Yes, I Can Say No: A Parents Guide to Assertiveness Training for Children [Hardcover]

Manuel J. Smith (Author)

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

The author of an adult assertiveness manual, When I Say No, I Feel Guilty, applies the same techniques to developing assertive social skills in children between the ages of seven and 17. Through dialogues that engage adult and child in a range of situations, such as experimentation with sex and drugs, various responses, stances and actions are elicited as support for the young person susceptible to negative peer pressure. Smith's program has been tested with positive results in the Irvine, Calif., school system, where reportedly it has fostered positive self-image in children by providing coping techniques and has also increased academic achievement. An aid for parents and teachers, and of particular pertinence in the national campaign against substance abuse. Author tour.
Copyright 1986 Reed Business Information, Inc.

From Library Journal

The author of When I Say No, I Feel Guilty (Dial, 1975) here aims to help parents teach children assertiveness techniques. Smith uses over 90 dialogues to illustrate how the verbal skills of fogging, negative inquiry, etc., can be used daily by even young children to avoid being manipulated into drug use, cheating, or premature sexual experimentation. He demonstrates the positive benefits of mastering these skills by citing the results of Irvine, California's STAR program in which children who learned assertiveness techniques actually had higher self-esteem and better grades than those not trained. Not just a rehash of Smith's earlier work, this book discusses defining behavioral standards, meting out discipline, and teaching responsibility. Recommended for public libraries. Florence Scarinci, Nassau Community Coll. Lib., Garden City, N.Y.
Copyright 1986 Reed Business Information, Inc.

Product Details

• Hardcover: 313 pages
• Publisher: William Morrow & Co (March 1989)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0877958289
• ISBN-13: 978-0877958284
• Product Dimensions: 8.4 x 5.7 x 1.3 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.2 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (3 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,109,664 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

8 of 8 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars LET'S GET THIS BOOK BACK INTO PRINT!, August 10, 2004

By 

L. L Teuling "meloroze" (McAllen, TX) - See all my reviews
(VINE VOICE)    (REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Yes, I Can Say No: A Parents Guide to Assertiveness Training for Children (Hardcover)

I got hooked onto Dr. Manuel Smith's approach to assertiveness training over 27 years ago when I read his book WHEN I SAY NO I FEEL GUILTY. And one day, many years later, I was browsing through the shelves of the library of a nearby small town and found this gem. He had taken the assertiveness techniques and fashioned them for the use of children!

The techniques came out the same, even though modified for children. He wisely pointed out that unlike adults, who find commercial situations easiest to practice assertive techniques and "close" relationships the hardest, with children it is often the other way around -- because children's "commercial" relationships usually involve adults (more of an authority relationship). So he suggests that children practice the assertive techniques on their peers first.

Dr. Smith is very astute in his observation that teaching children to be "good children" (i.e., people pleasers) doesn't always help them become effective adults later on. He encourages the teaching of the verbal techniques of assertion training when when the child reaches about severn years old.

A side benefit of this book is for the adult who teaches his/her child these techniques. The adult learns them as well! Contrary to what many think about assertion, it is not "aggression," even if the two words rhyme. It is about teaching children to deal with problems as they really are and to not let someone else manipulate them by making them feel foolish, anxious, or ignorant. It also helps the children to express what they really want without manipulating others themselves.

In the beginning of the book, Dr. Smith reports on the success of the Irvine school system when they began to teach students these techniques through their PLUS and STAR system. The behavior of the students as well their grades improved as a result.

The only down side to the book: it's out of print. I'd like to see it back on the shelves of bookstores, and I'd like to see other school districts do what the Irvine district did.

I wish this book had been around when I was younger!

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Will help your children and you, April 19, 2009

By 

j garr (Ohio, USA) - See all my reviews

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: Yes, I Can Say No: A Parents Guide to Assertiveness Training for Children (Hardcover)

One of the most significant books you can read and immediately share with your children to teach them life skills of assertiveness that will benefit them throughout their lives.

One of the greatest truths I've learned is "raising good children leads us to teach them to be quiet and submissive, when actually we should be raising them to be good adults by teaching them to express themselves and be assertive." And as you teach them, you will see that the teacher learns maybe even more than the student.

This book got my family closer to that goal and can do the same for you. Set up a search agent on Ebay or here on Amazon to find it.

5.0 out of 5 stars Still the best, July 9, 2009

By 

Barry T. Levy "Barry T. Levy, LMFT" (North Bellflower Blvd , Long Beach, CA) - See all my reviews

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: Yes, I Can Say No: A Parents Guide to Assertiveness Training for Children (Hardcover)

Still the best. I have the original editions, now I am giving them away.