X-Calibre: The Absurd Legend of Cantiger the Wizard [Paperback]

Mark F. Parker (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: September 30, 2000

Comic fantasy collides with Arthurian legend in a riotous romp through the myths and mists of medieval Britain. A sorcerer's apprentice named Cantiger strives earnestly to master his profession in this rollicking, zany tale of medieval adventure. Instead he proves himself to be a most hapless conjurer, first stealing a magic spell from the seductive enchantress Garnish and then, quite by accident, bestowing a serpent's head upon her. Garnish is not pleased, and the bungling Cantiger spends the rest of this comic caper trying to escape her formidable wrath. Along his hilarious path to triumphant absurdity, the clueless Cantiger is not abetted by the host of unsavory creatures he encounters, be they macho warlords or comely witches, giants or dwarfs. He does, however, find an unlikely ally in the Laidly Worm, a ruthless reptile with an inordinate appetite for clotted cream and dishy damsels, who does not fail to burst wildly into action in the nick of time. Of course, this tale of wacky wizardry also features a large stone, a sword, and a hero who is the legendarily rightful heir to the throne of Loonis. Advance praise for X-Calibre: "At last, the real story can be told in everyday language a child of ten could understand - and without any rhymes. Of course, it will take a genius to get all the jokes." - Alfred Lord Tennyson, author of Idylls of the King

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Parker has chosen the too-well-trodden ground of Arthurian legend for his first original novel (he's published numerous TV novelizations). Incompetent wizard Cantiger is caught stealing spells from a sorceress named (for no apparent reason) Garnish. While escaping, he confuses his spells and gives Garnish a serpent head, earning her eternal enmity. In the meantime, Garnish's school friend and fellow sorceress Princess Marina Lamaya of Logris schemes to kill her father and take his throne. Unfortunately, a great stone sarsen appears on the lawn to skew her plans; carved into its surface are the fateful words, "Whosoever removeth this stone from this patch of grass is rightwise king or queen odAsod itAofALogris." Fortunately, Cantiger uncovers the sword "X-Calibre" from a soggy marsh and gives it to his conveniently met traveling companion, Orson, the youthful foster son of a minor lord. Orson is able to move the stone, but cannot wed Queen Marina when his parentage is revealed, for he is her brother. For all Parker's attempts to mimic the insane irony of Monty Python's Holy Grail or the wry tone (and pithy footnotes) of Terry Pratchett's Discworld novels, his book fails as both humor and fantasy. The characters never rise above caricature, the plot doesn't make much sense and the writing is bland. Sales may get some boost, especially in the college market, from comparison to the above-mentioned authors, and by appealing to fans of Arthurian legends and the absurd, but don't expect much. (Oct.)
Copyright 2000 Reed Business Information, Inc.

Product Details

• Paperback: 320 pages
• Publisher: Carroll & Graf (September 30, 2000)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0786708026
• ISBN-13: 978-0786708024
• Product Dimensions: 7.8 x 5.1 x 0.9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 9 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 3.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (4 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,972,831 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

1 of 2 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Silly fun story, but better know your British Dialect, November 3, 2000

By 

P.W. Reader (Mountain View, CA United States) - See all my reviews

This review is from: X-Calibre: The Absurd Legend of Cantiger the Wizard (Paperback)

As a long-time reader of Terry Pratchett and Douglas Adams, I absolutely loved this story. Cantiger is the typical bumbling fool who I can only describe as a medieval-type Arthur Dent...striving to be in his element and only making a fool of himself. There are a lot of side-scenes sprinkled in that really brought guffaws, like the giant bull or "Aurochs" that is described by a noble knight as "A burger with an attitude." There's even an assortment of absurd historical footnotes, much like you would find in the "Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy" series.

I must caution readers, however, that the heavy use of the British dialect in sections of this book may cause you to lose your place in the plot sometimes. Several times while I was reading I did not quite understand some concepts they were talking about (although after going over it again or reading further, I managed to get the idea). But don't let that deter you from the enjoyable absurdities this book offers. Nowhere in any other book would you ever find a flatulence-propelled cow!

0 of 1 people found the following review helpful:

1.0 out of 5 stars Awful, February 12, 2009

By 

A P - See all my reviews

This review is from: X-Calibre: The Absurd Legend of Cantiger the Wizard (Paperback)

This is one of the worst books I've ever read. It meanders everywhere but really goes nowhere. Do yourself a favor and read some Terry Pratchett or some Piers Anthony or absolutely anything else instead of this.

0 of 1 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Fans of fantasy humor will love this..., May 24, 2001

By 

Cathy Covington (Athens, Georgia, USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: X-Calibre: The Absurd Legend of Cantiger the Wizard (Paperback)

Well worth reading! It took me a few days to really get into this book, but once I did, I loved it. Some parts caused me to laugh so hard that strangers sitting near me were giving me funny looks, which is high on my list of criteria for good books. In some ways it reminded me of Terry Pratchett's early work, so I can't wait to see what Mark F. Parker is writing in ten years.