Yes Means Yes!: Visions of Female Sexual Power and A World Without Rape [Paperback]

Jaclyn Friedman (Author), Jessica Valenti (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: December 2, 2008

In this groundbreaking new look at rape edited by writer and activist Jaclyn Freidman and Full Frontal Feminism and He’s A Stud, She’s A Slut author Jessica Valenti, the way we view rape in our culture is finally dismantled and replaced with a genuine understanding and respect for female sexual pleasure. Feminist, political, and activist writers alike will present their ideas for a paradigm shift from the “No Means No” model—an approach that while necessary for where we were in 1974, needs an overhaul today.

Yes Means Yes will bring to the table a dazzling variety of perspectives and experiences focused on the theory that educating all people to value female sexuality and pleasure leads to viewing women differently, and ending rape. Yes Means Yes aims to have radical and far-reaching effects: from teaching men to treat women as collaborators and not conquests, encouraging men and women that women can enjoy sex instead of being shamed for it, and ultimately, that our children can inherit a world where rape is rare and swiftly punished. With commentary on public sex education, pornography, mass media, Yes Means Yes is a powerful and revolutionary anthology.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Starred Review. Activists and writers Friedman and Valenti (He's a Stud, She's a Slut) deliver an extraordinary essay compilation focusing on the struggle to stop rape in the U.S. and the importance of sexual identity and ownership. Early on, Thomas MacAulay Millar and Rachel Kramer Bussel explain how the "no means no" concept (sexual consent equals the absence of no) must be rejected in favor of a "yes means yes" mentality: the idea that consent means affirmative participation in the act itself, a broader definition that better protects women while encouraging power over-not fear of-personal sexual identity. Other topics include body image and self-esteem issues as well as incest, the dangers faced by female immigrants and the public perception of rape; in "Trial by Media," Samhita Mukhopadhyay looks at the Duke Lacrosse rape case and finds the media acting in the tradition of slavery by commodifying the young, female African-American body. Though surprisingly entertaining throughout, with no shortage of wit or humor, unexpected topics (Friedman on enjoying sex, transsexual writer Julia Serano on the mixed cultural messages that lead "nice guys" to sexual aggression) keep the book dynamic. Sure to empower and inform, this is an important and inspiring read for assault survivors, educators, activists, experts and those on a path to self discovery.
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Review

"Of all the arguments out there that propose how to end rape, embracing women’s sexual pleasure may not sound like a likely solution. But Yes Means Yes argues otherwise. By investigating the myriad ways the sexual choices of women can take shape, this anthology argues, not only should women know what they don’t want, but they also should seize their freedom to explore what they do want. By challenging blanket claims, like that all males are sexual aggressors, and taking the shame away from females who are bona fide sexual submissives, Yes Means Yes says the conscious decisions we make about sex in its many forms are the best medicine for the illness that is rape culture."
—Bust Magazine

"Utopian novels have grappled with the idea of a world without rape, but what would the path to that world look like? The controversial essays that make up Yes Means Yes! light the way along this very rough road and, not surprisingly, offer no easy solutions…The authors in this collection speak with authority and, unfortunately for some, from personal experience."
—Ms. Magazine

Product Details

• Paperback: 256 pages
• Publisher: Seal Press (December 2, 2008)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1580052576
• ISBN-13: 978-1580052573
• Product Dimensions: 8.1 x 5.4 x 1.1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 14.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (22 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #9,192 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #3 in Books > Health, Fitness & Dieting > Mental Health > Abuse & Self Defense > Rape
  • #13 in Books > Politics & Social Sciences > Women's Studies > Feminist Theory

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

18 of 19 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Really Good, July 15, 2010

By 

Olga Bezhanova (Edwardsville, IL) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: Yes Means Yes!: Visions of Female Sexual Power and A World Without Rape (Paperback)

The essays in this great book are compiled and analyzed by Jaclyn Friedman and Jessica Valenti and the book's structure reflects the authors' blogging experience, which makes for an incredibly helpful and original format. This book is beautifully constructed, extremely well-argued, and offers a lot of material to think about.

The authors of these essays look at the different ways in which the traditionalist approach supports and enables rape and sexual assault. The conservative gender roles that present a woman as a secondary being actually promote the culture of rape: "While right-wing groups certainly don't come out in support of rape, they do promote an extremist ideology that enables rape and promotes a culture where sexual assault is tacitly accepted. The supposedly 'pro-family' marital structure, in which sex is exchanged for support and the woman's identity is absorbed into her husband's, reinforces the idea of women as property and as simple accoutrements to a man's more fully realized existence." So when we rush to declare ourself as male property by giving up our names, careers, interests and preferences for the huge honor of belonging to a man, let us remember where this ideology comes from and where it often leads us.

The very structure of our patriarchal vision of sexuality is informed by gender stereotypes. Men are expected to want sex more than women and employ a variety of "courting" tactics in order to get sex from presumably unwilling women. Every woman knows how annoying the rhetoric of female affections that have to be 'conquered' through male effort is. From early childhood, men are taught that female 'no' doesn't really mean a final and unquestionable rejection. They are told that 'no' means maybe and that effort and perseverance can eventually turn a 'no' into a 'yes.' And this myth is precisely what leads to so many stalkings, sexuall assaults, and rapes.

I have had the misfortune of experiencing the attitude inspired by the women-need-to-be-conquered myth more times that I care to remember. It's annoying and humiliating to be the object of male attempts at winning your affections once you have indicated that you are not interested. This state of things will not change unless we revise our understanding of gender roles. Yes Means Yes: Visions of Female Sexual Power and A World Without Rape also points out how this vision of gender roles victimizes men: "When society equates maleness with a constant desire for sex, men are socialized out of genuine sexual decision making, and are less likely to be able to know how to say no or be comfortable refusing sex when they don't want it."

The authors of the book analyze brilliantly how rape is used as a tool of social control. Women have to feel constantly fearful of placing themselves in the public realm and abandoning the mythical safety of their home, even though that home turns into the scene of violence, assault, and rape a lot more often than the streets.

9 of 9 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars The new Bible of the sociology of gender nerd, April 14, 2010

By 

K. Gallivan "Karly Marx" (Canada) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: Yes Means Yes!: Visions of Female Sexual Power and A World Without Rape (Paperback)

A heavy hitter from the feminist blogoshpere! Good mix of personal essays, prose and more academic stuff that painted a great picture of current issues, theories and ideas about consent. I was impressed by the information they had on the current social climate of gender...well documented topics such as abstinence only sex education were given a bit of spotlight but more unexpected subjects were given coverage as well. This diversity included topics such as rape of illegal Latin-American immigrants during border crossing and on how female sexuality is used in torture in Abu Ghraib and Guantanamo Bay. Interesting stuff! I hate to say it but usually I'm not surprised by personal essays on feminism and gender anymore. This is especially true for ones that revolve around popular third wave theory...identity politics, intersectionality, gender as a social construct, consent, promiscuity and so on. I learned new ways of thinking about all these concepts though so if you're one of those sociology-of-gender-nerds that thinks you've basically already read this book, THINK AGAIN! There is an essay I want my mom to read and a couple that I want my close not-feminist friends to read. Everyone should read at least part of this book.

21 of 26 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Intense, inspiring, and well worth it., February 25, 2009

By 

W. Edwards "scuto" (massachusetts) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: Yes Means Yes!: Visions of Female Sexual Power and A World Without Rape (Paperback)

This book deals with intense subjects so you have to be feeling a little brave to begin reading. (At least I do!) Though without dealing with these issues head-on the book could not do what it does best: inspire you that we can work to eradicate rape and at the same time make the sex and sexuality playing field more level, fluid, communicative, and respectful of people's boundaries. Not only do these collected essays identify the problems, they also put forth ways to repair them and move forward. It's a matter of learning to live the ideas found in these pages. Not easy, but certainly within our capabilities.

I enjoyed the book's use of tags on each essay like a blog instead of grouping them in sections of similar themes as per usual in books. It makes reading the book feel more engaging because you have a say in where you go next. Under the tags at the end of each essay are other essays working with the same theme(s). I would have liked page numbers alongside these listed essays, but this is a minor quibble because I don't mind flipping a few pages. Plus, in heading back to the table of contents, you may find an essay you wish to read that shares none of the tags of the essay you just read. Dynamic reading, indeed!