28 of 28 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Potent, accurate, helpful!, April 8, 2009
This review is from: The Wounded Heart: Hope for Adult Victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse (Paperback)
If you want powerful accuracy in a Christian setting this is the book! I also highly recommend getting the workbook to go along with it.
I got this book because of a friend's recommendation, and I'm so glad I did. Though I was offended at first (I realized later I wasn't at a point where I wanted to hear the truth). I put down the book for a couple of years until I wanted to try processing it again.
Please understand dealing with the issues in this book is HARD WORK! So if you need a break--take it. Honestly, the difficulty is not with the book, it's with the process of facing the truth.
I'm going through this book for the 3rd time now and still gaining more healing with it. I've also bought this book for several friends because I find it to be the most helpful in dealing with the results of abuse. I've also given it to my husband and some of my close friends for them to read to understand me and what I deal with better. And now I'm working with my church to start the Wounded Heart seminar. :)
Just remember, if you do get this book (and I hope you do), take your time and don't give up. It's worth it.
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22 of 22 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Absolutely most helpful book on this subject, September 10, 2009
This review is from: The Wounded Heart: Hope for Adult Victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse (Paperback)
"The Wounded Heart" is a love letter beneficial to any person suffering from victimization, although it is specifically written to the victims of sexual abuse. Written in captivating and empathetic style by Dr. Dan B. Allender, (M. Div. and Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology) it must be put down regularly in order to take in small doses the healing offered therein.
Not content to simply ruminate on the past, this book deals with the current relationships in the life of the abused, most particularly, what Dr. Allender calls the "Abuser Surrogate" because the cycle so often repeats itself throughout the lives of victims because of the repercussions of abuse. He has words for the victim as well as to the "surrogate" who may be very abusive him/herself or may just need encouragement in helping the relationship recover from the effects of abuse.
Of all the "interventions" I have known and experienced, "The Wounded Heart" is the most genuinely insightful of them all. Free of pop psychology and psychobabble, it delves into the reality of the victim. This resource sheds forgiveness, hope and encouragement abroad in the heartsick soul. It encourages the heart to dare to dream of a time when life will no longer be ruled by a reactionary lifestyle. It emboldens the heart to dare to hope, to dare to trust, and to dare to leave behind contempt for itself and contempt for others.
Such aspirations are lost in an earlier lifetime for most victims of sexual abuse. They are often encouraged to think that the route to healing is as simple as "forgiving yourself" and remembering where to place the blame. However, this self-forgiveness often comes across as a blanket statement that nothing one can do after victimization is really blameworthy. At first taste, the idea is sweet in the mouth. Deep inside, the wounded heart knows better. No stranger to abuse, Dr. Allender knows it, too. He says, in effect, "Let's take a look and what happened, how you have coped, use this knowledge, and learn to move beyond any self-defeating maladaptations."
I know of no other single resource that has helped so many to heal and to move on out of the quagmire of hopelessness and false bravado.
The initial chapters deal with the dynamics and damage of abuse. From there, Dr. Allender moves into giving insight into how the experiences have influenced the personality in negative fashions. The path sheds light on ways the heart distances itself from all relationships, thus sealing itself away from future beneficial ones right along with those with potential for pain. Finally the reader is lead into the chapters which deal extensively with overcoming this fear of cultivating genuinely intimate relationships with families and friends, including a dynamite chapter entitled "The Unlikely Route to Joy."
An excellent group resource, there is also a workbook available, "The Wounded Heart: A Companion Workbook for Personal or Group Use" which aids in discussion and in setting down on paper one's unique experiences, reactions, feelings, and present-day repercussions.
Written by a committed Christian, there is balm enough within to soothe the hearts of all who open its covers.
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13 of 13 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
A Must Read For Mental Health Counselors, December 10, 2008
This review is from: The Wounded Heart: Hope for Adult Victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse (Paperback)
I am a mental health counselor who specializes in abuse victims. The
Wounded Heart is the best book I have ever read on this topic and I recommend it to all my clients. Thank you Dr. Allender for your wisdom and insight.
Deedra Hunter, M.S.,LMHC
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