Customer Reviews

Working with Anger

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This is a wonderful book. I've been working on my anger for some time and reading this book gives me confidence and methods to complete this important project. She provides numerous techniques, advice, and comments to approach this problem in a helpful, gentle, and multifaceted way. Firstly, we must recognize the existence of the anger and allow it to settle:
p. 22: "Psychologists speak of a refractory period that accompanies an emotion. During this time, we are closed to any advice or reasonable interpretation that contradicts our view...When the emotion subsides and we are able to look at the event more clearly, we readily see...that anger's interpretation was inaccurate...when we are angry we are, in fact, viewing it through a filter of our self-centeredness."

The author makes the important connection between our anger and our self-centeredness-our attachment to our ego. Furthermore, she observes that we view others as similar to ourselves:
p. 71: "When our mind is well accustomed to find faults with others, we incorrectly assume they will do the same with us. Here we have two useless habits to counteract: the first is judging others, and the second is assuming others are judging us."

On page 83, she points out that even if we are "right" it doesn't make us happy, but that acceptance of the reality of life helps us to make the most of our lives-not surrendering to it:
p. 88: "Acceptance simply means fully accepting that what is happening now is indeed happening, even if we do not like what it is. We stop fighting the reality of the present moment and let go of our anger. Nevertheless, we still aspire and work towards improving the situation in the future. In fact, acceptance of the present enables us to think more clearly about effective means for influencing what occurs in the future." And, "If we face an unpleasant situation and can change it, why get angry? ...On the other hand, if we cannot alter the situation, why get angry?"

She explores different kinds or scenarios of anger situations with numerous examples and makes some less than obvious observations:
p. 89: "Interestingly, in most conflict situations, both parties feel that the other is more powerful...Because we are interdependent, everyone in a situation affects the others. However, we are seldom aware that the person we consider powerful is also dependent on others and may at times feel helpless as well."

She also provides some less than obvious solutions or antidotes to our anger:
p. 96: "We can take any pain we experience and give it to the selfish attitude."

Ven. Chodron also states what I have been waiting to hear for a long time from the many Vajrayana texts I have read that"
p. 126: "In wishing all beings to be happy and free from suffering, we must include ourselves. Doing so is appropriately loving ourselves and having compassion for ourselves. No sentient being is more or less deserving than any other in this respect." And,
p. 128: Someone once said, `If we treated others the way we treat ourselves, we wouldn't have any friends.'

She also addresses how to help other people immersed in their anger:
p. 147: [if you ask someone undergoing anger] "What could someone say that would help you at this moment?" [it helps them "to consider new alternatives]. "What could someone have said to you back then that would have helped you?" [it helps them "to look at the situation more creatively"].

And finally, the strange truth about our anger (per Jung's view that what we project outside of us is often opposite to what is outside), touching off our true compassion & Bodhichitta:
p. 149: "How many of us get angry when we are really trying to say `please love me'? And how many of us miss others' pleas for kindness because we react to their outer hostility?"

I have not only highlighted the daylights out of this book, I'm starting on my fourth time reading it. It has helped me deeply realize that anger in me is like acid in a styrofoam cup - it destroys the container. Thubten Chodron has a gift for translating the Buddhist teachings and philosophies into plain language that anyone can understand and apply.

This is the kind of book that I keep 2 or 3 copies on hand to give to friends, relatives and co-workers. It's a wonderful way to help people in conflict without being preachy.

I hope I get to meet Thubten Chodron one day so I can thank her for blessing us with this book.

This was an AWESOME book. Thubten Chodron knows what it's like to be in the shoes of an American living in the millennium. And more! She gives wise, yet practical, perspectives in how our perception is what stands in our way 100% of the time. Of the many choices we have in reacting to any given situation, anger is but only one, and Thubten clearly illustrates how it only serves to pave a destructive path for ourselves and others. I initially bought this book in the hopes of finding a few answers for personal situations, and I found myself feeling transformed within the first 30-40 pages! For those who are naturally introspective, some of this book will serve as an effective reminder for what you already know. Most of it, however, will offer a refreshing new view to take with you as you approach your day. One does not need to be religious to benefit from this book, and you don't need to spend a chunk of your day in a meditational state to make use of it. A definite must for those who want to evolve in a difficult world.

This book truly was a paramount life-bettering read for me. Definitely one of the top three best books I've ever read.

The book contained wonderfully wise advise and techniques on how to deal with anger. Although the book's theme, as the title indicates, focuses on "Anger" it could easily be altered to be "Working with Agitation" for the principles in the books go far beyond the scope of being helpful with only anger. I've found it quite easy to carry over it's wisdom to cover a myriad of negative emotions and suffering in general.

As a person who used to be plagued with severe anger issues, this book was a godsend for me. I've given this book as a gift to many other's, all of which after reading it look at me with wide eyes exclaiming, "wow, this is an AWESOME book!" There is a lot in this book. Myself and others I know had to keep putting the book down to contemplate; taking the advice in and relating it to past events. At times I would find myself actually excited for situations to occur that I previously would have trouble with now with these new found tactics.

If you have anger issues, or want to have an arsenal of advice for those who do, I can't recommend this book enough! But even if you don't, this book still can be massively helpful for we all experience emotional suffering at various points in our lives.

I wish you all happiness.

What are the advantages and disadvantages of anger? Is it ever useful? Working With Anger considers various forms of anger in response to various life conditions, revealing the circumstances in which anger can serve as a catalyst for change. An excellent survey and self-help guide.

"Subduing anger is a slow and steady process. Don't expect it to disappear overnight. Reacting in anger is a deeply ingrained habit, and like all bad habits, it takes time to unlearn," writes Thubten Chodron, an American Buddhist nun and author of Open Heart, Clear Mind. Anger is a wildfire that consumes those who practice it and touches all those around it. Yet, according to Buddhist psychology, this troublesome emotion can be removed from our mindstream.

Many of us have become convinced that anger can be worn as a protective shield when we feel anxious, vulnerable, and guilty. But Chodron believes that it is helpful to replace this emotion with patience, tolerance, love, and compassion. She suggests the following techniques to counteract anger: understand each others' needs and concerns, free ourselves from our narrow interpretation of a situation, learn from our critics, inspect our unrealistic expectations, remove ourselves from the blaming game, let go of our preconceived "rules of the universe," abandon grudges and resentments, and repay hostility with kindness.

Chodron makes a fine point about the relationship of anger and injustice: "Although anger may energize us to prevent or correct social injustice, it cannot be counted as a positive motivator for social change because it renders our minds like the minds of those whom we oppose." Giving up the "us" versus "them" scenarios we play out in the screenplays of our minds is a part of learning the spiritual practice of patience. Working with Anger by Thubten Chodron contains a rich arsenal of spiritual practices that can be used to deal with this pernicious emotion and transform it.

This book is precious.It has and is still helping me deal with anger in all it's forms even though I thoughtI wasn't an angry person.Bonus is that it is written in a very uncomplicated language. I'm very grateful to this book.I'm buying 3 more copies for my friends.Enjoy!

Whether or not you have any interest in Buddhism, Thubten Chodron's lucid explanations of Buddhist antidotes to disturbing emotions are nothing less than fascinating. As a former teacher who grew up near Los Angeles, she easily bridges the culture gap between east and west. I have found the observations in this book to be very useful both in dealing with my own anger and anger in others. Her down to earth style addresses some major questions in a very practical way. What is anger? Is anger an accurate assessment of reality? Is anger ever useful as an antidote to feelings of vulnerability, guilt or self-blame? Is it essential for winning at sports? Is it instinctive? Is it necessary for social change? What causes us to respond with anger? Is anger caused by others or does it arise within ourselves? Is anger warranted when others let us down or betray us? How should we deal with envy? Are we ever justified in being angry with ourselves? How should we deal with others who are angry?

American Buddhist nun Chodron has in this work produced a detailed and concise handbook which could be used practically by Buddhists and non-Buddhists alike. Of greed, hate and delusion representing the three roots of suffering, anger is the most easily seen with prominence in the sphere of relationships to other people. It is at this level that the book applies in our interactions with kin, associates and adversaries and how to change tensions into harmony. The presentation in part echoes "How to win friends and influence people" by D. Carnegie, though its tone is more esoteric and not one to help improve ones' charisma.

The narrative hits home its points e.g. in defending itself against the charge that anger could actually be beneficial by devices including a disarming logic and everyday examples both hypothetical and real. In the former, the personal third person pronoun (like in many modern books) switches easily though unpredictably between genders. It also draws on traditional texts and advice from meditation masters as well as Chodron's quietly forthright style.

About 18 chapters summarise all the facets of anger manifestation including how it applies to oneself. A strength of the book is how it fashions modern ways of thinking and concepts to make aspects of the teaching relevant e.g. "When Our Buttons Are Pushed" or "Conflict Styles". The book thus combines modern psychological approaches to understanding and dealing with stress with ancient wisdom. Topics include defining anger, patience, recognising anger, criticism and blame, dealing with enemies, envy, love and compassion and developing wisdom. The book contains two summarising appendices to clarify the lessons it teaches with a glossary and reading list.

This book will be particularly useful in penal institutes to help offenders and the probation service in "anger management courses" and wherever such lessons could apply from schools to Customer Service. Readers who think they do not need such a guide may in fact discover reservoirs of resentment within themselves after reading it. As an interesting digest it could be equally translated to help deal with alternative problems such as manifestations of greed. This is very much a book that points the way without detailed analysis of mind and liberation with some challenging wisdom. It points to the interconnectedness of all beings and the futility of anger, not least under conditions of "cyclic existence".

This book can help any person.It helps understand anger from a cognitive viewpoint of a conductual type due to misunderstanding or interpreting actions on wrong fact. It gives a wide scope of concrete examples which happens on dily basis.Even when the facts prceived to be angry are correct it provides tecniques to handle it(anger) on a smoother manner. Is a brief excllent,practical and very helpful book.NO NEED TO BE A PSICOLOGIST OR BUDHIST to grasp the main concepts given.Is very simple an easy to understand.