Customer Reviews

Working with the Self-Absorbed: How to Handle Narcissistic Personalities on the Job

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If you think that you're acting in unusual ways and feeling frustrated at work for no discernable reason...you may want to read this book. In it you'll find out what destructive narcissists do in the office environment, and it will convince you you're not imagining the slow drain of energy and increasing discomfort you feel! Brown's detailed descriptions not only of the work-related behaviors of destructive narcissists but also of the feelings these behaviors inspire in others is concrete and helpful. Especially useful is her delineation of the four response stages that you might feel when confronted with a destructive narcissist--she rightly identifies a process of initial elation, when the person is entirely focused on impressing you (I would call this the "honeymoon" period, which comes from the language of domestic violence), to confusion, self-doubt, and then overwhelming frustration. She then offers practical coping strategies that you can enact immediately and that really do work, whether your workplace narcissist is your boss or your colleague.

Just knowing that *you* are not overreacting or imagining things is the best reason for reading this book. This book appeared on the shelf when I most needed it. Although I would have liked to see a chapter dealing with how destructive narcissists can actually enlist the help of others in the workplace in their quest for control, in general I found this book very helpful and enlightening.

I found this book to be somewhat helpful. It could use a little better organization, but if you stick with it you will have some thoughtful advice as to what to do when you work with a destructive narcissist. I would have liked to have seen more explanation as to what exactly is a destructive narcissist, and what causes the condition. Maybe this is explained better in some of Nina Brown's other books, but the coping strategies are very helpful. Recognizing the problems created when you work with someone like this is certainly worth the cost of this book.

I bought a copy of this book because I suspected our new boss was a narcissist and wanted to know how to deal with him. I had to put the highlighter away after a while because everything I read was him. This book got passed around the office and over a year later people still talk about this book and how spot on it described him.

My biggest negative was the depressing solution to working for a self-absorbed boss; quit. When you work with someone this irrational, they believe they are above rules and regulations. Give them enough rope and they'll hang themselves. He tried to turn us against each other, but we would just remind each other "this is what the book said he would do". Less than a year later he alienated himself, was reported to HR several times for inappropriate comments and behavior, got demoted three times and finally quit.