plagues all of us on a personal, national, and international level. Yet, we see people, such as the Dalai Lama, who have faced circumstances far worse than many of us have faced--including exile, persecution, and the loss of many loved ones--but who do not burn with rage or seek revenge. How do they do it?

Working with Anger presents a variety of Buddhist methods for subduing and preventing anger, not by changing what is happening, but by framing it differently. No matter what our religion, learning to work with our anger is effective for everyone seeking personal happiness as well as world peace.

Working with Anger was chosen for a Spirituality and Health Magazine Award as one of "The Best Spiritual Books of 2001."

Editorial Reviews

Review

"Combining the teachings drawn from Shantideva and the lojong teachings of Tibetan Buddhism with present-day examples, Chodron presents a compelling and accessible guide for practitioners in the Western dharma community."--Sangha Journal

"Thubten Chodron offers her insights on anger, the ways that it manifests in our lives and the ways that we can skillfully work to transform it. Both inspiring and humble in its approach, this book is sure to be a help to many." --Sharon Salzberg, meditation teacher and author of Lovingkindness: The Revolutionary Art of Happiness and A Heart As Wide As the World.

"Presented with clarity, wit, anecdotes and examples, the material is easy to read and to absorb. If you have an anger problem (who doesn't?) or are dealing with someone who does (who isn't?) you will be glad you found this book."--Light of Consciousness

"Chodron's suggestions are widely applicable, her words are grounded in everyday experiences that go beyond mere philosophy or esoteric practice. She addresses issues of envy, criticism, resentment, and betrayal, and explores how these experiences offer opportunities to generate greater love and compassion for others and ourselves."--NAPRA Review

"Thubten Chodron is one of our freshest voices of the dharma. Echoing the clarity of H.H. the Dalai Lama's own teachings on forgiveness and healing, in Working With Anger she brings us helpful, practical insights from her deep training in Himalayan wisdom traditions. Written in clear, user-friendly language, this superb handbook offers us concrete strategies for dealing effectively with the painful afflictions of anger, criticism and betrayal in contemporary life situations. Can we ever tire of such necessary, good advice?"--Trevor Carolan, David See-Chai Lam Centre for International Communication

"By presenting in everyday language the Buddhist methods for overcoming and preventing anger, Bhikshuni Thubten Chodron has made accessible time-tested practical guidelines that can be helpful for everyone."-- Alexander Berzin, author of Relating to a Spiritual Teacher and Developing Balanced Sensitivity.

"In Working with Anger, Thubten Chodron offers us a kind and genuinely helpful guide to handling one of the greatest challenges in living an emotionally intelligent life."--Daniel Goleman, author, Emotional Intelligence

From the Publisher

The following is an excerpt from the chapter of Working with Anger entitled "Mind, Emotions and Anger."

One summer His Holiness the Dalai Lama spoke to a Los Angeles audience that included a group of inner city youth in fatigues, their camp uniforms, together with their counselors. After his talk, one of the youths asked His Holiness, "People get right in my face and provoke me. How can I not fight back?" She was challenging him, but quite sincere in her request.

His Holiness looked her in the eye and said, "Violence is old-fashioned. Anger doesn't get you anywhere. If you can calm your mind and be patient, you will be a wonderful example to those around you." The audience clapped, but the girl remained standing, looking back at him. She wasn't yet satisfied.

The Dalai Lama went on to describe how so many great people -- Martin Luther King, Mahatma Gandhi, and Jesus, for example -- remained peaceful in the face of violence and adversity. Many of them experienced difficulties when they were growing up. "Even I," he said. "My youth was fraught with conflict and violence. Yet all of these people expounded non-violence and love for others, and the world is better for their contributions. It's possible for you to do this too."

He then motioned for the girl to come up and shake his hand. As she approached him with her hand outstretched and a nervous smile on her face, the Dalai Lama opened his arms and hugged her. The girl returned to her seat, beaming.

After the talk, one of the sponsors asked the teenagers if they would share their experience. A burly, tough-looking young man came to the microphone with a huge smile on his face. "Phew," he said, "You must be able to hear my heart beating from where you're sitting! I've seen the Dalai Lama on TV and in the magazines and thought he was pretty cool, but I just can't describe what it feels like to have met him!" and he touched his heart.

A Tibetan monk who had escaped from Communist-occupied Tibet just a few years earlier told me his story. His family was a wealthy, prominent one in the area of Tibet where he grew up. After the Communist occupation of Tibet in 1950 and the subsequent abortive uprising in 1959, his family's house was confiscated and made into a jail. Because his family were landowners and because he was a monk, he was arrested by the Chinese Communists. Then, he was imprisoned in a jail that had once been his home. He and the other inmates were allowed to go to the toilet outdoors twice a day, but otherwise they had to stay in the house, which now had broken windows and none of its former comforts. Most people would have burned with rage at the injustice and humiliation, but this monk told me that he tried to use his time wisely, doing his meditation practices to improve the state of his mind. Although he was deprived of all his religious implements, he silently recited the texts he had memorized and contemplated their meanings. In this way, he familiarized his mind with attitudes and emotions that lead to enlightenment and avoided the pitfalls of anger. When I talked with him, I detected no sign of resentment against the Chinese Communists. He had a profound love of life.

Stories such as these lead us to wonder, "How do they do it?" They are human beings just like us, and although they have faced circumstances much worse than a great many of us have faced-including exile, imprisonment, torture, and the loss of many loved ones-they do not burn with rage or seek revenge. This book is largely a collection of Buddhist methods for subduing and preventing anger that have worked for the Dalai Lama, the monk above, and many others.

There is nothing particularly "Buddhist" about these methods. In fact, many of the Buddha's teachings are common sense, not religious doctrine, and common sense is not the property of any religion. Rather, these methods show us reasonable and beneficial ways to live. No matter what our religion, looking at our minds and learning to work with our anger are helpful.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 170 pages
• Publisher: Snow Lion Publications (September 17, 2001)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1559391634
• ISBN-13: 978-1559391634
• Product Dimensions: 8.9 x 5.9 x 0.6 inches
• Shipping Weight: 9.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (10 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #501,306 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Thubten Chodron is an American Buddhist nun in the Tibetan tradition. A student of His Holiness the Dalai Lama and other Tibetan masters, she became a nun in 1977. She has been resident teacher at Amitabha Buddhist Centre in Singapore and at Dharma Friendship Foundation in Seattle. Active in interfaith dialogue, she also does Dharma outreach in prisons and teaches the Dharma worldwide. She is abbess of Sravasti Abbey, a Buddhist monastery in eastern Washington State. She is the author of several books, including Open Heart, Clear Mind; Buddhism for Beginners; Taming the Mind; Working with Anger; and How to Free Your Mind: Tara the Liberator. Ven. Chodron emphasizes the practical application of Buddha's teachings in our daily lives and is especially skilled at explaining them in ways easily understood and practiced by Westerners.

"Venerable Thubten Chodron is someone whose life embodies the virtues of kindness, simplicity and clarity of vision, which lie at the heart of the Buddha's teaching. It is these perrenial qualities that shine through her writings and touch the hearts of many readers all over the world."--Thupten Jinpa, author and translator for the Dalai Lama

Working with Anger by Thubten Chodron has been chosen for a Spirituality and Health Award as one of "The Best Spiritual Books of 2001." Spirituality and Health is a quarterly print magazine covering the people, the practices, and the ideas of today's spiritual renaissance. Their website is http://www.spiritualityhealth.com.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

36 of 36 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Excellent Observations, Useful Techniques, December 7, 2004

By 

Neal J. Pollock (VA USA) - See all my reviews
(VINE VOICE)    (REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Working with Anger (Paperback)

This is a wonderful book. I've been working on my anger for some time and reading this book gives me confidence and methods to complete this important project. She provides numerous techniques, advice, and comments to approach this problem in a helpful, gentle, and multifaceted way. Firstly, we must recognize the existence of the anger and allow it to settle:
p. 22: "Psychologists speak of a refractory period that accompanies an emotion. During this time, we are closed to any advice or reasonable interpretation that contradicts our view...When the emotion subsides and we are able to look at the event more clearly, we readily see...that anger's interpretation was inaccurate...when we are angry we are, in fact, viewing it through a filter of our self-centeredness."

The author makes the important connection between our anger and our self-centeredness-our attachment to our ego. Furthermore, she observes that we view others as similar to ourselves:
p. 71: "When our mind is well accustomed to find faults with others, we incorrectly assume they will do the same with us. Here we have two useless habits to counteract: the first is judging others, and the second is assuming others are judging us."

On page 83, she points out that even if we are "right" it doesn't make us happy, but that acceptance of the reality of life helps us to make the most of our lives-not surrendering to it:
p. 88: "Acceptance simply means fully accepting that what is happening now is indeed happening, even if we do not like what it is. We stop fighting the reality of the present moment and let go of our anger. Nevertheless, we still aspire and work towards improving the situation in the future. In fact, acceptance of the present enables us to think more clearly about effective means for influencing what occurs in the future." And, "If we face an unpleasant situation and can change it, why get angry? ...On the other hand, if we cannot alter the situation, why get angry?"

She explores different kinds or scenarios of anger situations with numerous examples and makes some less than obvious observations:
p. 89: "Interestingly, in most conflict situations, both parties feel that the other is more powerful...Because we are interdependent, everyone in a situation affects the others. However, we are seldom aware that the person we consider powerful is also dependent on others and may at times feel helpless as well."

She also provides some less than obvious solutions or antidotes to our anger:
p. 96: "We can take any pain we experience and give it to the selfish attitude."

Ven. Chodron also states what I have been waiting to hear for a long time from the many Vajrayana texts I have read that"
p. 126: "In wishing all beings to be happy and free from suffering, we must include ourselves. Doing so is appropriately loving ourselves and having compassion for ourselves. No sentient being is more or less deserving than any other in this respect." And,
p. 128: Someone once said, `If we treated others the way we treat ourselves, we wouldn't have any friends.'

She also addresses how to help other people immersed in their anger:
p. 147: [if you ask someone undergoing anger] "What could someone say that would help you at this moment?" [it helps them "to consider new alternatives]. "What could someone have said to you back then that would have helped you?" [it helps them "to look at the situation more creatively"].

And finally, the strange truth about our anger (per Jung's view that what we project outside of us is often opposite to what is outside), touching off our true compassion & Bodhichitta:
p. 149: "How many of us get angry when we are really trying to say `please love me'? And how many of us miss others' pleas for kindness because we react to their outer hostility?"

15 of 15 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Read It Over and Over, July 19, 2005

By 

K. L. Hanson "Peace Monger" (Dayton, OH USA) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Working with Anger (Paperback)

I have not only highlighted the daylights out of this book, I'm starting on my fourth time reading it. It has helped me deeply realize that anger in me is like acid in a styrofoam cup - it destroys the container. Thubten Chodron has a gift for translating the Buddhist teachings and philosophies into plain language that anyone can understand and apply.

This is the kind of book that I keep 2 or 3 copies on hand to give to friends, relatives and co-workers. It's a wonderful way to help people in conflict without being preachy.

I hope I get to meet Thubten Chodron one day so I can thank her for blessing us with this book.

19 of 20 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Anger No More, January 8, 2002

By 

Caryne Jesse (Sacramento, CA United States) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Working with Anger (Paperback)

This was an AWESOME book. Thubten Chodron knows what it's like to be in the shoes of an American living in the millennium. And more! She gives wise, yet practical, perspectives in how our perception is what stands in our way 100% of the time. Of the many choices we have in reacting to any given situation, anger is but only one, and Thubten clearly illustrates how it only serves to pave a destructive path for ourselves and others. I initially bought this book in the hopes of finding a few answers for personal situations, and I found myself feeling transformed within the first 30-40 pages! For those who are naturally introspective, some of this book will serve as an effective reminder for what you already know. Most of it, however, will offer a refreshing new view to take with you as you approach your day. One does not need to be religious to benefit from this book, and you don't need to spend a chunk of your day in a meditational state to make use of it. A definite must for those who want to evolve in a difficult world.