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A Year of Absence: Six women's stories of courage, hope and love

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Jessica Redmond's riveting new book opens a panoramic and long-overdue window into the lives of the spouses and children left behind when soldiers are deployed to Iraq. Jessica has worked as a journalist, teacher, Peace Corps volunteer and community organizer. In 2003, Jessica's husband of less than a year, Jon Redmond, was sent to Iraq as part of the Army's First Armored Division. One of the ways that Jessica chose to cope with the anticipated year-long absence of her husband was to channel her energies into chronicling the lives of other woman and other families who had been left behind when the First Armored Division was sent to the Persian Gulf. Eventually, Jessica chose to focus on telling the stories of six of these women. She writes authoritatively and with great empathy for the emotional rollercoaster ride that she both observed and experienced. In the rich tradition of Margaret Mead, Jessica took advantage of her unique role as a participant/observer in painting a composite picture of six women - who are given pseudonyms in this book. The resulting collage serves to show the reader a microcosm of the U.S. military in time of war as seen through the eyes of those who stayed behind. The title of the book is an apt description of the scope of the story: "A Year of Absence - Six Women's Stories of Courage, Hope and Love."

During the course of the deployment, the women left behind at the U.S. Army base in Baumholder, Germany, struggled with a full range of challenges - emotional, medical, relational, familial, parental, financial, logistical and existential. Jessica walks us gingerly though the minefields of marriages teetering on the rocks, the frustrations of infrequent communication with Iraq, family medical emergencies, and the confusion of befuddled toddlers who could not understand why they no longer had a Dad. The book clearly depicts the monumental challenge these women faced in needing to become - on a temporary basis - fully independent, without permanently altering the family organizational chart in a way that would leave the husband on the outside looking in upon his return from the battlefield. As the lives of these women and their families come into sharp focus through Redmond's writing, it becomes clear that the men's deployment to the literal battlefield in Iraq has spawned parallel battlefields back home in the lives of the women they were forced to leave behind. Some of those battles were waged between spouses, while others were fought silently within the confines of the women's hearts and souls.

* * * * *

"Finally, it seemed, the long, terrifying wait was almost over. Almost over, but not quite. Soon after the meeting, still feeling hope about her husband's return, Beth started her day as she always did by checking the Yahoo! News Web site, praying that no soldiers had been killed in Iraq overnight. This time, like so many times before, her prayers had failed her. The headline read: `Five Soldiers Killed in Iraq.' Please God, she whispered, don't let it be First Armored Division. Holding her breath, she clicked on the link. The soldiers were from a different division; Doug was still alive, or was to the best of her knowledge. She let out a sigh of relief, thankful that it was no one she knew, but her relief was immediately followed by guilt. The fallen soldiers might not have been her husband or any of her neighbor's husbands, but they were someone's husband, father, son, or brother. How terrible to feel relief at their deaths! Yet as much as she detested it, the relief was undeniable, and she felt it every time she read that an attack had taken place not in Baghdad but in Mosel or Fallujah, anywhere outside First Armored Division's control." (Pages 141,142.)

* * * * *


One of the questions that played as a continuous tape loop in the minds of each of the six women was: "How will my husband be different when he finally returns home?" They had all heard reports of extreme behavior on the part of returning soldiers - all the way from shutting down emotionally as one extreme to becoming abusive and even homicidal at the other end of the spectrum. Would they even recognize the men who would be returning from the life-altering experience of combat?

* * * * *

"We've gone soft, Jena thought, as she considered the sacrifices women had made throughout the ages during times of war. Comforted by the thought of all those generations of women who had gotten through far worse than what she was experiencing now, she felt a renewed sense of determination to endure the remaining weeks of deployment with courage and grace.

That determination was buoyed the following week when Jena visited a fourth grade class at the local elementary school that had "adopted" Adam at the start of the deployment. The children sent Adam letters and drawings and an occasional care package; that much Jena knew. What she didn't know, prior to her visit, was that Adam had somehow found the time to write to each child in the class individually. Jena was shocked to find photos and letters from her husband posted on every wall of the classroom. Seeing those letters filled Jena with pride. It was just like Adam to do something like that so humbly, not even telling her about it. More importantly, knowing that he had come in from potentially deadly patrols, removed his weapon, and sat down to write letters to school children reassured her that he had not been overly affected by what he had seen and done in Iraq. The deployment might have changed him in some ways, but fundamentally, he was still the same kind, caring person he had always been . . . `The soft part of him hasn't been interrupted,' she concluded with a smile." (Pages 154,155.)

* * * * *

The deployment was scheduled to last a year. Just weeks before the men were to rotate back to Germany, their time in Iraq was extended for an additional 120 days. It was a crushing blow to the men and their families, who had geared the rhythm of the lives to a reunion that now had to be postponed. The men eventually came home - but one of them returned in a coffin. Jessica covers that heartbreaking part of the story with dignity and grace.

This gripping book has been crafted as a multi-purpose tool. It should be required reading for soldiers before they deploy, as well as for spouses who could benefit enormously from the experiences of those who have already trod the same path they will soon be walking. Chaplains and social workers in the military will find this a very welcome addition to their arsenal of resources. I plan to purchase multiple copies to give as gifts this Christmas to the wives of several friends of mine who are currently deployed, as well as a few who face the immanent deployment of a loved one. I recommend this book to any citizen who wants to develop a deeper understanding of the price that our soldiers and their families pay each day as a result of their commitment to serve our nation - at war and in peacetime.

As one of the wives featured in this book, I can tell you firsthand that this is a perfect portrayal of what military wives face during extended deployments. Our husbands proudly serve their country, and so do we. However, the families left behind are too often not given credit for their sacrifices. Thanks, Jessica, for having the forethought and courage to write this book. Hopefully it will serve as a celebration of our brave soldiers and their families and their perseverance in all circumstances!

Not a book I thought I would read until a friend recommended it to me. These womens' stories had me entralled. This book should be read by anyone who is concerned about the war in Iraq. It illuminates the experiences of the troops and the families they are forced to leave behind. Whether you are for the war or against it, whether you are directly connected to the military or not, one fully understands the struggles of these women and what they are going through when their husbands are deployed. Too little has been written about this and Ms. Redmond brings their stories to life with clarity and depth. As my friend recommended it to me, I am strongly recommending it to you!

A YEAR OF ABSENCE, intimate portraits of six army wives surviving on a German base while their husbands serve in Iraq, is a surprising and surprisingly informative book. The media has paid so little attention to these stories, and I knew so little about these lives, that reading the book felt like opening a door on a new and different world. Redmond brings these women to three-dimensional life, showing us their strategies for surviving on their own, for keeping their love for their husbands alive, and for dealing with their many mixed feelings about the army and the U.S. government. Most of them are far from home; many are raising children on their own. This insightful look at their daily struggles shines a light on yet another, major area in which soldiers and their families lay their lives on the line. The soldiers miss their first child's first steps and risk returning to a failed marriage, sunk under the weight of so much absence and fear. The soldiers' partners are single parents for months at a time and live with the constant knowledge that at any moment a knock on their door could be someone in army uniform, delivering the news they all dread. The heart-wrenching scenes of wives finding out about the surprise extension of tours--from twelve to fifteen months--were especilaly illuminating. Regardless of the reader's own feelings about military action in Iraq and around the world, you can't help but come away from this read with a renewed sense of respect for the amount these families sacrifice to serve their country. You also can't help but wonder if the generals making these decisions have read this book. And you can't help but hope they will.

This book is one of the best!! We were stationed in Baumholder during this long and desperate deployment. This did bring alot of memories of the times spent there while my husband was deployed. We are currently in Ft. Irwin, Ca. and he again is deployed for the 2nd time in less than 8 months from his return home the first time. This book has brought me back to what I felt during the first deployment. Finally a book that tells the real stories behind us military wives during a hardship in our lives. Dealing with being a single parent, running a household and becoming an independent woman while he is away. Terrific book!!! Great Job Jessica!!!

Ms. Redmond writes eloquently and persuasively about an important and seldomly discussed aspect of the war in Iraq, its inevitable toll on the families of the armed forces who are or have been deployed there. Whatever your views about our government's involvement in the war may be, this book is a must read for those of you who want to keep informed about all aspects of the war. It is only by becoming aware of the courageous struggles of the spouses and families of the servicemen and women in active duty that we will be able to work to insure that they receive the crucial support that they deserve.

Whatever your feelings about the war in Iraq or the current administration, this is a very important book to read. The way war impacts the lives of the families of deployed soldiers is a topic too often overlooked, and the author has done these families a great service by allowing us a window into their experiences. I was amazed and impressed by the wives' strength and resourcefulness, especially in the face of an unexpected and unfair extension of deployment. Jessica Redmond tells their stories with wonderful compassion and grace. I highly recommend this book.

The author Jessica Redmond is a military wife whose husband Jon was deployed to Iraq from their hone base in Baumholder, Germany.

The Year of Absence was researched during his absence. She wanted to better understand what was gong on around her as families lived this year as "single parents," surrounded by the fear, stress and uncertainty.

Work opportunities for the wives were scarce, and many returned home to find support among extended family members. But many stayed in Germany.

The women she interviewed were Beth, Kristina, Diane, Teresa, Jena and Tasha. The husbands of the last three belong to the same company.

As I was reading I was struck by the tremendous need for support that these woman sometimes found among the other wives--but how many also turned to family members back home. One woman watched CNN every morning, and when she saw a bombing in the Iraq area where her husband was, she freaked. Calling her mother back in the states, her mother didn't answer. "Pick up," she screamed into the telephone. Then her little daughter took the phone and cried, "Grammy, pick up, Mommy needs you."

Each of these six women found ways to handle the stress--often by helping others, new arrivals, etc. to adjust and adapt as they all marked off the days on the calendar.

What gives one person the ability to handle the stress while others turned to inappropriate ways to handle their stress of an absent spouse: drugs, alcohol, being unfaithful? Redmond's up close and personal with these six women was affirming the strength of these military wives.

Most women talked about their faith in God, that He would watch over their soldier...but the days like the CNN morning announcement of a soldier's death tested their faith in God and the military.

I was moved by the family dynamics when the soldiers received a two-week R&R to return home. How great it was to see him, but how hard to know it was so short. How do you explain that to little children?

Armchair Interviews says: This is a powerful book of real women with real life situations while their husbands are serving our country, doing what they have to do. It would be a great book to put into your church library or give to a military family.

Jessica Redmond did a superb job with this book! Our family was stationed in Baumholder during this deployment. The book brought back many feelings and memories that I had packed away in my mind's attic! I relived my own struggles, memories of memorial services, phone calls, nights out with my friends... and now realize that I am still healing from this deployment.
This book gives a voice to the very different experiences that the Military families have when stationed overseas during a deployment. For that, I am very gratefull to Jessica and to the ladies that shared their lives with the readers.

Although I've had friends whose husbands have been stationed in Iraq, I had no idea what a military family goes through when a member is dispatched until I read this book. There are so many issues that a couple/family need to deal with that they don't expect and that their non-military friends and family probably wouldn't understand. I highly recommend this book to those who are about to undergo a military separation and those who have friends and loved ones who are going through it. It can help outsiders know what kind of support they can expect the military families to need. It can also help prepare those about to be separated to know what to expect and hopefully avoid some of the problems these couples experienced during their separations.
Mrs. Redmond writes with a wonderful sense of care, respect, and candor. My husband enjoyed it as much as I did, and I think that anyone, male or female, could relate to many of the characters in this book.