Customer Reviews

The Wounded Heart: Hope for Adult Victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse

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If you want powerful accuracy in a Christian setting this is the book! I also highly recommend getting the workbook to go along with it.

I got this book because of a friend's recommendation, and I'm so glad I did. Though I was offended at first (I realized later I wasn't at a point where I wanted to hear the truth). I put down the book for a couple of years until I wanted to try processing it again.
Please understand dealing with the issues in this book is HARD WORK! So if you need a break--take it. Honestly, the difficulty is not with the book, it's with the process of facing the truth.

I'm going through this book for the 3rd time now and still gaining more healing with it. I've also bought this book for several friends because I find it to be the most helpful in dealing with the results of abuse. I've also given it to my husband and some of my close friends for them to read to understand me and what I deal with better. And now I'm working with my church to start the Wounded Heart seminar. :)

Just remember, if you do get this book (and I hope you do), take your time and don't give up. It's worth it.

"The Wounded Heart" is a love letter beneficial to any person suffering from victimization, although it is specifically written to the victims of sexual abuse. Written in captivating and empathetic style by Dr. Dan B. Allender, (M. Div. and Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology) it must be put down regularly in order to take in small doses the healing offered therein.

Not content to simply ruminate on the past, this book deals with the current relationships in the life of the abused, most particularly, what Dr. Allender calls the "Abuser Surrogate" because the cycle so often repeats itself throughout the lives of victims because of the repercussions of abuse. He has words for the victim as well as to the "surrogate" who may be very abusive him/herself or may just need encouragement in helping the relationship recover from the effects of abuse.

Of all the "interventions" I have known and experienced, "The Wounded Heart" is the most genuinely insightful of them all. Free of pop psychology and psychobabble, it delves into the reality of the victim. This resource sheds forgiveness, hope and encouragement abroad in the heartsick soul. It encourages the heart to dare to dream of a time when life will no longer be ruled by a reactionary lifestyle. It emboldens the heart to dare to hope, to dare to trust, and to dare to leave behind contempt for itself and contempt for others.

Such aspirations are lost in an earlier lifetime for most victims of sexual abuse. They are often encouraged to think that the route to healing is as simple as "forgiving yourself" and remembering where to place the blame. However, this self-forgiveness often comes across as a blanket statement that nothing one can do after victimization is really blameworthy. At first taste, the idea is sweet in the mouth. Deep inside, the wounded heart knows better. No stranger to abuse, Dr. Allender knows it, too. He says, in effect, "Let's take a look and what happened, how you have coped, use this knowledge, and learn to move beyond any self-defeating maladaptations."

I know of no other single resource that has helped so many to heal and to move on out of the quagmire of hopelessness and false bravado.

The initial chapters deal with the dynamics and damage of abuse. From there, Dr. Allender moves into giving insight into how the experiences have influenced the personality in negative fashions. The path sheds light on ways the heart distances itself from all relationships, thus sealing itself away from future beneficial ones right along with those with potential for pain. Finally the reader is lead into the chapters which deal extensively with overcoming this fear of cultivating genuinely intimate relationships with families and friends, including a dynamite chapter entitled "The Unlikely Route to Joy."

An excellent group resource, there is also a workbook available, "The Wounded Heart: A Companion Workbook for Personal or Group Use" which aids in discussion and in setting down on paper one's unique experiences, reactions, feelings, and present-day repercussions.

Written by a committed Christian, there is balm enough within to soothe the hearts of all who open its covers.

I am a mental health counselor who specializes in abuse victims. The
Wounded Heart is the best book I have ever read on this topic and I recommend it to all my clients. Thank you Dr. Allender for your wisdom and insight.
Deedra Hunter, M.S.,LMHC

This book is excellent, but should not be read in isolation. If done in a group setting led by someone you trust, you will have companions to journey with as you face your past and the pain of abuse. I have seen change in my own life and in the lives of friends as we worked through the workbook together.

Beginning with identification of present day problems and symptoms related to abuse, it continues with your past history, walking you through your responses to victimization. Denial and memory issues are dealt with as well. It is the best tool I know of to help you connect the effects of past abuse with ongoing damage to relationships in the present. It helps you learn to navigate your internal emotional realm with greater clarity, asking you to walk down paths you have previously avoided because of denial, fear, and confusion.

This book stands out because it goes beyond victimization to helping you examine how your responses to abuse have carried over into adulthood, often in sinful ways. It is unflinchingly honest and the work is difficult. If you are not prepared to examine your heart, I suggest that you put this book aside for another day. It offers no quick fix band-aids, but addresses the need for a thorough cleansing of the wound, bringing your pain to the surface where it can be dealt with. It helps you learn to deal with the damage done to your mind, heart, and emotions, and acknowledges that the difficulty of the struggle is prolonged. It doesn't let you off the hook when it comes to examining your sin, but it is written with empathy and understanding, offering a biblical path to healing and restoration. If you choose to go through this book while entrusting your heart and healing to God, you will be richly rewarded as you begin to see change in yourself and in your relationship to God and others.

I read this book before when I was in denial about my own sexual abuse. I found myself all over the pages of this book. It has been several years since I have read it and I have gotten some healing since then. I decided it was time to read it again. It is a good book for people with sexual abuse issues.

this book has a very religious base, as suggesting that abuse can be fixed by embracing prayer to God/Jesus. However the basis for the reaction people have to abuse and the actions of the abuser struck the chord of reality for me. It explains the reactions of the abused and helps to understand how the abused lives in society. Very eye opening explanation of the way an abused child lives their adult lives.

The biggest breakthrough I achieved in reading this book is learning that Forgiving does not mean Forgetting. I can achieve my own healing over time and with counseling and I can forgive my abuser but I am not required by God to pretend the abuse never happened. I encourage anyone who has suffered sexual abuse as a child to read this if they want to gain understanding for what happened, what they felt, and want to move their lives forward in search of healing.
This book provides a path to healing that involves confronting the abuser in an effort to allow the abuser to take responsibility and find forgiveness and healing as well if they desire it.
I consider myself a well adjusted individual but recognize damage exists from past abuse and affects my every day relationships (personally and professionally) in subtle ways I never realized until I read this. I am working to overcome the shame involved with having been abused and my abuser is now reading this book as well as seeing a counselor to address the past.
I also recommend the dvd's.

After many months in recovery for addiction, I finally realized why I hated myself so much--unresolved issues from my childhood sexual abuse (CSA). Our church sponsors a recovery ministry for over 200 people each week. We have about 25 groups covering 18 different topics, but no men's CSA group. I was very apprehensive about co-leading a men's CSA recovery group until I read this book!

Dr. Dan Allender has counseled thousands of victims of sexual abuse, and his wisdom is here. Although written with "she" pronouns, the book applies as much to men as women. Along with the companion workbook, The Wounded Heart deals with guilt, shame, contempt, memory issues, sexual repercussions, and many more topic areas.

His stories will cut you to the core, where you will find yourself facing your own fears and false beliefs.

Where was God when I was being abused? If you don't struggle with that question, then you'll never move forward. Dr. Allender allows you to struggle; he pokes all the sore spots from your past. His no-holds-barred approach is compelling, and you're left with nowhere to hide. You'll either run away from your past or work through it.

I honestly wouldn't have agreed to facilitate a men's sexual abuse recovery group without this resource. If your serious about dealing with your abuse--Buy This Book!

I read this book years ago and it helped open up the understanding of how the sexual abuse I had went through as a young teen affected everything in my life from relationships to decisions. I thought I had "put it all in the past" and "was pressing forward" but this book helped me to see that the pain, shame, and defenses I had put up were all part of my every day life. Once I was able to see that, I then could go forward towards true and complete healing. The changes that were brought about from that were amazing and obvious to those around me. I'm now having more women enter my life who have been sexually abused and I am back to purchasing this book for their use. For some, the book will be sufficient. For others, it will be as it was for me - a stepping stone to getting more help. It's a painful process but well worth the freedom at the end and Dan Allender does a wonderful job in his book in helping us toward that freedom.

I have looked a long time for help in this area. This book explains the results of abuse and what happens to the victims soul. It was a challenging book and doesn't offer empty sympathy but definite explanations and a call to return to true relationship with the One and only God. We are all touched by this somehow and I recommend it to anyone affected, not only victims. In fact also for those who have endured abuse - not only sexual. It is a powerful book and has changed the direction of my life and my relationship with the Lord. I am very grateful to this man and all the people who added their lives into the book! I used the workbook as well altho it was difficult to get through on my own.